Raging at male friend preaching to me about being overweight

[Pileonsally]

Im overweight, late 40s, 2 kids. Always been 'big' and 'curvy'.
Like many women my weight and body has been bane of my life forever. Usual story, tried every diet, exercise, weight loss fad, also tried NHS dietician, hypnosis, personal trainer, private nutritionist. Read a million books and articles. Had blood tests etc.
Nothing works and I remain 4stone overweight.

I am aware this is an issue and hate the fact that I have no willpower when I dont get results. I also comfort eat when I'm feeling miserable.

Anywayyyy...without prompting a male friend of mine (no kids, ex pro athlete, never had a weight issue in his life, only ever had petite naturally slim gfs) texted me a big rant about society and everyone being overweight and how I blame hormones and being a woman and medication and metabolism when actually I'm just lying to myself and I obviously eat loads and just need to stop.
He was saying gastric surgery is ridiculous and why don't people just not eat as much.
Then saying well it can't bother you too much or you would just eat healthily.

I ended up ending the conversation because he filled me with rage! Im still blazing mad now.
Its the assumption that me (and all the other women in society who moan) just haven't 'tried' hard enough.

This isn't a post about diets or looking for advice.

Im looking for support from women who would also be filled with rage hearing this! I cant even process why he has made me so mad.
He said im mad cos he has pointed out the truth!? (I dont think I am)

Thoughts?

Oops, not 2000 kcal, 2000 kcal EXTRA!

What with no recent convos on it, he just randomly went on a rant to you about how being fat is your own fault?

That’s really odd behaviour.

Just tell him to fuck off. He’s an arrogant little twerp. Who gives a fuck what he thinks? I certainly don’t as one of those fat lazy bastards he seems to dislike so much 😂

Rant back at him about the insecurities he has and see if it gets him as raging as you are. Then just calmly say 'see, hurts doesn't it?' Maybe then he'll realise that unwanted advice is a no no.

Maybe he’ll shut up when he pops out a couple of kids and whacks on a few stones in baby weight he won’t be able to shift ….. oh wait.

Seriously though, I’m an HCP and the obesity epidemic isn’t simply due to people being greedy. If only life were that simple. Your “friend” has a very simplistic and misguided view.

Also - does he text any male overweight friends / acquaintances? I bet not.

Amazing how many people think the response to this thread is to say they agree and actually it’s simple to ‘eat less and move more’.

As OP points out, we all find some things easier and some things harder. I wouldn’t smugly point out something I found easy or even that I worked hard for that someone else hadn’t managed.

@PeterPomegranate

Amazing how many people think the response to this thread is to say they agree and actually it’s simple to ‘eat less and move more’.

As OP points out, we all find some things easier and some things harder. I wouldn’t smugly point out something I found easy or even that I worked hard for that someone else hadn’t managed.

She will be over eating

Thanks Talkchatchat. I overeat too. Doesn’t mean it’s simple / easy to change.

I don’t smoke. I used to. I gave up. It fairly easy. I just decided I didn’t want to any more. I wouldn’t point out how easy it was for me to someone who either didn’t want to stop smoking or was struggling to do so.

@PeterPomegranate

Thanks Talkchatchat. I overeat too. Doesn’t mean it’s simple / easy to change.

I don’t smoke. I used to. I gave up. It fairly easy. I just decided I didn’t want to any more. I wouldn’t point out how easy it was for me to someone who either didn’t want to stop smoking or was struggling to do so.

Things in life aren’t easy….

well he likely has a point but has been very harsh on the way he has put it across. Sounds like you go on about weight alot to him. However it doesnt require a degree to know that eating too many calories and a sedetanry lifesetyle leads to weight gain. So weight loss requires a reduction in calories.

I put on over two stone over lock down and the only thing that shifted it was tracking my daily calories and reducing them. I have lost two and a half stone since april. YOu have admitted you comfort eat so sound like you need to have some counselling to help why you go to food...I understand this as my go to is booze

Jesus - without you asking, he has taken it on himself to be incredibly judgmental about you, and is blaming you for the ills of society. Massive misogyny I think, apart from being really really rude. Sorry this happened.

