Raging at male friend preaching to me about being overweight

[Pileonsally]

Im overweight, late 40s, 2 kids. Always been 'big' and 'curvy'.
Like many women my weight and body has been bane of my life forever. Usual story, tried every diet, exercise, weight loss fad, also tried NHS dietician, hypnosis, personal trainer, private nutritionist. Read a million books and articles. Had blood tests etc.
Nothing works and I remain 4stone overweight.

I am aware this is an issue and hate the fact that I have no willpower when I dont get results. I also comfort eat when I'm feeling miserable.

Anywayyyy...without prompting a male friend of mine (no kids, ex pro athlete, never had a weight issue in his life, only ever had petite naturally slim gfs) texted me a big rant about society and everyone being overweight and how I blame hormones and being a woman and medication and metabolism when actually I'm just lying to myself and I obviously eat loads and just need to stop.
He was saying gastric surgery is ridiculous and why don't people just not eat as much.
Then saying well it can't bother you too much or you would just eat healthily.

I ended up ending the conversation because he filled me with rage! Im still blazing mad now.
Its the assumption that me (and all the other women in society who moan) just haven't 'tried' hard enough.

This isn't a post about diets or looking for advice.

Im looking for support from women who would also be filled with rage hearing this! I cant even process why he has made me so mad.
He said im mad cos he has pointed out the truth!? (I dont think I am)

Thoughts?

Use your comprehension skills to read the op.

He sounds like a total prick. If it was as easy as "just stop eating" then everyone would do it ffs.

I could the friends anymore knowing he harbours these beliefs

That's so weird, did you tell him you were thinking about a gastric sleeve?

I mean it's rude either way but really bizarre if he's your friend and it's out of nothing.

The only sensible response is to eat him

"None of your business. Yawn".

Then block.

@ohfourfoxache .

Do you mean he literally out of the blue sent a ranting txt?

He wanted someone to bully and he picked on you.
Drop him, he's no friend to you. Block him and forget about him.

I get you, I understand your rage

I get sick to death of the sanctimonious shot that he , and many on MN come out with

It’s not as simple as people think, and menopause can affect weight, but the what the shot would a man like him understand about periods etc, a week of hell every four weeks.

I would just block him, on everything and leave him to it

Thanks everyone. I have moaned to him about weight. He has told me his insecurities which I have managed not to give my opinion on as to why he has made terrible decisions because I understand that people aren't perfect.
People have willpower and control over different areas of their life dont they?
He said he was trying to 'help' me. As though its never occurred to me in 37 years to eat less! Grr

I agree with another poster, he was out of order, but not wrong. I think its difficult for someone who never had issues with food to understand the mental side. I do.believe most peoples issues with food are linked to their mental health.

What a nasty prick. Thing is, it’s really hard to lose weight and really pretty depressing. Most stuff on the shelves (in packets) is stuffed with sugar/calories/very unexpected ingredients. You try to eat a breakfast of granola to be healthy and find that it’s about 700 cals a serving from some brands! Some cereal bars are worse than chocolate.

I’d bin him off as a “friend”. I think the only way to lose weight as a menopausal woman is to ensure that the largest component of each meal is vegetables (and selected fruits - eg don’t eat grapes for eg). Very little carb content and should ensure that they aren’t refined carbs like white bread. Drink loads of water. No fruit juices or fizzy drinks. I’m trying to lose weight (post meno).

You don’t actually need to eat loads to end up overweight. He’s behaving as though breakfast is a tray of 12 donuts for you!

Bin the prick off.

Yes he doesn’t have much “willpower” over what he says does he.

He’s not your friend. It’s rude and patronising, does he really think that if there were some easy solution to lose the weight you want to you wouldn’t have done so.

He's a friend to no woman.

He might be the right weight but he is a giant arsehole of the first order.
What a rude git! Never understood how people think that kind of approach will'work'.
Don't take it to heart OP. I honestly think that, for some men, getting their head around the impact of hormones, perimenopause and differences in metabolism is like trying to get their heads around String Theory! x

@Pileonsally you say you've moaned to him before about your weight so he was obviously (albeit in his own way) trying to give you the kick up the ass that you need! Move more and eat less as you full well know... he didn't do this in the most considerate of ways tbh but in his mind he might be thinking 'tough love' is the way to go!

Have you contacted your GP about not being able to lose the weight, you may have a thyroid problem... 4 stone is a lot to be overweight by so even if you could lose 2 stone and keep it off then your overall health and well-being would benefit...

Well there's your answer: "What? You think its never occurred to me in 37 years to eat less?"

Then block him.

He sounds like a dick. What did exactly did he expect you do with these revelations? Go “oh wow you’re so right, I’ve never heard that before/thought of it, I shall stop eating immediately”?

He’s not your friend. He’s an arsehole.

He is absolutely correct, and I say that as someone who used to be clinically obese but is now a healthy weight. The reality is that obesity is a lifestyle choice and I alone am responsible for what I choose to put in my mouth.

Your friend, however, was unkind, insensitive and rude to lecture you about your weight, even if what he said was true. Even if he meant well, he should have realised that his comments were likely to cause offence.

I think many factors can influence our weight. I gained a lot of weight when I had kids, in part because I was badly anaemic and tired all the time. I was eating a lot of sugar to give me an energy boost, but I was also badly depressed and I think that can make things harder too. I think a true friend is sympathetic and not judgmental. There are many reasons why people find it hard to be motivated to lose weight. That doesn't make them bad people. I guess if the OP's friend had been through depression or other illnesses he might understand a bit better how hard it can be.

I think his viewpoint is (in general) correct as it really is for the vast majority of people a question of science; if you consume more energy than you burn you will out on fat. However, first off you didn’t ask for his opinion and as a supposed friend, he was rude and off the mark. Also, for many overweight people food and consumption is a very complex issue that is linked to past emotional trauma so it’s often not that easy to simply eat less or move more. But to play devils advocate maybe he was trying in a rather blunt way to encourage you?

Why did you moan at him about your weight? Not that any of that justifies his response..

His opinion is not all wrong, but the random rant at you is out of order . (assuming you have not been moaning to him about weight whilst eating a donut or something Even then, we all have weaknesses)