I just said 'bye bye. love you lots'

[AmyDudley]

on the phone to the garage mechanic who has just done my MOT when he phoned to tell me when to get the car.

Why? Why did I do that ? he will think I am mad won't he? He already thinks I'm odd because my mileage is so low because I just pop to the shops and back in the car.

My DD was in the hallway and overheard me and was wetting herself.

Every day I find new ways to embarrass myself.

aww sweet!

I sent a message to my accountant asking him if he'd like to go for a drink sometime.

@Alwaysfuckingsick

I thought I was hilarious as I teenager answering the home phone saying 'hello, joe's crematorium, you kill 'em, we grill 'em' and it was the police officer ringing to let my mum know about the boy who has smashed our window to frighten us I didn't answer the phone like that again!

Ha ha ha...that's so funny

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

I have done similar a time or two and just managed to stop myself lots more times.

My most embarrassing phone incident was when I rang my husband because I needed him to check something for me. He said ok, I'll call you right back.

I used to have a habit of answering the phone to him by saying "Busty Betty's Massage Parlour, how may I service you?" In the most ridiculously over the top 'seductive' voice.

Now, normally I would check caller id but not this time because he was literally to call me straight back.

You already know where this is going.

It was the pharmacist.

I have never told my husband this.

Busty Betty's Massage Parlour also ceased trading that day.

Can't stop laughing at this...so funny. I'd love to hear your Busty Betty sexy voice.

When I moved in to our house I met the next door neighbour for the first time on the pavement just outside. I was all stressed and distracted so for some reason gave her a big hug. Then tried to just be breezy like it was normal behaviour for me.
She seemed a bit surprised but hugged me back.
I have been hugging her for 11 years now.

I was messaging a colleague who had asked me for some information and I meant to say ‘one sec while I check on that” but instead said “one sex”…. I don’t use that phrase anymore!

@Bollindger

I once said see you tomorrow Dad, love you loads. to the Managing Director of a Multi-million pound firm. He turned up for the meeting he had arranged with my boss, with flowers, chocolates and a box of cream cakes. Seems his daughter had died a year before and he was touched to hear the words , love you dad.

😥 so sweet but I have a tear in my eye now

@Ohhhthepain

I called to order a take away, I asked for crispy dick. I don’t even know, but I was mortified.

🤣🤣🤣

I was booking a ferry for one of our vehicles at work - I reeled off the number plate and came out with this "D for delta J for Juliet Y for Wanky"

I still haven't lived it down and the man on the phone was pissing himself

When I was a kid, I had a teddy bear that my mum used to do a growly bear voice for so I talked to him.

We moved house and the removal man said to her, put anything you don’t want in the van on the bed. My mum said “right Wally bear you don’t want to go in the van do you?”

Wally bear “replied” - No thanks captain (he calls everyone captain)

The removal man backed slowly away down the corridor from the mad woman (I was at school so she was just talking to the bear)

Got on the bus and asking for a double shot latte instead of a return ticket. There was a pause, sorry I’m tired, clearly I really need caffeine, return ticket please.

This is also reminding me of recently when a very serious, promotion centred male colleague emailed a female colleague asking her if she was free for "a sec" as in a second. You guessed it - he asked "are you free for a sex"

Husband works in child care where there is a waking night shift and a sleeping one. One night the lady on sleeping said to DH" I'm off to bed" and he absently mindedly replied" Ok. I'll be through in a minute"
Awkward!

It had been a full-on bank holiday in the cafe. One of my colleagues had spent all day asking people “can I help you?” and “what can I do for you?” Eventually whole serving a much older man she turned to him, smiled and said “Can I do you?”

I also once spent the day phoning people to remind them to vote in the general election. You were supposed to say “Hello this is Foxglove calling from X Party, just wanted to ask whether you’ve had the chance to vote yet today?” The very sweet chap opposite me was a complete newbie and only doing it as a favour for his wife. He spent the ENTIRE day phoning people and saying “Hello it’s Jim here from Wilkinson’s Shoes. Oh no it isn’t. Anyway have you voted?” Surprisingly not many people responded

I was once on the phone talking to a police office about a incident that happened. We was talking for a while and he said that he'd need to come over that night something about a statement...
At the end of the call as we was saying goodbye he said bye I love you.

