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Original poster

Young babies in nursery

190 replies

MadameHomais · 19/10/2021 09:42

I have been reading another thread about a six month old in nursery for around 12 hours a day.
I must admit that I am very uninformed and I didn’t realise young babies could be left at nursery for such long hours.
It made me wonder how do the nurseries manage such young babies?
I look after my ten month old grandson 5 days a week, 10 am until 5 pm and I think that is a long time for him to be away from his parents, but needs must.
I collect his cousins from school three days a week and on those days I am in bed by 8.30 pm! I am a light weight now I am in my late fifties.
I do enjoy childcare though.
I do realise how fortunate I was with my own four children. I had help from my mother in law and a sympathetic employer. I don’t recall any other friends having to use nurseries for such long hours 30 plus years ago.
I am so sorry that we live in a society where, sometimes, both parents have to return to work when their children are so young.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 19/10/2021 10:21

I hate these fucking goadyarsed threads, particularly when someone who works in a nursery comes on to say how they disapprove of the parents. People leave their dc at a nursery because presumably they have to work or want to work. The child is taken care of presumably by qualified staff in a setting that is designed for the purpose, that also costs a pretty big chunk of most incomes.
Do you judge your own dc for having you as a childminder or is that ok?

CarbonMonoxideParty · 19/10/2021 10:22

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

WheelieBinPrincess · 19/10/2021 10:23

Idiotic to disapprove of the parents that provide your bread and butter @MissyB1. What a short sighted attitude.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old 9-12 months old Babies & sleep
BingBongToTheMoon · 19/10/2021 10:24

We take babies from 8 weeks.
Sometimes (although very rarely) they can be in 8-6 Mon-Fri doing longer hours than staff.
Parents need to work and we wouldn’t be in a job if they didn’t.

QueenLagertha · 19/10/2021 10:25

Such a sanctimonious post 🙄
Right now I'm judging your son/daughter for sitting back allowing you to mind their child five days per week. I'd never expect my
Mum/MIL to do that. Are we even now?

BiscuitLover09876 · 19/10/2021 10:29

There are some VERY defensive parents on here! Most people do not want to leave their chikd for 12 hours day, people are being ridiculous.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 19/10/2021 10:29

I worked in a nursery that took babies from 8 weeks, back in the 80's I wasn't there long I moved abroad. But they had a dedicated baby room, it was all calm and lovely in the baby room and the nursery nurse ran it like a well oiled ship. You rarely ever heard a baby cry as she was so good at soothing and settling them.
My oldest was 7 weeks or so when I went back to work I was lucky as my MIL looked after him. If she hadn't he would have been in nursery too.

BiscuitLover09876 · 19/10/2021 10:29

@QueenLagertha

Such a sanctimonious post 🙄 Right now I'm judging your son/daughter for sitting back allowing you to mind their child five days per week. I'd never expect my Mum/MIL to do that. Are we even now?
Really?
LindyLou2020 · 19/10/2021 10:31

@WheelieBinPrincess

Well, bully for you.

Although I’m assuming this must be another grandchild since you don’t get on with your son and daughter in law?

We live away from our families, we have no help. I don’t even know who I’ll put on an emergency contact when the time comes. DS will go to nursery at 10 months so I can go back to work. The real kicker? I’m a nanny!! But I can’t afford to stay at home to look after my own baby, I have to put him in childcare so I can go and look after someone else’s, because we can’t rely on just DH’s salary and I earn double per month than what nursery costs. It’s fucking madness.

@WheelieBinPrincess........

Are you referring to MadameHomais, the OP, in your post?
Where does she say she doesn't get on with her son and daughter in law?
Or if not her - whom?
I'm confused Confused

PlanetTeaTime · 19/10/2021 10:32

@chocopuffs

I don't know anything about you or your situation, so it isn't for me to judge. In my personal situation I have a choice and I wouldn't choose to do that.

