Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

If your kids have a childless aunt, what is their relationship like?

152 replies

garlictwist · 06/09/2021 14:03

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

OP posts:

HelloDaisy · 06/09/2021 14:52

My db and his lovely wife are sadly childless so are sharing my dc 😁.

They are very involved in their lives, spend lots of time with them and are with us for holidays, birthdays, milestones etc. They are definitely the cool relatives and both dc would go to them with anything they felt they couldn’t discuss with us.

They do have cooler careers and outlook on life to us, somewhat due to their personalities and also because they don’t have dc so I feel they give dc another perspective if that makes sense…

Dh and I are very close to them and love sharing dc.

Unsuremover · 06/09/2021 14:54

My godmother didn’t have any children of her own. She did but me my first nail polish, bottle of champagne and designer handbag though (not at the same time). It’s a long running joke that she instinctively knows what I covet but am not allowed. Her interest in me grew up as I grew up and yes, she wasn’t being distracted by her own kids. I know she felt a bit used by her brother and sister for free childcare and expensive presents at some points but that wasn’t the relationship she had with my parents.
These days we mainly go out for cocktails and then she buys something for my son that I’ve refused to buy him so the cycle continues.

TooGood2BeFalse · 06/09/2021 14:55

My big sister has no kids,I have two.They absolutely adore her and spend a lot of time with her. She's the fun one,I'm the 'boring one' My eldest son is nearly 10 and there's no 'force' involved.He'd drop me at the drop of a hat even to do something as dull as joining her on a supermarket shop.

I honestly wouldn't worry - kids know who love them and who actually WANT to spend time with them.You sound like a great aunt.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

JaninaDuszejko · 06/09/2021 14:56

I have teenagers and they have childless aunts and uncles. They are much preferred to the aunts and uncles with children . SIL lives abroad but has long and complex Whatsapp conversations with the DDs and there's a constant stream of silly videos sent backwards and forwards. DBro visits us regularly and is the coolest person in the world as far as DS (8) is concerned and the DDs love him as well. Don't worry, you are much cooler than any parent!

ShitShop · 06/09/2021 14:56

I have a childless aunt who is quite a bit younger than my (late) DM, so fulfilled a kind of older cousin role to us and a kind of almost-extra-child role to my DM. She was always off travelling and seemed very exotic and bohemian to us as kids. Sadly we didn’t get to see much of her, but we keep in touch a lot more since my DM died and probably see more of her now than we ever did as kids.

She has taken on a kind of “head of the family” persona since being the oldest one left, which I think is nice for her in a way. She’d have made a lovely mum but life just didn’t work out that way for her. She has relatively recently become a step mum to adult and teen SDCs and seems to have a good relationship with them all too.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/09/2021 14:58

My best friend is an only child and so she asked if my dd could be her fake niece as such...she is brilliant with her and they have a lovely relationship. They email each other and have a little relationship all of their own which l love!
I think my dd likes the fact she has an auntie she doesn't have to share with anyone.

Sahgah · 06/09/2021 14:59

My kids have 3 Aunts. 2 have their own kids and 1 doesn’t have her own. My kids absolutely adore my sister without kids and they have a very close relationship with her and is considerably closer to her than the Aunts that have kids. My kids are still primary age so time will tell if they stay close. I think a lot has to do with your relationship with your brother/sister and how close you are to them.

RandomMess · 06/09/2021 15:00

My friend is a childless aunt and she's pretty awesome with her DNs, they are older teens and adults now.

gwenneh · 06/09/2021 15:01

Their ACTUAL aunt hasn't spoken to anyone in my family in years. Clearly does not want a relationship and I'm not going to push for one, even though they would love her to bits. I see so much of her in the way the DCs act sometimes.

Two of their godmothers are "aunties" and don't have any children. My DC adore them, can't wait to see them, and have terrific memories of them. They are very engaged with the DC and make time for them, including them in activities, taking them on outings, and just generally being present.

It's all about how present and engaged you are, I think. I have a wonderful relationship with my aunts -- they have always been a varying mix of supportive, lovely, inspirational, and fun.

Midge75 · 06/09/2021 15:02

My children are quite a lot closer to their child-free aunts than their aunt with children. I think it's because when we see the aunt with cousins, all the cousins play together while the adults chat etc, whereas when we get together with the child-free ones, they actually spend time chatting with the aunts (and uncle) in a way they never would with those who have children. My kids always say they would have loved to have cousins on my side, but also recognise that, if that had happened, their relationship with their aunts would not be as close. I don't know what will happen in future, but they certainly have a great foundation on which to build the relationship further.

LubaLuca · 06/09/2021 15:05

They're not that close with her, geographically or in their relationship. They all like each other, but she has godchildren (older than our children) to whom she is closer in every sense, so I think her nurturing nature is used up on them which is fair enough.

Albgo · 06/09/2021 15:07

I have a childless aunt and I have always loved her dearly. We saw her regularly throughout my childhood and now as an adult I speak to her on the phone at least once a week and we text regularly. I try to go up and see her every few months, but obviously with Covid it hasn't been as often as I'd like.

