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Original poster

Would you go back to work if you were married to a multi millionaire

171 replies

Ladylondon007 · 28/10/2021 00:34

Long and short of it is I have come from a very average family. First to go to university worked my balls off to make in a male dominated career to achieve well a steady income which at full time would provide 70k per year. Full time..not wanting such long hours I have been offered 22.5 hours a week pro rata, flexi to work whenever suits. Which is a pretty good deal for someone who is a professional and doesn’t want to work full time. I have a 12 month old and a 4 year old. Here’s the but, despite my career choices being good I have not progressed at the speed I would have liked, I am not a director due to kids, overlooked for promotion actually being told ‘ well we wouldn’t promote you when your were pregnant’. This was a blow at the time as worked my ass off for this company. On the plus side my life choice in Husband was good ! Backed a winer ! Fell madly i. Love when he was penniless just starting up his business . FF 15 years and he is now a multi millionaire. I have full access to finances doesn’t bag an eyelid on what I spend. But I feel I am missing something. I have been on maternity leave 12 months and have a dilemma as to whether to return to work. I don’t like to depend on anyone but really my salary is so insignificant. I love my job but are so torn as so many of my friends are divorced. I interested to hear your thoughts and opinions

OP posts:
MyMabel · 28/10/2021 06:31

My decision to go back to work was mostly based on the fact I was bored being a SAHP. It felt too alien to not work. Now I am back at work I almost wish I did less, just because I want to spend more time with DD, but it’s not a strong desire and we’d miss the extra income now.

In your shoes however, I’d probably return to work; but I would go maybe 2/3 days a week if it’s feasible for them? It means you get that bit of normality back, but because you aren’t reliant on the money you can go back part time and not have to worry. It’s not a crime to want to work, go for it if it’s what you want 😋

vdbfamily · 28/10/2021 06:33

If I enjoyed being at home with my children there is no way I would return to work if there was no financial need to. We had a small joint income and I still managed not to work whilst children were little .(Actually, I did one day a week and husband did a condensed week)
If you are able to help with husband company then why wouldn't you?
You sound like your relationship is pretty strong currently and if he really is so wealthy and things did crumble, you would receive maintenance and a fair settlement presumably.
I have thought about this a lot and I would not want to sit around doing nothing once children were in school but there are so many voluntary roles that rely on people having time and availability and this is what I would do. There is absolutely no point earning money you do not need so I would volunteer in an area I was passionate about in my free time.

OompaLumpaLabrador · 28/10/2021 06:37

On Mumsnet, a popular view is often something like, ‘work for your self worth’ or ‘work or you’ll be screwed when he runs off with young Chesney the pool guy’. I’m not convinced.

There’s nothing inherently virtuous about paid work. If you don’t want to, don’t work. That’s the lovely freedom money buys. If you like, enjoy spending a bit of time at home with your kids. That choice is a wonderful privilege, if that’s what you’d like to do. You can always reassess in a few years.

Of course, be careful to make sure you have more than ‘access’ to finances. Split investments/pensions equally between both of your names ( it’s tax efficient anyway) and have half of any property in your name.

While divorces happen, the reality is that here divorce law here is very favourable to non working spouses. While Mumsnet is awash with people who divorced their billionaire husband and ended up living in a garden shed, every middle aged woman I know who has divorced a wealthy husband (MIL) included has done very well.

Enjoy the choice you have. Very best of luck.

SuperbFoolish · 28/10/2021 06:42

If I could have afforded to work when dc were small, I would have. In my case my salary wouldn't have covered 2 x childcare and expensive commute..
You're in an ideal situation to choose. Even though I adore my kids and enjoyed every day at home with them, it might have kept me more mentally healthy and our relationship more balanced if we both had fulfilling lives outside the home. In the long run it doesn't feel good to be the one who's living for others all the time.

JorisBonson · 28/10/2021 06:43

@madisonbridges

I'd have had my notice typed and on my boss's desk before he'd even arrived at work.
Same. And I'd drink a massive martini while I did it.
Jojoanna · 28/10/2021 06:44

No I would not go back to work

RowanAlong · 28/10/2021 06:44

Ooh how lovely. I’d employ the best housekeeper/cleaner etc, and just enjoy spending time with the children!! Then when they were school age I’d consider whether I wanted to work part-time for DH, or retrain and have a go at something creative I’d have really liked to have done, if earning money hadn’t been an issue in the first place. 😁

Burnamer · 28/10/2021 06:44

@Unreasonabubble The OP is using her brain to think about her choices. That’s exactly what this thread is about Hmm

OP - I’d echo what others have said re protecting yourself in case the marriage turns sour (shareholder/ pension/ savings) but if you can continue to work on your own terms in the family business for the next couple of years then it will keep your experience and CV fresh should you decide to work somewhere else in a couple of years.

Monkeytennis97 · 28/10/2021 06:46

If my DH was a multi millionaire then yes I would give up work to discover other things I could do.

