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Original poster

If your kids have a childless aunt, what is their relationship like?

152 replies

garlictwist · 06/09/2021 14:03

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 06/09/2021 15:26

I have a childfree auntie. I'm in my late twenties and we're still very close - despite the age gap, 19 years, she's younger than my mother), we go shopping and see each other for lunch at least once a month. She is the best, really!

BananaPB · 06/09/2021 15:29

My kids are teenagers (so a tough crowd 😉) and the childless /partnerless aspect wouldn't bother them at all. Teenagers show their love differently though. Your nieces and nephews won't want to follow you to the loo, sit on your lap and climb all over you but they'll love you because you'll be a safe haven who makes them happy

MoonbeamSprinkles · 06/09/2021 15:32

I’m a childless aunt and I adore my nieces.

I would say my relationship is more sister than Aunty.
We hang out a lot, and text each other all the time.

Also I take them on holiday with their Mam and we go out as a family.

If we did a day trip as a family we’d probably go out me, my sister, the two nieces and occasionally my mam too and leave the husbands at home.

As I have no children myself I think nothing of treating them financially and get to do big fun presents like nights away and helping them with things like driving lessons.

I LOVE being an aunty and being in their lives.

I think I’d feel more of a drive to have children myself if I didn’t have them tbh.

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hoomans · 06/09/2021 15:34

I am the child free aunt although I hope to have children of my own one day. I have a niece who is four and we have a very close relationship, I only work three days a week and her mum works full time so we have a lot of fun during the week together. I have more time and resources at the moment than my sister due to the fact that I am childless so I added her on to my David Lloyd club membership and i pick her up from nursery early sometimes and we go swimming together most weeks. I took her to Cornwall with me for five days in May and we did lots of cool stuff like going on a high speed rib boat ride together and last week we went to the local fair and we went on the waltzers together. I also buy her lots of cool stuff too as I love buying stuff for her and she probably has a better trainer and shoe collection than I have. It's her birthday in two weeks and my spare room currently looks like Santa's grotto 😁

ParishSpinster · 06/09/2021 15:35

My sister is child free and single.

She sees the kids either when we see her as a family (I very very infrequently see her just on my own) and are visiting my parents, or when the kids are staying with my parents for a week during summer holidays. She lives quite close to my parents and we are an hour away.

My kids like her, I think. She doesn't make a huge amount of effort to see them or be in their lives. She spends a lot of money on then at birthdays and Christmas but I would have preferred she made the effort on their relationship. She has babysat twice. My eldest when she was 2 (now 10) and DH and I went to the cinema, my parents were there too. And second time was my youngest when he was 1 (now 6) for 90 minutes when I took the eldest to a swimming lesson.

The overall family dynamic is strained with my parents too. It's not ideal. But as an auntie, she has sat back and is passive. I've tried to get her to come up and visit or join in shopping trips when I've been down near her with DD, but it's either been stressful and ended badly or she didn't want to come along.

I don't think she sees either child as an individual, more that they are an extension of me. I don't think it has occurred to her to have a separate relationship with them.

hoomans · 06/09/2021 15:41

She also goes to double the amount of parties as many of my friends have young children and they always say oh bring P along and we sometimes go on days out together along with friends children.

marmaladehound · 06/09/2021 15:46

Lots of aunts in my family with no kids and a mix of experiences.

My SIL has no children and won't have any, she has a wonderful relationship with my DD. My DD absolutely adores her, they are very close. My DD is 10 and it has been this way since she was a toddler. I really value this relationship so much as think it's lovely to have a close relationship with an adult who is not a parent, they can be a confidante when in her teens and early adulthood so I really hope they stay close.

My DH and SIL have an aunt who never had kids, she is now in her late 50's and is very close to my DH abs SIL, especially my SIL, they spend a lot of time together, go on holidays together etc. It's a lovely relationship.

