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Original poster

If your kids have a childless aunt, what is their relationship like?

152 replies

garlictwist · 06/09/2021 14:03

For various reasons I do not, and will not be having, children of my own. My sister has two children who are currently very young (under 5). They live locally and I try and have a big part in their lives, seeing them regularly, spending time with them etc.

I love them - obviously not as mother would (although clearly I don't know what this feels like) but "love" best sums up my feelings for them.

The kids are quite keen on me and seem to like having me around. However, I am aware that as they grow older that will probably change and I'll just be this boring spinster aunt who they're forced to see now and again.

I suppose I'm looking for stories from the future - if your kids have an aunt like me and are older - do they still want to see her?

OP posts:
MargaretHooper · 06/09/2021 19:31

I'm the childless aunt, and my now 28 year old niece has always enjoyed a trip with me. Childless aunts are the best fellow travellers! We're meeting in Berlin next month. She's working abroad and I can't get into the country she is living in just now (Covid rules) so we've planned an alternative, to keep her going until she can get home at Christmas. this is an aunty thing to do!

TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty · 06/09/2021 19:43

The key, as you’ve already said, is in the effort and commitment you put into the relationship. My DC’s childless aunt seemed very quickly to run out of interest and DC detected that, so the relationship now is cordial but not warm.

thecatsthecats · 06/09/2021 19:50

I'm currently a childless aunt and have a childless aunt or three knocking around.

My favourite aunts and uncles out of the 16 aunts and uncles I have are two of the childless ones. But then so is my least favourite.

As a childless aunt, I'm not massively involved with them as little kids, but then neither were my childless aunts and uncles.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
EstuaryBird · 06/09/2021 19:56

I’m 66 now and my childless Aunt is 95…I live in the UK and she lives in Aus but I’ve visited her many times and we talk at least once a week on the phone.

While I was growing up she was my best friend, I could talk to her when I couldn’t talk to my mother. I stayed at her house with my friend every Summer, in my teens we used to go on camping holidays together. We went to football matches and concerts.

Even though we’ve lived on opposite sides of the planet since 1979 she’s still the first person I turn to when I need to talk.

There is no reason for you to lose your relationship with your neices and I’m sure you won’t. An understanding Aunt is a treasure.

LaMariposa · 06/09/2021 19:58

My primary age children have two childfree aunts, one on either side. On DHs side they love her but see little of her due to distance - she interacts and plays with them. On my side mine don’t really see my sister that much as she has a very active life and doesn’t prioritise them - she’s not very interested in them. I’m hopeful that will change as they get older!

scrivette · 06/09/2021 20:09

My nieces and nephew have a childless aunt on the other side and she is definitely the 'cool auntie' and has time to take them to the cinema, spend time with them individually and take a big interest in them.

canary1 · 06/09/2021 20:12

My kids love their aunts! And at various times would prefer them to me! Your niece/ nephew will be delighted to have you in their lives xxxx

kowari · 06/09/2021 20:17

Might depend on the age gap but I am close to my childless aunt (20 years older) and DS gets along well with his (18 years older).

SpeedRunParent · 06/09/2021 20:17

My oldest sister has stayed child-free and I have three teens. She has always played a big part in their lives, despite living an hour away, and remains a much loved, very important member of our family.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 06/09/2021 20:33

My sister in law is a childless aunt to 3 kids and they all have a lovely relationship with her. She has made a huge effort to be in their lives and is close with all three.

TrampolineForMrKite · 06/09/2021 20:37

Excellent. She’s my sister and my children adore her and she puts the hours in. But I will say that she’s really, really tried because our own childless, maternal aunt never tried with us and patently didn’t like us much and we were very sad at the lack of relationship, so we’ve all endeavoured to create a special relationship with her. I hope it continues into adulthood for my kids.

moofolk · 06/09/2021 20:39

Childless aunts are THE BEST.

Keep being you and keep your relationship good with them.

You're a trusted grown io who's not their parents. And probably much more fun.

LooksBetterWithAFaceMask · 06/09/2021 20:41

My childless sister has a great relationship with my 3 dc. Dd is 18 and the three of us go to lots of live concerts (or did pre Covid) she watches loads of kids films with ds2 who is 11 and tries to take an interest in ds1’s interests although he is harder to get close to because he is very quiet but he appreciates her efforts.
She is fun and spoils them rotten and they all love a trip to visit her.

