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Original poster

Would you go back to work if you were married to a multi millionaire

171 replies

Ladylondon007 · 28/10/2021 00:34

Long and short of it is I have come from a very average family. First to go to university worked my balls off to make in a male dominated career to achieve well a steady income which at full time would provide 70k per year. Full time..not wanting such long hours I have been offered 22.5 hours a week pro rata, flexi to work whenever suits. Which is a pretty good deal for someone who is a professional and doesn’t want to work full time. I have a 12 month old and a 4 year old. Here’s the but, despite my career choices being good I have not progressed at the speed I would have liked, I am not a director due to kids, overlooked for promotion actually being told ‘ well we wouldn’t promote you when your were pregnant’. This was a blow at the time as worked my ass off for this company. On the plus side my life choice in Husband was good ! Backed a winer ! Fell madly i. Love when he was penniless just starting up his business . FF 15 years and he is now a multi millionaire. I have full access to finances doesn’t bag an eyelid on what I spend. But I feel I am missing something. I have been on maternity leave 12 months and have a dilemma as to whether to return to work. I don’t like to depend on anyone but really my salary is so insignificant. I love my job but are so torn as so many of my friends are divorced. I interested to hear your thoughts and opinions

OP posts:
DamnitFanny · 28/10/2021 08:36

No

Katshouldnotswim · 28/10/2021 08:38

Speaking from my own experience, someone who has worked to set up their own business and has invested their heart and soul into it tends not to take unlimited holidays or if they do they will constantly be on their phone keeping an eye on it but from a distance.

EsmaCannonball · 28/10/2021 08:42

A friend of mine works with an apparently lovely woman who is the wife of a well-known multi-millionaire businessman. This woman got herself an admin job after her children had grown up because she was bored not working and she wanted a social life of her own. I've got to say if I were that rich I could think of a lot more interesting ways to alleviate boredom, but different people have different ways of being happy.

EsmaCannonball · 28/10/2021 08:43

I also think knowing you can afford to walk out of a job at any time makes a massive difference to how you feel about working.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 28/10/2021 08:44

Katshouldnotswim that's what I was thinking - someone who's spent over a decade making their own business very successful won't take 9 day holidays, let alone 9 weeks. They might plan to, but they'll be working from the villa/ pool or whatever and nipping back on the red-eye to crisis manage after a week, leaving spouse at the destination with the kids ...

redastherose · 28/10/2021 08:45

I'm now wealthy in my own right but still work in a full time stressful professional job simply because I need to use my brains.

ceeveebee · 28/10/2021 08:49

I know too many women who gave up work and were completely dependent on their husbands and now are now going through messy divorces where their ex is hiding all the assets and generally screwing them over. Your income may be irrelevant now but it wouldn’t be if if was all you had to support you.
I would go back to work but definitely get a nanny and cleaner to make it as easy on you as possible.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 28/10/2021 08:57

Also the problem with not working isn't boredom per se - with enough money anyone can fill their days with pointlessness to keep "busy" - it's sense of purpose and self esteem.

Hobbies and 99% of volunteering roles are too optional.

The catch 22 of work is that most peopleneed to resent having to go a little bit (even if they actually love their job its the obligation of it). The obligation and commitment is what most of us simultaneously hate and need, in order to appreciate the rest of life.

A lot of people go down hill fast when they retire. The early retired are often mentally older than their years. Even if they travel and have hobbies and interests their world's contract after the first heady years and they sometimes become egotistical or neurotic, because what is actually the point, in an existential sense...

Looking after small children gives you purpose and fills your life, absolutely. Your world and self esteem does shrink though - and once they're both established at school you'll be "keeping busy" while they're out of the house, which isn't psychologically good for anyone after a while. Lovely for six months, but not if that's it with no end in sight.

Being dependent on one other person is very psychologically unhealthy for a fit and capable adult longer term. It'll grind your self esteem down without you noticing at first.

Also your DH married a competent, well qualified woman - he sees the convenience of you being at home to do all the child wrangling and admin, and imagines long idealistic holidays - but will you be the same person after ten or fifteen years of being at home?

secretbookcase · 28/10/2021 08:58

@PaniniHead

Never let yourself be completely financially dependent on a man
This. Don't do it. Work PT and while you are raising DC put most of your income into savings and live off your DH's earnings, which I think is fair while DC are small, since you are working for free to raise his children and keep his home so he doesn't have to give up valuable time or put his career on hold to do so himself. Once DC are older, build up your work hours.
Chunkymenrock · 28/10/2021 09:00

Yes I would. I want to provide a great role model to my children. I want to have a career for the future when they're grown up. I'd want to be independent in case of future circumstances. None of us have a crystal ball, but throwing your personal independence away so casually is utterly deluded.

userg5647 · 28/10/2021 09:09

Of course I would. What has my husband's income got to do with anything, if I inherited millions that would be a different question (though I'd still work) but it would be ridiculously risky and a waste of my ability to put all my eggs in one basket as it were. I'm career orientated so I would still work, that said, your kids are still very young so I wouldnt put too much pressure on yourself unless you too are very career orientated.

