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Original poster

My job is nothing more but a liability waiting to happen

170 replies

BlondieD · 18/10/2021 21:15

Nearly a decade ago, I took on a position within a home of nanny work. Eventually the parents went on to have another baby. By age 3, that child was displaying some issues and eventually autistim was diagnosed. By 5 adhd was also diagnosed.

This child has been a nightmare on and off. An absolute nightmare. I don't want to list the stuff that she does but working with her can get very stressful and indeed working for the family can be very stressful. There's so much duties within the home when the child is gone to school and when the children come home it can get very intense. Every day is different. A lot of the time I am putting a lot of long hours too. Last summer was an fucking nightmare. I was working 5/6 days a week and there were some weeks where I was required to pack a bag and move into to their home.

I had a day from fucking pure hell today where the child learned how to open the lock on the door and ran away while I was cleaning up smashed glass that she smashed around in the kitchen. When I discovered the door open and the child gone, I was lucky in that I found her quickly but it was so frightening. When we got home, she took off her pants and pissed in her bed.

I don't get paid enough for this. I get paid 340 pounds a week.

I think I could do so much more better working in a factory where I will get a balance in working hours and I would probably get paid more too.

Question is of you were me, what would you do? Would you give up? I am not even 40 and I felt an intense pain in my chest today and wreckimg my health isn't worth it when there will probably be easier working positions available.

OP posts:
Porfre · 20/10/2021 12:54

Yeah. I think you need to look for a new job and hand in your notice ASAP

stalkersaga · 20/10/2021 12:54

So QUIT! You keep enumerating the wildly unreasonable things they've asked you to do when you can just QUIT! You can give your notice today and never come back! Just do it! You don't even need a job lined up, you can get nanny work next week easily with SEN experience, or you can drive a Tesco delivery van! Just get out!

I'm sorry, but it's immensely frustrating to listen to you listing all this stuff instead of just LEAVING. You realize you never had to say yes to preposterous stuff like moving in for a week if they're away, right? You have the power. You always have done.

BluebellsGreenbells · 20/10/2021 12:55

You can self certify for 7 days as this will give you time to arrange a doctors appointment -
They will then sign you off

You are entitled to your holidays

merryhouse · 20/10/2021 12:56

I am hereby formally informing you that I am leaving your employment. As I have been refused statutory Annual Leave for both this year and last I will be taking it during my notice period. Consequently I will not be returning to work.

Print this out and hand it to them as you leave. Then when you get home send it in an email as well.

BoxOfDreams · 20/10/2021 12:58

Are you mad? Why are you putting up with this? Contact a nanny agency and you'll have another job lined up within a week.

MadeForThis · 20/10/2021 12:59

With your level of experience you will get a job easily. Probably at twice the salary

HollowTalk · 20/10/2021 13:07

Come on, OP, you need to give in your notice immediately. They are abusing your position and it'll get worse and worse.

fabulousathome · 20/10/2021 13:11

Let us know how you get on.

Looking forward to hearing you have a highly paid new job with a lucky family and things are great.

Viviennemary · 20/10/2021 13:15

That sounds horrifically stressful. Look for another job.

Frauhubert · 20/10/2021 13:23

You can literally get a new breezy job within days. Leave this hell

TuftyMarmoset · 20/10/2021 13:23

Inform them that you are taking all of last year’s leave entitlement now (5.6 weeks minus bank holidays if you had them off). That will give you a break and they will need to pay you for it. If they refuse tell them you’re taking them to an employment tribunal - you don’t have to actually do it but it will let them know that you won’t be a pushover any more.

Original poster
BlondieD · 20/10/2021 13:24

Vivie it can get very stressful. Every day is different. I do like where I am and its close to home but there's some conditions have declined and deteriorated over the past few years. The father is getting away more and more over nights claiming work and then the mother wants me to stay over to help and that's not an issue as such but it does take a toll on me and within my own life. Living out of bags and neglecting my own home duties and chores and laundry is not easy. I'm dreading Christmas. Last Christmas wasn't bad because we were in lockdown and people were staying in a lot. I fear this Christmas the parents will place a lot of focus on Christmas parties and it will me left holding the baby in their home while they turn around I get the impression they don't appreciate me anymore. Then they booked a holiday for next February probably thinking they can have the same set up like last summer and they never even talked to me. Going from last summer, it's a work week+ that is so so so draining.

