If your kids have a childless aunt, what is their relationship like?

[garlictwist]

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

I absolutely adore both my childfree Aunts (the first is 80 now & I’m 50 for context, the second from the other side of the family is 65..).

First Aunt has always been an incredible support, a steady and reliable influence, good company and an important person in my life - that was as true for me at 5 as it is at 50! She’s moving closer very soon as she sadly lost her (also amazing) husband last year.

Second Aunt is probably one of the most interesting and fun women I’ve ever met - she’s wild & fun and a free spirit. I’m not as close to her but the times we have spent together and the memories and confidence she’s given me are priceless.

The first one is the one most likely to call and check in if the kids are ill or we’re struggling or just to chat & catch up (although now I hope it’s more me checking in with her!), we’ll meet for coffee or go shopping or go for lovely lunches, she’ll send me books she’s enjoyed or links to articles I’d like & my kids love her too.

Time spent with second Aunt is more of a ‘crazy adventure end up dancing on the table at 4am in a secret bar in a different city to the one you started off in’ type thing. Not so much these days (I haven’t got the energy..she has though!) but you’d go out to meet her for a drink & end up waking up covered in glitter in a hat you don’t recognise in a beautiful country house with her bonkers friends and lose a weekend - she is a legend.

All in all both relationships are brilliant and I value them enormously - the fact they didn’t have kids of their own for various reasons means that I’ve been lucky enough to probably feature more in their lives than I maybe would have done. I kind of imagined I may have become that too (maybe a balance between the two!) as had no intention of having kids until that changed in my 30’s.

However, I hope I’ve still got something of them both in me and can still be an Aunt to remember even though I have my own!

My mother's sister is childless and is another mum, another grandmother, so close to us all.

My sister is also childless and is my children's Godmother. She has an extremely close relationship with my children and I would say she's a second mum. She will be a grandmother to their children too. And in her unchosen childlessness it has been a great comfort.

It's great. Children rarely meet childless adults as their own mums are obviously not childless and neither are their friends' mums. Not having children is entirely normal and the more we can show children this the less of a mountain they will have to climb if they discover they can;t have/don't want children when they are older. You will be a positive role model.

My children have a child free aunt and to be honest they don't really have a relationship with her other then polite conversation. It's just how it is.. She has no interest in taking them out, spending time with them, babysitting and isn't particularly interested in them.

It's a shame but it's fair enough. She lives her life how she wants to. They don't know any different.

I am the childless aunt. I never see my nephews.

I'm the childless aunt. I was quite a bit younger than my siblings (one niece is only six years younger than me). They are mostly in their 30s and 40s, I'm in my 50s. We have a great relationship and they're some of my favourite people and I genuinely feel I'm one of theirs.

I have one, saw her weekly when I lived at home, go on family holiday with her once a year now. She's a laugh. Finally going to have enough space for guests and have a child of my own now so will be inviting her to stay. She's in her 70s.

She sees my siblings about once a month as they live nearer.

My DD has two childless aunts (one on each side of the family), and she has a friendly, but not close, relationship with both, which is not surprising as we're all some distance apart. She also has two childless uncles, and I would say she is much closer to one of the childless uncles, who has been a presence in her life and shown much more interest.

When I was a child, I didn't have childless aunts but had a childless older cousin who was in the same sort of role, and I loved her very much. She was wonderful.

I actually think that having a close family relation who is not your parent becomes more important as you get older, not less! And it's not about being the 'cool aunt'. My cousin wasn't remotely cool - she was a very staid Anglican nun, in fact - but I still have in mind how much I loved being able to talk to someone who was not from my generation, and who wasn't in any position of parental responsibility. It's a rare and useful thing.

My children have 3 childless aunts (my husband's sisters) and they absolutely adore each other! There's so much love between them and they have a lot of fun together. It's amazing to see. My children are 11 and 9 and I really don't think they will ever drift apart from their aunts. It's such a solid bond.

I don't have one, but my late husband's childless aunt considers me her niece, which is lovely. My DH and his sister weren't close to her when they were young. She didn't really know what to do with children, and was quite self centred I think, finding it hard to adapt to them. But when they became adults, she came into her own. I and my SIL are really close to her now. She's amazing to talk to, really interesting, and really cares about us all, in her own way. I visit her more than I visit my own mother.

My children have two child free aunts. One lives in Asia, the other Australia. The one in Australia they don't know at all, they have never even met her (they are early teens). The one in Asia they like and she is definitely a cool aunt, but covid and just general distance and time zone discrepancies mean that they don't know her very well.

I just wanted to say thank you for this post. As a woman who has been unable to have my own children, I am contemplating becoming a much more active presence in my 5- and 3-year-old nieces' lives. I already Zoom weekly and send them monthly letters, but I think I will be able to spend 6 days a month living with them and being their "nanny." I've been wondering how these relationships work out long-term, and this thread has made me feel so reassured.

I have a childress aunt and we are very close! I spent lots if time staying with her and her husband into my late teens and we remained close after I married.
She was widowed a few years ago and has moved closer to me (half a mile away).
My 18 year old has a very close relationship with her too and often stays with her overnight.

