Young babies in nursery

[MadameHomais]

I have been reading another thread about a six month old in nursery for around 12 hours a day.
I must admit that I am very uninformed and I didn’t realise young babies could be left at nursery for such long hours.
It made me wonder how do the nurseries manage such young babies?
I look after my ten month old grandson 5 days a week, 10 am until 5 pm and I think that is a long time for him to be away from his parents, but needs must.
I collect his cousins from school three days a week and on those days I am in bed by 8.30 pm! I am a light weight now I am in my late fifties.
I do enjoy childcare though.
I do realise how fortunate I was with my own four children. I had help from my mother in law and a sympathetic employer. I don’t recall any other friends having to use nurseries for such long hours 30 plus years ago.
I am so sorry that we live in a society where, sometimes, both parents have to return to work when their children are so young.

My son went to Childminder from 3 months as I needed some time. I have autism and I'm a single parent. He went a day a week. I'm know back at work part time going back full
Time soon. I actually couldn't find a nursery for 12 hours ! He goes to chilminder 10 hours and is picked and dropped of by a family member.
You do repose most people who's children are at nurseries 12 hours will be parents who work at places like hospitals NHS etc so do 3 12 hour days so they have more days of. So the hours work out the same as a child there 5 days a week! There's single parents to who for a lot it's vital they work!

I see OP hasn’t had the balls to come back to this thread. Hopefully it’s made her realise she’s not as subtle as she thought she was, and not a particularly empathic or sensitive person either.

Posts like your come across as judgemental @MadameHomais One of my saddest moments in like was leaving my 11 week old baby at nursery to go back to work 😢 It was only 4 mornings a week but it was such a wrench. I didn’t have anyone else to look after him and my shitty ex put up in such a crap financial situation that we couldn’t afford for me not to work, even until he was 6 months old. Everyone has their reasons so no need to be so judgy.

@LindyLou2020

As soon as I read the OP's post, I KNEW it was going to degenerate into the usual bitchy, judgemental, defensive, tit-for-tat, puerile bunfight. FWIW, I don't think the OP was anything but genuinely surprised, albeit maybe somewhat naive and out of touch. But hey, this is Mumsnet, so let's not let the facts get in the way of peoples' prejudices

What an amusing comment, given that the main focus of the OP was an expression of prejudice.

prejudice
/ˈprɛdʒʊdɪs/

Learn to pronounce

noun
1 1. 
preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.

Being "naive and out of touch" is one of the main reasons that prejudice exists. Alongside a lack of general knowledge and the ability to think rationally.

Or maybe people just disagree?
I mean I see parents making all kind of choices for their kids I never would. Not my business, but it doesn't mean that my views spring from prejudice.

Your opinions may be prejudiced or they may not.

But if somebody hasn't adequately informed themselves of the facts and consequences of various decisions and bases their opinions on what the feel rather than data and also an understanding of social and financial constraints on choices across society in relation to the specific issue, then their opinions are prejudiced by definition, yes.

People are perfectly entitled to form their own opinions based on "feelz" instead of data if they wish to make decisions in the dark and hope for the best. What they should not do is broadcast their (in this case, self-confessed uninformed) opinions to others and expect them to be given equal weight to those backed up by reality and data.

One of the reasons that the UK is such a mess is the widespread idea that all opinions are of equal value no matter how uninformed or irrational.

I agree with @julieca

The denial that a small baby isn't better off with their parent or loving grandparent is crazy.

Do people honestly believe paid staff is better than a loving grandparent or parent?!!

You do realise that if you say to your nursery 'sorry I can't pay' then they will service you notice?!
Its a job for them?! They don't 'love'your child like family would. Or theyd go out of business!!

And FWIW I am currently pregnant so will be using a nursery a day or so a week depending on hours. So it's not that I am prejudice.

But to say a baby is better with paid staff and other small babies than with their parent is madness.

It doesn't harm a baby to be in nursery at all or I wouldn't even consider it!! But yes a small baby is definitely better with mummy, daddy or grandma/granddad that genuinely love them than nursery.

However once a toddler that can play with others, then yes, nursery is definitely more beneficial to go a few times a week than being sat at home.

But a small baby?! Of course better with primary carer. But nursery wont do no harm and needs must!! Babies have to still be provided for

@Cookiejarmonster

I agree with *@julieca*

The denial that a small baby isn't better off with their parent or loving grandparent is crazy.

Do people honestly believe paid staff is better than a loving grandparent or parent?!!