@mynameisbrian

well he likely has a point but has been very harsh on the way he has put it across. Sounds like you go on about weight alot to him. However it doesnt require a degree to know that eating too many calories and a sedetanry lifesetyle leads to weight gain. So weight loss requires a reduction in calories.

I put on over two stone over lock down and the only thing that shifted it was tracking my daily calories and reducing them. I have lost two and a half stone since april. YOu have admitted you comfort eat so sound like you need to have some counselling to help why you go to food...I understand this as my go to is booze

Possibly because eating stifles down the desire to yell at misogynistic pricks JUST FUCK OFF.

I've HAD gastric surgery and he has no IDEA how little women have to eat to be slim

For 2 years I ate 1500 calories a day - starving all the time. Basically lost no weight.

Gastric surgery - now eat 800-1000 calories a day (never hungry - the most important thing) - only lost 4 pounds in 4 months

So let's be REALLY clear - I'm eating under 1000 calories a day and I'm STILL only losing one quarter of a pound a week !!!

The big difference is not being hungry because I've had 80% of my stomach removed - which is fabulous.
But of course it still means it's going to take me 2 years to lose the last 3 stone

He has NO idea - so he's a nobhead !!!

@TheBullfinch other people becoming ill, being on medication and struggling with weight makes you feel smug and smile?! What? What kind of mindset is that?

@Talktalkchat I think you need to remove yourself from MN and work on being kind,gracious and empathetic or is that unsolicited,sanctimonious advice I'm giving you? Hmm,now you know how it feels,don't you?

‘I am aware this is an issue and hate the fact that I have no willpower when I dont get results. I also comfort eat when I'm feeling miserable‘

So you could do something about it?

@Marguerite2000

I have moaned to him about weight The problem is that once you do that you're opening yourself up to a variety of different responses. People won't neccesarily respond in the way you want them to.

This

I overeat too. Doesn’t mean it’s simple / easy to change.

@PeterPomegranate

Unfortunately you can give up smoking but you cant give up food.
We have to eat.And theres the downfall.
People who are not addicted to food dont understand the pull.
Dont understand a lot of times its a throwback to childhood.
Your emotions are emeshed with food.
And unless you change your mindset,it will always be the same.

21:14MarleneDietrichsSmile

@TheBullfinch other people becoming ill, being on medication and struggling with weight makes you feel smug and smile?! What? What kind of mindset is that?
I agree, l was a 'naturally slim' woman (lots of exercise, drinking water, ate healthily etc) Finally menopause caught up with me and put on two stone gradually which l seem to be stuck with.
A certain bitchy type of larger ladies used to openly scorn my slim figure with comments such as 'Life's too short to live on lettuce leaves/starve yourself ' or.... 'men prefer something to grab hold of'..... or my all time favourite referring to themselves as 'real women' which lm unsure of where that left us slimmer ladies.
Then there was the barely disguised, almost gleeful 'once over' upon seeing you for the first time post weight gain and the stage whispers of 'ooh she's put weight on'
l actually stopped going out socially for a while l got so sick of the constant comments on my weight gain as if l had somehow committed a crime and got my just desserts.

sorry that was in reply to MarleneDietrichsSmile

Sounds like you just lost 160lbs- what an awful friend get rid!

Some humans just can't cognitive the idea that other people have different brains, abilities and genetics from them. He sounds like a right knob

I don't know. Originally I read your message and he sounds horrible but then you read through all the responses and you realise how many people actually think their eating habits have nothing to do with the fact they are overweight. It starts getting frustrated when people think biology isn't a thing and that they are some exception.

Now all that considered, he still is a jerk but I can understand the frustration when people just don't get it.

[quote MarleneDietrichsSmile]@TheBullfinch other people becoming ill, being on medication and struggling with weight makes you feel smug and smile?! What? What kind of mindset is that?[/quote]
You miss-understood.

Only If those people have previously been rude and dismissive of other, overweight people's struggles, yes. Not the unfortunate, kind people, who never said a word.