How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

Plenty of people with post natal depression have no choice to go back to work. I take real issue with that.

I lost a baby late. I had to go back to work. Oh and I had post natal depression with my last one and I had to go back to work

Post natal depression on its own does not mean “return to work not feasible”.

At seven weeks no woman should be going back to fucking work!!

Clearly you’ve never been forced to take leave early and return after 18 weeks.

It’s not 7 weeks but the op could return after a short leave.

But she’s not answering that point despite me asking a few times so there’s clearly an issue there

[quote Bigeggsinapackoften]@rrhuth name change fail?[/quote]
No, I was just answering as people keep asking the poor op the same question!

@Bigeggsinapackoften

Plenty of people with post natal depression have no choice to go back to work. I take real issue with that.

I lost a baby late. I had to go back to work. Oh and I had post natal depression with my last one and I had to go back to work

Post natal depression on its own does not mean “return to work not feasible”.

IMO return to work not advisable, even though technically possible.

Plenty of people do all sorts of things, doesn't mean it is the ideal course of action.

I'm sorry you have had hard experiences and sorry for your loss

She might have to. I did. It was that or have no money.

The issue is that the op and her partner have seven kids on a low income. They need to earn more money.

The OP has not got a job to return to. Otherwise she would have only just come off 90% pay.

Going for interviews with a seven week old is tricky to say the least. And then she has to earn enough to cover childcare. And most childcare providers have a minimum age of 3 months. It’s not as simple as you’re trying to make it out to be @Bigeggsinapackoften

But the op keeps saying last year (2020) when things were better they could afford a child and when you do the maths that fits with a maternity leave? 9 months plus 2 (roughly) is 11 months? I’m not trying to be difficult I just don’t understand why she’s not on maternity leave?

My understanding is that she was a SAHM

@Bigeggsinapackoften

She might have to. I did. It was that or have no money.

The issue is that the op and her partner have seven kids on a low income. They need to earn more money.

I think it is possible that your decision and someone else's decision could be different?

The op already said wages would be swallowed by childcare costs.

But the point is that she can go back and UC will help with childcare costs and it’s an easy way to top up income? I know they take a bit off the more you earn but she would still get something?

Find me a childcare provider who’ll take a 7 week old.

@Bigeggsinapackoften

But the point is that she can go back and UC will help with childcare costs and it’s an easy way to top up income? I know they take a bit off the more you earn but she would still get something?

Yes, but the op asked for budgeting help. Why do you feel so strongly about this?

Not a now - I said take a short maternity leave (18 weeks) and go back. I never said 7 weeks. And the op should still be getting paid if she’s on maternity leave and if she doesn’t go back it’s about to get tighter when her maternity runs out.

Because you can’t budget your way out of 7 kids on UC. The only way is for there to be more money coming into the house.

@Bigeggsinapackoften

Because you can’t budget your way out of 7 kids on UC. The only way is for there to be more money coming into the house.

The op asked for budgeting help. Other people's choices are theirs to make.

I worked employed PAYE until 2016. I then went SE. Had my 4yo in 2017, took a break when I had her, claimed MA. Went back to SE. Covid ruined that. Worked ceased for multiple reasons that I don't want or need to go into so decided that business was not viable as unlikely to improve due to covid situation. Was ready to return to employed work, found out I was pregnant. Had severe hyperemesis. Hospitalised multiple times. Signed off. High risk pregnancy. In hospital every 2 weeks. Our daughter was born prematurely at 19w gestation. She died at 2 hours old as obviously she was too young for intervention. I was therefore unemployed, in no fit state mentally to return to work either, not on maternity. Claimed UC as a couple to top up DP income. Decided to try for another baby. Had savings, decided to stay as SAHM for the remainder of pregnancy. Our car broke, raided the savings to replace as we live rurally and need a car. Baby was born in August. I can't claim MA as not worked enough in lead up period and it is deducted £for£ from uc anyway so pointless claiming.

Do you need my full cv or is that enough employment history for you all? And hopefully that explains the change in finances. Along with the energy prices and the UC being cut it's affecting us heavily.

I've taken the reasonable advice on board. Trying to ignore the unhelpful comments but not easy. Feel like a failure.

Just wanted to say congratulations on your new baby @HopelesslyHopeful87 Enjoy her. The system is rubbish and I hope you sort everything. Sending hugs

I am sorry your baby died. I do (despite what you think) understand

@HopelesslyHopeful87 you are anything but a failure and

“The system” is not rubbish.

It’s there to provide a safety net and that’s what it’s doing for the op and her (and her dps) family.

Feels like nobody really understands. I don't even understand. Life used to be OK and believe it or not we did used to manage and have money left over for Xmas and birthdays, it would be tight but doable. 2020 has ruined me in more ways than I care to explain and the absolute ribbing I've got here for having a large family is really upsetting and unwarranted.

I've worked my whole adult life, paid my way. Only had a small period of claiming help when the old style benefits were still in place but quickly got back to work when my older kids were little.

Someone upthread mentioned SE work that doesn’t require childcare and I think this is the way forward OP. Not sure if you would consider a job like childminding?

@HopelesslyHopeful87

Feels like nobody really understands. I don't even understand. Life used to be OK and believe it or not we did used to manage and have money left over for Xmas and birthdays, it would be tight but doable. 2020 has ruined me in more ways than I care to explain and the absolute ribbing I've got here for having a large family is really upsetting and unwarranted.

I've worked my whole adult life, paid my way. Only had a small period of claiming help when the old style benefits were still in place but quickly got back to work when my older kids were little.

OP don’t feel you need to explain why you are accessing benefits - they are there for a reason.

You need to start the other way around first what are essential outgoings.

Once bills are written down, what else is essential? What is your current food bill?
Write that down as is...
Petrol, what do you spend?

Once that's down.
What is left.
From what is left you need to allocate that to the other needs, eg dc