I sat there for a second smiling then it hit what he said. I burst out laughing quickly called my dp at work to tell him. We both laughed.
Funnily enough the officer didn't turn up and two different officers showed up. 🤣

Brings back memories a bloke I worked with years ago randomly said I love you in front of everyone I immediately replied I love you too for some bizarre unbeknownst to me reason 😂 the room fell in deafening silence I exited the room lol

As a student I went to the doctor for some unpleasant/painful ailment, he was quite young too and we got on well during the appointment. As I was leaving he said “I hope to see you back here again soon”, I laughingly responded “well, I hope not!” Poor bloke looked abashed as he realised what he’d said.

If i makes you feel better i said it to one of the builders who i work with... trust me its become a running joke amongst the lads (i honestly am not bothered in the slightest!) and its quite amusing to see butch men shouting love you in the office!

I teach teenagers. I also have 3 young dcs of my own. After lockdown I had obviously spent too much time in toddler mode because in the middle of a lesson I heard a helicopter and pointed to the window and said "helicopter!" quite loudly and enthusiastically. I heard the class collectively roll their eyes

My first job out of uni was working for a records management company contracted to swanky London firms. This was 25 years ago so all records were hard copy; we worked out how much archive/storage space they needed.

I was very shy (used to blush a lot) and not used to dealing with people, let alone real grown ups in real workplaces.

At one firm (a high-brow solicitors off Fleet Street) I had to go from office to office to measure up the amount of shelf space and equipment (eg cupboards) being used for files. Over the course of each day, I had to introduce myself with variations on the standard spiel numerous times.

Not the best background for me to then open one office door to a VERY good looking young man.
Got rather flustered, brandished my tape measure, and asked if I could measure his equipment, saying the company needed it for their audit...

Fortunately he laughed and was nice about it. I meanwhile went fire engine red, and did my measuring in that room as fast as possible so I could get away -)

This is outing to the teacher in question so I've name changed.

In a meeting with deputy head and head of year I suggested licking the deputy heads face 😳.

Bear with me on this. We were meeting about daughters welfare. HoY had left briefly and it was during masks in school time and deputy head offered me to take off my mask if I would be more comfortable as she had been double jabbed and had covid so quite relaxed. Because I am a ducking weirdo for some reason I replied "oh well I could lick your face and you'd be fine". Immediately I died inside and followed up that obviously that was wildly inappropriate, I just meant she had super immunity.

Luckily she just laughed but I imagine she's dined out on the story of the weirdo face licking parent.

I mortify myself sometimes. Why say that???

I was having dinner at a friend’s house and the landline rang. She got up and answered it saying to the person on the phone, “Please may I leave the table?”

My son called me from school once on his own phone. As I was talking to him I shoved quite a large crunchy biscuit in my mouth and at that moment he handed the phone to a teacher. There's me trying to talk and had to mumble 'I'm sorry I've got a biscuit in my mouth'. Teacher hands the phone back to son, waits a minute while I'm chewing and spluttering at son "why'd you do that I was eating!" and then takes it back again to talk to me.

Felt like a right twat.

@Awayfromhome448

I did something utterly bizarre and ridiculous at the end of a meeting at my DC school. It was a big meeting with lots of people present (Headteacher, Educational psychologist, teacher, SENCO etc) and as it was time to leave, I stood up, kind of snorted/ giggled and tapped my hand on the desk and cheerily exclaimed "all the fun of the fair" Cue stunned silence and bewildered faces. I don't know why I said it, it's a phrase I've never, ever said before and God only knows why I blurted it out. Even DH looked gobsmacked. Awful. Still want to cringe and often do.

I have laughed so hard at this, thank you for sharing!