Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

My job is nothing more but a liability waiting to happen

170 replies

BlondieD · 18/10/2021 21:15

Nearly a decade ago, I took on a position within a home of nanny work. Eventually the parents went on to have another baby. By age 3, that child was displaying some issues and eventually autistim was diagnosed. By 5 adhd was also diagnosed.

This child has been a nightmare on and off. An absolute nightmare. I don't want to list the stuff that she does but working with her can get very stressful and indeed working for the family can be very stressful. There's so much duties within the home when the child is gone to school and when the children come home it can get very intense. Every day is different. A lot of the time I am putting a lot of long hours too. Last summer was an fucking nightmare. I was working 5/6 days a week and there were some weeks where I was required to pack a bag and move into to their home.

I had a day from fucking pure hell today where the child learned how to open the lock on the door and ran away while I was cleaning up smashed glass that she smashed around in the kitchen. When I discovered the door open and the child gone, I was lucky in that I found her quickly but it was so frightening. When we got home, she took off her pants and pissed in her bed.

I don't get paid enough for this. I get paid 340 pounds a week.

I think I could do so much more better working in a factory where I will get a balance in working hours and I would probably get paid more too.

Question is of you were me, what would you do? Would you give up? I am not even 40 and I felt an intense pain in my chest today and wreckimg my health isn't worth it when there will probably be easier working positions available.

OP posts:

QforCucumber · 20/10/2021 15:47

You're not going to quit are you?

Pearbear · 20/10/2021 16:03

Please OP just leave it’s not going to get any better only worse.

I’m a nanny too and know how hard it is to leave a family when you’re attached to the children, but if the parents have any decency you’ll be able to visit the kids and there’s lots of ways to keep in touch with them.

This family are not your problem they will cope if you leave but will you cope if you stay? You sound at breaking point, put yourself first and find a better paid job with better working conditions.

sleepyhoglet · 20/10/2021 16:07

@BlondieD if you are doing this then you would find another nanny job. Are you UK? Try another nanny job first. Your employees are completely abusing you financially and taking advantage. You don't need that. Leave now whilst you can and get a reasonable reference.

sleepyhoglet · 20/10/2021 16:09

You could even work as a nursery nurse in a private nursery as a stop gap

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 20/10/2021 16:13

You don’t like the family
You don’t like the work
You don’t like the pay
You don’t like their future plans

It’s time to hand in your notice

BurntO · 20/10/2021 16:16

They aren’t paying you enough but that ship has sailed, you need a life too and more money from this family isn’t going to help. Please look for another job.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 20/10/2021 16:17

If you're worried about leaving them in the lurch then you're an amazingly kind and generous soul under the circumstances, but you should tell them you will be taking your owed holiday time (whatever you've agreed) and that they will need to arrange cover. Book that in for a week or so from now & then breathe, and spend your week resting & checking out options for other jobs - nannying, care work, office work, temping etc - loads of options out there. Supermarket, delivery driver - even if not your dream job it would be more regulated and you'd have more time & headspace to see what you want to do and apply again for other positions.

You really don't owe them anything so take the holiday time & if you can line something else up then you can formally hand in your notice. Good luck!

Sleepyquest · 20/10/2021 16:29

You are legitimately a slave. It sounds absolutely like slave Labour. Quit

itsgettingwierd · 20/10/2021 16:32

Well if you've had no AL then I hope you've been paid for that too?

Just start looking for interim jobs - it doesn't need to be what you want. Just something that pays the bills. (Plenty about in retail as x,as approaches).

Then star at looking for something in the field you want to work in when you don't have this stress and aren't working for slave Labour.

NellieBertram · 20/10/2021 16:39

Although you definitely need to leave, don't fall out with them if you intend to work as a nanny again!

It's incredibly unfair, but in this industry employers hold the cards and can sink your career if they don't give you a good reference. And even if they give a good written reference, they can talk any old shit about you over the phone.

So hand in your notice, but tell them how much you have loved working for them and promise to keep in touch. Come up with an excuse like you want to work with babies or feel you're best with under 5s. Offer to help them find a replacement. Be sweetness and light for the next month and get a lovely reference.

