Raging at male friend preaching to me about being overweight

[Pileonsally]

Im overweight, late 40s, 2 kids. Always been 'big' and 'curvy'.
Like many women my weight and body has been bane of my life forever. Usual story, tried every diet, exercise, weight loss fad, also tried NHS dietician, hypnosis, personal trainer, private nutritionist. Read a million books and articles. Had blood tests etc.
Nothing works and I remain 4stone overweight.

I am aware this is an issue and hate the fact that I have no willpower when I dont get results. I also comfort eat when I'm feeling miserable.

Anywayyyy...without prompting a male friend of mine (no kids, ex pro athlete, never had a weight issue in his life, only ever had petite naturally slim gfs) texted me a big rant about society and everyone being overweight and how I blame hormones and being a woman and medication and metabolism when actually I'm just lying to myself and I obviously eat loads and just need to stop.
He was saying gastric surgery is ridiculous and why don't people just not eat as much.
Then saying well it can't bother you too much or you would just eat healthily.

I ended up ending the conversation because he filled me with rage! Im still blazing mad now.
Its the assumption that me (and all the other women in society who moan) just haven't 'tried' hard enough.

This isn't a post about diets or looking for advice.

Im looking for support from women who would also be filled with rage hearing this! I cant even process why he has made me so mad.
He said im mad cos he has pointed out the truth!? (I dont think I am)

Thoughts?

He text you out of the blue to say this?!

Oh OP. Today my male friend sent me a message to say "if you're hungry, try drinking water. Works for me!"

Completely unsolicited.

Like I've not tried that in the 10 years I've been obese!

Also after having a kid, and pelvic prolapse, I'm restrictive with how much liquid I have because otherwise I piss myself!

So no Kyle, that was shit advice. Unwanted and unneeded.

There is a lot more to obesity than individual choices and actions. The cause map on this page shows how many of them interact: debategraph.org/Details.aspx?nid=348780

I'd be incredibly pissed off too. Arsehole.

Thin people just don't geddit. I didn't, back when I used to be one.

I know better now :-(

@Pileonsally

Im overweight, late 40s, 2 kids. Always been 'big' and 'curvy'. Like many women my weight and body has been bane of my life forever. Usual story, tried every diet, exercise, weight loss fad, also tried NHS dietician, hypnosis, personal trainer, private nutritionist. Read a million books and articles. Had blood tests etc. Nothing works and I remain 4stone overweight.

I am aware this is an issue and hate the fact that I have no willpower when I dont get results. I also comfort eat when I'm feeling miserable.

Anywayyyy...without prompting a male friend of mine (no kids, ex pro athlete, never had a weight issue in his life, only ever had petite naturally slim gfs) texted me a big rant about society and everyone being overweight and how I blame hormones and being a woman and medication and metabolism when actually I'm just lying to myself and I obviously eat loads and just need to stop.
He was saying gastric surgery is ridiculous and why don't people just not eat as much.
Then saying well it can't bother you too much or you would just eat healthily.

I ended up ending the conversation because he filled me with rage! Im still blazing mad now.
Its the assumption that me (and all the other women in society who moan) just haven't 'tried' hard enough.

This isn't a post about diets or looking for advice.

Im looking for support from women who would also be filled with rage hearing this! I cant even process why he has made me so mad.
He said im mad cos he has pointed out the truth!? (I dont think I am)

Thoughts?

Thoughts? I'm a PT all about fitness and I can say that not being an asshole is more important in life than going to the gym, and he was a complete asshole to you, and no longer deserves to be your friend.

struggled with my weight my whole life, doctors telling me to do more walking etc turns out i actually have a benign tumour on my pituitary gland causing hormone therefore weight issues. Been on hormone therapy for the past year and have lost 6 stone without much change of my already relatively healthy diet. You can't tell anything by looking at anyone.

he is not a friend he is a cunt  hope one day he gets big and fat full of hate and judgement

Be honest with yourself, Log your food, take pics. You are eating for two.

@Talktalkchat

Be honest with yourself, Log your food, take pics. You are eating for two.

