How do you afford life? budgeting advice please

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

Just want to start by saying this is by no means a pity party, scrounging for money kind of thing. I'm not here begging. I just want a rant about being skint all the time and some advice on how to budget and manage your income and outgoings. It just feels like I'm always scrimping and scraping and then October comes round, the reality of Xmas hits me and I panic massively about how we're going to afford it.

DP works full time and we're topped up with some UC. I'm a SAHM. We have 7 kids between us. He has 3 from previous relationship, I have 3 from previous and we have one together therefore we have a lot of birthdays across the year and Xmas is expensive every year. Our DS together is only 7 weeks old. The past 2 years have been hard. On paper, we probably couldn't have afforded a baby together but in 2020 (when we could afford it) we lost our daughter at 19weeks of pregnancy and we so desperately wanted a baby. The emotions and the grief took over the practical financial side. So here we are.

We start each year with good intentions and start saving. Then something will break or need replacing and we have to dip into the savings and before we know it we have nothing left for the Xmas pot. This year was the car. It was too expensive and not worth repairing so we had to replace.

I just don't know how we're going to manage this year. We seem to have nothing left at the end of every month at the moment. UC is being cut back this month as the covid top up ends. The gas and electricity has gone up. Everything seems more expensive. We already shop frugally in lidl or aldi. Kids have cheap primark or supermarket clothes/uniform. We've already moved from a 2 car family to one. DP bikes to work to save fuel.

Can I ask how you all budget and manage your money? We're going wrong somewhere and I need to get a handle on our spending. Our money comes in at different points across the month which makes it harder to manage. DP wages are gone within a week of payday on household bills and the UC/CB goes on food shopping, a few more bills and fuel for the month.

I need an accountant 😭

Buy clothes 2nd hand, I have started doing this as I like quality clothes but can’t afford the prices of new, I have been buying a lot in vinted and eBay but also local charity shops.

Stop buying for people outside the household for Christmas, just tell them you won’t be buying presents this year. I have cut right back with this and only give small token gifts to close relatives, it means I have more to spend on my own dc and I can save a little.

Buy things in bulk when they are on offer.

Use the ‘good to go’ app if you live in a town or city, you can often get food for next to nothing from local shops and cafes.

We rarely eat out or get a take away unless it’s someone’s birthday.

We rarely pay to get in anywhere, a day out is usually a walk in the woods/beach/park or national trust (we have a family pass).

I’m a single parent, full time carer to one of my DC’s who is severely autistic, money is tight but we get by ok. We manage to go away quite a bit but we use DLA/PIP to pay for it, other than that I’m pretty careful with spending. I spend £60-£70 on food a week for me and 2 teens (and a cat).

You're not doing anything wrong OP! You have to support a lot of children on a single low income, it's going to be a struggle.

Things I did - get a weekend job so no childcare to pay.
Childminding if you have a suitable home.
Evening babysitting.

@VanCleefArpels

For Christmas, many charity shops put things aside that will be nice for gifts, some brand new items.

Agree with anyone over 16 in the family that you won’t do presents this year, they will understand and maybe relieved themselves not to have to exchange unnecessary items this year!

Forensically examine every single outgoing. Use up every single bit of food in your cupboards / freezers (I’m always slightly embarrassed at how much food we hoard!).

If you have one, use your local food fridge service. This isn’t a food bank - it’s for anyone to go along and rescue food that would otherwise be chucked out.

If you haven’t already got one maybe start a school uniform swap service for the kids - many people can benefit esp re shoes that they grow out of before they run out of life

I wish you the best of luck - things will get better!

Where do you find these things ?

@nameswap48

The system is so crap.

You have 3 children, got into a relationship with a man with 3 children, then chose to have a 7th. I don't want a system that supports that kind of decision making! You need to take some ownership here.

Exactly!

Both the OP and her now DH were stupid enough to have 3 children (2 is enough in this overpopulated world) and then got together and just had to have their own baby.

It's bloody obvious you won't be able to live on one wage unless that wage is very good.

You will just have to find work. Best idea is to work when your husband is home i.e. evenings or weekends

@Chestnut23

I recommend reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, or listening to it on audible. It changed my life!

Great suggestion! You can get a 30-day free trial on Audible so as long as you remember (set yourself a phone alert) to cancel before the 30 days are up, OP, you won't pay anything to listen to this book via Audible.

@HopelesslyHopeful87 FSM ends when your children finish there stage of education once the IC roll out is complete. If they are in primary on that date it will continue until the end of primary. If in high school on that date it will continue till the end of high school. It’s not five years.

