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Original poster

My job is nothing more but a liability waiting to happen

170 replies

BlondieD · 18/10/2021 21:15

Nearly a decade ago, I took on a position within a home of nanny work. Eventually the parents went on to have another baby. By age 3, that child was displaying some issues and eventually autistim was diagnosed. By 5 adhd was also diagnosed.

This child has been a nightmare on and off. An absolute nightmare. I don't want to list the stuff that she does but working with her can get very stressful and indeed working for the family can be very stressful. There's so much duties within the home when the child is gone to school and when the children come home it can get very intense. Every day is different. A lot of the time I am putting a lot of long hours too. Last summer was an fucking nightmare. I was working 5/6 days a week and there were some weeks where I was required to pack a bag and move into to their home.

I had a day from fucking pure hell today where the child learned how to open the lock on the door and ran away while I was cleaning up smashed glass that she smashed around in the kitchen. When I discovered the door open and the child gone, I was lucky in that I found her quickly but it was so frightening. When we got home, she took off her pants and pissed in her bed.

I don't get paid enough for this. I get paid 340 pounds a week.

I think I could do so much more better working in a factory where I will get a balance in working hours and I would probably get paid more too.

Question is of you were me, what would you do? Would you give up? I am not even 40 and I felt an intense pain in my chest today and wreckimg my health isn't worth it when there will probably be easier working positions available.

OP posts:
Tabitha005 · 20/10/2021 11:25

Your employers sound like exploitative arseholes who've set themselves up very nicely with someone to use and abuse without having to pay the going rate for everything you're doing for them. If you can, get out now.

Keke94LND · 20/10/2021 11:29

I've seen nanny jobs advertised within similar work conditions but the pay has been like £60-£70k per annum! Definitely quit! They sound awful, have they even given you any training in dealing with autistic children or children with adhd? Surely they should pay for some professional development?

If you can survive on minimum wage, if I was you I would either get a new nanny job, or get a minimum wage less stressful job whilst you try and figure out what you would really like to do, do you enjoy being a nanny generally?

But yeah, quit ASAP! And don't worry about leaving the family at a loose end, that's their fault and problem!

Neonplant · 20/10/2021 11:34

This sounds awful but I have absolutely no idea why you have let it continue for so long. Especially as work as a nanny via agencies isn't so hard to come by. Definitely quit. I also think for the wage you're getting they're taking you for a mug. Obviously because they've sensed a kind of loyalty in you.

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 20/10/2021 11:34

So, why don't you get another nannying job, without the long hours or the behavioural issues?

I'm not quite getting this, I'm missing the bit where you don't think you need to be paid NMW and you just get asked to do overnights and you just do them? You must know other people get paid a lot more for being a nanny and do a lot less, right?

You don't need a reference for this exploitative situation, you just need to leave/give notice and get out, you will find another nanny position very easily.

Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 11:44

They did top up my wage for the week they went away on holidays and they paid me double for that week. I will give them that much. I just keep thinking though if that was a corporate establishment and I worked up to 90 hours in the week, 50 of them hours would be paid at time and a half. By right I should have walked out with thousands for the week.

I was given informal training with autism and I have a good grasp of the condition now. It's so difficult though. I helping the child with the toilet yesterday and she bit my scalp. Another point during the evening, she got mad at me because she wanted to play outside but it was too late and so she bit my boob. It came out from no where.

I'm disappointed because they have another holiday booked for next February ls mid term break without even consulting me while they will likely leave the kid at home with me for however long they are gone for. Its generally a week that is so so so stressful though because its never ending. I got one day off last summer after their holiday week and I got very sick that day. I think it was migraine.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 11:46

I do enjoy nannying but I also feel like changing career paths altogether to more of a corporate setting like office work.

OP posts:
JackieChiles · 20/10/2021 11:52

Why haven’t you quit? There’s no need to get into the nitty gritty details, you are being treated terribly and you can most likely find a better situation elsewhere. Have you started the job search yet? What are you waiting for?

ShrillSiren · 20/10/2021 12:04

To put it bluntly, they're completely taking advantage of you because they realised that you're a pushover. Leave and don't look back.

BrainBleachNeeded · 20/10/2021 12:13

Omg. Find a new job (probably easy for you with SO much experience now) and then give them notice and leave. When they ask you why, please tell them exactly what you’ve written here. You are being massively exploited. How do you even get to enjoy any of the small amount of money you’re earning?

I’m so sad for this child..her family going on holiday without her? And she had to carry on going to school whilst they were away? Heartbreaking.

Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 12:17

The father came home yesterday evening and the first thing he did was focus in on the dog and scold me about the dog. The dog got accidentally locked into a room to keep the aut9child out from a room she wasn't allowed to be in. The dog was locked in for no more than 5 minutes and once I realised where the dog was I bolted to free him. From the father's reaction you would swear the dog was locked in all day. It was accident on my part but my focus was on the child and not the dog. Caring for pets was never part of the original contract. The pets came over the past year. He made me feel so fucking small yesterday evening and I hated it and I my heart sank. The parents only see whatever they want to see when they come home.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 12:22

She is a flight risk and because of the autistism and adhd, she doesn't enjoy life beyond her own little world. So taking her on holidays would be pointless. She wouldnt benefit from a holiday and I think the parents made the right decision leaving her at home. I guess my issue is the duration of the holiday last summer. They went for 10 days. They didn't have to go for that long. To think they have another holiday planned for after Christmas and then they will probably get another holiday next summer too. I think it's excessive. The child is non verbal but she knows when her family is not there and she reacts by acting out. I try to make it fun and I get loads of nice food in the house that we both like and we do activities that she likes but it's still though on her. My heart goes out to her.

