Raging at male friend preaching to me about being overweight

[Pileonsally]

Im overweight, late 40s, 2 kids. Always been 'big' and 'curvy'.
Like many women my weight and body has been bane of my life forever. Usual story, tried every diet, exercise, weight loss fad, also tried NHS dietician, hypnosis, personal trainer, private nutritionist. Read a million books and articles. Had blood tests etc.
Nothing works and I remain 4stone overweight.

I am aware this is an issue and hate the fact that I have no willpower when I dont get results. I also comfort eat when I'm feeling miserable.

Anywayyyy...without prompting a male friend of mine (no kids, ex pro athlete, never had a weight issue in his life, only ever had petite naturally slim gfs) texted me a big rant about society and everyone being overweight and how I blame hormones and being a woman and medication and metabolism when actually I'm just lying to myself and I obviously eat loads and just need to stop.
He was saying gastric surgery is ridiculous and why don't people just not eat as much.
Then saying well it can't bother you too much or you would just eat healthily.

I ended up ending the conversation because he filled me with rage! Im still blazing mad now.
Its the assumption that me (and all the other women in society who moan) just haven't 'tried' hard enough.

This isn't a post about diets or looking for advice.

Im looking for support from women who would also be filled with rage hearing this! I cant even process why he has made me so mad.
He said im mad cos he has pointed out the truth!? (I dont think I am)

Thoughts?

Find a new friend, because he certainly isn't one.

You are mad because gave advice which was neither sought nor any of his business.

He sounds insufferable.

Oh, and I would never speak to him again.

Maybe he’ll get his comeuppance when he gets older and puts on weight and realises how difficult it can be to lose it.
Seen it happen!

I would just tell him to fuck off with his unsolicited advice and ditch him. He's an arse.

I sympathise OP, my BIL is like this about weight. He's been nagging her twenty something daughter about dieting and it's really upset her.

Unsolicited advice (especially when it’s often factually incorrect) is so rude and annoying!! He really doesn’t sound like a good friend

I have acne and the amount of ignorant people who still in 2021 think it’s solely caused (quite a bold claim scientifically speaking) by poor diet, not drinking enough water or being unhygienic is frustrating.

I'm surprised you've made it through to your 40s with only one person saying this to you. I've had it since my teens, when I wasn't actually even overweight then.

Block and ignore.

I would be incandescent. I have long concluded that speaking to slender people about weight is no longer Imagine thinking you know enough about a situation to preach to someone who has lived the experience. Add to that, it was unsolicited. What an arsehole. I'm embarrassed for him.

Block him and never speak to him again.

Who needs enemies with friends like this?

Do you think he would have that that message to any of his male friends?

His rant was entirely unreasonable, but I could not work myself up to be raging about him either, I would just think he was pathetic and tell him to go away.

Was he expecting you to give him an explanation or an apology for your weight? How weird. He sounds unhinged.

He's a knob and you don't need his opinion or his approval. The larger ladies I know (including me) are actually fitter than my naturally slimmer friends because they have to work at keeping their weight under control, so take more exercise. Many of my skinny friends and relatives keep their weight down via drinking and smoking, and eating badly (eg gin and crisps for dinner!). Yet they are out of breath when they run for a bus 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have acne and the amount of ignorant people who still in 2021 think it’s solelycaused(quite a bold claim scientifically speaking) by poor diet, not drinking enough water or being unhygienic is frustrating

Same here - the only thing that helped resolve my acne after 30 years of issues was drastic interventions for fibroids, which put me into mini-menopause followed by embolization treatment. So much is not understood yet about how female hormones work with other parts of the body.

He was out of order, but he's not actually wrong. So ignore the rant because he wasn't asked for his opinion, but if you do want to lose weight, think about what's really stopping you.

(Previously morbidly obese, also used every one of those excuses as to why I couldn't lose it.)

Block and delete. I would want to rage back too but I think just ignoring rather than getting into a justification battle is the way to keep your sanity here.

He can fuck off. Hormones are a massive issue for women's weight loss particularly in Peri/menopause and the "just eat less move more" attitude is so out of date.

Tell him that if he's managed to get through to adulthood without someone giving him a knuckle sandwich for his unsolicited, unwanted and unhelpful advice he's a lucky man.

Tell him to fuck off. Have nothing more to do with him.

Obviously you and your vagina should be apologizing to him for the strain your weight has put on his mental health and thanking him massively for his wise words. After all, the man is an absolute genius right?

Nothing else can possibly affect weight gain/loss. Shameful that all women do not know this.

Luckily him and his amazing personality cared enough to tell you. Bow down dear friend, bow down.

What a weird thing to say to an overweight person.

I almost have some sympathy for his views, as a naturally slim woman - I genuinely don't get why people still eat too much if their weight makes them unhappy - but why the hell say it to someone??!

If you had asked him for weight loss advice or complained to him about being overweight - then his comments might be justified

But you didn't. You know you are over weight and you know why.

He is therefore being a preachy, patronising, know it all mansplainer - as much use as a chocolate fireguard!

Even if he were 100% truthful, it was never his place to harangue you about it.

I'd just block him and think nothing more of it. Other than perhaps how awful life was for some of his girlfriends (nobody prepared to marry him and have kids with him, I notice) under pressure to stay thin and fit all the fucking time. Newly dumped single, is he?

I don't believe you were angry because what he was saying was true, it was because you received an unsolicited misogynistic diatribe.

Use your anger to change your life

www.hotukdeals.com/deals/my-fitness-pal-3-months-free-3795837

"I can lose weight, but you'll always be a sactimonious judgmental prick"

without prompting a male friend of mine (no kids, ex pro athlete, never had a weight issue in his life, only ever had petite naturally slim gfs) texted me a big rant about society and everyone being overweight and how I blame hormones and being a woman and medication and metabolism when actually I'm just lying to myself and I obviously eat loads and just need to stop.

You’re right to be angry that he’s sent you unsolicited advice which then diverged into fat shaming. However, you do not know that he has never had a problem with his weight in his life or that his girlfriends were all “naturally slim” (whatever that means). In fact, it is usually the formerly fat that tend to be the worst fat shamers because they assume that because they could control their weight, then everyone can.

I wonder who pissed on his chips today?