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Original poster

Young babies in nursery

190 replies

MadameHomais · 19/10/2021 09:42

I have been reading another thread about a six month old in nursery for around 12 hours a day.
I must admit that I am very uninformed and I didn’t realise young babies could be left at nursery for such long hours.
It made me wonder how do the nurseries manage such young babies?
I look after my ten month old grandson 5 days a week, 10 am until 5 pm and I think that is a long time for him to be away from his parents, but needs must.
I collect his cousins from school three days a week and on those days I am in bed by 8.30 pm! I am a light weight now I am in my late fifties.
I do enjoy childcare though.
I do realise how fortunate I was with my own four children. I had help from my mother in law and a sympathetic employer. I don’t recall any other friends having to use nurseries for such long hours 30 plus years ago.
I am so sorry that we live in a society where, sometimes, both parents have to return to work when their children are so young.

OP posts:
HelloDulling · 19/10/2021 10:53

I'm 45, when I was born my mum had to go back to work full time as a teacher after 6 weeks as there was no paid maternity leave available so I went to a childminder 7.30am-5pm. Families using childcare for small babies is really not a new thing.

Bumblethebee · 19/10/2021 10:54

Everyone’s talking about 12 hours a day. A couple of days doing 12 hours is very different to 12 hours a day 5 days a week.

Takemetothe90s · 19/10/2021 10:55

@chocopuffs

Have you considered that both parents may 'want' to return to work rather than 'have' to? And in some ways parents might consider nursery a more beneficial experience for their child than spending five days a week with a grandparent because of the range of activities and the socialising. I think you are being quite judgemental.
If both parents want to leave a six month old in nursery 12 hours a day, then I don’t think children are for them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old 9-12 months old Babies & sleep
MaverickDanger · 19/10/2021 10:56

Interesting @WheelieBinPrincess - OP must have given up work too a few weeks ago to look after her grandson (but not the twin grandchildren).

She must feel so strongly that one grandchild must not be in full-time childcare settings!

rghltifndn · 19/10/2021 10:56

I hate posts like this.

I’m a single mum and I found out my ex was cheating whilst I was in labour with our third.

I had to go back to work asap to put a roof over my children’s heads.

If my mum was still alive, she’d probably still be working as she’d only be mid-fifties now. (Not that I’d want her to have spent her retirement looking after my kids)

I had no option.

It was either nursery or the streets.

How can you not have enough common sense to see that not everybody has your circumstances?

MaverickDanger · 19/10/2021 10:56

Why not @Takemetothe90s?

LindyLou2020 · 19/10/2021 10:57

I've just read OP's post again very carefully - she openly admits she's uninformed and didn't realise babies could attend nursery for long hours.
I have no connection to OP, and I'm not sure why she has posted, and what reaction she was hoping for, but I really can't find anything deliberately smug or judgmental in her post.
PP's seem to be twisting and misinterpreting her post to suit their own goady sgendas, and that's what I hate when it happens on Mumsnet.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 19/10/2021 10:58

So you’re in your fifties and have young grandchildren, so I’m assuming your children are in their thirties? It was a very privileged circle you were in if none of your friends had to use childcare and could get away with help from parents or in-laws, even 30 years ago.

I’m 31 and my mum had no choice but to put me in nursery and childminders full time. She worked full time and had to commute 3-4 hours a day to get a high enough wage to live off. My grandparents were in their fifties and still had to work full time, so couldn’t help with childcare. They would pick me up from the childminders and I would spend some time with them in an evening until my mum came home. When my aunt was old enough, she would pick me up after school. I’m sure my mum would have preferred another option but she didn’t really have a lot of choice.

MinervaTomgallon · 19/10/2021 11:00

Agree with you, it’s sad that tiny children are in nursery such long hours. It’s not good for them either.

I think people know this and that’s why they get so violently defensive and biscuity and deliberately misrepresent what you’re saying.

