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Original poster

Why, just why do people this

282 replies

LegendaryReady · 04/09/2021 15:42

Couples posting lovey lovey messages to each other on their public social media.

Everything from Happy Birthday to my wonderful wife to OMG thank you so much amazing DH for the really expensive xyz.

Presumably as they have such amazing relationships and they live in the same house they can say these things easily face to face.

Is it to run others' who may not be so fortunate noses in it? Do their partners need this public validation? Do they not actually talk to each other?

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 05/09/2021 19:08

@peboh that isn’t the kind of thing the OP and those of us who agree mean! It’s a huge achievement, probably inspiring and no doubt of genuine interest to his friends and relatives.

OmgIcantbelieveshedidit · 05/09/2021 19:08

@Carriecakes80

I'm one of the only people in my family with a really happy marriage...I see misery, hear about fighting, get to listen to the awful lives some folk have, have been in the middle of one of the nastiest divorces ever from my own parents where both wanted to commit suicide, and I feel bloody lucky to be able to post gushy soppy lovely messages to my other half. He's awesome, really amazing, and I spent many a long year being a single parent until a chance meeting, and now 16 years together he still makes me feel the happiest I have ever been... he took on my kids, and we have our own, and he still wakes me up with a coffee and breakfast before he goes to work, and I love the fact my kids see the soppy posts we put to one another on fb, because I want exactly the same for them one day. They see us kiss all the time, and they see what we do for one another, and they know our little fb posts are just us being dappy n soppy and happy...if you don't like it, don't read it lol. Scroll on!! Its not to rub peoples noses in it, its called being a bit loved up and the kind of person who likes to show it I guess! :-) x
If you were my friend I'd be pleased for you too! That sounds lovely.
AudreyTattoo · 05/09/2021 19:11

@Carriecakes80

I'm one of the only people in my family with a really happy marriage...I see misery, hear about fighting, get to listen to the awful lives some folk have, have been in the middle of one of the nastiest divorces ever from my own parents where both wanted to commit suicide, and I feel bloody lucky to be able to post gushy soppy lovely messages to my other half. He's awesome, really amazing, and I spent many a long year being a single parent until a chance meeting, and now 16 years together he still makes me feel the happiest I have ever been... he took on my kids, and we have our own, and he still wakes me up with a coffee and breakfast before he goes to work, and I love the fact my kids see the soppy posts we put to one another on fb, because I want exactly the same for them one day. They see us kiss all the time, and they see what we do for one another, and they know our little fb posts are just us being dappy n soppy and happy...if you don't like it, don't read it lol. Scroll on!! Its not to rub peoples noses in it, its called being a bit loved up and the kind of person who likes to show it I guess! :-) x
Like the pp, I too think that's so sweet and I'd be happy if my friend told me all about that. But when it's social media, most of them aren't really friends so probably not that arsed..? But yeah, they have the option to mute or unfriend.
thingymaboob · 05/09/2021 19:11

@LegendaryReady absolutely agree. Think it's so weird to do that. Almost as weird as people posting pictures of their children wishing them happy birthday when they're too young to even have a SM account. "Happy 5th Birthday Toby, hope you have a wonderful day. Mummy & Daddy love you xxx"

My best mate has a terrible husband - lazy, inconsiderate and immature. They have huge blazing rows and I get to hear all about it all the time but on the same day she's complaining to me about him, she's gushing about him on social media "my better half" etc etc. Urgh.

Foquita · 05/09/2021 19:11

I agree with you OP. I find that very strange and kind of a looking for attention behaviour. I have an amazing husband and we truly have a lovely relationship etc but I never post anything soapy about him in social media as I prefer to tell him in person or show him my love and how lucky I feel to have him to him directly, he’s with me everyday anyway. I have a friend that does what you mention, we’ve been to holidays with her, her partner and children and in very holiday we’ve been together they have ended having horrible arguments, she is in tears, he storms out etc. My husband even says that he gets very uncomfortable to be in holiday with them and their relationship is very problematic. The last holiday he even ended up driving back home on his own. My point is, many people’s use of social media shows their insecurities and not everything what you see is the truth. In fact, I recently found out that a couple of FB friends that I don’t see often as they live abroad have split up with their husbands which was very strange as they were constantly posting about how lovely and perfect their husbands were.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 05/09/2021 19:22

I agree 100% and I think it’s the way SM makes people feel they have to share every detail of their lives. But when I realised it annoyed me I thought to myself, that’s my problem not anyone else's, so I signed out.

I only go on facebook to look at one or two groups I’m a member of once in a while, and steer clear of ‘the wall’ 😆

HipTightOnions · 05/09/2021 19:26

For those of us who remember when “being a show off” was universally frowned upon, the change is really quite astonishing.

AudreyTattoo · 05/09/2021 19:27

@BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward

I agree 100% and I think it’s the way SM makes people feel they have to share every detail of their lives. But when I realised it annoyed me I thought to myself, that’s my problem not anyone else's, so I signed out.

I only go on facebook to look at one or two groups I’m a member of once in a while, and steer clear of ‘the wall’ 😆

Yes, I agree with both the points you make here. I think social media makes people think they have to share a lot and if there isn't enough sharing about how in love they are then maybe they aren't really in love or something... Which is why I guess my exsil started a lot of this just before her marriage ended. She knew it was going badly wrong with bil and sought validation on FB.

I also agree that people who don't like it though, have the option to unfriend, mute or just leave the site if they don't like it.