I was thinking and my mother was single and we lived for my first 5 years in London, because of her commuting she would have been leaving me for coming up to 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. My mum and me are very close and she is amazing, successful woman. It does make me sad that things couldn't have been easier for us though.

Blackmagicqueen · 19/10/2021 10:34

'Not everyone has family who don’t work. My parents were in their early fifties when the became grandparents and both had to work to retirement age. Most of my friends don’t have family who live locally as well.'

Or some none working younger grandparents just have no interest in helping and have done their child raising and don't want to do it again (which is fine obviously). We havent had any help or suport from family(we knew we were signing up to that though when having dc)

MissyB1 · 19/10/2021 10:38

@WheelieBinPrincess I am all about best interest's of the children I look after so I tend to look at things from their point of view. I dont see myself as the parents "hired help".
Oh and I work in a Nursery because I choose to, not because that's all I can do, so "my bread and butter" could be earned in lots of different ways.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 19/10/2021 10:40

My mum was shocked that I put my children in at 18 months and 2 years old. I'll be honest if I could have afforded to I'd have sent them all at 1! I was lucky that I got decent maternity pay from my employer and my husband and I worked around the kids for the first couple of years because despite my mum's faux outrage at the idea of children in nursery "so young" she never offered to help with childcare. Mil is the same. Both regularly tell me how hard it was to juggle work and a young family- whilst forgetting that I know EXACTLY how much they both relied on their mum's to do the bulk of the childcare for free.

I think the thing that's changed drastically in the past 30 years is that wages are shite and the cost of living is ridiculous- it's nigh on impossible for us to run a house on one salary without going bankrupt. Instead we've both had to work part time around the kids, knacker our career opportunities, use nursery and after school club for the days we can "afford" to and still contend with constant money worries. All whilst I get the attitude that nursery isn't the right place for children with no offer to help in lieu of using one. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

For what it's worth though my kids absolutely love nursery and after school. The staff care and entertain them in ways that frankly I'm too exhausted and run down to most of the time- and certainly better than either my mum or mil could despite their judgements. I don't say this lightly but nursery has saved my sanity because doing/having it all is bloody impossible.

In terms of nursery fees and after school fees you're saving your children about £46 per day for an 8-6 nursery place, about £10 for a breakfast club place and about £15 for an after-school place.

Bumblethebee · 19/10/2021 10:44

The post you’re referring to, was 3 days per a week I believe. I’d say that’s fairly average and not many people have parents in their 50’s who don’t work.

What do you want to come from your post OP? Other than to make posters feel bad? I hope you don’t say this to your daughter/daughter in law.

LindyLou2020 · 19/10/2021 10:45

As soon as I read the OP's post, I KNEW it was going to degenerate into the usual bitchy, judgemental, defensive, tit-for-tat, puerile bunfight.
FWIW, I don't think the OP was anything but genuinely surprised, albeit maybe somewhat naive and out of touch.
But hey, this is Mumsnet, so let's not let the facts get in the way of peoples' prejudices Grin

Blackmagicqueen · 19/10/2021 10:46

@MissyB1 i completely agree with you. In situations where there is absolutely a choice, i don't understand how anyone could put their young baby into 12 hour a day childcare (they won't be hardly see their child and are choosing that!) I think it is so sad and i couldn't think of anything more heartbreaking than being away from my dc that long by choice!

elbea · 19/10/2021 10:46

There is a retired couple that live opposite me who look after their grandchild five days a week. Their grandchild was born a few days apart from my child. They’ve told me before it’s a shame I don’t have any family to watch my daughter like they do.

My daughter goes to nursery for two days a week, it’s outside and she plays all day. She has a learning plan and has come on leaps and bounds. I’d much rather my daughter go to a great nursery and play with other children in the woods than sit inside a grandparents house all day with no other interaction.