My son also has 3 childless aunts. One had never met him, one makes sporadic effort and the other reminds me of my beloved aunty. She is wonderful with him, clearly loves him and sees him at least once a week. He loves her too.

Babdoc · 06/09/2021 15:11

PG Wodehouse described two kinds of aunt in his Jeeves and Wooster stories: “
“This was not aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.”
I think if you model yourself on the former rather than the latter, you’ll be fine, OP. (Although some nephews might be awestruck by the latter…!)

MatildaIThink · 06/09/2021 15:12

@garlictwist

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

My husband and I have two children and whilst they have both a childless aunt (my husband's sister) and a childless uncle (my brother) and they get on with both brilliantly. My kids absolutely adore my brother who is amazing with them and he lives close by so sees them multiple times a week. My husband's sister lives further away but she is also amazing although more with my daughter but that is because my daughter loves doing girly things with her (painting nails, toenails), dressing up etc. where as my son would rather paint the walls with the nail polish!

VienneseWhirligig · 06/09/2021 15:12

My sister is child free and gay. Her and DS are as thick as thieves, they talk all the time. DS is an adult now and would say his aunt is one of the closest confidantes in his life. They do gang up on me a bit... my sister was very close to my late DH as well, she was like a surrogate daughter to him (she's much younger than me and DH was older than me).

EmeraldShamrock · 06/09/2021 15:14

My niece is 22. I was her childless aunt for 10 years, she stayed close after I had DC.

Our relationship is brilliant we're super tight. I've helped her in situations if she wasn't able to speak to parents about.

My eldest cousin moved to London 40 yrs ago, never had DC we were her flower girls, she is in her 60's, the excitement her visiting and cards was a highlight of our childhood.
We're still very close.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 06/09/2021 15:17

I have a lovely childless aunt - not the cool kind, mine is the quirky spinster type. She has always been closer than the other aunts, as she had more time for us.

I would say our relationship was more distant in my late teens and twenties, but stronger since then, and she is absolutely fabulous with my DS(6) who thinks she is ace.

I am now wishing he had a childless aunt of his own - he would love the attention!

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 06/09/2021 15:18

My children are fonder of the childless aunt than the ones with children. She’s the one who never forgets their birthdays and Christmas. I wouldn’t say they’re close though, but that’s a function of living 5 hours drive away and rarely seeing her.

CP26 · 06/09/2021 15:19

My mum had a childless aunt who she and her siblings adored. She’s been dead years and they still mention her all the time, but I couldn’t even tell you the names of their other aunts and uncles.

I have a childless aunt myself who I am not very close to. I don’t think she liked children or knew how to relate to them but we have gotten a bit closer now that I’m older.

And now I am the childless aunt. My nieces seem to love me at the moment and I think that’s because I have more time to play with them and give them attention, which I wouldn’t if I had my own kids. I hope the warm relationship continues as they get older but like you I wonder if they’ll have any interest in me in a few years.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 06/09/2021 15:20

Actually he has a perfectly good childless uncle who fulfills the same role.

SirChenjins · 06/09/2021 15:21

Awful - but SIL is an arse generally. She was great when they were younger - providing it was on her terms. Lots of promises about coming to see them (she didn't) and taking them to Disney (ditto), and lots of advice on child rearing (I bit my tongue), but ultimately she and BIL (third marriage for both of them - he has grown up DC and DGC by his first) enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle and don't like to be bothered by family unless it suits them or they have no choice.

orinocosfavoritecake · 06/09/2021 15:21

These stories are so lovely. Thank you all for sharing them.

PepsiHoover · 06/09/2021 15:22

I have two child free siblings. They clearly want to be involved in my DC lives and enjoy spending time with them. But the relationship is awkward TBH. Both my siblings are child free for a reason and I very much doubt either of them would particularly enjoy being a parent. Both are far too anxious and spend a lot of time telling my kids off for stuff that we are quite relaxed about at home. (I don't let my kids run wild BTW!). They haven't spent lots of time together because of lockdown and in the time they have spent with them, I've noticed that my siblings just don't seem to know how to connect with my kids. They talk to the kids through me, whereas my kids are at the age now where they can quite happily articulate themselves.

It makes me sad, because I want them all to be close. But they are just not natural with children.

pooiepooie25 · 06/09/2021 15:25

My husband has a childless aunt. Him and his two siblings are both very close to her (as am I). She spent a lot of time with them as kids- not actually sure about how close they were as teens and in their twenties but I imagine still as close.
She's now a fab great - aunt to all our kids.

HemanOrSheRa · 06/09/2021 15:25

My sister and my DS are very close. DS is 16 and thinks his Auntie is AMAZING . To be fair she is pretty cool! She was at his birth and was very involved when he was younger. Not so regularly now as DS is off doing his own thing. But he's always up for a lunch meet up or a stay over with his Auntie .

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7