Read the op, read it to the end, resist the reflex to offer unasked for advice, try giving yourself a reward when you don't piss people off for sport, try a reward chart or something.

Thanks for saying this! I wondered if it was my mate coming on here to carry on telling me where I'm going wrong!

Another man with an opinion on women's bodies.

Get in the bin, sir.

I'm sorry your friend hurt your feelings but maybe he also hit a nerve? If you're really serious about losing weight, work out what's stopping you. And everyone saying "oh it's easy for normal sized people/they don't understand how difficult it is etc etc. Actually it is really difficult to maintain a slim figure as you get older. You need to eat way less than you used to and do a ton of exercise. It's not easy but it's not impossible.

I'm a bit of a bitch sometimes so ignore this if you like
I'd be picking one of his unsurmountable issues and sending him a text telling him that all his reasons for it are excuses and he just needs to toughen up/work harder/stop being gullible etc.
Sauce for the goose....

I know I could so easily do this bit I wont

Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?

I'd say block and move on except in the past you have complained to him about your weight. This feels out of teh blue to you but may be something he has been thinking about since your last conversation.

There are three people I trust that I can vent about things to. If I say I don't need any advice, I just want to talk it through then I know they will not try to fix (or even worse mainsplain).

Complaining about the same thing over and over can be dull and irritating. My other half would try to solve the issue every time. He is all about practical solutions when I need a kind ear.

He's a complete know-it-all dickhead. That would put me right off him! There's plenty of evidence that the reasons for obesity are complex both physiologically and psychologically and we live in a society that hugely encourages us to get fat. Losing weight long term is hard as your body will naturally try to return you to its 'set point'. So basically he's wrong about what he's saying, but even if he was right, it's completely unacceptable for him to send you messages like that. I'm very cross on your behalf OP. People can be so horrible about weight issues, it really does say more about them than it does about you though. Don't let him get to you.

Read the op, read it to the end, resist the reflex to offer unasked for advice, try giving yourself a reward when you don't piss people off for sport, try a reward chart or something.

🤣🤣🤣 Great response!

I have moaned to him about weight
The problem is that once you do that you're opening yourself up to a variety of different responses. People won't neccesarily respond in the way you want them to.

@Talktalkchat

Be honest with yourself, Log your food, take pics. You are eating for two.

For 2? She would be fucking huuuuge if she actually was eating 2000 kcal a day, not 25 kg overweight. Knob.

I'd be picking one of his unsurmountable issues and sending him a text telling him that all his reasons for it are excuses and he just needs to toughen up/work harder/stop being gullible etc.
Sauce for the goose...

Yeah, I wouldn't have been able to resist throwing up a mirror to all his complaints over the years and linking it to all the failings of people in general. See how he likes it. But clearly you are a nicer person than I am.

Some people are so enchanted with the idea that people are common idiots who could heal themselves if only they would follow their advice that they can't help themselves. But of course, their own particular problems, are far more complex and not easily fixed by a bit of tough love. They're special.

Block him.

I've seen so many formerly naturally thin people pile the weight on and be unable to shift it when they get ill, become inactive, get put on medication, hit menopause, reach 50 etc.. It always makes me smile and think "not so easy now, is it, this eating less?"

I’d message saying you’ve decided to become an athlete yourself and are currently training to become a squasher.

@Ouchiehelpneeded

There is a lot more to obesity than individual choices and actions. The cause map on this page shows how many of them interact: debategraph.org/Details.aspx?nid=348780

I'd be incredibly pissed off too. Arsehole.

Wow that was so interesting! Thank you for sharing this map!

A lot of men have no idea how little some women have to eat to be slim. Hence they assume any women who is overweight must be a glutton. The only time my BMI has been in the healthy range has been when I've eaten one meal a day and literally nothing else.

I'd ask him what he thought gave him the right to text that diatribe, remind me when I'd asked him to and that he must have some pretty bad issues that he resorts to texting someone who's supposed to br a friend and upset them, just do he can feel superior & better about himself.

Then I'd tell him to go fuck himself & block him. You're not angry because he's 'right' (ain't they always). You're angry because he's upset you for no reason & acted like a prick.

What a dick