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Original poster

If your kids have a childless aunt, what is their relationship like?

152 replies

garlictwist · 06/09/2021 14:03

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 06/09/2021 14:08

I had a childless aunt and my sister is currently a childless aunt to my DD. They both filled a similar role tbh - the cool aunt that was kind of like a friend. Is there any reason you feel like you'd be more likely to be viewed as a spinster?

Gingerkittykat · 06/09/2021 14:10

My DD has a childless aunt and they are very close. They have always spent a lot of time together and now DD is 19 they still do. I can actually feel a bit left out when they arrange to do things like go cycling without me!

FfrothiCoffi · 06/09/2021 14:11

Good, but she lives in another country so not as close as she or they would like.
They don’t view her as a ‘spinster’, she’s just their aunt, who they love.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
VodselForDinner · 06/09/2021 14:11

Childfree auntie here.

I’m their favourite Grin
No idea why but they have good taste.

I’ve always been close with my nieces and nephews and that relationship has evolved now that they’re teens and early twenties. Currently in the middle of a WhatsApp chat with my niece, and my nephew has spent his morning sending me stupid comics on Twitter Grin

In their tween and teen years, I got to hear all about the crushes and heartbreaks that they wanted to keep from their parents. I’ve also been the one to do late night emergency pick-ups when they were in a position to call their parents.

I’ve also been hit-up for more money, teddies, ice-creams, concert tickets, iTunes vouchers etc that you could count.

Niblings are great.

You, however, need to be kinder to yourself. Some of the language you’re using about yourself is just mean. Stop being mean to yourself. Why wouldn’t your nieces want to grow up and continue to have a relationship with you?

123rd · 06/09/2021 14:12

My sil is childless. The dc have always had a good relationship with her. One child is actually going to a music event with just her next month.
Before I had kids I had 7 nieces/nephews. I quite often would take the kids out with our parents. It's a great thing to be -the cool
Aunt.

FooFighter99 · 06/09/2021 14:12

I have a brother who is single and childless. My DD(9) and DNephew(6) absolutely adore him! As do we all, he's a wonderful brother and uncle and is fantastic with them and only Uncle Pete can lift them up and walk them on the ceiling (he's 6"7), well, he could when the were really little, not so much now Grin

I can fully imagine their relationship being the same as the kids get older because they just love him

PhantomErik · 06/09/2021 14:16

My DC have a childless aunt & uncle who live locally. They have a distant but friendly relationship.

If you take an active role in your niece & nephew's life I expect you'll have a closer relationship with them. Days at the beach, swimming, soft play etc will likely mature into theme park days, shopping, cinema trips etc

TheSpanishApartment · 06/09/2021 14:16

I was a childless aunt for 21 years (& then I had my own). I was always the favourite cool aunt, I used to take them out and they'd come and stay with me etc. My eldest niece now fulfils that function for my daughter, it's lovely to see the cycle repeating. It was actually ore fun being an aunt before I had my own child than it is now - I have young nephews and nieces and have less time for them - we have a different relationship. They have fun as cousins with my daughter but I don't spend 1 on 1 time with them as I did with the older ones.

Coronawireless · 06/09/2021 14:22

My pre-teen DCs love their childless aunts who are very good to them. It’ll help if you have a good relationship with their mum as you can take them off for shopping trips, sleepovers, fun days out. Time spent with them on your own will allow you to develop a relationship/friendship separate from being in the background when their parents are in charge. DH had a childless aunt with whom he spent many summer holidays. She was much loved and very much a part of all out family right up until she died in her 80s.

MouseholeCat · 06/09/2021 14:22

Not my child (still in my uterus!) but my DH has always been extremely close with his childless aunt, from childhood to age 35. He even lived with her for a bit after he graduated and took a job in an expensive city. She didn't even live locally for most of his life. She'll be like another slightly offbeat grandma for our daughter too.

PalacePalacePalace · 06/09/2021 14:23

I have two childfree siblings. They both have a very close special relationship with my children. They are the fun ones. They go out on trips together, play endless football matches, buy them whatever toy /sweets/ice cream I won't. They both work hard at nurturing the relationships and I think it'll grow as they get older.

Wombat96 · 06/09/2021 14:28

Childless auntie here. I don't particularly spend loads of time with them, as I don't live that close & I'm not particularly good at organising social contact. But I really like them & I don't worry too much. They always seem pleased to see me, which is a win in my book. 😁

ActonSquirrel · 06/09/2021 14:29

So the child would like auntie better if she had her own kids and less time to spend with them?

