School runs are killing me, what can I do?

[Redovwrcoat]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and have a 9 year old ds.

His school is just under a mile walk door to door. We used to walk, no problem but now I am really struggling. I am heavy, my back hurts, I struggle for breath and I feel sick all the time. I have other complications that make it a daily struggle. It's only going to get worse.

There is a way we can go via public transport but it inolves 2 buses. They are unreliable and neither bus stop has seating. I'm struggling to stand for any length of time.

I don't drive although I've passed my theory recently and am waiting for lessons.

My dh drives and on the days he's not on early or doesn't have to drive his dc to school (they go to another school) he takes my ds but that's few and far between.

I'm new to the area so don't know anyone who could help. I feel awkward asking the school mums. Maybe I could pay them to pick up and drop off?? Is that a thing?

Can't really afford cabs every day

I am hoping someone comes up with a magical idea that I haven't thought of, because I can't take much more of this.

😭

@Generallystruggling

At 9 he could walk a mile by himself easily. I’d get him a phone if he doesn’t already have one and send him on his way. My 9 and 10 year old’s walk home alone now the 10 year old has a phone. No issues and it saves me walking the 3.2 mile round trip with my two toddlers in all weathers.

Not all 1mile walks are the same environment. Not all 9yos have the same level of emotional maturity. And, it appears, your 9yo doesn't walk to school and back alone - they have an older sibling with them

A very ignorant post.

Sounds like a tricky predicament.

Could you negotiate a discounted arrangement with an Uber driver or private hire cab? If they knew it was a regular trip up until Christmas or so they could factor in they might give it to you cheaper? And you could maybe walk to a nearby main road or junction to push the price down a bit further.

The weather is going to turn darker and colder soon, so I hope you find an option that is comfortable and safe for you and your son.

Babdoc, it's not an I'm a better parent than you type scenario where road crossing is concerned. Recent research confirms that until they're in their teens, children's depth perception and motor skills are still developing and it takes much longer than expected for them to accurately judge road safety. Even with all the theory and practice, they still get it wrong due to immature brain development. And as a pp said, round here it's year 6 only for solo walks to and from school so plenty of places simply won't allow it.

OP what does hating scooters and bikes mean? You simply don't like them, aren't used to them or something else?

I'd definitely ask on the WhatsApp group for some temporary help.

You can hire a scooter for £42 a week, though I'm sure you can get them cheaper locally. Or look at FB marketplace - there are loads local to me for £200-300 and of course you could sell it on afterwards

I visited London recently and I didn't like crossing some roads. Cars, bikes and pedestrians don't follow the law or expectations, people are stressed and hurrying and taking risks and a couple of times, I simply wasn't tall enough to see what was happening on certain junctions when standing next to enormous vehicles. DH commented that even when we used traffic lit pedestrian crossings, there was 95% chance of somebody on a bike (usually silent and nipping out from behind a large vehicle) side swiping us. Some of those roads, there's no way I'd be letting a just turned 9yr old navigate.

@ShowOfHands

I visited London recently and I didn't like crossing some roads. Cars, bikes and pedestrians don't follow the law or expectations, people are stressed and hurrying and taking risks and a couple of times, I simply wasn't tall enough to see what was happening on certain junctions when standing next to enormous vehicles. DH commented that even when we used traffic lit pedestrian crossings, there was 95% chance of somebody on a bike (usually silent and nipping out from behind a large vehicle) side swiping us. Some of those roads, there's no way I'd be letting a just turned 9yr old navigate.

This.

@Redovwrcoat

the road leading to to the school is very long and busy...it has 3 mini roundabouts and a load of crossings

But surely he doesn't have to cross over the same road more than once

How do you get to swimming and yoga?

@ShowOfHands

Babdoc, it's not an I'm a better parent than you type scenario where road crossing is concerned. Recent research confirms that until they're in their teens, children's depth perception and motor skills are still developing and it takes much longer than expected for them to accurately judge road safety. Even with all the theory and practice, they still get it wrong due to immature brain development. And as a pp said, round here it's year 6 only for solo walks to and from school so plenty of places simply won't allow it.

OP what does hating scooters and bikes mean? You simply don't like them, aren't used to them or something else?

I'd definitely ask on the WhatsApp group for some temporary help.

Thank you

It's really hilly and I found it a really hard slog with the bike / scooter. The road leading up to the school is narrow and there are loads of crossings so you spend the whole time dismounting

@Redovwrcoat

He's 9 but he's in year 4, literally just turned 9.

He would love if I said he could walk alone. But the route is too dangerous. There are 2 main roads and a long road leading up to thw school with many, many crossings. It's always really hectic with traffic and I have to be honest...I don't trust ds to look both ways when crossing. His head is in the clouds. I tried walking behind him once, to see how he got on...and he nearly got run over. It gave him a proper fright, and me, and the driver. I don't know if he's ready.