Then you can go to the agencies as a nanny with 10 years experience, longevity in a previous role, housekeeping experience, SEN experience, excellent references - you're looking for jobs with a minimum of £15 an hour.

ElBandito · 20/10/2021 17:01

If you haven't had annual leave tell them you want to be paid for it. Once you've got that money that might give you room to manoeuvre and get out of this position.
They are treating you so badly.

Original poster

BlondieD · 21/10/2021 14:48

Can people help me please.

I want to go to my GP and get signed off from work even of its just for a week or two.

What do you think I can say to my GP to get time off from work? I don't want to tell them that work is being too intense and though right now.

Do I pretend to have a sore back and getting off with a sore back? It wouldn't be a complete lie. I do find my back gets weak at times and a lot of stress builds up in my back.

Or I was sick in the summer time and I was referred to the hospital for some tests. Will I pretend it's connected to the summer time illness and pretend another flare?

What do you think?

I need to get breather from work and get a week or two off and then I will work on my cv and hand in a notice.

OP posts:

Original poster

BlondieD · 21/10/2021 14:52

I can't actually believe this. I mentioned earlier in the thread that the family is going away on holidays after Christmas for the Februarys mid term break. I am just after learning it's for 14 days. They are also leaving the child with autism at home. I think it's just so much time away from her and she will likely act out when her family is gone. They could find an autism friendly holiday or cut the holiday shorter and go home to their little one. I think it's so much especially considering they had a holiday last summer without the special needs child and they will seek out another summer holiday next summer too no doubt. I don't think they are thinking about the special needs child at all in any of what they are doing. It's so cruel.

OP posts:

Keke94LND · 21/10/2021 14:53

@BlondieD

I don't understand going on holiday and leaving one child.. it is cruel

ChubbyK · 21/10/2021 14:57

I think you should find a new job op.

You're being hugely underpaid and overworked.

stalkersaga · 21/10/2021 15:05

You don't actually have to lie to your GP. You just tell them your mental health is falling apart, which it clearly is. They will probably write something else on the actual sick note at your request. But just tell the GP you're totally overwhelmed with the stress of your job, which you are, and you need a few weeks off.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 21/10/2021 15:09

Why have you stuck this out so long?

Just leave or start looking immediately for a new job. Do your hours . Don't stay late, definitely don't stay overnight.

immersivereader · 21/10/2021 15:09

Sound a bit extreme to be honest, all this.

Are you an immigrant, op?

Leftbutcameback · 21/10/2021 15:14

Are you in the UK? I've read your posts and can't see any reference to a country. You did say you were denied annual leave. Surely you don't mean you have no leave at all? You are legally entitled to a certain amount (someone else will know how much). I'm very worried about you.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 21/10/2021 15:17

Why are you even faffing about with getting signed off by your doctor? Just LEAVE. These people are taking the piss out of you. Paying you peanuts, refusing holiday, fucking off for their own holiday and leaving you with their child....

Come on. You can do better. Just GO.

DeireadhFomhair · 21/10/2021 15:19

This is all horrendous! It sounds like you never say No to their requests.
Have you looked for another job at all?

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 21/10/2021 15:20

Tell them what you've told us and they'll sign you off for stress.

You're overworked and burnt out.

Original poster

BlondieD · 21/10/2021 15:21

I'm not an immigrant and I know there's employment law. I also know my rights. I have a hard time trying to stick up for myself to the woman I work for.

I don't think she was always this nasty. The parents were OK when I first started and for the first few years but then something changed. They grew too big for their boots but it was also at my expense. They powered around as if they are some sort of celebrities. I asked for holidays last year and all the mother did was grunt and make excuses to me til it fell through. I tried to get a week off this summer too but that didn't happen because her schedule came first.

OP posts:

groundcontroltomajormum · 21/10/2021 15:21

I would quit. You sound so deeply unhappy and miserable. Resentful. That's no way to live. It sounds like the dc needs more specialist care.

immersivereader · 21/10/2021 15:22

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7