I also had an aunt who never had kids but not by choice. My relationship with her was awful as a kid. She really was very nasty at times to me, to the point that my worst childhood memories include her predominantly. Basically she was jealous on many levels and took it out on me. As old age took hold and I was an adult we developed a better relationship, but we were never close. But our relationship really stemmed from her, not me nor anyone else, she clearly had a lot of issues. So I think if you are positive about the relationship with you DNs and value it as you seem to and make the time for them you will continue to have a lovely close relationship within into adulthood.

TheSpanishApartment · 06/09/2021 15:47

OP to add, I'm still close to my grown up nieces and nephews (especially my niece) - in their teens I did trips to London with them, took them to Glastonbury, took them to the theatre, Go Ape, things like that. We still had fun together. It's much easier to be the fun aunt when you aren't tied down yourself.

carolinesbaby · 06/09/2021 15:55

My kids have a much, much older half sister who is more like their aunt. She is 8 years younger than me, and 18 years older than my DD. She has no children and says she won't be having any.
She is like their responsible, but super cool best friend. They love her to bits.

Somethingsnappy · 06/09/2021 15:57

Well, I can tell you that I had (and still have) 2 childless aunties who I was always very very close to. One in particular I am still particularly close to.

My best friend will also remain child-free and is like an auntie to my kids, who adore her.

Original poster
garlictwist · 06/09/2021 16:01

Thanks for all your replies, very encouraging. I love the thought of my nieces texting me when they're older and taking them away on trips etc.

OP posts:
Mulletsaremisunderstood · 06/09/2021 16:17

I think if you invest in spending time with them when they are younger, they will want to maintain that relationship as they get older.

I'm a childfree auntie, have always had a great relationship with my nephews. I used to take them out and buy them stuff all the time. Always give great Christmas presents etc. I don't see them as often now that they are growing up a bit, and I live further away, and the older one just wants to spend time on his phone. He's a typical teenager who wants to see his friends and not his auntie, which is pretty normal.

The younger one still lets me fuss over him Grin. We do baking, go to the park, I watch him play football, we play boardgames. It's really nice. I do hope even when they are adults that we can have a good relationship and maintain contact.

I have a childless uncle who never really paid any attention to us when we were kids, still only see him at Christmas, and even though he was always generous with gifts, I would have preferred if he got to know us or bothered to spend time with us.

CookieAubergine · 06/09/2021 16:22

I think it’s really great that you are considering this, it shows how much you care.

When I was a teen I had a childless aunt and I thought she was soooooo cool. She bought me two tops from Topshop (before my peer group had started shopping there). I didn’t have a clue, she guided me and was confident what would be good. I remember they were quite expensive for what I was used to and that was a thrill.
She also had small mixer cans of ginger ale and coke in her fridge I was able to drink. That was cool. And her house was big and expensive and I had an en suite when I stayed.

Conclusion, be rich Confused (hangs head in shame)

Cuddlemuffin · 06/09/2021 16:25

Neither of my uncles every had children and I hwas always very fond of them both. The older one died a couple of years ago and I still visit his wife. The younger one I am still in contact with and very fond of. Even though I probably spent more time with my auntie and uncle who had children, as a child, in adulthood I'm not as close with that uncle and aunt. I don't think whether you have chn is the deciding factor in the closeness of your relationship with your nieces/nephews. It's more the time you spend with them making memories and being there for them xx

TiredButDancing · 06/09/2021 16:25

It absolutely is up to you actively creating a relationship with them when they're younger. As a parent, one of the things you realise is that you sort of naturally adjust as they get older. Because you see them all the time, so I think it needs to be similar with another adult. But even long distance, it's doable. DS' godmother is childfree and sees DS only every couple of years but they are actually very close - they text and WhatsApp and FaceTime. They will go through periods of more active chit chat than others but she always makes an effort at important moments and DS knows she's there all the time.

I fully expect the two of them to be partying together when he's older and we visit....