I have an aunt who doesn’t have kids, and we’ve always been close. She was able to take me for treats like theatre, shopping, meals in London, that my parents probably couldn’t have. We’re still close now I’m an adult. I think it’s so nice to have an older family member who’s not a parent

Absolutely.

They stay at her house.
She's at every birthday.

They are mid teens now.

I think if you spend time with them and keep in regular contact the relationship will stay good. You can be the fun aunt that takes them to concerts, for shopping trips etc when they are teens.

My kids aren't close to my sil who is childless, but she rarely sees them so the relationship has never been there. It's the same with my brother, he makes little effort to get to know them.

My two are obsessed with their childfree aunt. They love her so much and the feeling is mutual. She is incredible with them. You have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

I have an aunt like you. No dc, she is my closest relative. When we were dc we didn't see her all the time as she lived a short drive away but would come round take us places in her posh car - she had a Mercedes that would speak when the boot or the door wasn't shut properly and we as dc thought it was magic (when in reality aunt had done it on purpose). We would always visit on Christmas eve on the way back from visiting other family have some food and take away all the present bags for our area.

We still speak on the phone regularly, we have seen each other less since covid, for a number of reasons. We get post for my dc and letters. She always makes a fuss if we go round to visit. It is similar with my cousins and their dc. She rings all her neices and nephews regularly and often keeps us in the loop with what everyone else is up to. It lovely.

Both of my aunts were equally close to me growing up - both the one with 2 children, and my other aunt who didn't have children until I was 18. it was like having an older sister, who also told me to wind it in when I needed it! I'm still just as close x

Unfortunately not much of one but that’s because she is a hyper critical nit very nice person who would just bowl up and tell everyone what to do. Her own Mother has cried many a time over her behaviour. Whereas a work colleague of mine who was the childless Aunt and is just a delightful person helped babysit and was very close to them when they were little and still is and those kids are coming up to 40 now and she is mid 70’s.

I have no children but live on the opposite side of the world from family.
I am an “Honourable Aunt” to several delightful young people.
I hope I am the cool aunt.. shopping, cool shoes birthday and Christmas.. they bring a lot of joy to me and am very grateful !

This is kind of off topic, but - just venting here - my sister is a childless aunt (has seven cats and one dog) but has zero interest in my child.

My child is 6 now, and tbh I’ve been staggered by my sister’s complete lack of interest. She comes to the same town I live in twice a week, but has seen him maybe for two hours in the past year.

No support when my partner died suddenly. No support through Covid. Not much other family. (Our mum died a decade ago, my sister unmarried, gay). There are no other nephews or nieces.

Tbh it’s made me hate her, a bit. It’s like it’s out of spite / a fear of losing status / being dragged into that common female destiny of care-giving,
But in fairness she’s quite entitled to her own life choices, and if that’s child-free then so be it.

But maybe reading this thread has reminded me how unnatural that is. Rant over.

I don't know why I'm not already on this thread!

I have a much loved childless aunt. She is a bit of a pain now as old age and a demented husband have rendered her slightly acopic and a lot of work. She also NEVER asks how my sibs and I are anymore which is tedious as it is a one way relationship. When we were younger though it was a much valued two way street and that's why we put up with her now!

I don't have any blood nieces/ nephews but I have lots of urban family ones (i.e. friends children). Most live a long way from their own family so I've not had to compete with the "real" aunts/ uncles. I've nurtured these relationships over many years. these kids are now all teetering towards the end of school. GCSEs and A-Levels galore this summer. I've done babysitting, school / party/ activity pick ups and drop offs, and hours and hours in the bloody play park, or feeding the ducks.

It was a two way street though - I helped with the kids and the parents helped me - nutritious food, proof reading my CV/ job applications, storing my crap during my many job rotations and in one memorable case dealing with a major plumbing disaster in a rental flat.

I got sent back to phonic school at one point too as I was doing a lot of homework time with one family and my Scottish accent (in London) was an issue.

When they got phones I tried to maintain a bit of a relationship independent of their parents. The odd text message at moment when I knew things were going on, or great success had been had. The way it has been embraced has been variable! But we continue to trade the odd picture on what'sapp and most of the threads aren't all messages from me. This text communication is valued by their parents. One friend summed it up really well "I like knowing they have a sensible adult who isn't us who lives in their phone!". She and I have a bet running about how long it will be until I'm called upon to sort out a drunken child or a contraceptive disaster. She is convinced I'll be the first port of call.

Anyway now they are all getting old I feel like I've won the lottery. I've got lots of lovely, lovely teenagers who want to spend time with me. I've been to museums and art galleries, out for lunch & coffee, to school plays and been invited to speech day. It's great. I value it. They value it and it enriches all of our lives.

Not my child, but me. She's like a second (more fun) mum. I'm also like this with my nephews and neices (although unfortunately live in a different city to them)

My nieces are older now late teens/20. Were still as close, just in other ways. My eldest niece is at uni away from home, we WhatsApp regularly & a 90 min phone call isn't unusual.

Theyre very close to both my Mum.& I and its lovely now they're older to see that they really do want to spend time with us, as opposed to being told they're going to Grans or Auntie Glitters. The eldest drives now & they're coming on Monday for us all to go out for lunch - their suggestion.

It's definitely still possible to be the fun Auntie as they get older & to maintain a close relationship