Another recommendation for Dave Ramsey's method.

Zero based budgeting is brilliant - you can try YNAB free for 31 days.

That being said, it sounds as though you need a bigger shovel rather than having a spending/budgeting problem. Supporting 6 people on one wage (disregarding your DP's children who don't live with you) is not going to be easy. You need more money coming in.

@YouWouldNotBelieve . £100 a week, assuming £10 on formula and £10 on nappies is £80, so less than £10 per person per week on food for growing children who need extra nutrition. With the cost of everything these days, I assume you're not meeting their basic needs. correct me if I'm wrong.*
Yes you are wrong £80 divided by five people is not less than £10 per person.

@Supersimkin2

Bloody hell you lot, claws off the OP.

OP, I think you're doing a brilliant job. I'd be half dead with tiredness raising all those children, washing, cooking etc., not to mention the budgeting. And the new baby.

It will get better, and loads of people are skint when DC are tiny. Breathe in and remember lentils will one day be a thing of the past.

The majority of people have given good advice. A couple of posters have been snarky but it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s main problem is too little money for too many people. She seems very surprised at how hard it is is to live and calls the system crap when the reason is very obvious.

Seriously what’s done is done and there’s no point in kicking anybody- but equally people have to take responsibility for their own actions. Actions have conséquences.

OP, sorry if I've missed it, but do you rent or own your home?

Just wondering if the IVA was actually the right solution, a lot are missold. If you rent, a Debt Relief Order might be most appropriate and you wouldn't have to make any payments as you don't have any disposable income.

As to how people budget, sadly there's a limit to how well anyone can budget when you have a low income and a large family. Resources can only stretch so far. You need more income or less than ideal solutions, such as can the older ones get paper rounds etc for pocket money to at least pay towards their phones, cosmetics, extra trainers etc?

@BarbaraofSeville

OP, sorry if I've missed it, but do you rent or own your home?

Just wondering if the IVA was actually the right solution, a lot are missold. If you rent, a Debt Relief Order might be most appropriate and you wouldn't have to make any payments as you don't have any disposable income.

As to how people budget, sadly there's a limit to how well anyone can budget when you have a low income and a large family. Resources can only stretch so far. You need more income or less than ideal solutions, such as can the older ones get paper rounds etc for pocket money to at least pay towards their phones, cosmetics, extra trainers etc?

I rent I will look up the debt relief order thank you

Tractor is 100% correct. SEVEN children after previous relationships with other people and the OP not working. Surely it is clear what they are struggling with. The system isnt crap....

Back in the days if 17per cent interest mortgages, I had to take an evening cleaning job, in fact 3 or 4 one after the other, whilst my youngest was 11 weeks old. I had severe pnd as well, I was hospitalised for the first 3 weeks of my daughter's life.
I had three children, and often had to take them in with me to the offices I cleaned if their dad was late home from work himself. We were ships in the night, passing each other in the doorway. He would double shift as a bouncer at weekends as well...We didn't have a clue about benefits, it was work or starve.

I hope you find a way to Increase your income, but I fear it will mean you finding whatever work you can.

@YouWouldNotBelieve

You're clearly uncomfortable on that income, everyone involved must be, my comment was in the best interest on the children and based on the information I had read at the time. You're free to correct me but I don't appreciate and wont tolerate a rude, sarcastic thanks

You received a much warmer reply than you deserved. What on earth did you expect when you implied that OP was neglecting her children? Especially when you had misread (or not bothered to read) her posts to reach that conclusion. As for "not tolerating" a sarcastic response, I'm afraid you get the response you're given and in this case OP was very restrained. You owe her an apology, although I doubt it will be forthcoming.

Picking up free trials of paid for apps - budgeting, audiobooks, whatever - is a terrible idea in the OP’s situation. She doesn’t need an app to tell her that the reason she’s skint is because she’s one of nine people being supported by one low wage. She needs to increase her income, ideally via a job. There’s nothing else that’s going to make much of a difference at all in this situation. All a paid for app is going to do is either be totally unhelpful because they’re not designed to be useful in the one month trial period (which is why it’s offered), or, worse, she’ll forget to cancel it or cancelling it won’t work and she’ll be even more short in November right before Christmas.

@Franklin12

Tractor is 100% correct. SEVEN children after previous relationships with other people and the OP not working. Surely it is clear what they are struggling with. The system isnt crap....

Sorry to pick on your post specifically but you and the other posters who keep picking this up have missed what OP has now said twice:

That it's that single mothers are better off on their own - that's what OP said was crap about the system.

