For those with high achievers - how (honesty please!)

[1AngelicFruitCake]

As the title! Inspired by the thread about why people don’t confess to tutoring their children. If your child is in the ‘exceeding/above expectations’ range then what is it you do at home to help?

It’s in the genes op!

@Plumtree391

Films and audiobooks are good but reading is such a joy.

I get more joy from films than books these days.

My eldest is very bright and always high achieving academically.

When she was small we always read her reading book per school request.

I also always read to her at bedtime.

I also supported her interests or what they were doing at school. Eg if they were doing Anglo Saxons take her to see Sutton Hoo exhibition at British Museum.

But beyond that I really do not input into her work. She is quite self contained and doesn't like loads of adult direction.

I think one of the most important things dh and I did was to really think carefully about her as a person. To understand that she is not a kid that thrives in loads of scheduled activities. That she isn't interested in music - despite it being my passion. That she is not into competition sports - despite the fact that we love them.

I supposed allowing her the space to thrive?

She's 12 now and totally independent academically.

I just think she is blessed with a very quick brain and prodigious memory.

She did the 11plus for grammar school and did not expect to get in as we aren't even in catchment. She must have done exceptionally well as she was offered a place. Although we chose another nonselective school in the end.

In terms of prep in the summer holidays before the 11+ test, she did three past papers for each test - to familiarise her with how the questions worked and the timing. But that really was it.

And it turns out that her real gift is art - her new art teacher said she hadn't really realised as she is so quiet in class but she was looking through DDs work prior to parents evening and did a double take as DDs work was so good. She's been put on some kind of G&T scheme for art.

And this is something DH and I have had absolutely zero input into - and I mean zero. She's just been drawing in her room by herself. I think its in the genes as there are several similar talents in DHs family.

So art and academics she if very talented. The opposite is true of sports. She is poorly coordinated gangly and really really struggles. My hope is she gets into something like cycling that will keep her fit but she will never be a sportswoman!

I’ve talked with 2 of my children who have been through the school system and have had average results but thrived at university. There belief is that the children who get the A* are basically those who:

1. Have phenomenal memories - that what gets high grades in exams
2. Particularly at A level, spend most of their free time studying

However, while it is lovely to achieve exam success I think most of us who have been in the working world for any length of time know that there is so much more to success that this. My middle son did averagely well at school but he has amazing people skills and is a natural leader. I think such qualities as these are much more valuable in the modern workplace. One of the most amazing managers and leaders I have ever worked for had a middle of the road degree.

*their

I’m late to the party. My DC are doing wonderfully but I’m going to go at it from at different angle-increasing the potential of, and the love of learning of any child.

I’m a teacher with a track record of producing “good learners” and as such get shuffled around from time to time to improve the outcomes for particularly tricky groups, but on the whole get used with EYFS or KS1 to catch them early on.

In reality I just give the children the right environment to be happy and confident learners. I start by making them feel genuinely loved, respected and valued. Whilst I am with any child, that little person becomes the single most precious and fascinating person in the world.

The combination of firm but fair boundaries, nurture and a consistent routine is the single most important element to any child reaching and exceeding their potential. It spreads through the group and helps everyone to relax enough to be open and ready to learn.

Secondly language and communication is critical. Play with language and words, use tone, pitch and intonation to engage with story telling. Look at your child when they speak to you, show them that what they say is interesting, that their thoughts are worth while.

Model your own thought processes to encourage curiosity. “Oh my goodness, look! A sunflower has fallen down, I wonder what made it fall?…yes, I think that you may be right we did have strong wind last night! I wonder who will be taller, you or the sunflower? Can you think of anyone who would be taller?” Shall we take the flower and go and find out? Maybe we could record our findings, I wonder how we could do that?” Etc.

Use their interests and observations to engage them with learning. A child generated enquiry will always be more successful than one we set up with our own desired outcome.

Show them how to find out information using the internet and books.

Leave them have the space to experiment and create without the fear of condemnation for making a mess, “wasting the sticky tape” or not reaching perfection. If you have a routine of tidying at the end of each day/session etc then the creative clutter won’t become problematic.

Focus on effort beyond results. A low ability child who picks up a pencil and scrawls “bicoz” will got just as much celebration as the high ability child who writes “because” in perfect cursive, on their first day of year 1.

@Teenageromance

I’ve talked with 2 of my children who have been through the school system and have had average results but thrived at university. There belief is that the children who get the A* are basically those who:

1. Have phenomenal memories - that what gets high grades in exams
2. Particularly at A level, spend most of their free time studying

However, while it is lovely to achieve exam success I think most of us who have been in the working world for any length of time know that there is so much more to success that this. My middle son did averagely well at school but he has amazing people skills and is a natural leader. I think such qualities as these are much more valuable in the modern workplace. One of the most amazing managers and leaders I have ever worked for had a middle of the road degree.

So true.

@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies

Choosing a partner with a high IQ. It’s not a guarantee, but certainly increases the odds.

Yes, this. Two intelligent parents should, on the balance of probabilities, produce an intelligent child. But whether they will like academic work is another matter!

Reading all the time is important but on the other hand you can take a horse to water and all that. Some kids just don't want to read.

I agree with the person at the beginning who says talking about topical issues is important too.

I think you can survive without visiting every museum under the sun, although if you visit enough, you might find one they (and you) like. Same goes for extra-curricular - try a few things and hopefully they'll find one they like, and learning skills in eg sport or pottery or going to cubs - anything at all - will help their schoolwork.

