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Original poster

My job is nothing more but a liability waiting to happen

170 replies

BlondieD · 18/10/2021 21:15

Nearly a decade ago, I took on a position within a home of nanny work. Eventually the parents went on to have another baby. By age 3, that child was displaying some issues and eventually autistim was diagnosed. By 5 adhd was also diagnosed.

This child has been a nightmare on and off. An absolute nightmare. I don't want to list the stuff that she does but working with her can get very stressful and indeed working for the family can be very stressful. There's so much duties within the home when the child is gone to school and when the children come home it can get very intense. Every day is different. A lot of the time I am putting a lot of long hours too. Last summer was an fucking nightmare. I was working 5/6 days a week and there were some weeks where I was required to pack a bag and move into to their home.

I had a day from fucking pure hell today where the child learned how to open the lock on the door and ran away while I was cleaning up smashed glass that she smashed around in the kitchen. When I discovered the door open and the child gone, I was lucky in that I found her quickly but it was so frightening. When we got home, she took off her pants and pissed in her bed.

I don't get paid enough for this. I get paid 340 pounds a week.

I think I could do so much more better working in a factory where I will get a balance in working hours and I would probably get paid more too.

Question is of you were me, what would you do? Would you give up? I am not even 40 and I felt an intense pain in my chest today and wreckimg my health isn't worth it when there will probably be easier working positions available.

OP posts:

QforCucumber · 21/10/2021 15:23

I'll say it again,

You're not going to quit are you @BlondieD?

Hapoydayz · 21/10/2021 15:24

Get signed off by your GP and no reason not to be honest. Then quit!

Original poster

BlondieD · 21/10/2021 15:25

I don't want to fall out with them. I will be going and I'm putting some sort of a getaway together. I'm starting by getting signed out of work. Unfortunately I've been stuck in work this week doing overnights and I can't get away til tomorrow. The mother is working from home today and you would think she would be happy gshe has me to do all the chores even cleaning up after her lunch in the kitchen, she's still being a moody cow. She's only happy when she has someone to look down on.

OP posts:

Buffoonborisisatwat · 21/10/2021 15:32

If you're not enjoying the job, and it doesn't sound like things will improve, give notice and leave ASAP. Don't wait until it starts to impact on your health.

Child's problems are not your problem, the parents have to find a solution that works for them and the child but that's not your responsibility either.

DipItAgain · 21/10/2021 15:33

If I were you, I would tell them (don't ask them) that you have accrued however many holiday days that you have missed (it must be approx 30) and that you are taking two weeks holiday starting 1st Nov. Between now and then, look for other jobs, go to interviews in your time off and once you've got a job in the bag resign.

Roughly where in the country are you, OP?

DipItAgain · 21/10/2021 15:36

@BlondieD

I'm not an immigrant and I know there's employment law. I also know my rights. I have a hard time trying to stick up for myself to the woman I work for.

I don't think she was always this nasty. The parents were OK when I first started and for the first few years but then something changed. They grew too big for their boots but it was also at my expense. They powered around as if they are some sort of celebrities. I asked for holidays last year and all the mother did was grunt and make excuses to me til it fell through. I tried to get a week off this summer too but that didn't happen because her schedule came first.

I notice that you asked previously.

Don't ask, just tell her. You will be away for the following dates. If they don't like it and they fire you then they still have to pay you notice and for the accrued holiday dates.

DipItAgain · 21/10/2021 15:37

@BlondieD

She has zero respect for you. This is not going to get better. Get out of there as soon as you can. She is taking the piss big time. What a bitch.

CliffEdgeDiver · 21/10/2021 15:45

You need to leave and find a much less stressful job. You've given this family your all and they don't appreciate you enough. Looking after a SN child is extremely stressful and I feel the parents are passing off much of the responsibility to you but not rewarding you appropriately.

minipie · 21/10/2021 15:47

This is really appalling and you should leave asap.

I think you should give notice. What’s your notice period in your contract (do you even have a contract)? Usual for nannies is 4 weeks’ notice.

In your shoes I would send them an email on Friday night saying you are resigning, you are giving them one month’s notice and you are taking that month as accrued holiday.

You probably won’t get paid for that month (even though you should be) but so be it.

Then don’t turn up on Monday. Block them from contacting you in every way. Hopefully they don’t know where you live?

Then… in a few months… please consider reporting to social services. Even if SS don’t intervene it may mean that as they are on ss radar they don’t try treating another nanny this way

minipie · 21/10/2021 15:48

If you’re willing to work part time hours OP there is a real shortage of part time nannies in London right now (and I expect in other places too) so plenty of alternative jobs out there.

BluebellsGreenbells · 21/10/2021 15:51

They will need to pay your holiday pay as well.

I hope you don’t go into work tomorrow and hope you write on here for support.

Tvci5 · 21/10/2021 15:51

I haven't read through the thread (should be working) so apologies if I'm repeating other's comments.
I just wanted to say there is a massive shortage of Nannies at the moment, Brexit being a contributing factor, you would not have a problem finding another job. If you're on Facebook join one of the many nanny groups if you haven't already. The nanny lounge is a good one. You really should be better treated, good luck!

LonginesPrime · 21/10/2021 15:57

Do I pretend to have a sore back and getting off with a sore back? It wouldn't be a complete lie.

