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Original poster

Gobsmacked and shocked by DH

168 replies

Serena1977 · 01/09/2021 18:11

Picked up dh this morning from hospital. He's been in for 8 days (not covid). He had an emergency operation in which in had a cardiac arrest.

I have been so scared and was so relieved to have him home. DC 9 and 8 have been beside themselves too.

Just checked on him, he's in bed after his parents called to see him at lunch.

Went into his bedside table to change his toothbrush for his electric toothbrush and there was a handkerchief. I panicked because i thought he had been sick and was hiding it so I didn't panic. He admitted he had had a wank, he said to relax and get to sleep.

I'm still scared because of what happened and how poorly he was and now a bit angry and emotional.

I have been to hell and back too, keeping things going looking after dc, dealing with pils etc and tomorrow I start teacher training which i'm not in the right frame of mind for since he's been so poorly.

Am i over reacting?

OP posts:
ejhhhhh · 01/09/2021 19:23

Do you normally have an issue with your DH wanking, or is it just specifically because he’s just been in hospital. If you didn’t realise he wanted before, you were a bit nieve. Everyone does it, there zero wrong with your husband wanking!

Original poster
Serena1977 · 01/09/2021 19:23

I am here. And it's all true.

I realise I've been stupid. Yes he is at home, yes he did tidy up after himself. I went in his bedside cabinet.

I wanted to be the provider of his comfort, eg hugs, kisses, fetching food and drink etc. but I was being stupid.

It is been an awful scary week. I can't believe how quickly he became unwell. It started with a sore throat and temperature then he started struggling to breathe. He had an abscess in his throat that had blocked his airways.

He said he feels so tense and shocked by it all and it helped to get some release and also to know it was functioning normally.

I have apologised profusely to him. He really is a brill DH and Dad.

I feel such a dickhead.

OP posts:
Sadiecow · 01/09/2021 19:25

@Serena1977

I am here. And it's all true.

I realise I've been stupid. Yes he is at home, yes he did tidy up after himself. I went in his bedside cabinet.

I wanted to be the provider of his comfort, eg hugs, kisses, fetching food and drink etc. but I was being stupid.

It is been an awful scary week. I can't believe how quickly he became unwell. It started with a sore throat and temperature then he started struggling to breathe. He had an abscess in his throat that had blocked his airways.

He said he feels so tense and shocked by it all and it helped to get some release and also to know it was functioning normally.

I have apologised profusely to him. He really is a brill DH and Dad.

I feel such a dickhead.

Don't stress, pour yourself a glass of wine and give yourself a break!

Nice long bath as well.

ThanksThanks

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Benjispruce5 · 01/09/2021 19:25

A bit surprising I support but I think I’d be happy he felt up to it! Grin

Benjispruce5 · 01/09/2021 19:25

Suppose not support

ejhhhhh · 01/09/2021 19:27

Well that good. You do sound really stressed out OP. My advice before you start the teacher training (having been through it), is to do whenever you can to chill out properly now. Maybe you and OH could go away for a weekend just the two of you?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/09/2021 19:27

You're not a dickhead op.

You've been keeping everything together while he has been so poorly.

Now he is doing better its perfectly natural to fall apart a bit (even over something daft) Flowers

Tomorrow is a new day.

Atalune · 01/09/2021 19:27

Good resolution

thelegohooverer · 01/09/2021 19:28

You’ve both been through a lot. While you’re being lovely to your dh don’t forget to be lovely to his dw too! Flowers

MyPatronusIsACat · 01/09/2021 19:28

WTAF have I just read? Confused

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/09/2021 19:30

Nah, not a dickhead. Traumatised by the week you've had - whilst he's feeling better now, you're still in the emergency mode and hadn't realised it's time to stand down.

The old fashioned suggestion of a long, hot bath, preferably with no lights/only candlelight would probably help you hugely, especially if you can go from that straight to bed.

SpaceBethSmith · 01/09/2021 19:30

You’ve overreacted but you’ve had a horrible week and it’s actually quite normal to be tipped over the edge by something completely random that wouldn’t usually bother you.

MyPatronusIsACat · 01/09/2021 19:31

@Serena1977 Just saw your update. Crossposted! Hope you're OK soon. Smile

grapewine · 01/09/2021 19:31

It is been an awful scary week. I can't believe how quickly he became unwell. It started with a sore throat and temperature then he started struggling to breathe. He had an abscess in his throat that had blocked his airways.

That is very scary, and you are not a dickhead. You just overreacted. Glad for you all that he is home and better.

nancybotwinbloom · 01/09/2021 19:31

Sounds like he's definitely on the mend op

HocusPocuss · 01/09/2021 19:31

Be kind to yourself op. I was in a similar situation when dh was unexpectedly taken to hospital and he was in for 10 days. It’s only when he came home that I broke down. You don’t realise how hard you’re trying to keep it together, until you can’t anymore. I’m sure your dh understand. It’s been a stressful time for both of you Flowers

Opalfeet · 01/09/2021 19:33

🤣

Opalfeet · 01/09/2021 19:33

Sorry the laugh was not about the situ, more about the post about him wanking X

Benjispruce5 · 01/09/2021 19:36

What a nasty shock. Be kind to each other.Flowers

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 01/09/2021 19:36

Ahh, bless you, OP Flowers

Now that he's over the scary part your brain (which has been focused on coping) can afford to let you fall apart a bit as you start to process what you've been through and how terrified you were about what might have happened - the fact it didn't actually happen is irrelevant, you reasonably feared it would. I'm the same: cool as a cucumber in a crisis and then only afterwards do I let myself "feel" anything (and at that point I will overreact to the slightest thing, but while the crisis is actually occurring I am fine/on autopilot).

Well done for owning that you've made an error and apologising to him. I hope he's accepted your apology graciously and recognises that this has been a terrible week for you as well as him. Can you relax together this evening, have something nice for dinner and watch an episode of something you both enjoy? All the best to him and you and your children as he recovers and you all start to deal with the last week.

Pleasekeeptotheright · 01/09/2021 19:36

Well done OP for seeing you were wrong. Hope he's on the mend

Whatliesbeneath707 · 01/09/2021 19:37

Bless you OP, I imagine the shock of what has happened to him is perhaps the bigger issue for you. I would look upon this favourably as poor DH was probably wanting to know that everything was still in good working order & that hopefully bodes well for you both as a couple. It would also be a good stress reliever. I would look at this as the first step of his cardiac rehab. 😊
Do keep talking to each other too - a health scare like this can be difficult. Do look at talking to someone professionally if you think it would help. Look after yourself & DH too.

Gibbertycricket · 01/09/2021 19:37

You are not a dickhead! You both have been through something so traumatic, and both your reactions sound completely understandable. All the best to you both xxx

Original poster
Serena1977 · 01/09/2021 19:39

thank you for being so kind.

I think one pp is right. I'm still on high alert because of how poorly he was and also for just dealing with his parents for 2 hours. MIL has spent the last week mainly wailing and sobbing and I have been the strong one holding her up. I can't stop staring at DH looking for anything that I need to do something about. It happened so quickly.

I have completely overreacted and need to calm down. He's resting now.

He wants beans on toast for tea so I'll get on to that. It was a throat operation so soft things are for the best.

OP posts:
MissSmith80 · 01/09/2021 19:41

I hope you get a restful evening and a decent nights sleep OP Thanks