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Original poster

School runs are killing me, what can I do?

230 replies

Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 08:57

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and have a 9 year old ds.

His school is just under a mile walk door to door. We used to walk, no problem but now I am really struggling. I am heavy, my back hurts, I struggle for breath and I feel sick all the time. I have other complications that make it a daily struggle. It's only going to get worse.

There is a way we can go via public transport but it inolves 2 buses. They are unreliable and neither bus stop has seating. I'm struggling to stand for any length of time.

I don't drive although I've passed my theory recently and am waiting for lessons.

My dh drives and on the days he's not on early or doesn't have to drive his dc to school (they go to another school) he takes my ds but that's few and far between.

I'm new to the area so don't know anyone who could help. I feel awkward asking the school mums. Maybe I could pay them to pick up and drop off?? Is that a thing?

Can't really afford cabs every day

I am hoping someone comes up with a magical idea that I haven't thought of, because I can't take much more of this.

😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 09:18

Tried scooters, I bought an adult one. I hated it.

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 27/09/2021 09:21

I'd just say on both the whatsapp and to the school secretary:

"Does anyone walk by/near our house on the way to school? We live at . I'm really struggling to walk any distance with my pregnancy and was wondering if DS could walk along with someone to school?"

Worst thing that happens is you don't hear back, and then you're in the same position you were before.

Laila747 · 27/09/2021 09:22

I’d put something on the WhatsApp group OP. I’m sure there will be someone on your route that would be happy for him to walk with them for some if not all of the way.
I know if someone asked with my DC were at primary I’d have been more than happy to help!
Good luck and hope you’re feeling better soon 💐

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daisypond · 27/09/2021 09:23

Hire someone. There are always lots of ads where I live for people asking for help dropping off or picking up from school. Do you have your local Nextdoor app?

SouthSideSally · 27/09/2021 09:26

Definitely speak to the school. They need children to attend and most schools that I have knowledge of have some level of family support or home link worker. Be very honest and tell them your health is poor and you and very pregnant and you are very much struggling to get da to school and you only envisage it getting more problematic as your pregnancy continues. They WILL have encountered this before with disable parents. They may have a support mechanism whereby someone can meet you half way or they might have a local authority fund to provide a taxi for your child. What do you have to lose at this stage? Speak to the school. If you don't get any joy from the school, speak to your local authority. And if you don't get anything from them it's time to pull in favours from other parents. Good luck and I really hope your blood sugar sorts itself out asap and the rest of your pregnancy goes by nice and fast.

Bimblybomeyelash · 27/09/2021 09:26

Ask on the class WhatsApp group. It’s half the point of these groups isn’t it? If you feel cheeky asking you can always say that you can return the favour once the baby is born. I know at my kids school plenty of people
help out with dropping off and picking up other people’s kids.

TheABC · 27/09/2021 09:29

I would speak to your son and see if any of his friends walk that way - then approach that parent to ask if he can join them, temporarily.

PileOfBooks · 27/09/2021 09:30

I think you may need to hire someone - either via class whatsapp or through looking for a childminder who does the route.

I have helped out a friend if its the odd day but wouldnt do that for weeks.

PearLime · 27/09/2021 09:31

@Xiaoxiong

I'd just say on both the whatsapp and to the school secretary:

"Does anyone walk by/near our house on the way to school? We live at . I'm really struggling to walk any distance with my pregnancy and was wondering if DS could walk along with someone to school?"

Worst thing that happens is you don't hear back, and then you're in the same position you were before.

This. School will sort I am sure. There's bound to be someone he can walk with.

Original poster
Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 09:33

I have sent an email to the school. Let's see what they come back with. If they can't help I will ask the WhatsApp group

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 27/09/2021 09:36

I had this when I was heavily pregnant, school was a mile away but it was all hills and I was really struggling with it! Getting a bus was a nightmare as it was always packed and it went the long way round. Kids at my children’s school aren’t allowed to walk to year 6 so I feel your pain!

Babdoc · 27/09/2021 09:39

At what age do you think your DS will magically learn to cross roads, OP? I don’t mean to be harsh, but you are preventing him from learning the necessary skills by shepherding him everywhere.
I trusted my 4 year old DD to cross roads if necessary - I encouraged her from the age of 2 to “tell mummy when it’s safe to cross”, “tell mummy if there is a car coming”, etc, and made her feel it was her responsibility to check each road for us when out with the baby.
It soon became second nature to her, to find a safe place between parked cars, to scan both ways, to cross quickly and safely.
Both DDs went to school alone from the age of 8. (I did so at 4, but there was less traffic in those days. )
If your DS doesn’t have you there to oversee him, he will have to make his own decisions and risk assessments, and pay more heed to traffic. At present, he can happily drift about oblivious, knowing you are on traffic duty!
In the short term, as PPs suggest, ask a local family to walk with him, but you and he really need to work on his basic life skills.