I am on a WhatsApp group with the school parents. Perhaps I can ask on there. What would be the going rate?? I don't want to take the piss

I’d try the whats app group. Our school has a crazy main road to cross which is why I won’t let my 9 year old walk either. I hear you!

We have had parents with caring responsibilities/been widowed/had broken legs, and mostly we managed to pull something together between the parents who live nearby. Took it in turns so everyone just did one day or something.

People are so kind when the proverbial hits the fan - I know I feel weird asking for help but when I do other parents are always so lovely.

Also are there any parents with secondary school kids who’d walk your DC to school early, and maybe drop at breakfast club? I know my nephew in Y10 would love to earn some extra money before he starts the school day.

@MintyGreenDream

How do you get to swimming and yoga?

My husband drives me

i think it might be worth finding out if you would be entitled to transport temporarily. Youve contacted the school so thats brilliant, but if no joy there, speak to someone at school transport at your local county council. Also speak to your health visitor.

Your dh is also responsible for getting him to school, as even if its not his child, you are still family and youre pregnant with his kid. He might need to arrange something with his work

Definitely ask for help.

Also can you leave him part way- day after the two busy roads and meet him there? He walks part way himself building independence, you walk less and he’s still safe at the busy bits. Not perfect but might help a bit.

Tell the school and ask what help is available.
If you have a physical disability that makes it difficult for you to get your child to school, they may be eligible for a shared taxi with other kids in the same situation.

Cycling or scooting isn’t really an option for a woman who is just going to get more pregnant over the coming months

I posted in my child’s Year 7 ‘new starters’ secondary group on Facebook (which I created some time back) and plenty of replies came back about local kids mine could walk home with, even found some on our road.

Perhaps there’s a similar group for your junior school?

I think asking on the WhatsApp group with payment is completely different to all the threads you see on MM with cheeky fuckers expecting free transport in the other direction with breakfast and ironing thrown in.
You aren’t singling anyone out, you’re asking a group and offering payment so please ask for help.

Thank you to those who have messaged in a supportive way.

I'll wait for the school to reply and if I don't get much from them I will try the WhatsApp group. If no joy then look at Facebook/ next door websites. Last resort will look at trying to get a deal on a cab.

People are suggesting the OP get a "mobility" scooter and not a normal scooter. That is one of those things that older people use that they sit on, not one you stand on.

Id also develop a longer term plan. How soon after birth do you expect to be fighting fit and ready to do this tricky journey with your newborn?

Even with the cabs-could you do it on Tuesday and Thursdays so that on mon wed and fri you know you have a break the next day. So mentally thats a help.

@endofagain

Does your DH actually need to be driving all day, or is he taking the car to work and leaving it parked all day? Can you share the car more efficiently/ can he use public transport?

I think you will find the OP doesn’t drive, not sure about the nine year old.

Can he take the bus/s on his own. I know it was back in the dark ages but I used to travel by bus at his age. You are going to have to find a solution when the baby comes and it might make sense to get him used to the journey before it gets dark in the evening.

My two walked on their own sometimes from Y4 but it was ten minutes and there were no roads to cross. I'd be reluctant at just nine for a longer journey crossing main roads, even for DD1 who was/is very sensible, unless there were school crossing patrols on them, and there are hardly any lollipop ladies these days.

They do need to learn to cross roads on their own and in Y4 are developing that independence - for example I'd see them across a busy road at that age, not necessarily crossing with them but telling them when to - but it isn't worth the risk of them doing it on their own. There is actually a fairly high risk of them being in an accident and it isn't worth it. Quite apart from their ability to cross roads safely there are some bloody awful drivers around- having witnessed people merrily drive through pelican crossings every day when it was on red as I was waiting to cross in the morning it's the drivers who are the issue.

I think the best solution would be to pay a childminder to swing by and take them or ask if DC could walk with another parent. Where we live there are always dozens of people walking that route to school.

It's a mile, he's 9. As others have said let him go alone. Even on busy roads school routes have lollipop men and women to ensure safe crossing.

WhatsApp groups are great for occasional help but I doubt anyone would want to sign up for a daily commitment.

Have you seen your midwife recently? if you're struggling at 21 weeks you'll need investigating regarding the breathlessness and close monitoring

I've been there. It's horrible when you have to walk miles and heavily pregnant. It sounds like there's not really any other options though. Maybe you could leave 20 mins earlier and walk slower? I found a bump support helped a little and took some of the weight off the bump.

Ask for help from the other mums in class- explain you are struggling and ask if anyone can help and if not do they have any ideas, or childminder contacts. Most people are happy to help someone out in a time of need- especially if it's not forever. Even helping you occasionally is better than nothing. It might be someone lives half way there and you could do a shorter journey to their house?
You have my sympathies- I struggled with walking in pregnancy and it's no fun