Its nice to be open minded but its also OK to have standards. I dont think I could completely trust someone who had stolen money from someone else's bank account using their debit card, even if they were desperate for money at the time.
I think that's a good point. I don't think chanting out "once a cheater, always a cheater....marry the mistress, create a vacancy" does anything other than make someone look consumed with bitterness, because it's frequently not true. Whereas something like "it's impossible to trust they will never cheat, as they have shown themselves to indisputably have the capacity" is true, without the projection that they are now going to cheat on every future partner.
I think again, it's like those who try to absolve themselves in the bigger picture of why the marriage had failed and would have ended anyway, but because an affair happens, they get to play the victim. The idea that "well if they'll cheat on perfect, faultless me then they'll cheat on anyone"
Again, not excusing affairs. Just the lack of accountability for some to endlessly chastise a partner (that left for someone else) with zero acknowledgement that for the ten years leading up to it, they contributed equally to the real reason the relationship was failing. But they're golden, because it was the affair that officially ended it.
I don't think you ever can fully trust a cheater again. Once they've shown they can, you can't unsee that. Even if they never do it again, I think having the constant "I wonder..." would be incredibly hard to live with.