What the fuck do I do? Life fallen apart overnight

[Darkestdays]

I'm a mum to a 2 year old and I'm pregnant with my second. I work 15 hours per week and don't earn much. DH has been a high earner for past 6 years. We've just taken out a big mortgage 8 months ago.

He's been a grumpy bastard for the past 3 weeks, we've argued loads and tonight I lost it and said I can't deal with how argumentative he's being when I'm exhausted with pregnancy sick with HG, looking after toddler and working PT and wtf is wrong with him. He burst into tears, I've never seen him cry before, and admits he's lost his job.

It was a career in a cut throat industry and they simply decided he wasn't doing well enough and he was gone. He had a formal disciplinary a week ago. I'm furious he didn't tell me so we could of tried to find him a union rep but he's done it all alone for fear of disappointing me.

He's upset that I'm not supporting him since it all came out tonight but I'm just in bits. How are we supposed to cope without his salary? He earns £65k and I earn £7k! I can't afford our council tax bill on top of nursery fees let alone the mortgage. We can't sell within the first year can we, aren't we going to be in negative equity and end up in debt for years? I feel like my life has just fallen apart

Please come back so we can try and help you.

I don't know what industry DH was in but can he look at contracting or temping via an agency as a stopgap?
What is it that he disliked so much where he was?

Op just ignore the bullies, I’ve no idea what’s going on on this thread with all this “the poor poor man” bullshit.

Blokes been lying to you, he’s very likely done something that’s got him fired and he’s lying about that too, he’s also likely looking for other low paid jobs becayse he knows that he can’t get a higher paid one again due to whatever the reason was he was fired, oh and he’s lying to you his heavily pregant wife about that too.

So you’ve ever right to be upset. You’ve every right to be worried. Ignore the male apologists who think it’s all good for men to lie to women.

Is £7k your gross or take home? Because at 15 hours that’s only minimum wage.

OP , I am sorry that you seem to have attracted a bunch of dickheads on your thread who are twisting everything. I am posting in case you are still reading. I can understand your frustration at your DH sticking his head in the sand. He can't afford to keep the fancy house without the fancy salary and you can see that and want to do something about it

I would ask your DH for 100% truth of what happened, and then contact ACAS for advice to make sure that correct procedures were followed regarding his dismissal as you may have a claim there if they didn't. Underperforming is not gross misconduct....

You could rent the house out and move into something smaller, if you work with an estate agent, then they should be able to find you something and tie in it with renting out your own, but again, it might not be that easy. Property is at a premium at the moment so you won't have a problem renting out for a high rate, but could have a problem finding somewhere else, but if you used the same agent for both, the EA can prioritise you for something smaller that comes in, and then rent yours out. You might not pass referencing though and some agents will take a view and others won't.

However!... You will have to pay tax on the rental income after expenses, so it is not all in your pocket, and mortgage interest is no longer 100% allowable against the income. So look into it/get advice before making rash decisions and make sure that you put enough money away to pay any tax and that you both do a tax return next year.

Your DH needs to look for a job, any job, that will cover the bills in a smaller house.

Good luck with it.

The poor guys has probably been so stressed and shocked that all he wants to do is get off the rat race too which is precisely what you have done (and he has enabled you to) so give him a flippin break. I know you are shocked but this has actually made me quite cross

I really feel like this too OP. I’m surprised posters are being so kind to you.

It’s good that posters are being kind of course. But it’s your husband who has lost his job. It will affect you both but ... The poster I’ve quoted says it much better. That’s why I quoted him/her.

@Bluntness100

Op just ignore the bullies, I’ve no idea what’s going on on this thread with all this “the poor poor man” bullshit.

Blokes been lying to you, he’s very likely done something that’s got him fired and he’s lying about that too, he’s also likely looking for other low paid jobs becayse he knows that he can’t get a higher paid one again due to whatever the reason was he was fired, oh and he’s lying to you his heavily pregant wife about that too.

So you’ve ever right to be upset. You’ve every right to be worried. Ignore the male apologists who think it’s all good for men to lie to women.

This.

@felulageller

Can he claim unfair dismissal? Surely they can't just immediately sack him with no pay??

This. Ask ACAS for advice. Was he unfairly dismissed? If he isn’t earning he can claim back some income tax.

Ignore the arseholes OP. I think many people understand that you're not expecting to continue a champagne lifestyle on lemonade funds. You have clearly expressed that your frustration comes from the that fact that that is indeed what your DP is proposing. Good luck!

I'm not sure how you get passed the fact that he lied to you though.

The poor guys has probably been so stressed and shocked that all he wants to do is get off the rat race too which is precisely what you have done (and he has enabled you to) so give him a flippin break. I know you are shocked but this has actually made me quite cross

Eh he was sacked,he didnt just leave because of his mental health.
And the op is barely sitting at home twiddling her thumbs.
Shes not sitting there like Lady Muck.

Shes looking after a toddler while pregnant with HG and going to work.

If anyone is slacking its her dh.Hes not supporting @Darkestdays by the looks of it is he.

@Bluntness100

Op just ignore the bullies, I’ve no idea what’s going on on this thread with all this “the poor poor man” bullshit.