Don't worry OP they'll always love you

ChaToilLeam · 06/09/2021 14:35

I’m a childless aunt, and a godmother twice over, and an unofficial aunt to a few more. I live in different country to my nieces but now they are old enough to text etc, and on my last visit we had a shopping day and lunch together. They were good fun to hang out with and hopefully I am a cool aunt!

Meirou90 · 06/09/2021 14:36

My mum had a childless aunt and all 7 siblings loved her unconditionally. They still tell tales of Aunty Lil to this day. She died before I was born but I feel like I know her because she is talked about and was/is an important part in their lives.

Babdoc · 06/09/2021 14:38

I was widowed young, with two baby DDs, and my late DH’s elderly maiden aunt was an absolute godsend. She was a retired teacher, so well used to handling DC in batches of 30+!
The DDs used to happily sit on her lap for stories. Her family came from Orkney, and she would tell my riveted three year old gory true tales of the axe murder of St Magnus, etc!
It’s true they got on less well during their teenage years, but their great aunt was in her 80’s by then and very deaf, so it’s understandable that she and my teen DDs had little common ground.
You are a generation younger, OP, so should have decades of being the cool auntie!
By and large, relationships are what you make them - if your nieces and nephews find you amusing company and emotionally supportive, they will be keen to spend time with you. Don’t overthink it, just enjoy seeing them.

621CustardCream438 · 06/09/2021 14:42

My experience is that if you are willing to make an effort to engage with them, spend time with them and show an interest in their interests, which it sounds like you are, you’ll have a good relationship with them. They won’t care if you’re married or not!

The “boring old spinster aunt” of my childhood was someone who expected children to be seen and not heard. We visited a few times a year and were expected to sit in her living room politely drinking tea and eating a biscuit without making crumbs while listening to adult conversation. She would ask us if we were enjoying school, not really listen to the answer and that was that. Perfectly nice lady but we didn’t have much of a relationship. My friend’s aunt was an absolute riot - always taking her out for tea, took her to the park, bought her the cool clothes her parents hadn’t heard of - they have a lovely relationship even now.

You get out what you put in with kids. Sounds like you’ll be fine!

Original poster
garlictwist · 06/09/2021 14:45

Thanks everyone, it's encouraging to hear that a good relationship can continue into teen years and beyond - that's what I'm hoping for!

I suppose I just feel it's easier to be "fun" in the eyes of small children, whereas older children don't necessarily see spending time with family as desirable.

OP posts:
supercritter · 06/09/2021 14:46

My kids adore their childless aunt and uncle. Kids are both teenagers and love spending time with them.

FeeBeeBooh · 06/09/2021 14:46

My DC have a childless auntie. They aren't close. She doesn't spend much time with them as she's very busy with work & a full social life.
She wouldn't take them out without me, especially as she doesn't drive. She does buy them amazing Christmas & birthday gifts she's brilliant at finding quirky cool stuff.
I wish she wanted to see DC more but I do understand they're not her priority

Gimlisaxe · 06/09/2021 14:46

My sister has a great relationship with our nephews and an ok one with my son. Its nothing personal, but we live further away and especially over the last 2 years, it has been tough.

But, DS still wants to speak to her when she phones and has some great memories of the fun stuff he has done with her, when he was younger and came back from a weekend with her, all I had was auntie J does that better and Auntie J does that a different way and it was quicker. Auntie bloody J sings lullabies better than you. He got close to being put in a box and posted to her

badlydrawnbear · 06/09/2021 14:47

My DC are 10 and 6, and love spending time with my sister. She is much younger than me, actually slightly closer in age to DC1 than to me (she is early 20s), so much more fun than me, does things with them that I don't, buys them sweets etc that I wouldn't. She lives hundreds of miles away so we don't see her very often so she is also a bit of a novelty, but I hope that as my DC grow up they continue to have a great relationship with her.

MooBoom · 06/09/2021 14:49

I have a sister who at the moment has no children and is single. I wish she would spend time with my kids but she actually doesn’t have a relationship with them beyond when she sees them with me. She won’t take them out on her own or have them round on her own. So you sound great and I believe you get from a relationship what you put into it, I imagine your sisters kids will always want you in their life since you have a bond with them from a young age x

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 06/09/2021 14:51

I'm a childfree aunt, my nephew is now a young adult.

We have a great relationship. See each other frequently and share a hobby. He regularly messages me to let me know what he is up to or just with stuff he thinks might interest me. He's a lovely young man and I genuinely enjoy his company. Watching him grow up has been an absolute joy, I hope that we remain close if/when he marries and/or has children.

He's still willing to give his boring old aunt a hug too!

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 06/09/2021 14:51

I think the relationship does change, as it does for parents, when kids become teens and if you are flexible and understanding about that you can keep contact. It's not the same as with little kids though.