Boudiccasback · 28/10/2021 09:12

Its boring being at home which I find can make me depressed, I dont work due to being a carer but miss it!

NoYOUbekind · 28/10/2021 09:14

I have a slightly different situation - DH is not a millionaire! - but I could have afforded to stop working and had to make some serious career changes when DS was diagnosed with SEN.

What I did was go freelance. I could not stand the thought of losing my independence completely. Also, although there have been lean years, I knew if I kept something going 'for me' if anything happened with me and DH I knew I'd be able to scale that back up to more lucrative full time work within a matter of months. There's a war-strategy thing about always leaving your enemy a golden bridge to escape by, this is my golden bridge.

So I would take the p/t job. The 9 week holiday thing doesn't wash really (I bet your DH is a workaholic who would not dream of leaving the business for 9 weeks!).

What I would do though is use that money to make our family life easy and comfortable so that you didn't have any grunt work when you were at home: cleaner/housekeeper/shopping service/nanny etc. Then when you are at home, you can focus on having lovely times with your DCs.

I don't regret a second of the time I've spent at work; I do regret every single second I've spent folding laundry...

FatAnkles · 28/10/2021 09:15

I would still work, but not at DH's business.

It's sad that women have to plan for every eventuality but just in case everything goes belly up it's best to have a back up plan and have independence from your spouse.

PanicBuyingSprouts · 28/10/2021 09:15

I'm going to go against the grain here. I'm guessing the DC will be in Public School which means lively long school holidays and you only get 4 weeks of holiday a year.

There again my DM was very career focused and I just felt that I never saw her. Have lots of lovely memories of other things, just not my DM as she was hardly ever home.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 28/10/2021 09:19

We're nowhere near as well off as you OP but we are very comfortable. My money is peanuts compared to what dh earns so we don't really need it to survive but it gives me a sense of purpose other than washing, ironing and cooking.
It is all mine that l got by myself and, and when dd is older l think l will be glad l kept my little bit of independence. She is 10 now and l worked 2 days a week since she was 18 months.

RacketeerRalph · 28/10/2021 09:27

@Cranncat

My husband’s income is completely irrelevant to my desire to work.
Same.

I love my job, the sense of self it gives me, the independence. I don't work because I have to.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 28/10/2021 09:32

I certainly would not go back yet. I'd want to spend time with my young child instead of having them looked after by a stranger all day.
My biggest regret in life 40 years on is not what I did or didn't do at work it is not being able to be with my baby all the time before he started school.
You never get those years back.

Lanique · 28/10/2021 09:34

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Also the problem with not working isn't boredom per se - with enough money anyone can fill their days with pointlessness to keep "busy" - it's sense of purpose and self esteem.

Hobbies and 99% of volunteering roles are too optional.

The catch 22 of work is that most peopleneed to resent having to go a little bit (even if they actually love their job its the obligation of it). The obligation and commitment is what most of us simultaneously hate and need, in order to appreciate the rest of life.

A lot of people go down hill fast when they retire. The early retired are often mentally older than their years. Even if they travel and have hobbies and interests their world's contract after the first heady years and they sometimes become egotistical or neurotic, because what is actually the point, in an existential sense...

Looking after small children gives you purpose and fills your life, absolutely. Your world and self esteem does shrink though - and once they're both established at school you'll be "keeping busy" while they're out of the house, which isn't psychologically good for anyone after a while. Lovely for six months, but not if that's it with no end in sight.

Being dependent on one other person is very psychologically unhealthy for a fit and capable adult longer term. It'll grind your self esteem down without you noticing at first.

Also your DH married a competent, well qualified woman - he sees the convenience of you being at home to do all the child wrangling and admin, and imagines long idealistic holidays - but will you be the same person after ten or fifteen years of being at home?

This x million
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 28/10/2021 09:34

PanicBuyingSprouts the OP is talking about working 20 hours per week though - that's a perfect balance, unlike being hardly ever home!

If you're financially able to then part time is the best compromise for a little bit of everything! Healthy adults need to work for their own mental health in most cases. Not full time - that's usually a financial or career goals requirement but not remotely necessary for mental health. 20 hours keeps skills up to date and keeps options open and keeps the person's wold bigger than home and family, whilst allowing plenty of time for and with the children (and DH if he isn't a workaholic and therefore absent himself...).

blanketg · 28/10/2021 09:37

My husband’s income is completely irrelevant to my desire to work.

Yes although if he was a multi millionaire I would start my own business c

Daughterpanic · 28/10/2021 09:44

I'd definitely have to do the something!!
If I loved my job I'd probably keep going although I'd like to do something for charity, Foster... Stuff like that as well.

Hopeisallineed · 28/10/2021 09:45

Sounds to me like you want to spend time with your kids and have the opportunity to do so. I would do it in a heartbeat, they are only little once.

EmmyLake · 28/10/2021 09:49

@madisonbridges

I'd have had my notice typed and on my boss's desk before he'd even arrived at work.
Haha this is me too. I have so many interests to pursue out of work that I would have no hesitation in quitting.
blanketg · 28/10/2021 09:56

I currently have most of the school holidays off, are you able to take more holiday?