Winniemarysarah · 19/10/2021 10:48

@BiscuitLover09876

There are some VERY defensive parents on here! Most people do not want to leave their chikd for 12 hours day, people are being ridiculous.
I agree. Personally I think it’s completely unacceptable to leave babies in nurseries for 12 hours a day. It’s shit for the babies, and as for those sticking up for the parents saying they shouldn’t even need to go to work to leave their babies in nursery all day, it’s fine just because they want a break from them, why the fuck have them then?? So they’re in nursery 12 hours a day and presumably asleep for at least 8 hours through the night when you actually have them at home? I know some people get stuck when circumstances change, but I don’t get people who have babies with the intention of putting them straight into childcare most of the time
5thnonblonde · 19/10/2021 10:49

I’m still on mat leave and my 10mo does 2 mornings a week- so shoot me! When I go back to work she’ll be in there full time and I don’t want it to be a huge shock to her.

Why did I have kids? To enjoy them for their whole lives. I can support them better into adulthood if I don’t drop out of the labour market- the baby years really are very short.

GiltEdges · 19/10/2021 10:49

I am so sorry that we live in a society where, sometimes, both parents have to return to work when their children are so young.

Don't be sorry. Believe it or not, some of us actually want to do it Hmm

QueenLagertha · 19/10/2021 10:49

@BiscuitLover09876 no not really. It is absolutely none of my business what anyone else does regarding childcare. Ppl have to do what works for them.

Bumblethebee · 19/10/2021 10:50

@elbea

There is a retired couple that live opposite me who look after their grandchild five days a week. Their grandchild was born a few days apart from my child. They’ve told me before it’s a shame I don’t have any family to watch my daughter like they do.

My daughter goes to nursery for two days a week, it’s outside and she plays all day. She has a learning plan and has come on leaps and bounds. I’d much rather my daughter go to a great nursery and play with other children in the woods than sit inside a grandparents house all day with no other interaction.

Me too! I think part time nursery is great. DD is so confident and loves being around other children. They do so much messy play, singing, have a great garden. She’d be so bored stuck with grandparents all day!
INeedNewShoes · 19/10/2021 10:51

but needs must

There you go OP. You answered your own question! Needs must and most people are not in the fortunate situation to have granny able to provide all their childcare.

I don't think you intended it but your post does sound quite judgmental!

I think it's questionable that you're looking after your GC five days a week. Are you happy to give your life over to childcare? My parents have helped me a lot but nowhere near to this extent because they have other things they want to be doing.

Also, maybe not for young babies but certainly for toddlers, nursery has been shown to be beneficial. Even if I didn't HAVE to I would want my DC to attend nursery.

Jubilate · 19/10/2021 10:52

While capitalism reaps the rewards of two working parents, and parents feel defensive about 'making decisions' that they don't truly make, there can never be an open conversation about outsourced childcare. It is a necessary component of the system. Unfortunately when it comes to capitalism, the emotional welfare of mothers and children don't feature. And if we question whether 12 hours of childcare for babies is healthy or desirable, the only person who feels responsible is the mother, who was never really able to make any other decision, not her employer and not the government (who will subsidise childcare costs, but not the mother to care for her own child, because one makes money and one does not).

Eileen101 · 19/10/2021 10:53

What a goady thread.

My kids are in nursery and the eldest has since 10 months because we had no money so I had to go back. Having said that, generally I enjoy my career and appreciate contributing 50% to the family pot.

My MIL does one day for us - we could turn your post on its head and say "I'd never expect my ILs to provide full time childcare".

Nursery is a good day for them Hmm they eat meals, they nap, they have visiting facilitators for various fun activities, they sing, they read, they paint, they use glitter 😬, they play with friends, they run around, they play on equipment etc etc.
My youngest who is generally very clingy, is happy to be handed over. My eldest asks to go each time we drive past it Grin
I generally do a lot with my kids - reading, playing, singing, days out, park visits, crafts etc and they still do more at nursery than I do Hmm