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Original poster

Why, just why do people this

282 replies

LegendaryReady · 04/09/2021 15:42

Couples posting lovey lovey messages to each other on their public social media.

Everything from Happy Birthday to my wonderful wife to OMG thank you so much amazing DH for the really expensive xyz.

Presumably as they have such amazing relationships and they live in the same house they can say these things easily face to face.

Is it to run others' who may not be so fortunate noses in it? Do their partners need this public validation? Do they not actually talk to each other?

OP posts:

MrsPsmalls · 05/09/2021 22:56

Some people only seem to think they exist if someone is watching them. Without validation they disappear shrivel up and die. They don't appear to have any interior life at all. Sky TVs A Brave New World anyone?

thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2021 23:13

@LimeRedBanana

Well to give you an example: there's an awful lot of pile-ons of women associated with the way they choose to present themselves on social media. People using filters, taking selfies etc.

I've lost count of the number of threads on here where a hapless individual who posts a lot of selfies (and is, shock horror, female and over 40) is used as a kind of cautionary tale as to how women should behave. Its seen as attention seeking, vain, evidence of shallowness and insecurity etc etc. All of it pretty straw-grasping stuff.

In real life its generally frowned up on be explicitly bitchy about other women's appearance (what does she think she looks like etc). It happens, for sure, but its definitely not cool and the catch-all #bekind police will have a word. Yet when a woman posts an attractive picture of herself online its always immediately dismissed as evidence of insecurity.

Don't get me wrong there are plenty of reasons not to like Facebook and other kinds of social media and it can definitely bring out a narcissistic streak. But very little of the stuff which gets commented upon is really very serious.

For time immemorial people have tended to put the best public gloss on their relationships in public. Partly out of loyalty to their partner, partly out of pride. It's as old as the hills. And while its a bit tiresome having to read dozens of "I wuv you" posts, its just a digital extension of the best foot forward approach people take in real life.

Somehow sneering at people's behaviour of Facebook seems to have become a sport. I find it quite unpleasant and small-minded.

Needawayout · 05/09/2021 23:16

Only a few Friends do this (well actually it's their DHs) thankfully and it's definitely the ones that are the most insecure. Interestingly one was devastated by her father's affair as a teen. I see it as them needing constant reassurance and validation and feel a bit sorry for their partners who seem to need to go to extreme lengths to keep them happy.

Out of interest - those pp who say they do post soppy stuff would the responses on this thread put you off now, would you worry that your friends think you must have a crappy relationship in real life ??

Concernedbudgiecarer · 05/09/2021 23:37

I can only answer for myself-I'm known to do this every so often when I'm feeling particularly loved up and soppy. However, my last relationship was abusive, as was life growing up with my parents, so I do it genuinely because I'm the happiest I've ever been and I genuinely want to scream it from the rooftops.
That said, if I see someone else post something incredibly soppy and cringe worthy, I'm all for it and feel really happy at their happiness.
But I think it comes down to personal preference, you either like stuff like that or you don't, I just find myself really intrigued by how different people are in general. Maybe I'm just weird

WIS76 · 05/09/2021 23:40

@LegendaryReady

Couples posting lovey lovey messages to each other on their public social media.

Everything from Happy Birthday to my wonderful wife to OMG thank you so much amazing DH for the really expensive xyz.

Presumably as they have such amazing relationships and they live in the same house they can say these things easily face to face.

Is it to run others' who may not be so fortunate noses in it? Do their partners need this public validation? Do they not actually talk to each other?

Completely agree this drives me mad! I always assume couples that do this are really not happy and are trying to present a certain face to the world. My DH and I just talk to each other.

ChampagneKisses · 05/09/2021 23:50

I don't and in response my dad posted a nasty message on Father's Day about how sad he was that none of his children has spoken to him, visited 'or posted' about it. He looked like right knob when all three of his kids commented that they had spoken to him. He deleted it soon after but got some sympathy. None of us post that he's the best dad ever. Cause he's not.

Sudoku88 · 05/09/2021 23:53

@SalsaLove

I assume it’s to share their happiness with their friends and family. Why is your first thought so negative? Do you rub people’s noses in things?

It’s called smugness- ‘ look at me, I’m so happy, I’m so lucky, I’ve got such a wonderful family, life’s so wonderful, I have the most wonderful, fantastic loving husband etc etc….. get the gist?

