If your kids have a childless aunt, what is their relationship like?

[garlictwist]

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

I've got a child free uncle.

He's awesome, he always took time to play with us when we were tiny (Popeye 😂), tennis, badminton, took us swimming etc. Generally we'd see him once or twice a year, when he'd come to stay. Those short bursts cemented the bond though and we still have a good relationship - me and my brother - with him. These days we chat about music, sport and artistic interests and his travels. He is just an interesting and fun person to be around. He's 72 this year no sign of retiring yet.

My DC have a great relationship with BIL (also child free). He thinks the world of them and engages them in stuff both they and he are interested in - science, nature, computing etc.

My brother (child free too) plays more games with the DC as he has had the cool uncle example to follow!

I have two childless aunts and am closer to them than my other aunts and uncles. We had them over for Christmas etc more when I was a kid and they have been around more than other aunts and uncles who are busier with their own kids.

I'm not sure kids grow up thinking of women as "spinsters" these days op. It's a really sexist outdated word that I've not heard anyone use in a seriously way for a long time

My aunt lived with us for some time, but then we moved to a different country. She visited often and we went on holidays with her. She was really sociable and a lot of our family friends we knew through her. She knew a lot of successful, independent women (married and single) - who were awesome. me and siblings would go on holiday with her as adults - with and without parents. She passed away, but we were lucky we got to spend her last weeks with her.

Well it really depends on what you're like and how you behave rather than your marital status OP. My DSis who doesn't have children is downright weird and out of touch so no she doesn't have much of a relationship with my now late teen/20s kids. But in fact none of my sisters do. In fact weird sister drives her nieces and nephews a bit mad by saying things like 'have you got a boyfriend yet Maisie?' Or ' have you managed to get a better job?' Niece texted me - we were at a family gathering - and said if she asks me if I have a boyfriend yet one more time I'm going to punch her.

I however am now quite close with two of my nieces and one of my nephews (all in their 20s/30s). We have the same values and outlook. In fact one of my nieces sent me a birthday card - cool Aunty, almost better than a mum (as she and her mum are not close). But I don't try too hard or anything - I just get things from a younger persons perspective and have always been in touch with my inner child!!!!

This isn’t going to happen. Kids just don’t take in things like boring spinster aunts, they’re not culturally encoded like adults with stupid stereotypes.

My aunt didn’t have children and I absolutely loved and still love spending time with her (I’m 30). She always spoke to me like an adult, she was a wonderful cook and would bake all day. She showed me antiques as she was an avid collector. We have a very special relationship.

I’m a childfree aunt. I don’t have a close relationship with my niece & nephew because I didn’t want one. I chose not to have children for many, many reasons, one of which was that I don’t enjoy spending time with them, therefore it is hardly surprising that I wasn’t keen on being an active, involved aunt.

For me, ‘childfree by choice’ means all children, not just the ones I chose not to have.

@garlictwist

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

My father had an older sister who remained childless and didn’t marry until she was 60. She had had a romance during the war but she never talked about him. We found a photo after she died and he was very handsome and possibly American.

We moved around a lot to do with my father’s job but at different times in my life we lived with her and my younger sisters grew up visiting and knowing her well.

We all adored her and loved her until she died. She always remembered our birthdays and sent us cards. When we were older she gave us pieces of jewellery that were our grandmother’s and often sent some money when she knew we might need some. We never asked or indicated she just knew. She would phone us too when times were difficult or we were worried, she just knew. There is a big hole in our lives from losing her. Our dad passed away before her and she had to watch her beloved little brother become very ill. They were always very close.
So cherish your nieces and nephews, spoil them now and then but mostly talk to them as there are so many things I wished I had asked my aunt. She had a very interesting life and had travelled a lot and lived in different countries. She left her house to us and we kept it for ten years because we didn’t want to part with it and it meant we could stay there and see each other. We still have some of her furniture and other things like recipes and cook books. She was an amazing cook.
I hope they love you as much as we loved her.

I had a childless great aunt that I adored.
My sister did too. I remember the day she was told the end was near, she cooked our aunts favourite meal and sat in the nursing home spoon feeding her and watching telly together. We ensured (with other relatives) our aunt wasn't awake alone from then on.

Always remember birthdays, even when they are going through their rubbish forgetting to write thank you letters phase and when they are teenagers who only want to spend time with friends drop them an occasional post card to remind them you're thinking of them. When they get past that phase they will come back to you and later if they have kids they will enjoy watching you be fun aunty to them and remember the things you used to do together when they were small.

I wish my kids had a childless auntie. They're the best!

I actually think the ‘having a child’ aspect of is completely irrelevant.

Why do you think whether or not you have children of your own, would factor into whether your niece and nephew would want to spend time with you when they’re older?

I have a range of people in my life from my parents’ generation. Some - like my Mum’s SIL (who has kids), and some like my uncle, who doesn’t.

I’m close - and in touch with them - because I like them. They’re funny, interesting, kind, involved, and a reminder and tie to my childhood (both my parents have passed away).

I always have a good time when I catch up with these people, and most of the time it’s not with their kids (for those who have them) - who are adults themselves, and who I have a separate relationship with.

I think you’ll be fine, if you continue to make the effort to sustain the relationship!

autistic teens. love going to visit and stay. she has the energy to take them out and about and a dog. all built up since she moved back within travelling distance.

I had a childless aunt and got on very well with her; she had another niece (my cousin), who loved her too. She was a real character and it was great going to visit her, going out with her and all that.

My friend has a childless aunty who she absolutely adores and looks at like a best friend.

