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Original poster

School runs are killing me, what can I do?

230 replies

Redovwrcoat · 27/09/2021 08:57

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and have a 9 year old ds.

His school is just under a mile walk door to door. We used to walk, no problem but now I am really struggling. I am heavy, my back hurts, I struggle for breath and I feel sick all the time. I have other complications that make it a daily struggle. It's only going to get worse.

There is a way we can go via public transport but it inolves 2 buses. They are unreliable and neither bus stop has seating. I'm struggling to stand for any length of time.

I don't drive although I've passed my theory recently and am waiting for lessons.

My dh drives and on the days he's not on early or doesn't have to drive his dc to school (they go to another school) he takes my ds but that's few and far between.

I'm new to the area so don't know anyone who could help. I feel awkward asking the school mums. Maybe I could pay them to pick up and drop off?? Is that a thing?

Can't really afford cabs every day

I am hoping someone comes up with a magical idea that I haven't thought of, because I can't take much more of this.

😭

OP posts:
daisypond · 27/09/2021 11:30

Lollipop men/women? I’ve never seen one in my life! I thought they were just in books about olden times! I’m in London, so it’s definitely busy with lots of traffic.

Wnikat · 27/09/2021 11:32

I think you could ask the other parents and offer to pay or perhaps have reciprocal childcare at home. I’d be happy to do it for free if for a good reason and only temporary. Will you be able to do it with a pram when the baby arrives?

drspouse · 27/09/2021 11:32

We have 3 lollipop people on my walking route to DS school. One is outside DD school which we pass, one on a side road and one outside his school.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester Families General education General pregnancy
Potatofacey · 27/09/2021 11:33

This thread is bananas! You are not a failure in ANY way. I once sat in chemist for an hour because I was so lightheaded and in so much pain I just couldn’t make it home - and I could see my front door from where I sat. No one will judge you at all on the WhatsApp group. And there’s no way in hell my 9 year old could walk a mile to school. He’s just not reliable yet. That’s not down to my parenting, your parenting, any thing really other than 9 year olds maturity levels and capabilities - which all differ!

I am so glad a TA may be able to help, but please ask other parents if not. Real life is absolutely not like the responses on this thread!

PrimaryMumma · 27/09/2021 11:34

@daisypond

Lollipop men/women? I’ve never seen one in my life! I thought they were just in books about olden times! I’m in London, so it’s definitely busy with lots of traffic.
I’ve seen one outside one primary school the whole time I’ve lived in London as an adult (20+ years). We don’t have one at our primary, for example, not even after two kids (that I know of) got knocked down at the main road pedestrian crossing that motorists routinely jump the red light on.
TurnUpTurnip · 27/09/2021 11:39

My school in London had a lollipop man outside the gates and a lollipop lady on the side road but they haven’t had them for the past few months and now crossing the road is very difficult even for me as the cars and buses are constantly coming from every angle

Taiyo · 27/09/2021 11:50

I really hope things work out with the TA. That would be a big help for you. I'm glad you reached out and asked.

cuparfull · 27/09/2021 11:50

@Redovwrcoat

Really hilly around here too 😭

I had to sit on the pavement in the rain this morning Blush

Blimey, you're 21 weeks and have to sit on the pavement to rest? Please speak to your midwife as I'd be really concerned about your health. Is you BP ok, are you retaining fluid? Swollen ankles? And you say you're dizzy. Please get a checkup to be safe.

I'm likely preaching to the converted, given you've already had a child, but were you like this during your last pregnancy?

Songoftheseas · 27/09/2021 11:51

I feel your pain - I had a horrendous pregnancy a few years ago, also don’t drive and my DD’s school is a good 25 minute walk from my house. I would have found it impossible just to walk to the end of my road when I was pregnant, I could barely waddle by the end (various issues including polyhydramnios).

I would ask on the WhatsApp group or, failing that, get in touch with the school. If I could drive and another parent was desperate, I know I would do my best to help out.

Songoftheseas · 27/09/2021 11:54

Whoops, should have read the rest of the thread before posting. I’m so glad that you have found a solution.

Livpool · 27/09/2021 11:57

Some harsh replies on here!

The TA sounds like a good idea OP - hope you can sort something out and DS isn't too upset 😂

I know there are some CFs around but some people just can't be bothered helping people out. DS does football after school on a Monday - his friend's DM messaged me and asked if I would mind picking up her DS with mine and her husband will collect within about 10 minutes of us being back. It takes no effort from me so why wouldn't I do it?!

DirtyDancing · 27/09/2021 12:01

@ShowOfHands

Babdoc, it's not an I'm a better parent than you type scenario where road crossing is concerned. Recent research confirms that until they're in their teens, children's depth perception and motor skills are still developing and it takes much longer than expected for them to accurately judge road safety. Even with all the theory and practice, they still get it wrong due to immature brain development. And as a pp said, round here it's year 6 only for solo walks to and from school so plenty of places simply won't allow it.