OP posts:
ProudMaiasaura · 20/10/2021 12:23

Hand in your notice and get a new job, or more sensibly apply for new jobs then hand in your notice. Based on your 60 hour weeks you're getting just over £5 per hour. That's less than minimum wage for an 18 year old and pure exploitation.

They're taking advantage before you even get into the nitty gritty of their behaviour. This isn't a normal nannying job by any stretch of the imagination and I find it incredible that you've stuck it out for so long.

At the very least only complete tasks outlined in your contract and make clear that's all you will do but I really hope you brush up your CV and start applying for other jobs, even other nannying jobs because you'd be incredibly unlucky to find another family like that.

sjxoxo · 20/10/2021 12:26

I definitely think you should leave- honestly you aren’t capable of meeting the needs of a child who has those difficulties on your own - this is not your fault but her parents who aren’t providing her with the actual support she needs!! Are they aware of how difficult caring for her is??? They sound oblivious to the amount of care she really requires… I definitely think you should leave and frame it to them in the context of their daughter has very complex needs and requires a specialised framework of care which you alone cannot provide. Good luck xxxxx

Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 12:28

The job wasn't always this bad. It was much better when I first started. There was a slow decline of conditions from the half way point. So I didn't see it straight away.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 20/10/2021 12:30

I think you are being taken advantage of big time! If you can hand in notice straight away ,or at least look for another job . You are being severely underpaid here ,the biting is behaviour that needs to be expertly managed . I am sure you will get a new job very quickly

Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 12:34

They are fully aware and they have other family supports for the child too but it's limited. They get two weekends a month of care for her and there's some other supports too. They know how difficult she is. The parents did organise help last summer with some extra relief care but it wasn't enough and the parents took a shit on the time they organised for split shifts for me by adding more work on my back to clean rooms.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 20/10/2021 12:36

I think you are so used to working in poor conditions you can’t even see it anymore.

This is not ok.

They need to arrange respite care for the child - what do they do when you take a holiday?

But to be honest you need a new job, first go to the doctor and get signed off for a while ans then consider you options, even a new nanny position whilst you work out what to do would be preferable

TuftyMarmoset · 20/10/2021 12:43

Do you have any savings? If you can afford it, I’d honestly give notice immediately. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 12:43

I was denied annual leave so far this year and also last year during 2020. Usually I get time off when the family gets time off from school so like - February mid term break, Easter, Halloween but the that hasn't happened since 2019. The last proper annual leave I had was in summer 2019.

I would love to get signed off from work by my GP so that it gives me a breather. Even if it's just for a week or two. Just give me some space.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 12:44

I don't have any savings. I thought about that. If I had savings I could hand in my notice and live off savings for a month or two while I look for other work.

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 20/10/2021 12:45

Why are you still there? Time to stop being a doormat to these people and find something better.

You don't need anyone's permission to leave. It sounds like hell and the sooner you get out of there, the happier you'll be.

TuftyMarmoset · 20/10/2021 12:45

That is against the law - your employer can ask you not to take leave on certain dates but they must let you take your leave entitlement. Do you have a contract?

OverTheRubicon · 20/10/2021 12:48

What they're doing is illegal.

Most of the reasons have been listed already, also the week they went away last summer you should have been paid a much higher full day rate.

There's a pretty strong demand for experienced nannies right now, thanks to Brexit, you will easily find a good job elsewhere. Just decide first how you want to play it with the family - you may feel that a good reference is worth it, so put up with it and smile and then use an excuse like the new job being much closer to home etc, so they aren't bitter (no decent employer would be bitter, btw, but they don't sound like decent employers).

WhatsAppening · 20/10/2021 12:49

If this is real it’s modern day slavery.

You don’t need to ask to be signed off. You can just walk out. You are under no obligation to this couple.

And if they say anything about breach of contract or notice just calmly tell them you are informing HMRC and the police.

thelegohooverer · 20/10/2021 12:51

I think you need to approach this in stages

  • apply to some agencies and get work lined up
  • hand in your notice
  • consider whether you want to retrain then

You are going to need to be very strong and resolute not to cave to emotional blackmail. Having a new position lined up will help.

At this point, even if they agreed to pay you fairly, stop using you for holiday care, stick to reasonable hours at decent notice, and clean up their attitude I’d still advise you to leave because you’re approaching burn out.

But don’t make it harder on yourself to leave by adding hurdles like retraining. Just get yourself out of there first. A month free of these people and you’ll be on a different space emotionally and energetically.

Insist on references straight away. They will need you to work notice while they sort themselves out, so use that leverage.

Why do you think you find it so hard to stand up for yourself? (I’m not picking on you btw. It’s clear you struggle and maybe we can help)