It's fine not to post whatever you want, (and lord how people do just that), and it's also fine not to like it. But there are options if it's annoying you. Tbf, I don't think op ever said there weren't.

GreekMIL · 05/09/2021 19:28

Yabu. It's a godsend for nosey people like me 👀

AudreyTattoo · 05/09/2021 19:29

Random not in there^^

Meant to say, "It's fine to post whatever you want"

Happymum12345 · 05/09/2021 19:29

It makes me chuckle.

GreekMIL · 05/09/2021 19:31

@Thislittlefinger123

In my experience OP, it's usually the case that the more gushing a couple do on SM, the shitter their relationship behind closed doors Grin Grin
Like the "my kids are my life" people. Spend most of their days trying to palm their kids of on someone else but gush on social media about "making memories" and "blessed".
Winterflower84 · 05/09/2021 19:41

It's utterly ridiculous OP, I agree. And the more eloquent these couples are, the more doubtful I am that everything is alright in their relationship.

SunShinesBrightly · 05/09/2021 19:42

@Thislittlefinger123

In my experience OP, it's usually the case that the more gushing a couple do on SM, the shitter their relationship behind closed doors Grin Grin
I was just about to say this.

In my experience gushing couple posts soon turn into ‘Cheating is a choice not a mistake’ or ‘You can hurt or you can heal’ memes.

Justajot · 05/09/2021 19:46

I'm intrigued by the idea that this is an indication of a troubled relationship. What do people who post this stuff do when they split up? Do they go back through their FB and delete it all or do they get constant memories of this stuff popping up?

IhaveaBigBum · 05/09/2021 19:47

@Thislittlefinger123

In my experience OP, it's usually the case that the more gushing a couple do on SM, the shitter their relationship behind closed doors Grin Grin
This x 1000
Livelovebehappy · 05/09/2021 19:47

Exactly why I don’t use face book. It’s just a bragging forum, and gets really tedious. Some people enjoy joining in with a bragging fest, and if so, that’s fine. But it’s not for me.

Roughasabadgersbum · 05/09/2021 19:49

@Thislittlefinger123

In my experience OP, it's usually the case that the more gushing a couple do on SM, the shitter their relationship behind closed doors Grin Grin
I was about to say exactly the same! Grin
bemusedmoose · 05/09/2021 19:49

It always makes me feel they are trying to project this picture perfect image to the world, which is actually a complete lie, most likely to cover up something.

Like family photos - saw a family in their most beautiful clothes in a field full of mud for these perfect insta pics of what a wonderful time they were having.... Well the kids were being yelled at not to touch anything, not to get dirty, not to play, don't touch mums white dress, don't touch mums face .. The mum was screaming at them the whole time while the dad was trying to keep them still long enough to set the camera timer... This went on a good hour or more before they got their pictures and left. The picture perfect shots appear on a few local feeds - looked idilic, gushing write up about the fab time... But i saw it and it was hell! All the other families were having a great time, playing, getting muddy not shouting... But these picture perfect gushers had an awful time, they only turned up for the photos and didn't take part in anything that was fun but to the world it looked like they did.

Barmychick · 05/09/2021 19:58

🤤

NChelpforDH2021 · 05/09/2021 20:03

I think it’s okay sometimes, in the example you posted Op where there was an award, I think it’s nice.

It’s the people who do it ALL the time I don’t believe. SIL is the worst for it, everything is the best ever and so blessed on Facebook but her reality is very different. Her ex was abusive and some of the most over the top posts she put on coincided with the worst instances of abuse, think she was trying to convince herself.

thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2021 20:11

Meh...

I know what people mean about performative relationships. And there's definitely an inverse correlation between the amount people post about their relationships and the quality of the relationship. There's definitely a bit of protesting too much.

But at the same time I think the hatred of Facebook and over-diagnosis of people's reasons for using it is the real pathology here.

Judging people for the way they conduct themselves on social media seems to be the new moral code. People are sneered at for pretty much anything they do: too many selfies, too many filters, inspirational quotes, memes, football posts, politics posts, you name it. It''s kind of hard to express yourself on FB without pissing someone off or being judged by them. And its striking that the vast majority of this is directed at women.

For those people who think the corrective to this is to commit Facebook suicide: maybe. If it bothers you that much you'd probably be happier without it. But I can't help thinking that getting so upset about the way billions of people use a social network to communicate and express themselves is weirder than most of the stuff they do.

If you went to the pub and celebrated your anniversary with your husband people would allow you to crack on. Why is it such bad form to do it digitally? It's not very rational.

bobblebeebob · 05/09/2021 20:16

Im with you. Im not yet one of those people. Neither is DH or either of our families

Its show off types who do it. And there are a lot a round these days

It always makes me cringe when people do these posts foe their husband/wife but i know their relationship is not in a good place

FreyaW · 05/09/2021 20:16

Because they're insecure and petty.

AudreyTattoo · 05/09/2021 20:17

If you went to the pub and celebrated your anniversary with your husband people would allow you to crack on. Why is it such bad form to do it digitally? It's not very rational.

But in a number of cases it's more like; you go to the pub and give a speech about your wonderful partner to people who don't really know either of you. Then you do the same thing the following week.

It certainly isn't anything to get genuinely irate about or wound up to the point of hate or anything. But I don't think anyone has said they have got to that point, have they? More a passing "why would you ever do that?" sort of comment. Which I understand.