When does the OW stop being the OW?

[Worldwide2]

Hello all

Due to a couple of other threads regarding affairs with married men and men creating second family's with the 'ow'. It has got me thinking when does everything get forgotten and forgiven? As in when does the OW stop being referred to as the OW and is accepted as exes wife/girlfriend. Is it normal to get over such betrayal and move on without feeling bitter or is hard to not harbour a feeling of resentment for a long time towards them?
When you hear someone being referred to as the OW after a number of years you kind of thing ok let go now it's time to move on but is it so simple actually?
I'm not condoning affairs at all but I do know of people who were desperately unhappy with their then spouse had affairs and are now very happy with the other person. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy or not when it comes off the back of someone else's happiness? I'd like to hear other peoples thoughts on this without it turning into a bun fight of course.

Also this isn't just affairs between married men and women it goes for married women too.

[CornishGem1975]

If you've had an affair, or been the other woman and then had a relationship in the light of day, to be quite honest, I doubt your skin is that thin that you would give two shits if someone referred to you as the OW 20 years down the line.

I think people like to bandy around 'OW' like it's going to hurt the other person. The reality is, they probably don't give it much thought to it at all.

[lottiegarbanzo]

It is precisely because people's psychologies, emotions and experiences are so complex, or feel so confusing and overwhelming at the time anyway, that the most basic social rules / moral codes / standards, whichever you choose to call them, are so simple.

'Adultery is wrong' is easy to remember. We all know it.

Recognising that what you're about to do would amount to adultery offers people a pause for thought and a chance to make a choice.

Very few people honestly believe that they are the exception. That single case in thousands of years of human history for whom adultery will have no negative personal or social consequences. They just decide they don't care.

People make a choice. Other people recognise when a choice to cheat has been made. People don't often or easily forget such fundamental social transgressions.

[Worldwide2]

@cornishGem1975

I think people like to bandy around 'OW' like it's going to hurt the other person. The reality is, they probably don't give it much thought to it at all

Yes your probably right

[ravenmum]

I have to say I have never given any thought to using the term "OW" at all either - as I say, I'd just use it here or in conversation to describe a mistress, if that's the context. The lady in question isn't going to see or hear me using the term.
Do other people actually use it in earshot of the OW? Is that what you've heard people do?

[Worldwide2]

@ravenmum I don't know anyone who has referred it to the persons face.
There was a thread on here very recently and basically the op was referring to her ex gf of 5 years I think as ow. Quite a big debate on it. Hence why I chose to create this thread to discuss it really.

[Worldwide2]

They were saying after 5 years the op should refer to her as her exes partner/gf

[ravenmum]

Well, I guess we do call people names privately for cathartic effect, even if the other person isn't going to hear us. But for that purpose, "other woman" seems a bit weak. I can think of much more satisfying words!