My middle son did averagely well at school but he has amazing people skills and is a natural leader. I think such qualities as these are much more valuable in the modern workplace

Totally agree with this - you'll go much further with CCC at A level and good people skills than you will with higher academic qualifications. Of course, if you have both (grrr) then so much the better!

We didn't do anything "extra" with our son, i.e. no private tuition, etc. But right from the start, we spent time with him, reading to him, showing him how to write, helped him learn the alphabet, simple numbers etc., all before he started school. Then we just made sure he kept on top of things. We made sure he did his homework, made sure he revised for tests, etc. For us, it was giving him a bit of a head start before school and then keeping on top of his schooling. That worked a treat and he's always had top marks throughout school.

The thing is, but OH and I had pretty dodgy schooling, and we both know how hard it is to catch up if you get left behind. So, our entire rationale with DS was to make sure he never got behind. Nothing more, nothing less.

Pure luck!
DS is above expected in almost everything (apart from PE) and exceeding in his few favourite subjects.
Essentially we just enable him; take him places to interest him, encourage a bit of lateral thinking sometimes.
At nursery he was described as a 'sponge' just soaked up information and only needed teaching most things once, and he'd got it. So he's always been that way, its just the way he is.
He's also well mannered and well behaved, and as much as we started that with decent boundaries, its been up to him to keep it up.
He has a natural curiosity, a natural desire to do well and to be seen favourably.

He does find it hard to 'learn' though; swimming, cycling and playing the flute have taken a lot more effort than they could have as he didn't know how to keep trying at something until it works, usually he just 'gets' stuff!

He also has downtime; watches utter shite on youtube, plays minecraft and fortnite and yells at his teammates online. We watch some rubbish on TV (Top Gear, Father Ted, Police Interceptors!) to get a good balance and sense of humour!

I’d add that one way to help your dc easily without appearing to, that clever parents do without thinking, is to provide CONTEXT for the information they learn at school.

So you can talk about kings and Queens, talk about the periodic table, play games that are geography based. So when it comes up in school they know what the teacher is talking about. If they feel confident in the classroom that will really help.
Reading is the soft way of doing this.

I went to a good comp, very dyslexic and had no clue what was going on most of the time, but reading saved me. Now have v good job.

For my dc I ensure they have a good base knowledge and talk about the skills they need at work. Who gives a toss about GCSEs or A levels, it is all a means to an end - a choice of what they want to do for a living.

Books like the ‘copse talk’ series. Science books like Theodore Grey’s Atoms etc.

Bumping as I would like to know the answers too😁

I have 2 average kids, 2 high achievers and 1 with learning disabilities.

All parented the same. The high achievers have always asked questions though, from the moment they had enough language to. Always with the questions! They just had a thirst for knowledge from a young age. Science stuff I couldn't answer (I'm in no way a high achiever, just about passed enough GCSEs) so I would look it up. Then books, they devoured books once they could read, both fiction and non fiction. I got them books related to the topics they did at school (well, I'd actually got them for their older brother as I did the same with him) we discussed stuff at home, did relevant days out for it. Encouraged their love of science with trips to museums etc. They loved history too, and that was actually Horrible Histories (the books and the TV show) that fostered that love.

I encouraged them to take up a music instrument when it was offered at school, so they started that at 6. (It wasn't offered with my eldest unfortunately)

They didn't do their GCSEs because of covid, but their teacher assessed results were good enough to get them into a selective sixth form. One has offers to do physics at uni, the other is taking a year out then also wants to do physics.

Innate intelligence and personality traits. Also from my experience girls seem to have these traits more so than boys.

Very little, if I'm honest. Both our DDs went to grammar school. They both had an 11+ tutor, but that's just standard practice around here. DD1 scored very highly in the test, and I think DD2 was just 2 marks off a perfect score? They both went on to do very well in all their exams with very little input from me or DH. They didn't need it - and I didn't want to start down that path, at all. Helping with homework? Reading their set texts with them? Checking their coursework? No, thanks.

DD1 got AAA at A Level and is now studying Fine Art & Photography. DD2 is predicted AAA and hopes to go to LSE.

The only thing I ever did with them was reading. A lot of it. I boot-camped them both, so by the age of 8 they both had the reading ability of your average 15 year old. After that, I just left them to it.

Reading 100%. I'm an avid reader, as is DH, so it has always been modelled to them and the house is FULL of books. It helps that one of my special areas of interest is YA fiction so there's always been plenty of that available. I always say that reading is a muscle and the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets...

Mine read and have books everywhere.

Doing the Stone Age - we go and visit stone henge we watch some horrid histories etc and that’s like year 1/2 work.

The kids don’t have tablets and tv really although they like things like green planet.

If they do a topic in school we read around it etc - plenty of fresh air, lots of discussion and radio 4.

sustained hard work

A lot more to it then just reading.

How is child’s diet? Healthy? Protein, carbs, fruit, omega 3’s?
Sleep?
Peaceful home life
Friends
Exercise/sports
Hobbies
Family outings
Music
Then I’d focus on academics: reading, writing, maths

um, I would credit good genes & stable home life if I gave credit to anything.

2 of mine are clever but under-achievers. The 2 high achievers are both very competitive. This can make them insufferable.

Nothing.
My eldest dd now 19 always exceeded expectations but I put that down to good genes and she loves reading.

My other 3 just average they hate reading.

Otoh I was a complete book worm and sadly I was average at everything too.

I think good genes and a stable homelife has more to do with an achieving child than anything else tbh

I agree, that a calm and happy home life is absolutely vital, too.