How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

Bday, Xmas, then savings, then car allowance..

Even ten a month month into each one.. Or five!

Will help to slowly ease the burden
But sadly you usually need money to make money

oh OP Im so sorry about your loss, and Im so sorry youve had to share that to justify your choices. You shouldnt have to, youve asked for budgeting advice not judgement. Please dont think that most people think like this, we make our choices and we deal with them, which i for one feel you are doing well by 1-mkaing sure your children are fed and loved and 2-asking for advice and support when needed, which is exactly what you have done. Please know this is really positive and to ignore all cruel comments, they are not helpful. The priority for you is rest and self care and care of your little one as these are the things to hang on to. Dont worry about getting bits of work right now, focus on rest and your baby. Write down your 2 year plan to improve your situation. Things will be better when your 4 year old is in school (free dinners etc) and you can plan to go back to work properly (as in permanent ) work when your littlest is 2 and nursery is free. Wasting all that time and emotional energy on getting in a few pounds until then isnt beneificial in the long run. Unless there is a clear time like weekend nights you could start doing in 6 months say in a bar, that kind of thing. be easy on yourself. Go for full eco christmas, stop spending on any non essentials and dont be worried about that or about asking for help.mumsnet tends to be a cruel place but some of this thread has given good saving ideas. Lots of people are scrimping now, it is post pandemic and quite normal, do not look at social media of people with a lot of stuff as it doesnt help, be proud you do homecooked meals etc. I do alwasy think writing a plan down helps a lot as feels you are moving towards something so maybe do that, but prioritise rest and time with your little one.

Can you (or your DP) work weekends/evenings so that the cost of childcare is not needed, of course that's tough, but that's what I always did and I only have one DS. There are loads of weekend/evening jobs in hospitality at the moment.

@scully29 thank you

And do check if your local community has 'Fair share' food distribution schemes to avoid food going to waste, we have one in our very small town where you can pick up free food every day .. it's not a Food Bank, it is purely to avoid food wastage.

Are you claiming everything you’re entitled to?

Would you be entitled to PIP?

Home cooking/batch cooking is also good. Saves a bit of money if you cook from scratch instead of buying frozen and processed foods.

@Bigeggsinapackoften I doubt it. I haven't started medication yet. And my referral is likely to be rejected as far as my HV says anyway. So I'm a bit in limbo and struggling. My GP surgery has been less than helpful and I haven't even had a postnatal appointment yet. I've suffered with severe anxiety since I was 15 but I'm high functioning and I've tried hard to not let it prevent me working until now when it feels a very frightening prospect. I can't even bear anyone else to touch the baby at the moment let alone stick him in nursery.

Don’t go by what the HV says on this.

Also no harm to pp but sometimes it isn’t cheaper to cook from scratch. I can do a pasta bake with a jar from Lidl and some cheap cheese for heaps cheaper than I could make it. I wouldn’t cook it every night but it does now and again as a push by.

With one income, unless it’s very high paying, it’s doubtful you will be able to afford your family for the foreseeable future. I know it sounds stressful to work when you have a young infant but it’s really what is needed in your situation. You can’t afford to be a full time SHM. An online course towards a qualification might be the way to go. Have you thought about HR? Best wishes!

You have to be absolutely ruthless with documenting if there’s really no way you can bring in more.
Food shopping - how much do people eat - what’s the cost per portion - can you limit your shopping list to the same staples? No snacking etc everyone eats at mealtimes only.
Also yellow stickers
Utilities - can people rewear clothes, they don’t need to be washed every day especially in this weather unless your kids are dirty/sweaty.

Everyone stop posting without reading the thread! OP cooks from scratch its all good. And OP I too wouldnt be wanting to put a baby in nursery at 7 weeks people are bonkers! The best thing you can do is prioritise your mental health. Rest. Lower your expectations from mumsnet world its a different world in real life. (rice and ketchup would be an ok lunch for me for example with frugality in mind - its post pandemic, in times of crisis savings are normal and to be expected!). Own this eco/saving- attitude and say you are offsetting your carbon footprint by wrapping in clothes/newspaper than wrapping paper etc and do really careful christmas, dont feel bad about that. Its a good thing alround.

@scully29

Everyone stop posting without reading the thread! OP cooks from scratch its all good. And OP I too wouldnt be wanting to put a baby in nursery at 7 weeks people are bonkers! The best thing you can do is prioritise your mental health. Rest. Lower your expectations from mumsnet world its a different world in real life. (rice and ketchup would be an ok lunch for me for example with frugality in mind - its post pandemic, in times of crisis savings are normal and to be expected!). Own this eco/saving- attitude and say you are offsetting your carbon footprint by wrapping in clothes/newspaper than wrapping paper etc and do really careful christmas, dont feel bad about that. Its a good thing alround.