It really goes to show what passes for tolerance now... 'I'm alright, Jack' abounds on this thread. Yes, the income is too small for the number of people it needs to support but the gratuitous needling and obvious enjoyment that some are getting is nauseating on a parenting site.

OP, the system is what it is and the UC uplift ends from today. If it would make a difference to you financially then perhaps your partner could and should make plans to move out. It doesn't mean that he won't be able to fulfil his role as a parent to any of his children. That part of the system is indeed a bit wonky but, if politicians can use loopholes to their own end, using whatever tax dodges there are, so can you work within the system we have.

Look into all your options.

I agree with that, IWantT0BreakFree, YouWouldNotBelieve's post was unbelievably patronising and yes, OP was far more polite than I would have been.

I've read most of the thread not all of it but it appears to me like you simply don't have enough money coming in, by all means sell stuff, budget, meal plan, shop cheaply, reduce your bills and make savings where you can but the bottom line is you simply don't have enough money coming in. You need to find a way to change that or nothing will change. Children (minus childcare) are cheaper when they see smaller and its starts getting expensive as they get bigger. Maybe look at evening, weekend work or a role that allows flexibility by working from home.

Surely what you are suggesting is benefit fraud, @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I'm really pleased @BarbaraofSeville brought up about your IVA and that its not suitable.
I was a Money Adviser until recently and I saw loads of people who had been mis-sold IVA's when they should have had a Debt Relief Order.
The IVA companies abd the companies referring into them get loads of commission so they will always persuade you that an IVA is suitable.
I've seen financial statements manipulated so the magic £90pm is available as 'proof' they can pay their debts and can't have a Debt Relief Order.

Definitely read up on it and if you have any questions feel free to give me a shout (or Barbara who presumably works in a similar field)

Also I'm pleased to see you know your triggers to spending money, B&M is a lot of peoples downfall, even if I know B&M is cheaper for some things I only go there if I have lots to get otherwise its cheaper to pay slightly more in a supermarket because I've 'saved' £20 by not setting foot in B&M😂

We have a car. Insurance is in DP name as he was cheaper than me.

Be careful with that, OP - if you are driving more than him (since he uses his bike to get to work - well done him), then technically you are the main driver and that should be stated on the policy. Were you to have an accident and the insurance company found out you use the car more than he does, they could refuse to pay.

@2blackandwhitecats

Surely what you are suggesting is benefit fraud, *@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe*

No. I'm suggesting that OP considers her best options in relation to what works financially for her family. A spell in prison is the last thing I'm advocating.

Why is it that nobody pulls up our lousy politicians on their very obvious defrauding-within-the-system?

I don’t want to divert the thread but surely it’s obvious why a parent on their own gets money a parent who is part of a couple does not.

And if the OP isn’t actually ending the relationship, but claims as a lone parent, then that is benefit fraud.

Can the oldest kids get a paper round or similar so they don't need you to fund their pocket money etc?

Can your DH get a second job weekends or evenings until you are able to go back to work?

Can you do some audio transcription while DH is home to look after the kids? You could try and get your laptop fixed free or cheaply via a local repair cafe or a post on a local social media group.

If you have clothes/towels/bedding that is too rubbish to sell you can weigh them in for cash, not much but better tha nothing. You can also cut them up to make reusable wipes.

Do a full budget so your money is accounted for and plan your shopping to avoid any top up shops or impulse buys.

Collect coupons, use loyalty cards and cash back sites for anything you do buy new.

Register for your local free cycle group, really great for things like second hand household goods.

Do surveys for cash, lots of sites, some only give you vouchers or cash back but use that for Christmas presents etc.

Tell any adults that you would buy Christmas presents for that money is tight and this year you will be doing no spend gifts (things like a voucher for babysitting, washing their car, cooking them dinner, picking them up from a night out, cleaning their house, doing their nails). Alternatively make a plan to only do presents for the children.

Make sure you have shopped around and compared for all your big bills. Look to see if you qualify for any bank switching bonuses. Cancel all TV subscriptions, manage with the free ones there are loads.

A small something that made a big difference to our household food bills was to put the food in serving pots on the table and give everyone empty plates.

For us it meant that no food went wasted because any food that was left was left in serving pots and could be refrigerated and used rather than on dirty plates to be scraped in the bin.

Even a few left over chips can go towards making a frittata.

Also, not sure if you know but you can freeze fresh cooked chips. We always freeze our left over chip shop chips, they’re really nice just cooked from frozen.