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Original poster

School runs are killing me, what can I do?

230 replies

Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 08:57

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and have a 9 year old ds.

His school is just under a mile walk door to door. We used to walk, no problem but now I am really struggling. I am heavy, my back hurts, I struggle for breath and I feel sick all the time. I have other complications that make it a daily struggle. It's only going to get worse.

There is a way we can go via public transport but it inolves 2 buses. They are unreliable and neither bus stop has seating. I'm struggling to stand for any length of time.

I don't drive although I've passed my theory recently and am waiting for lessons.

My dh drives and on the days he's not on early or doesn't have to drive his dc to school (they go to another school) he takes my ds but that's few and far between.

I'm new to the area so don't know anyone who could help. I feel awkward asking the school mums. Maybe I could pay them to pick up and drop off?? Is that a thing?

Can't really afford cabs every day

I am hoping someone comes up with a magical idea that I haven't thought of, because I can't take much more of this.

😭

OP posts:
myrtilles · 27/09/2021 12:44

@SweetBabyCheeses99 Are you aware that there are some pregnancy conditions that mean it is not possible to walk and exercise normally even at 21 weeks eg SPD. ? I had SPD in two pregnancies and was not able to walk in the latter stages of pregnancy yet as soon as I'd given birth I was walking around quite normally. The OP may not have SPD but some other pregnancy condition that is affecting her ability to exercise normally. Hopefully her doc/midwife will be able to advise on why she is feeling unwell walking. However I am sure she will be out and about walking her 9 year old to school again soon after the baby is born.

SparkyBlue · 27/09/2021 12:50

OP you have been given some great advice on here and ignore those who have given you a hard time. I had a horrendous pregnancy on my last child. I was honestly never so miserable. I wasn't even able to do pregnancy yoga . I'm normally a fit healthy person. Some of the mums in my daughters class were amazing. I will never ever forget their kindness so don't be afraid to reach out. Having a newborn was so much easier

BoredZelda · 27/09/2021 13:17

If you have a physical disability that makes it difficult for you to get your child to school, they may be eligible for a shared taxi with other kids in the same situation.

Really? I don’t know of any LA who who provides transport for a child if the parent is disabled. Even if they do, is pregnancy a disability? I’d be surprised if anyone provides transport for the children of any struggling pregnant women.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester Families General education General pregnancy
Maria1982 · 27/09/2021 13:26

@JaniieJones

It's a mile, he's 9. As others have said let him go alone. Even on busy roads school routes have lollipop men and women to ensure safe crossing.

WhatsApp groups are great for occasional help but I doubt anyone would want to sign up for a daily commitment.

Have you seen your midwife recently? if you're struggling at 21 weeks you'll need investigating regarding the breathlessness and close monitoring

I’m glad you’re so confident in the existence of lollipop men and women. Unfortunately they really aren’t everywhere as standard, unless the ones where I live (near two schools) are all invisible…
Thelnebriati · 27/09/2021 13:27

Is my advice that far out of date? They used to get kids to school. I didn't say pregnancy was in itself a disability, but the effects can cause temporary disability.
I don't know how people think disabled parents cope but they shouldn't have to rely on the kindness of strangers.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/09/2021 13:30

Physically: possibly support stockings to help with dizziness
A band that supports your pelvis.

I have a shopping trolley with a seat and a small camping stool that weighs very little and there are other bags with built in seats. Check the height. You don't want to get stuck on a too low one.

dearfanny · 27/09/2021 13:37

get on the WhatsApp and ask there. Explain your prob, ask if anyone lives nearby and can they help?

BlackeyedSusan · 27/09/2021 13:37

Ps @Redovwrcoat

You are not a failure.

maofteens · 27/09/2021 13:39

I was approached by our school when kids were little to help out a family. The husband worked early and the wife didn't drive. He had a place on the school bus but not every day, and the child was 5 or 6, and school was a good distance. I did it for about a year until we moved. It was not convenient as I had to go with the traffic to collect him and then turn around to go back to the school, but they were stuck and I was happy to help.
No money changed hands, but they did give my children generous gift certificates to Hamleys at Christmas.
So it's not unheard of, and perhaps you can return the favour in other ways.