When she was a teen this aunty is the first one she told about her boyfriends and when she was drinking etc

Her aunty would then tell her mum but the mum would pretend she didn't know!

Now she's grown up she still has a close relationship with her and I can't see that stopping anytime soon.

I have 6 children DHs sister doesn't have children of her own - she is also about 20 years older than dh and I.

My kids have a really good relationship with her, she has been there for all the big things in their lives (and dh and mines!) .

She regularly takes them places, the go on holidays together (not all at once it tends to be two kids at a time ).

She taught the kids to swim, she takes them on hikes etc - she is sporty and active i am not! So it works well.

She isnt a “fun” aunt she will tell off my kids if they are being a pain, she doesnt aim so much to be their friend but she has been such a huge part of their lives that i dont think they could imagine life without her!

Adored my childless auntie. She was so much fun, and didn't talk to us in child speak like people with kids do. We had a relationship separate of our parents, she would take us on holiday. She put a lot of work in and we would spend Christmas, new year, half term etc together. I never stopped having a great relationship with her, and was closer to her than my mum was to her as an adult. She passed away, quite young earlier this year, and it's been the hardest thing I've been through. What I'm trying to say, is it doesn't have to be like how you describe, but I think the key is putting the time in and caving your own relationship, separate from parents (if mum is ok with that) snd if that's something you want.

My db is childless, he’s a great uncle to dds and they love him. He takes them for days out and spoils them. They get the best birthday/Christmas gifts that I’d never think of getting. They talk to him loads, stuff they don’t tell me. He’s always pleased to see how well they do in school and clubs.

My children are approaching teenage year and they adore their childless aunt and uncle. My sister and brother are in their twenties, so around 15 years younger than me.

DC like my siblings more than ever now. DB and DS live in a share house, wear ripped jeans, smoke rolled cigarettes, mix cocktails and DB plays the guitar and drums. They both know people in indie bands. They practically radiate youth, charisma and all-round coolness (at least as far as DC are concerned).

I am old and cranky, wear cardigans and sensible shoes and expect people to eat vegetables and go to bed by 9pm on a school night. I know they prefer...

This is about your relationship with them, not vice versa. Put in effort, they will want to see you. If you don’t they won’t. Children value time, basically.

My dc's favourite Aunt and Uncle are married and childless, but have a ridiculous number of dn & dn's. They enjoy spending time with all their dn's and doing different activities with dn's depending on age and interests. With my young adults they take them to quirky restaurants and cocktails bars, take them on city breaks, introduce them to a lifestyle so different compared to what I can offer. They also happily build sandcastles on the beach/bake a cake with younger dn, and sing nursery rhymes/babysit babies. They truly are fantastic aunt and uncle, who are adored by all their dn because they invest their time. If you want to be a beloved aunt, don't treat all dn the same by actually finding out their interests and choosing activities that they will enjoy doing (but important it's something you visably enjoy too), you are in a privileged position of enjoying the best bits of being actively involved in a child's life and helping shape the person they become without the responsibility of being a parent, a bit like a grandparents.

My Aunty couldn't have children. As children we utterly adored her and sleep overs at her house used to be the highlight of our holidays. She had endless energy and enthusiasm in a way our parents just couldn't when with us every day. My children love her now for the same reason.

As a teenager, she was like my second Mum. She used to take me out from boarding school on weekends, she was involved in helping me choose my ball gown etc.

As an adult, I speak to her less frequently than my own mum but we have been on holidays together and we have an easy and natural relationship. She will always have a special place in my heart.

I am the kid. Well...I'm 51. I adore my childless aunt, I went on a holiday with her in 2019, we share a hobby, she is great. Like an older, wiser friend who is always there for me. She's been fab with my kids too. Hugely important to me.

Oh you will be fine and they will love you.

Mine are all adults now and as they lived hundreds of miles away it's not been a close relationship in terms of miles but I have always had aunty brownie points for presents.

This did get harder as they got older and I didn't know what was 'in' so I found asking teenagers' for help in shopping centres useful.

Oh and I bought shares in Signet, a single share gives you a 10% discount at H Samuel and Ernest Jones which is handy, particularly when you have nieces.

I have one son who’s grown up no daughters
I am very close to both of my nieces 13 & 24
Have taken them both on holiday in the past on their own with me
Speak to them both several times a week and Watsapp
My DH adores the 13 year old and often takes her out if she is off school in the holidays for a meal at the pub - that way we get all the family gossip 😂
We have 3 grown up boys between us so taking my nieces out is like having returnable daughters 😂

My dc had no relationship with their childless aunt. She hates kids and that's why she never had any. I kept them out of her way because she was openly nasty and a bit twisted. She would say horrible things about them and other children.
They had a childless uncle who was fantastic with them though.
Nice to read about all the lovely aunts on here.

My dc are young adults now and my older sister a pensioner. She was a godsend when they were little - always willing to get down on the floor and play while I sat on the sofa with a cuppa. Just to have someone to whom the playmobil, the dressing up, the 'I am the teacher and you are the pupil' was all a novelty! She was once held hostage in a pop-up Cinderella castle for most of Xmas Day.
But she backed me up with discipline, she once ran my house for a fortnight while one of the dc was in hospital, and was very constant in the dc's lives.
She was mildly upset that dd would not allow her to indulge her love for glittery hair baubles and frilly dresses, but got over it.
As the dc got older they went through stages of eye-rolling at her arrival, and now see her as something of a dotty old dear. But they always come out to see her and have a chat.
She's someone they know they can 100% rely on who will always cheer them on.
DH had two spinster aunts and has very fond memories of them. Often if we mention a castle or monument or zoo, he will recall that Auntie X took him there in 1972.