Chloemol · 06/09/2021 20:45

I am a child free aunt. Ihave a great relationship with all four of my nephews and great nieces, in fact I help look after one of them

Maverickess · 06/09/2021 20:51

My DD is 18 and she has an amazing relationship with my sister, there's 12 years between me and my sister and then 12 years between DD and my sister, she's been a rock in her life, and given us both so much support, and DD still gets a lot out of their relationship and she talks to her/spends time with her regularly off her own back.
The age thing might have something to do with it, but tbh, all the kids, no matter what age in our family, love my sister!

MuchTooTired · 06/09/2021 20:53

My darling aunt had no children of her own. She was like a second mother to me - I used to get her a card on Mother’s Day. I knew that it didn’t matter what I’d done, I’d always have a home with her and she was my safe place. I’ve so many memories throughout my childhood and adult life with her. She died suddenly a few years ago and I miss her so much. Even now I sometimes forget this and pick up the phone to call her for a chat before I remember.

My own children are only young, but my sister has said she’d like to be to them what our aunt was to us. She’s got a tough act to follow Grin

Antinerak · 06/09/2021 20:59

I am the childless aunt and have a wonderful relationship with my nephews and nieces. I regularly babysit 2 nieces and my nephew and see the rest of them most months. My eldest niece and I often have girly nights in and days out shopping. My lack of children has never interrupted the relationship i have with them, i think they enjoy having 1:1 time with an adult with no distractions, especially my oldest nephew who is one of 5.

Allthingspeaches · 06/09/2021 21:04

I wouldn't assume that's how it will turn out. If you have a relationship with them as they grow they will continue to love you regardless of your relationship/parenting status.

Dartsplayer · 06/09/2021 21:15

My DC have a childless aunt and they absolutely adore her. They are 14 and 11 and like it even more now that they are older so can just go round there on the own when they choose

QueenB5 · 06/09/2021 21:23

My Mum had a childless aunt. She once told my mum that every other neighbour had flowers on their windowsill except her on Mother’s Day, my mum didn’t buy her a card but always bought her flowers after that. I thought of her as a grandmother and even named one of my daughters middle names after her. She passed away 17 years ago but I still think of her regularly. My mum said she never tried to be her mother but as she grew older her neighbours and friends were told with great pride all about her nieces and great nieces and nephews. She had a fabulous childless life that most women couldn’t have done back then but still had the unconditional love of her sister’s 2 daughters and their children.

Dailywalk · 06/09/2021 21:31

Not aunts but my kids have childless uncles. They enjoy spending time with them. They’re seen as cooler than us because they’re not parents! I think they have a good relationship because they show an interest in the kids. Keep doing that and you can’t go too wrong.

Coronawireless · 06/09/2021 21:38

@JellyNo15

My childless SIL has been a right pain in the neck. She was a lot older than DH and I and had completely opposing ideas to raising children to DH and I She had no respect for our rules and forever tried putting us down and bribing our DC. So unfortunately she had minimal contact over the years. She still thinks she is the best aunt but my grown up children avoid her at all cost. But I am sure you are not a bit like my SIL.
Gosh that sounds like you cut her off from your DCs because you didn’t like her and because she “bribed” them. When the whole point, as so many people have said on this thread, is that the child-free aunt gets the joy of spoiling the child. What a shame for your SIL - there’s always someone like you unfortunately.
ThatsNotMyReindeer · 06/09/2021 21:39

Not quite what you asked but I have a childless uncle (my dad brother). Hes been like a father figure to me, my dad was never bothered. Pretty much all my fond childhood memories include my uncle. I'm mid 30s now and hes almost 70, we're still close and see each other regularly.

I think its more to do with the person as an individual rather than whether or not they chose to have children

AliMonkey · 06/09/2021 21:43

My mum stayed great friends with her childless aunt throughout her life. In fact as children we probably saw almost as much of our great aunt as we did our grandma (and mum was close to her mum so it's not that we hardly saw her). I always get the impression that childless aunts are seen as the fun relative, provided they foster a close relationship with their nieces/nephews. Almost like having a much older sister.

Kendodd · 06/09/2021 21:54

My children only have one aunt and uncle, my husband's brother and his wife, they have no children and won't have any in the future, not through choice. They have almost no relationship with my now teenage children and never have. We see them once or twice a year, that's all. They have never paid any interest in my children and never even sent them a birthday card.
It actually makes me really sad. They have no other relatives, no cousins and so I wish they had a closer relationship with the aunt and uncle they do have.