OP what does hating scooters and bikes mean? You simply don't like them, aren't used to them or something else?

I'd definitely ask on the WhatsApp group for some temporary help.

Yes yes! I fully agree with this. Do not feel pressured to let him walk alone please. I have first hand experience of road accidents at this very age (I don't want to go into details as too traumatic), but needless to say it is very real the dangers of children crossing roads into their own at this age, and research backs this up fully.
titchy · 27/09/2021 12:02

Even on busy roads school routes have lollipop men and women to ensure safe crossing.

You are kidding right? Or do you live in some sort of utopia that the rest of us don't inhabit Hmm

Wallywobbles · 27/09/2021 12:02

I was really breathless on my second pregnancy. Turned out to be pneumonia.

justmaybenot · 27/09/2021 12:02

@Redovwrcoat

I've had some great advice on here and some really supportive comments...thank you.

I'm also surprised and a bit hurt by some of the other, less helpful comments. There doesn't seem to be a point to these comments other than to be hurtful or to make the poster feel superior to me. I didn't think coming on here to ask for support and help about a simple problem would cause such offence to some posters. You've succeeded in making me feel useless and pathetic. How sad.

Best of luck OP and don't mind the dicks on here. You've just asked for advice, and it sounds like talking to the school or on the WhatsApp group will work out for you. The people making negative comments are just shit-stirrers that are clearly so useless and pathetic themselves their thrill of the day is being corrective of strangers on the internet. You know your own capacity, and your son's capacity better than anyone else so really don't mind anyone too stupid to realise that.
LaBobkin · 27/09/2021 12:02

I haven't read the full thread, so sorry if this has been suggested before. When I was in the sixth form I used to walk one of my teachers' children to primary school two days a week when she had meetings. Do you know an older teenager or a couple of teenagers you could trust to help you? Might help to have a babysitter for the future as well?

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 27/09/2021 12:05

This may sound harsh but I think you ought to keep walking - for your own health and fitness. You mention trying to help your situation with swimming, yoga, diet and insulin(!) so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to add walking to this too.

You are only halfway through your pregnancy - not even being able to walk now doesn’t bode well for the next half, nor for having a new baby. The thing about fitness is that you need to use it or you’ll lose it. You need to at least maintain the strength in your legs and lungs to walk or you’re just going to get weaker. It’s going to be even harder to recover from a c-section when you can’t walk anymore.

themuttsnutts · 27/09/2021 12:05

Good luck, OP. I hope you make it work with your TA. I remember it well and had the same distance. There was a stage where I had to ditch walking, too. My eldest was 4 at the time but, even at 9, both of my children did not walk alone as they had busy, dangerous roads to cross.

It is interesting that you say you are experiencing constant nausea, too. That is what I had. I didn't have full-blown gestational diabetes but my sugar levels were borderline on tests and found cutting down really helped the nausea

DumplingsAndStew · 27/09/2021 12:08

I don't think I'd had enough coffee yet when I made my previous comment about roundabouts and crossings 😂😂

OP, am glad the school are trying to help you find someone to help.

PjsOn · 27/09/2021 12:10

Does school not have a breakfast club, could your husband not drop him off there? Or could he not walk himself? I used to walk and take a bus to school aged 9, my parents both worked so I had no one to take me. I wouldn't ask other school mums, it makes things very awkward if you start relying on others, even if it's only for a few months.

neveradullmoment99 · 27/09/2021 12:23

@Redovwrcoat

Dh has just started a new job and it requires him to travel from school to school most days, all around London. Some days he doesn't start so early do he'll drive ds early for breakfast club.

If he's able to wfh he does all school runs with ds. But its not often as he needs to be on site.

There are days he has to take his own dc to school, outside of London, so he leaves too early even for ds to be dropped to breakfast club.

So you see its all a bit hickldy pickldy and I wouldn't have any clear set days I'd need help. It's a bit of a mess isn't it.

Could you get someone that goes the same way to pick him up? Like a friend.
neveradullmoment99 · 27/09/2021 12:23

Maybe another parent?

barnet2709 · 27/09/2021 12:29

One bus and so it's a shorter walk perhaps?

Faevern · 27/09/2021 12:40

Some real keyboard warriors about. Our local school will not allow year 4 to walk into school without an adult, they have to be year 5. And the fact that I walked to school alone before that age is irrelevant, the traffic was much quieter and we had lollipop ladies. My DS year old was knocked down and badly injured when he was 9 and he was a sensible child, the driver wasn't a sensible adult.

I was off sick from 20 weeks with one of my pregnancies, no way I could have done a 2 mile walk twice a day. So pleased I wasn't on mumsnet with that one. Hope the TA arrangement works for you.

tickingthebox73 · 27/09/2021 12:44

@Stormyequine

Can you hire a mobility scooter for the next few months? I'm not sure how much they are, but it would certainly solve your issue if they are affordable.
You could buy one on ebay then resell when you are done, probably for similar money....