Well, half a lie isn't necessary here either - it sounds like you're under an inordinate amount of stress and there's absolutely no shame in that.

Give ACAS a call about the annual leave problem as an employer can't just flat out deny you annual leave and you need to be compensated for that. Don't let this issue delay your leaving though.

Assuming you have an employment contract with them, they have obviously breached it so talk to ACAS about whether you're still required to give contracted notice, etc.

Obviously resign the post ASAP, OP.

As a parent of 3 autistic DC, I can absolutely understand how hard it is for the parents, but it sounds like they've conditioned you to believing that you are all in this together and that you owe them. Which isn't true - you're their employee and they're treating you like dirt (and breaking the law).

Not that this excuses their behaviour, but in terms of how you interact with them, it might be worth considering the possibility that they might be neurodivergent too and might not realise it, and this would mean that it will be up to you to explicitly assert your own boundaries as they simply won't recognise them unless you're crystal clear about your intentions. If they are quite rigid in their expectations and can't recognise that you might have a different perspective, they might be quite surprised to discover that you're even unhappy, so they may get cross and confused.

But that doesn't mean you're wrong - it's just that they seem to struggle to appreciate the world through your eyes. It's very easy to feel guilty when people with rigid thinking are constantly reacting like you're unreasonable (it's basically gaslighting but they don't realise they're doing it), so just remember the old MN rule that "no is a complete sentence" - you don't need them to understand why you're resigning..it's enough that you are resigning and they can't hold you in the job against your will!

RandomMess · 21/10/2021 15:58

I would get signed off with stress, resign and take any job you can find in the interim tbh. Your pay rate is appalling full stop.

Harlequin1088 · 21/10/2021 16:06

@BlondieD

I was denied annual leave so far this year and also last year during 2020. Usually I get time off when the family gets time off from school so like - February mid term break, Easter, Halloween but the that hasn't happened since 2019. The last proper annual leave I had was in summer 2019.

I would love to get signed off from work by my GP so that it gives me a breather. Even if it's just for a week or two. Just give me some space.

Er well that's fucking illegal. You're legally entitled to something like 5 weeks paid holiday per annum. They need to back pay all of that if you haven't had annual leave in 2 years! Get onto Citizens Advice Bureau and explain everything you've said here. They'll be able to advise you on what action to take.

julieca · 21/10/2021 16:12

I would get signed off with stress. Whatever you get signed off with you don't want it to be something that looks bad to a future employer. Another option is self certify for a week with a vomiting bug.
Yes you can do things to get holiday pay back, but this will take time. It does not help with your immediate issues.

You need to contact an agency and explain what is happening and say you need another job. I would be honest about how they are not paying wages owed or letting you take holiday, so the agency knows the reference may end up being an issue. But ask the agency if they can help you get another job.

julieca · 21/10/2021 16:15

Just to add, this isn't a police or DD matter as some suggest. ACAS or Citizens Advice though can help with unpaid money. It will probably take a small claims court case.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 21/10/2021 16:17

@BlondieD

Why are you playing games?

You do not need to "put a getaway together" and you leaving does not start by being signed off.

What you need to do is give your notice. If they ask why, well you tell them about no holidays and being bitten, and being asked to do more and more and more.

All this pissing about complaining on MN and getting signed off when there is one very simple step you could take to solve your issue.

julieca · 21/10/2021 16:19

@KingsleyShacklebolt she has no savings. She needs a getaway plan i.e. finding another job first. Most people cant afford just to quit their job.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 21/10/2021 16:21

@KingsleyShacklebolt

What on earth are you on about?

Most people leave their job when they have another lined up

LonginesPrime · 21/10/2021 16:23

What you need to do is give your notice. If they ask why, well you tell them about no holidays and being bitten, and being asked to do more and more and more.

OP doesn't need to explain why if they don't accept it - she doesn't need her employer's consent to resign from her job!

minipie · 21/10/2021 16:23

Go on Childcare.co.uk OP, you’ll see there’s loads of families advertising.

Do you have references from other past jobs?

Original poster

BlondieD · 21/10/2021 16:24

I doubt I will be following up legally. I just want to leave and cut my losses and open the door for hopefully better and more meaningful employment where the conditions are better and right now even a factory job would be better. I will probably get the same pay in a factory with less stress and intensity and less hours. I am not shy of hard work and I would like to put these type of hard work into a corporate establishment and get a better pay.

OP posts:

julieca · 21/10/2021 16:25

Also OP I would wait until I have another job and only tell them you are leaving at the end of the day you have been paid. Ass on as they know you are leaving they won't pay you anymore I suspect.
So if they pay you on the 30th, only tell them you are not coming again after you have been paid that day.
And remember, they are not your children and not your problem.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 21/10/2021 16:39

If it's hard for you to get your point across when talking to her (she sounds awful & a real bully) then write it down in a letter.

Call/visit your dr, get signed off with stress. Meet your employer with letter in hand & proof from dr, tell her you've been signed off for one/two weeks and you'll be off immediately. You'll be in touch nearer your return date after you've spoken again to your dr.

I was signed off once by dr for stress & they simply put 'fatigue' down as the reason - I quite liked that as a valid way to capture the situation I was in at that time. (Also then quit job & am now somewhere way better, happier & not stressed!)

You can do this! There is much better out there for you than this slavery!!!

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