Original poster
Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 09:39

Really hilly around here too 😭

I had to sit on the pavement in the rain this morning Blush

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 27/09/2021 09:41

@Babdoc

At what age do you think your DS will magically learn to cross roads, OP? I don’t mean to be harsh, but you are preventing him from learning the necessary skills by shepherding him everywhere. I trusted my 4 year old DD to cross roads if necessary - I encouraged her from the age of 2 to “tell mummy when it’s safe to cross”, “tell mummy if there is a car coming”, etc, and made her feel it was her responsibility to check each road for us when out with the baby. It soon became second nature to her, to find a safe place between parked cars, to scan both ways, to cross quickly and safely. Both DDs went to school alone from the age of 8. (I did so at 4, but there was less traffic in those days. ) If your DS doesn’t have you there to oversee him, he will have to make his own decisions and risk assessments, and pay more heed to traffic. At present, he can happily drift about oblivious, knowing you are on traffic duty! In the short term, as PPs suggest, ask a local family to walk with him, but you and he really need to work on his basic life skills.
But all schools have their own rules, mine doesn’t allow it till year 6!
PileOfBooks · 27/09/2021 09:42

Ours is yr 5 - but even then there are few that do. Many meet the yr 5s after school "part way".

PileOfBooks · 27/09/2021 09:43

Well done for contacting the school!

bridgeofslides · 27/09/2021 09:43

I think I would get the bus part of the way and let ds walk the rest. Get your dh to coach him about road crossing and get his road sense sorted. Down load a tracker app for his phone.

This is if the school or other parents comes up with nothing.

Or stick him in breakfast club then dh can drop him before other school runs.

I really sympathise though my pg with dd2 made me feel really physically compromised it was grim.

bigbaggyeyes · 27/09/2021 09:44

I second the Facebook route, does your area have a fb group? You could put a post up on there asking for help. Even if it's for a few days a week.

Generallystruggling · 27/09/2021 09:45

At 9 he could walk a mile by himself easily. I’d get him a phone if he doesn’t already have one and send him on his way. My 9 and 10 year old’s walk home alone now the 10 year old has a phone. No issues and it saves me walking the 3.2 mile round trip with my two toddlers in all weathers.

Goldbar · 27/09/2021 09:46

Definitely ask on the class WhatsApp. This is a time-limited arrangement so it's not like you're planning to take advantage indefinitely. I'd help if I could in those circumstances.

Could you try a local taxi firm and see if they would give you a discounted rate for taking your DS daily? Probably cheaper than a childminder. You could ask the school office to let you know that he has arrived safely.

inthekitchensink · 27/09/2021 09:48

Childminder - have a look on childcare to find one

Mindymomo · 27/09/2021 09:48

When my DC were at school, we did car share, I took my sons and another boy from our road and his parents picked up. They approached me and it really worked out well. I would put a message on whatsapp, saying “at 27 weeks I’m struggling with walking on the school ron and don’t drive, is there anyone able to help up to Christmas, happy to help with petrol costs”. I would be happy to do this short term, as some people don’t like long term commitments.

Original poster
Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 09:49

@Babdoc

At what age do you think your DS will magically learn to cross roads, OP? I don’t mean to be harsh, but you are preventing him from learning the necessary skills by shepherding him everywhere. I trusted my 4 year old DD to cross roads if necessary - I encouraged her from the age of 2 to “tell mummy when it’s safe to cross”, “tell mummy if there is a car coming”, etc, and made her feel it was her responsibility to check each road for us when out with the baby. It soon became second nature to her, to find a safe place between parked cars, to scan both ways, to cross quickly and safely. Both DDs went to school alone from the age of 8. (I did so at 4, but there was less traffic in those days. ) If your DS doesn’t have you there to oversee him, he will have to make his own decisions and risk assessments, and pay more heed to traffic. At present, he can happily drift about oblivious, knowing you are on traffic duty! In the short term, as PPs suggest, ask a local family to walk with him, but you and he really need to work on his basic life skills.
Yep, thanks for that.

Did all that with him too. And he is a sensible boy. I pride myself on having taught my son his independence, I'm not a helicopter parent.

But this is is a new area and the road leading to to the school is very long and busy...it has 3 mini roundabouts and a load of crossings. There are 2 schools on the road and a bus route. There are vehicles coming from all directions. Its confusing even for me sometimes. That's not even considering the main road, where there are two crossings that don't have lights.

Please don't judge me. I am pregnant and hormonal and ready to bite!!! Or cry...

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 27/09/2021 09:51

Sounds like the school could do with encouraging a 'walking bus'
Hope someone can help, OP.

PermanentTemporary · 27/09/2021 09:52

I hope you do ask on the WhatsApp. I'd hate any woman to have such a struggle that I could help with and not to be asked.

My son had to walk to and from school aged 6 on his own because I had to work full time and dh just couldn't do it due to health issues. I wasn't happy about him doing both ways but the route was much safer than yours sounds and it worked absolutely fine - only once he got home, dh didn't hear him knock and he eventually just went back to school. I would definitely work towards your son being able to do that trip solo at least occasionally but given the complexity of it I understand totally that he's not ready.