Rice and ketchup isn’t going to square with OP’s ‘fresh fruits and vegetable daily’…

@TractorAndHeadphones my kids do have fruit and veg daily. I had super noodles for lunch. Its called balance. And giving the kids the better option

Two thoughts:

Do you really need a car? It is expensive to run one if you can do without, though I realise it's area dependent

Are you on Olio? Lots of free stuff - both food and non food

At 7 weeks old your baby is too young to be left and you need to prioritise your health and settling your family into the new dynamic of an added child. So talk from some posters of going back to work while juggling health issues and 7 children is frankly ridiculous

You are financially keeping your heads above water and the only change I would make right now is to nail down on those ‘bits and pieces’ spends which you’ve already identified as an issue.

Making a short term plan for the extra Christmas costs etc as best you can will help you feel a little more in control and accepting that this year will need to be leaner than usual so you don’t get into debt and make your position worse is the priority. You are not a failure OP, I doubt that most of those idiots posting could cope with 7 children, never mind what you have been through with the loss of your DD. I know I couldn’t!

Once youve got a bit of a game plan for the immediate future, focus a little on a longer term plan and implement bits where you can as you are able to

[quote HopelesslyHopeful87]@TractorAndHeadphones my kids do have fruit and veg daily. I had super noodles for lunch. Its called balance. And giving the kids the better option[/quote]
Fruit isn’t a necessity though - in fact it’s high in sugars and relatively expensive compared to vegetables. Also depending on the type frozen vegetables can be cheaper and not necessarily of lower nutritional value given that they’re frozen at the point of picking and so are ‘fresh’.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/are-frozen-fruit-vegetables-healthy-fresh/amp

Of course this is presuming you have freezer space…

Sounds like you are doing great OP. As others have said now is the time to just keep a check on things so they don’t spiral rather than save at all. In a few years time you could look at getting a job and have the older ones help a bit, but you should just focus on your baby now. Things will change fast. I would perhaps scale back Christmas shopping. Forget getting gifts apart from the kids and don’t even spend too much on them. I used to try and get all my family presents when I was on maternity leave and struggling. Now I look back and think what a waste of time and money it was. We could have had a great Christmas without spending so much.

I already use frozen veg. My kids like fruit, they ask for it so we have it. I'm aware it has sugar in but it's better than a mars bar and a can of red bull.

@HopelesslyHopeful87

I already use frozen veg. My kids like fruit, they ask for it so we have it. I'm aware it has sugar in but it's better than a mars bar and a can of red bull.

Seriously OP you are literally already doing everything right I’m sorry if my posts sounded criticising but that’s the thing you could probably already write a budgeting book on your own right 😂

Agree re. frozen, tinned fruit and veg are good too and often very cheap.

Agree fresh fruit is expensive per portion. But you can have an excellent diet with not much fresh fruit.

*forgot to add - everything as in budgeting advice.
The only way you can really cut back now is to go without things that even your kids like and do the full bare bones …

I found out very recently that water meter bills are capped if you have DC and receive UC - had to really look for it on the website and you have to ask for it to be applied to your account.

Obviously the youngest 2 of your DC don't need much or new things for Christmas but that doesn't solve the day to day costs.

Menu planning to the nth degree and swapping down for everything you buy.

Have you got the Olio app to get free food locally?

Don't assume Aldi or Lidl are the cheapest for all food it's not always. DH earned money doing surveys on swag bucks in Amazon vouchers.

Our DC only ever got 2nd hand clothes when we were broke.

It's really tough as living costs have really gone up over the last few years.

Don't forget about food banks if you have a particularly tough week or two.

@RandomMess

I found out very recently that water meter bills are capped if you have DC and receive UC - had to really look for it on the website and you have to ask for it to be applied to your account.

Obviously the youngest 2 of your DC don't need much or new things for Christmas but that doesn't solve the day to day costs.

Menu planning to the nth degree and swapping down for everything you buy.

Have you got the Olio app to get free food locally?

Don't assume Aldi or Lidl are the cheapest for all food it's not always. DH earned money doing surveys on swag bucks in Amazon vouchers.

Our DC only ever got 2nd hand clothes when we were broke.

It's really tough as living costs have really gone up over the last few years.

Don't forget about food banks if you have a particularly tough week or two.

Does OP have a meter? I don’t and pay a flat rate