Lavender2021 · 27/09/2021 13:41

From a safeguarding point of view the TA shouldn't offer a lift on the way to school as you shouldn't be one to one with a student.

justmaybenot · 27/09/2021 13:42

@SweetBabyCheeses99

This may sound harsh but I think you ought to keep walking - for your own health and fitness. You mention trying to help your situation with swimming, yoga, diet and insulin(!) so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to add walking to this too.

You are only halfway through your pregnancy - not even being able to walk now doesn’t bode well for the next half, nor for having a new baby. The thing about fitness is that you need to use it or you’ll lose it. You need to at least maintain the strength in your legs and lungs to walk or you’re just going to get weaker. It’s going to be even harder to recover from a c-section when you can’t walk anymore.

If the OP says she can't walk then she can't walk. Why do people on here persistently disagree with OPs own analysis of their own situation?! It's bats. I had severe SPD in my last pregnancy and could definitely not have walked a quarter mile let alone a full one. When the baby was born it improved but she was so unwell we could barely leave the house for 6 weeks and I had to pay someone to bring my other dcs home from nursery/school.
Lockdownbear · 27/09/2021 13:42

Somethings not right when you're having to sit on the pavement. I think the posters suggesting diabetes or something are probably closer to the mark than those thinking SPD.
SPD if I'd sat on the ground I'd never have got back up.

Op you really should mention this to your MW ASAP. But I'm glad you have a solution for your boy.

JustLyra · 27/09/2021 13:44

Not relevant for the OP as the walk isn’t safe for her DC to do alone by the sounds of it, but it always ahead me how many schools still get away with making parents believe they are “not allowed” to let their child walk alone until a certain age.

Schools do not have the right to decide this.

If you decide to allow your child to walk to or from school alone then the only thing the school can do is, if they believe it’s unsafe, is called social services.
Every school I every worked it backed down instantly when the first parent challenged it.

It’s not their decision to make. You know your child’s abilities and behaviour out of school and your area better than they do.They just rely on parents not challenging.

paisley256 · 27/09/2021 13:49

You're not a failure sweetie. Some people are just dicks. I have disabilities and live in constant pain it's really hard, give yourself a break Flowers

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/09/2021 13:50

I hope the lift works out.

All the kids here walk from year 5 and I'd say half from year 4 but I appreciate there are different areas where this isn't possible. What do other people do, they can't all drive?

PineappleWilson · 27/09/2021 13:53

OP, I hope the TA arrangements works out for you. Your DS might surprise himself and warm to the TA when he knows she is a human who chats in the car and has a car / like X tune on the radio etc. I'm glad the school have tried to step up for you.

Chillyjellytotty · 27/09/2021 14:42

Glad you have got a solution hopefully it works out. I was pregnant last year and doing the school run in very similar circumstances. I had PGP and due to lockdown couldn’t see a physio. It was so hard.
I know you have a plan now, but if I goes wrong could your DS go in a taxi alone? The taxis around here have dbs checked drivers, it’s £3 for a mile trip, which could be a plan if you are feeling very bad. Also could a teenager walk with your son as a little part time job? Depending on school/high school location. On our school walk we have roads without pavements lots of crossings, then idiots at school parked so you can’t cross the road jealous of schools with lollipop men/women

Original poster
Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 15:51

The TA is asking for £5 a day pick up and drop off, does this sound a fair price?

OP posts:
ScumbagDave · 27/09/2021 15:56

@Redovwrcoat

The TA is asking for £5 a day pick up and drop off, does this sound a fair price?
Yeah, definitely fair imo. Way cheaper than a taxi.
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/09/2021 16:14

I think that's a lot if it's on her way, wonder how she arrived at that?

PileOfBooks · 27/09/2021 16:17

£2.50 either way. Not sure you'd find cheaper than that. And very reliable as a TA as have to be at work unlike a random mum, and qualified. Might be good for him to get to know her too!

Lockdownbear · 27/09/2021 16:17

I'd say £5, £2.50 a lift is fair enough, cheaper than a taxi or childminder.

Are you getting help with your health too, because the more I think about it something isn't sounding right? Really hope you are OK.

PileOfBooks · 27/09/2021 16:17

How much were the 2 buses?

Lockdownbear · 27/09/2021 16:22

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I think that's a lot if it's on her way, wonder how she arrived at that?
It might be on her way but she still needs to stop and wait for the boy and get him home again. Not to mention stops her from doing anything different, staying late, going in early, going via the shops.

It's tying the lady she is entitled for reasonable recompense for doing it.