Hugoslavia · 06/09/2021 17:02

Non existent. My sister cut me out of her life the moment that my first was born and hasn't seen any of my children at all. She never wanted children, so she said, but think that she was jealous of my kids getting extra attention from my parents..

WTFisNext · 06/09/2021 17:07

My sister is a wonderful aunty and my girls love her. The eldest is 14 and she's still riding high on the aunty love so genuinely hopeful that it'll continue into adulthood.

I don't have any childless aunties but I've got a brilliant relationship with the only one there are 9 to choose from that made an effort with me as a child/teenager. Can't say I'm particularly close to her children but I always make a point of seeing her when I visit my parents.

MorningTeas · 06/09/2021 17:13

This

My experience is that if you are willing to make an effort to engage with them, spend time with them and show an interest in their interests, which it sounds like you are, you’ll have a good relationship with them. They won’t care if you’re married or not!

Totally my experience but from the other side, my children's childless aunt never done any of the above and they have no relationship as adults with her.
I think if you take time to be a part of their lives from a young age and build a relationship, that relationship and bond will be there when they are adults.

x2boys · 06/09/2021 17:16

My 80 yr old aunt has s never been married or had children, she is the oldest of six siblings so has lots of neices, nephews, great neices nephews,
I cant say i have ever been that close to her, but tbh my dad was the only one of the six to move away, the rest t all live near each other, and she seems to have a close relationship with some of my cousins, paticularly her sisters daughters

NobbyButtons · 06/09/2021 17:39

My sister doesn't have any children. She has a horse which my pony-mad daughter thinks is much more sensible. However they don't really see that much of her as she has limited free time and we only tend to meet up a few times a year.

Easyvision01 · 06/09/2021 18:19

Both of my sisters are child-free atm, and my DC have always had great relationships with them. One in particular always makes an effort with them - they go and stay with her, they have their own WhatsApp group, she takes them shopping etc. The DC are young teens now and they still love hanging out with her. Long may it continue!

larkstar · 06/09/2021 18:22

My sister couldn't have children but she has always been so interested a and supportive of my 2 girls - I've always encouraged the relationship both ways and my girls like to go and visit her with their bf's and stay - the relationship is very much their own - they are connected on fb and have their own conversations - I'm very happy about it - good for my girls (now 25 & 28!), good for my sister imho. My sis has always asked about them and I've always kept her up to date. Perhaps the only difficult part for my sister not being with them all the time is realising just how quickly they transition from being children to being independent people with their own lives (I don't always know every aspect of their lives or what they are doing) and them being independently minded adults in their own right with their own views and opinions. It's all good. Just keep in touch and enjoy it - you have a lot to look forward to IMHO - I don't know how you'd describe the relationship exactly - it's definitely not parent child - my sis is just a good friend, another member of the family they can trust and rely on.

GoWalkabout · 06/09/2021 19:04

Dsis has a crazy schedule and is not a frequent visitor or someone who remembers birthdays. But every so often she sends interesting books to our dds, or puts some money in their bank account. She works in a field that interests both dc and so now she mentors them with academic projects, finds them work experience opportunities or sorts them out with all sorts of Chrome add ons on the laptop that help with academic referencing. They have made it to 16 and 18 without her getting drunk with them which I probably have covid to thank for saving us from. She's a niche kind of an aunt for sure!

AlexaShutUp · 06/09/2021 19:08

I have a childless aunt and I'm very fond of her. I don't see her that often though. She has recently been diagnosed with dementia, so the extended family has been trying to do what it can to help. Difficult though, as we are geographically scattered.

JellyNo15 · 06/09/2021 19:28

My childless SIL has been a right pain in the neck. She was a lot older than DH and I and had completely opposing ideas to raising children to DH and I She had no respect for our rules and forever tried putting us down and bribing our DC. So unfortunately she had minimal contact over the years. She still thinks she is the best aunt but my grown up children avoid her at all cost. But I am sure you are not a bit like my SIL.