All very boasty and puke worthy. If you love you wonderful, fantastic, kind, loving, multi- talented partner to bits, why not just tell it to their face rather than post all this crap on social media to rub other people’s faces in it?

ellyeth · 06/09/2021 00:34

It's just self-absorbed and irritating. Why do some people think their lives are so important to others that they need to make public proclamations and detail every event in their lives.

Mamanyt · 06/09/2021 01:02

LOL, I'd be quite shocked to find a loving message on my FB, actually. Maybe I just have friends who don't find it necessary. There are plenty of "my wonderful wife" general comments, but they don't go on and on. Far too many "look at what I had for lunch" posts, though. Good for you. I did well to pour a bowl of cereal.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 06/09/2021 01:22

I have a friend who's just like this! 'Treat to the latest phone by my gorgeous hubby' 'happy anniversary babe me and the girls are sooooooo lucky to have you in our lives' I'm seriously tempted to reply back with a ton of 🤢 emojis and now the even more annoying thing is the millions of posts about how proud she is of her autistic DD. Now don't get me wrong I'm not dissing that fact. It's more of the fact her twin sister barely gets a mention.

Maskless · 06/09/2021 05:49

My NDN do this. They literally only have two rooms so are close together in each other's company all the time they are not at work. I can also hear them going out and coming in, so know for a fact that they have posted gushing, sickly love notes about each other on FB whilst being in the same room or at most in the adjoining room

They are in their late 50s.

Mothership4two · 06/09/2021 06:30

I've always looked askance at it too. Also when Mums do it to their kids, I just think, well just tell them then. I do understand if there is a significant achievement you might want to spread that message. I guess if that floats your boat.. but it's just not me

ivykaty44 · 06/09/2021 07:05

I always presume its because things aren't going so well in the relationship so they are trying really really hard

Beastieboys · 06/09/2021 08:06

You are so right...... Its the multiple pouty posers staring at the camera with the puppy dog "look at me, look at me" aren't I just so gorgeous eyes that do my head in!.... I have no issue with people taking photos to keep but it's week after week of the same thing!

EstellaHanclay · 06/09/2021 08:38

Or when people post a huge gushing happy birthday post to their two year old about how much they love them. I’m like hold on… can your two year old read? Have they a Facebook account? Who the hell is this post actually for and why? So many questions.

WimpoleHat · 06/09/2021 08:40

Who the hell is this post actually for and why?

This sums it up! In fact, it sums up most of Facebook, really.

Barney60 · 06/09/2021 08:42

With you op, dont get it either.

Bangolads · 06/09/2021 08:59

Triggered you? Are you kidding? If you’re triggered by this it’s on you to remove yourself. I wouldn’t do it and find it silly but accept people are proud of their relationships and stuff like this makes them feel good. I think you’re saying ‘triggered’ to garner sympathy and I don’t like it one bit.

Margerine78 · 06/09/2021 09:29

OP, I'm with you, I'm always a little suspicious. I know unhappy people who are so O.T.T in this respect as it's presenting a facade to hide the truth. I also think (to be fair) there's also extraverted types who are genuine but live their lives in the public arena but I'm not one of those so I'm a less is more and keep it private person !

aSofaNearYou · 06/09/2021 10:23

Appreciating people on SM is just an established part of modern culture that's hard to shake off. Since being with DP I have found I have drifted away from doing this, because the feeling of "well I live with him so what's the point" slowly set in. But I think you underestimate how much of the general psyche this way of behaving is and how that trickles down to "the norm" for the average person, it's not as simple as just "oh they're trying to brag" etc. I think really interesting essays could be written on this subject.

Mummadeze · 06/09/2021 10:28

I absolutely love reading about my friend’s feeling joyful, happy and in love. I am not in a happy relationship so I find romance inspiring. If people want to wear their hearts on their sleeve, I say good for them. Why be so negative and judgemental. Being happy for others can make you feel happy yourself!

SirChenjins · 06/09/2021 11:05

I feel perfectly happy already - I don’t need to see my pal’s declaration of love for her DH to feel happy

MakeMathsFun · 06/09/2021 12:17

Just brushed my teeth again. Soooo happy, I thought everyone would wan to know.

It is all annoying.

SirChenjins · 06/09/2021 12:57

I'm soooo glad you shared that @MakeMathsFun - your happiness makes me happy!

EspressoDoubleShot · 06/09/2021 14:19

@Thislittlefinger123

In my experience OP, it's usually the case that the more gushing a couple do on SM, the shitter their relationship behind closed doors

I absolutely agree with this Anecdotally that’s my experience

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