Never going to happen though, he is a teacher too!

Keladrythesaviour · 28/10/2021 06:46

I'd work in your DHs business (so you ge the holiday flexibility, that's worth a lot to me) BUT make sure you do it as a paid employee, so you can put money into your savings every month as you would with a normal salary. That way if things go bad, you might have to look for a new job (sounds like you would be quite in demand though) but you will have financial backing to help you in the short term.

Squirrelblanket · 28/10/2021 06:46

Hell no, I'd give up work in a heartbeat.

onelittlefrog · 28/10/2021 06:49

I would carry on working. You never know what the future will bring.

Lanique · 28/10/2021 06:59

Personally, and I appreciate that everyone is different, I wouldn't stop working. I've been there, done it, and my brain atrophied in the process. One of my colleagues recently took very very early retirement and instead of feeling envious of her I actually felt quite sorry for her, because if she isn't bored, depressed and a bit lonely in five years' time then I'd be very surprised because her life has become so small now. That said, her dc have now left home and she doesn't have many local friends so every case is different.

I'm aware that might sound a bit catty but it really isn't meant to; I'm just going by my own experience of being out of work for a long while (it was out of choice too) and how I responded.

MintyCedric · 28/10/2021 07:00

Having had to give up a very flexible, part time job where I got to use a lot of my skills (I got divorced and need f/t to pay the mortgage), I would say keep the job, or at least as another PP suggested, go back for a year and then reappraise the situation.

Surely with part-time, flexible hours you could make the most of your 20 days annual leave?

If you do leave, as others have said, make sure any work you do for your DH is on an official, paid footing.

HighlandCowbag · 28/10/2021 07:09

I'd absolutely not go back. I'd ask dh to make me some sort of shareholder in the business. It would also probably have tax advantages for you to have an income from the business. The time I would have spent working I would use to develop more skills whether that was in my current role or something different. I would also take a hobby up and be busy and focused on that.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 28/10/2021 07:15

Ladylondon007 yes I would - part time. As your dad says, never depend on anyone - there are so many things that might change ten years down the line (as well as your now lovely DH potentially suddenly not being lovely when you're 50 - nobody sees this coming on the regular MN threads where this has happened...) there's the possibility of his business going bankrupt for some reason, as well as of him becoming ill - accident, life changing medical issues, breakdown etc. and you needing to support two teens and a disabled or sock DH...

Aside from that the kids are full on now, but in ten years time you'll want a life separate from family as well. Going into the family business is fraught with problems - all your eggs in one basket, but also shop talk taking over home life, no separation and being too enmeshed with DH. You need something separate - for yourself and to have something fresh to talk to one another about!

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 28/10/2021 07:16

sick not sock!

Jazzles2021 · 28/10/2021 07:17

I would prioritise marriage and children at this stage (yanbu mentioning divorces) and understand husbands point about holidays. If you feel you need something more then you could find voluntary work that you find fulfilling and if you really want to go back to work, go PT when kids go to school. If my husband didn't want me to go back to work I would take his feelings in to consideration, it wouldn't be because he was trying to 'control' me. Or yes, I would also join DH's business if it was a suitable option!

Jazzles2021 · 28/10/2021 07:20

@Jazzles2021

I would prioritise marriage and children at this stage (yanbu mentioning divorces) and understand husbands point about holidays. If you feel you need something more then you could find voluntary work that you find fulfilling and if you really want to go back to work, go PT when kids go to school. If my husband didn't want me to go back to work I would take his feelings in to consideration, it wouldn't be because he was trying to 'control' me. Or yes, I would also join DH's business if it was a suitable option!
Just realised when you mentioned divorce you meant that you're worried about financial independence. Personally, would not worry - you're divorce settlement would be fine and you've not forgotten how to work. You'd just figure it out. You're more likely to bring on a divorce by anticipating one and acting accordingly!
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 28/10/2021 07:22

@LifeAdvice

I would also do this!

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 28/10/2021 07:23

Also, surely as you are married you aren’t married to a muti-millionaire you are a multi-millionaire!

emmetgirl · 28/10/2021 07:25

@PaniniHead yes, this!! I've made sure my daughter has this attitude too. I saw what happened to both my sisters who allowed themselves to be financially dependent on men.

GoodnightGrandma · 28/10/2021 07:27

@PaniniHead

Never let yourself be completely financially dependent on a man
Absolutely ! But it goes both ways.
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 28/10/2021 07:27

I would still work part time because I’d be bored otherwise.
If you can’t find a part time, term time only job I would work for your husbands company. Your highly qualified with lots of experience you will be able to find a job if you ever need to.

dudsville · 28/10/2021 07:28

I think a woman will under 60 needs an independent soure of income. If he earns so much and I was dependent on him I'd want a "wage" put into a private account from which I could invest in to a pension. And once a person starts to take a wage from their partner things get tricky. So in your shoes I'd take the post time work.