OP posts:
NicLondon1 · 20/10/2021 13:28

For goodness sake, you need to grow a backbone and quit today.

This wording from another poster is perfect:
"I am hereby formally informing you that I am leaving your employment. As I have been refused statutory Annual Leave for both this year and last I will be taking it during my notice period. Consequently I will not be returning to work."

Walk out, they need to pay your notice period.

Nannying is incredibly well paid - look at Childcare.co.uk to see what Nannies are charging, and put your ad up there! You'll find a lovely family soon after. Nice hours, nice kids, good pay.
JUST DO IT!

stalkersaga · 20/10/2021 13:42

Why are you even thinking that you might be there at Christmas?! Much less next year?

They are massively in the wrong for the way they've treated you, but you have to take some responsibility here for your bizarre passivity. You have no reason not to quit TODAY. They have far more to lose than you.

BuckEmOrf · 20/10/2021 13:49

Quit.

BobLemon · 20/10/2021 13:52

Your question has been answered resoundingly.

What are you going to do now?

tara66 · 20/10/2021 13:52

You have my sympathies but don't forget nannies usually need good references from their previous employers to get another job so leave because of your health or something similar that gets their sympathy and not their ill will - so you get a good reference.

onthinice · 20/10/2021 13:55

As a parent of a DD with autism, it sounds to me like they're relying heavily on you to deal with her challenging behaviours, rather than get her the help/intervention and advice they really need.

stalkersaga · 20/10/2021 13:55

@tara66

You have my sympathies but don't forget nannies usually need good references from their previous employers to get another job so leave because of your health or something similar that gets their sympathy and not their ill will - so you get a good reference.
Normally, but in this case: 1) OP has SEN experience 2) she's been employed by the same family for a decade. Nobody employs someone shit for a decade. She could come away with no or a crappy reference from this family and new jobs would still be biting her hand off.
Groovee · 20/10/2021 13:57

I would leave. Your health will suffer. They are the parents and they know they can take the piss out of you.

DartmoorChef · 20/10/2021 14:02

Just quit. Its as simple as that. There are plenty of other jobs available these days.

ChocolateCauldron · 20/10/2021 14:07

Lots more families are looking for Nannies right now. Honestly, An experienced SEN nanny should be looking at £20 an hour!

Even a regular nanny will be looking for £15 per hour.

Whilst I understand you are more emotionally attached as part of your job, remember it is just a job.

KitchenKrisis · 20/10/2021 14:07

Op, with dc who have autism different strategies are needed and training to understand how to to suppoet them. What are her triggers! Does she have a time table with visual aids, why doesn't she like the loo, etc etc.

Your obviously not trained and don't know how to manage her at all. She needs someone with at least some basic training in special needs, pre emptying triggers and helping her to manage her behavior.

Unless you want too and are indeed paid to learn more then definitely leave. It seems you have no bond with her nor affection which could sustain you though the tough times.
It's better all around that you do leave I'm sure you can find a far better and happier position and really she needs proper trained support. It's awful all around isn't it.

PerseverancePays · 20/10/2021 15:26

You sound completely worn down and are having difficulty making decisions for yourself.
You could get a Dr's sick note for a week off and use that time to rest and look for other opportunities.
You could work for Aldi to pay the bills while you thought about what you would like to do next. There's lots of jobs out there at the moment so you wouldn't be unemployed for long.
Only you can make a change, the couple you work for like things as they are, don't wait for them to turn back into nice people, it's not going to happen.

Colette · 20/10/2021 15:40

Take the first step contact an agency so you know how valuable you are.Do something and then build in small steps do not worry about Christmas that is their problem and every Christmas after thatFlowers

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