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Original poster

Relationship ended but not what I want :(

758 replies

ccat1901 · 31/08/2021 11:27

My partner of 9 years has just told me that he loves me but not in a romantic way anymore. I asked if we could try the sexual side again and he said he doesn't feel it and that he doesn't want any counselling. I am going through the menopause and we talked and I was depressed for much of last year so our sex life suffered. I started new vitamins and now I feel great and was up for sex but that is when this happened and he wanted to end things. We live together with my 2 children my 15 year old has autism) and his 16 year old daughter (who has suffered mentally when with her mother). He wants us to live together and nothing change apart from not being a couple. He said he wants to go to the gym and try yoga and hang out with me as I'm his best friend and wants us to be closer than before. I'm absolutely devastated - I love him and want him but he blankly said no. We can't cause the kids upheaval at the moment with exams and final years in school but do you think spending "more quality time together than before" as he said means he may change his mind? Or is he saying this to soften the blow? I'm so confused and sad.

OP posts:
Mariell · 08/09/2021 19:46

I give up.

Until you look through the new windows of the van and see him banging the new bird and giving her carpet burns from the carpet you are going to continue you are not going to believe that you have lost him forever.

It’s the harsh truth.

thingymaboob · 08/09/2021 20:19

@Mariell I'm absolutely on the same page as you. This is excruciating. I don't know what else we can say?

dogmandu · 08/09/2021 20:54

OP just imagine somebody who you don't fancy at all continually begging you for sex and affection. You just can't force yourself and it's a massive turn off. In fact if it continues you feel physically sick.

That's possibly how he feels so you aren't doing yourself any favours by this fawning all over him. You're just pushing him further away.
Do yourself a big favour and stop it. Immediately.
It will be hard but find your inner strength and keep your pride. Good luck,

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Feedingthebirds1 · 08/09/2021 21:54

OP is there any chance he's gay, and been trying to pretend he isn't? Or maybe even only just realised it?

I've followed this thread from the start, but it was something about the way you wrote the line but he can't give me the romantic side of a relationship right now. that set off the little grey cells.

When you've discussed the possibility of him having another partner in the future has gender ever been mentioned or has it always been 'they' who would have to understand that he was still living with you?

I could be so far off I'm on Mars, but it's a thought.

Excelthetube · 08/09/2021 21:56

Ugh he likes cuddles. Jesus is he a toddler

Original poster
ccat1901 · 08/09/2021 22:11

No although I have my suspicions....
Got drunk watching football good time but got to bed on my own and told him what he was missing, too much Budweiser

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Original poster
ccat1901 · 08/09/2021 22:12

Felt good leaving him downstairs

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Original poster
ccat1901 · 08/09/2021 22:13

TMI May regret in morning

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Excelthetube · 08/09/2021 22:14

Well I’m sure he will be up for a cuddle soon.
Why didn’t you just tell him to sleep in the other room

Feedingthebirds1 · 08/09/2021 22:53

I've followed this thread from the start, but it was something about the way you wrote the line 'but he can't give me the romantic side of a relationship right now.' that set off the little grey cells.

I've realised what it is about that line. It's the word can't. Not won't or don't want to, can't.

Guineapigbridge · 09/09/2021 02:06

Yep, my bet's he comes out as gay soon.

Original poster
ccat1901 · 09/09/2021 03:15

Really?

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Original poster
ccat1901 · 09/09/2021 03:17

In his letter he said the romantic side of things isn’t there for him.

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Original poster
ccat1901 · 09/09/2021 03:17

THats another question then....

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Xiaoxiong · 09/09/2021 04:28

If he keeps saying "our house" and that he never wants you to leave, ask him to give you some security and put you on the mortgage. Bet he shows his true colours v quickly.

Marni83 · 09/09/2021 07:27

@Xiaoxiong

If he keeps saying "our house" and that he never wants you to leave, ask him to give you some security and put you on the mortgage. Bet he shows his true colours v quickly.
The mortgage just means she’s liable for the debt! Not that she owns it

You need to registered on the property deeds

youvegottenminuteslynn · 09/09/2021 07:54

Yes ask him to put you on the deeds.

He won't, but his reaction may help you start to see through him a bit.

Excelthetube · 09/09/2021 08:49

Why aren’t you on the deeds already? Are you married I can’t remember and I’m not scrolling through all the posts again.

Justonedayatatime11 · 09/09/2021 08:51

I don't mean this to sound harsh but for goodness sake woman, get some self respect. He's made his feelings clear and now he's just stringing you along, probably to keep you sweet for some reason. Get out, or get him out, and start building a life for yourself without him. At some point in the future you're going to look back and cringe at this desperation.

Excelthetube · 09/09/2021 08:54

I would do this;

Dear DH I am fine with this arrangement going forward, and I agree with everything you want, but I want to be put on the deeds of the house.

Love Ccat

See what happens

Xiaoxiong · 09/09/2021 08:55

Yes I meant the deeds. Not the mortgage!

Wasn't thinking straight at 4.30am this morning when a selfish drunk tosser woke me up yelling at the top of his lungs walking up the street.

thingymaboob · 09/09/2021 09:09

If he keeps making promises about not wanting you to leave the house and calling it "our" house, definitely say that you want him to put your name on the deeds

Original poster
ccat1901 · 09/09/2021 09:17

Ok

OP posts:
TinnedPotatoesRock · 09/09/2021 09:24

My thinking is he's trying to keep you sweet until a certain point, something big (I don't know what) is going to happen soon and that's when he'll change and you'll be wishing you'd called it a day when this first started.

Original poster
ccat1901 · 09/09/2021 09:28

Great now my son (who has autism but is in mainstream school) is at school but refusing to go to lessons. This is what we had a year ago when everything changed in schools due to covid. He hasn’t run off and hidden but is refusing to come out of the SEN block, more stress

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