You do realise that if you say to your nursery 'sorry I can't pay' then they will service you notice?!
Its a job for them?! They don't 'love'your child like family would. Or theyd go out of business!!

And FWIW I am currently pregnant so will be using a nursery a day or so a week depending on hours. So it's not that I am prejudice.

But to say a baby is better with paid staff and other small babies than with their parent is madness.

It doesn't harm a baby to be in nursery at all or I wouldn't even consider it!! But yes a small baby is definitely better with mummy, daddy or grandma/granddad that genuinely love them than nursery.

However once a toddler that can play with others, then yes, nursery is definitely more beneficial to go a few times a week than being sat at home.

But a small baby?! Of course better with primary carer. But nursery wont do no harm and needs must!! Babies have to still be provided for

No matter how loving, some grandparents are not young or well enough to be better than paid staff. Other grandparents have got their own priorities and don’t want to be (usually unpaid) childcare or parents disagree with their ideas of bringing children up and it causes tension.

My parents and in-laws made it clear that they have their own lives and wouldn't be watching grandchildren so I could work. Fair enough, they've raised their own.

OP. There's the other side of the coin🤷

You sound very judgemental. Why aren’t YOU working if you are late 50s? Contributing to taxes and NI? No?

I would rather pay thousands to nursery than have my MIL look after my children. Absolutely no way.

@Cookiejarmonster I don't doubt that my baby is better off in nursery than with my abusive mother, or 75 year old mil who struggles to get around - no matter how much she loves him she wouldn't be able to meet his needs.

I love him with all my heart, but I would, without doubt, run out of ideas of things to do with him if i was home with him all day. I am always amazed by the things nursery come up with for them - I do not have a creative mind. That and I have to go to work to feed and clothe him 🤦‍♀️ damn it.

Much as this has been fun, I'm off to take my poor, neglected children on holiday now: a holiday that I paid for by working and using childcare. They don't appear to be distressed about it. ✈️☀️🌊🌴👋

@Cookiejarmonster

I agree with *@julieca*

The denial that a small baby isn't better off with their parent or loving grandparent is crazy.

Do people honestly believe paid staff is better than a loving grandparent or parent?!!

You do realise that if you say to your nursery 'sorry I can't pay' then they will service you notice?!
Its a job for them?! They don't 'love'your child like family would. Or theyd go out of business!!

And FWIW I am currently pregnant so will be using a nursery a day or so a week depending on hours. So it's not that I am prejudice.

But to say a baby is better with paid staff and other small babies than with their parent is madness.

It doesn't harm a baby to be in nursery at all or I wouldn't even consider it!! But yes a small baby is definitely better with mummy, daddy or grandma/granddad that genuinely love them than nursery.

However once a toddler that can play with others, then yes, nursery is definitely more beneficial to go a few times a week than being sat at home.

But a small baby?! Of course better with primary carer. But nursery wont do no harm and needs must!! Babies have to still be provided for

I might just be "staff" but I have built some lovely bonds with babies over the years. I could never replace a parent and nor would I want to. I stayed because I loved my job, but even with a 10% discount the monthly fees were more than my wage, when I had my own baby.

@Cookiejarmonster

I agree with *@julieca*

The denial that a small baby isn't better off with their parent or loving grandparent is crazy.

Do people honestly believe paid staff is better than a loving grandparent or parent?!!

You do realise that if you say to your nursery 'sorry I can't pay' then they will service you notice?!
Its a job for them?! They don't 'love'your child like family would. Or theyd go out of business!!

And FWIW I am currently pregnant so will be using a nursery a day or so a week depending on hours. So it's not that I am prejudice.

But to say a baby is better with paid staff and other small babies than with their parent is madness.

It doesn't harm a baby to be in nursery at all or I wouldn't even consider it!! But yes a small baby is definitely better with mummy, daddy or grandma/granddad that genuinely love them than nursery.

However once a toddler that can play with others, then yes, nursery is definitely more beneficial to go a few times a week than being sat at home.

But a small baby?! Of course better with primary carer. But nursery wont do no harm and needs must!! Babies have to still be provided for

Unfortunately, some people (mostly on MN) seem very anti loving, healthy grandparents caring for grandchildren.

But then again on MN most grandparents are terribly toxic people and if they're not, they're very unwell or disinterested in looking after grandchildren.

Most people I know in real life would prefer for their children to be looked after by family (parents, grandparents etc), but for various reasons this isn't possible. On MN it sounds like nursery is the only and best way to raise children and grandparents should have no, or an extremely limited role, in their grandchildren's lives. I find it so, so sad and am very glad that I live in a culture that truly values extended family.