Blokes been lying to you, he’s very likely done something that’s got him fired and he’s lying about that too, he’s also likely looking for other low paid jobs becayse he knows that he can’t get a higher paid one again due to whatever the reason was he was fired, oh and he’s lying to you his heavily pregant wife about that too.

So you’ve ever right to be upset. You’ve every right to be worried. Ignore the male apologists who think it’s all good for men to lie to women.

The only bit of that little diatribe that’s true is that OP has every right to be worried. Anyone would be worried in that situation. What bit of he's done it all alone for fear of disappointing me. did you manage to miss? He hasn’t lied to her, he’s attempted to protect her by not telling her.

@minimecantrollerskate If you RTT the OP says they have used help to Buy and the house has shared ownership.

I am not sure but I think this would make it impossible to rent it out.

Also, with an income of £7Kpa (her salary) it's highly unlikely anyone would allow them to be tenants (even if their house was providing some income, as it's so risky.)

@Blossomtoes for goodness sake. He lied. Same reason people lie when they have an affair - they’re embarrassed and they feel guilty.

Or do people who have affairs deserve the admiration of us all for attempting to protect their partners from the pain of knowing they’ve been shagging around

If your DH currently earns £65k and you £7k that's a combined income of £72k.

You say he could probably find something up to £50k and your current full time equivalent salary would be £25k. That's £75k, so more than your current combined income.

Why isn't this a viable solution?

I’m sorry that you are going through this OP.

I can only echo others in that he has to be honest about what has led to him losing his job.

Unless it is gross misconduct, I’d be surprised if they just booted him out. Has he just represented himself?

You are being realistic. He needs to jump on board with realism and honesty or else it will only get worse.

Now he has finally told you, hopefully it will help you both work towards how you can move forward.

@FrangipaniBlue

If your DH currently earns £65k and you £7k that's a combined income of £72k.

You say he could probably find something up to £50k and your current full time equivalent salary would be £25k. That's £75k, so more than your current combined income.

Why isn't this a viable solution?

The OP can't work full time as she is newly pregnant, has terrible morning sickness and can't afford full time nursery care for her toddler.

and you assume she is able to get full time work.

[quote Derbee]@Blossomtoes for goodness sake. He lied. Same reason people lie when they have an affair - they’re embarrassed and they feel guilty.

Or do people who have affairs deserve the admiration of us all for attempting to protect their partners from the pain of knowing they’ve been shagging around[/quote]
Nice bit of whataboutery. Let’s not muddy the waters, shall we?

Is there any chance you can say what industry he is in, Is it one that is emerging with remote workers? I work in It Tech and my wonderful employers are fully supportive of remote working - does he work in a similar industry that supports it?

More and more companies are offering remote work now

Also, if you’re stressed and want to get out of the rat race, you discuss it with your partner. You don’t do it behind their back, whilst they’re pregnant, with a family to support. So that’s a stupid argument from PPs.

I've been a MNer for about 12 years. I've enjoyed it so much, laughed, been shocked, learned lots, whiled away hours .

But threads like this are what makes MNing a dirty secret.

Nasty, bullying posters enjoy a good pile on to a scared woman's post. Criticising, judging, mis-quoting, belittling and attacking someone who is pregnant, very ill and dealing with a sudden huge change in circumstances that could rock any marriage.

Shameful

@Blossomtoes you either think partners should be honest with each other or you think that lying to “protect” is admirable.

@FrangipaniBlue

If your DH currently earns £65k and you £7k that's a combined income of £72k.

You say he could probably find something up to £50k and your current full time equivalent salary would be £25k. That's £75k, so more than your current combined income.

Why isn't this a viable solution?

Read the OP’s posts and you’ll find out why 🙄

I actually can’t even get my head round the nonsense being posted on here, he only lied to protect her, 🤪

He had a disciplinary and was instantly terminated. So that looks like gross misconduct, anything from stealing to punching out a colleague or sexually harassing one, to bringing the company into disrepute. He’s lying to her and she deserves to know the truth of it.

Poor man my arse.

Hi OP,
I’ve read all of your posts but not every post on the thread so sorry if I’m repeating what someone has already said.

Just to put your mind at rest about the mortgage and your partners concerns that thousands are added in interest. While it’s true that you pay thousands in interest over time you pay it as you go along so for example in August you pay the capital repayment for the month and the interest (I’m not sure if it’s the interest for the month just gone or the month ahead.).

There may be a penalty if you end a mortgage deal early because you sell e.g. when you are in a 2 year or 5 year deal etc. You can phone your mortgage provider and ask them what you would owe them if you sold and any penalties so you know where you stand.

Your mortgage provider and Help to Buy might allow you to let out your home in your circumstances:

www.gov.uk/guidance/how-to-sublet-your-help-to-buy-home

Any family you could live with short term?
As your home is a new build it shouldn’t be too difficult to get ready for rental.

@Gazelda

I've been a MNer for about 12 years. I've enjoyed it so much, laughed, been shocked, learned lots, whiled away hours .

But threads like this are what makes MNing a dirty secret.

Nasty, bullying posters enjoy a good pile on to a scared woman's post. Criticising, judging, mis-quoting, belittling and attacking someone who is pregnant, very ill and dealing with a sudden huge change in circumstances that could rock any marriage.

Shameful

Completely. Especially after OP’s already said I didn't fucking want this pile on him or me when all I wanted was some advice