I do think both parents should minimise it if they can, ie it shouldn’t all be on the mother. But I totally understand that people can’t for financial reasons .

QforCucumber · 19/10/2021 11:01

it made me wonder how do the nurseries manage such young babies?

I don't really understand this question? if anything, the nursery staff are better qualified than I am to handle babies, they've done it, day in, day out for over 10 years (the 2 in the baby room at DS2 nursery)

StripeyBadger · 19/10/2021 11:08

Nurseries have qualified and experienced staff to look after children and young babies (usually from eight weeks old) and a strict staff ratio.

Lots of people use nurseries, nannies, childminders or family as childcare. The children generally have a very close bond with those who look after them and just because they are related to someone or unpaid, doesn’t mean they look after a child or entertain them better.

olidora63 · 19/10/2021 11:08

You see I havnt read this post as judgemental at all . It is more an observation and the poster expressing how easy it was for her generation with childcare in comparison with now .
I really think pp should reread op …absolutely no criticism there .
Why are people so defensive these days?

TheEvilPea · 19/10/2021 11:09

I agree. Personally I think it’s completely unacceptable to leave babies in nurseries for 12 hours a day. It’s shit for the babies, and as for those sticking up for the parents saying they shouldn’t even need to go to work to leave their babies in nursery all day, it’s fine just because they want a break from them, why the fuck have them then?? So they’re in nursery 12 hours a day and presumably asleep for at least 8 hours through the night when you actually have them at home? I know some people get stuck when circumstances change, but I don’t get people who have babies with the intention of putting them straight into childcare most of the time

Wow. So in your opinion people who cannot afford to give up their jobs should not have children? There wouldn't be many children around at all.

TheEvilPea · 19/10/2021 11:12

@Bumblethebee

Everyone’s talking about 12 hours a day. A couple of days doing 12 hours is very different to 12 hours a day 5 days a week.
Yes and the thread the OP referred to was about 3 x 12 hour days at nursery per week. Lots of people who work for the NHS, for example, work shifts like that. It's 36 hours in total so almost exactly the same amount of time per week that the OP's grandchild spends with her, over 5 days. The child in nursery for 3 long days would have four full days per week with its parents, which is arguably better.
QforCucumber · 19/10/2021 11:14

I don’t get people who have babies with the intention of putting them straight into childcare most of the time

well, the thing is, my kids will be around for a hell of a lot longer than the time they'll be in nursery (from 8 months, full time) I didn't only have kids to look after babies, but to give them the best possible entire lives I can.

PenguinIce · 19/10/2021 11:14

You think full time nursery is too much. Someone else might think a child spending so much time on their own with a grandparent is going to miss out socially. Either way everyone is just doing their best when it comes to parenting so best not to judge!

lescompagnonsdeloue · 19/10/2021 11:15

Wow. Such privilege. You really think that you live in a society that is so supportive of women that everybody has a choice ? How would it even work not to be able to put children in nursery for the time the parents need to work? Who is going to pay for that, anyway, to allow the parents not to work? Not you, for sure, as you don't. Another privilege. Most people will still HAVE to work in their late 50s. Stop with the judgement, you sound awful. Let's hope you only voice those thoughts on mumsnet and not in your real life.

TheEvilPea · 19/10/2021 11:17

@rghltifndn

I hate posts like this.

I’m a single mum and I found out my ex was cheating whilst I was in labour with our third.

I had to go back to work asap to put a roof over my children’s heads.

If my mum was still alive, she’d probably still be working as she’d only be mid-fifties now. (Not that I’d want her to have spent her retirement looking after my kids)

I had no option.

It was either nursery or the streets.

How can you not have enough common sense to see that not everybody has your circumstances?

Sorry this happened to you.

I am also a lone parent and have been since my children were babies. I didn't ask my husband to have affairs and walk out on us. Both of my children went to nursery 4 days per week from 6 months old because as their only parent and with no local family, I need to provide all parenting functions and one aspect of that is providing for them financially.

They both thrived at nursery and made some friends who are still their closest friends now. What would have been the alternative? Give up my job and their home and raise them on benefits?

Some of the posts on this thread are disgusting.

lescompagnonsdeloue · 19/10/2021 11:17

@olidora63

You see I havnt read this post as judgemental at all . It is more an observation and the poster expressing how easy it was for her generation with childcare in comparison with now . I really think pp should reread op …absolutely no criticism there . Why are people so defensive these days?
The judgement is "I didn't realise babies could be left in nursery for so long". I don't believe that is true ignorance, nobody could be that stupid. How on earth does the OP think that some parents live?
NFLBingo · 19/10/2021 11:18

I know that the nursery our youngest DD’s nursery is open from 7:30-6, and very rarely she’ll be in 7:45-5:30. I don’t think I’ve seen a nursery open 12 hours, that’s a long day!
I work from 3am on 12hr shifts 3-4 days a week, so DH has to drop our eldest at primary on those days too and he isn’t allowed to drive her in due to congestion in the area. As the nursery and school are in opposite directions it’s a needs must situation to get everyone to nursery, school and work on time. I feel a bit bad about how long her day is then, but with that being said if much rather my daughter be in her brilliant nursery all day than with her grandparents. She gets to socialise with other children which helps as they get older, she has a range of fun educational activities suited for her needs, she has healthy balanced meals, we get a full report on how her day has been not just a ‘they were a good girl!’ on return, and we work so well with the nursery to ensure she is getting the help and attention she needs.
When you’re getting childcare for free/vertigo little money from grandparents it’s the general MN consensus that it’s a ‘my way or the highway’ situation and they don’t like being/shouldn’t be told how to care for a child.

Bumblethebee · 19/10/2021 11:19

@TheEvilPea absolutely.

Everyone I know who does 3 days would need long days in childcare, once you factor in a commute. I personally find it the perfect balance. 4 days with me/ us, and 3 days in a fun, caring and nurturing environment with trained staff and other children.

The alternative is giving up work, and then you’d have to get a shit job when they go to school. I’d rather stick it out now, keep my career and be around for when they start school.

My mum stayed at home when I was a baby/ toddler. Don’t remember any of it.

lescompagnonsdeloue · 19/10/2021 11:19

@LindyLou2020

I've just read OP's post again very carefully - she openly admits she's uninformed and didn't realise babies could attend nursery for long hours. I have no connection to OP, and I'm not sure why she has posted, and what reaction she was hoping for, but I really can't find anything deliberately smug or judgmental in her post. PP's seem to be twisting and misinterpreting her post to suit their own goady sgendas, and that's what I hate when it happens on Mumsnet.
It's a very sensitive topic for many. I agree, I don't know why she has posted, but she surely cannot imagine that it's carebear land out there and people don't need to work. Personally I read it as a false naivety.
Summerfun54321 · 19/10/2021 11:20

When my parents bought their family house, it cost 3 times my dad’s salary. That same house now costs 8 times both mine AND my husband’s salary together. 35 years ago you could be a professional who worked hard and could afford a nice life. Now you can work full time in a profession and still be struggling to make ends meet. It’s a different world.

Franklyfrost · 19/10/2021 11:20

I think little babies at nursery is sad because they don’t get the love they would if they had the same primary care givers every day. It would be lovely if everyone had parents to do childcare or wages were high enough for just one partner to work. But life’s not like that and nurseries aren’t terrible places.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 19/10/2021 11:22

What’s the point of your post?

Do nursery take young children? Yes. From about 6 weeks some of them

Do parents WANT to leave their child for 12 hours a day? Some of them yes

Do parents NEED to leave their child for 12 hours a day? Some of them yes

Is your child extremely lucky that they can leave their children with a family member and presumably not pay extortionate fees? Yes

Are you a mug for doing all that childcare when retired? Yes

Is this the goady-est thread I’ve read today? YES