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Original poster

This is really fucking awkward.

272 replies

LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 09:58

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 31/08/2021 14:33

@LegendaryReady

Just accept that life's complicated, no one has a clue what's going on in others' lives and it's none of your business.
This!
NorthLodgeAvenue · 31/08/2021 14:35

Whoa.....hang on.Its a school? You caught them at it?
Disgusting.And yes,now it is your business.

Tara336 · 31/08/2021 14:37

I accidentally discovered two colleagues were having an affair, one single and one married, it began to make life really uncomfortable for me when they split up as the one being dumped didn’t take it so well I was the boss of the one doing the dumping and they actually had the cheek to ask me to have a word with their affair partner about the bad atmosphere between them when it ended! Obviously I said no I won’t unless it affects work, your mess mate you clean it up

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/08/2021 14:38

@theleafandnotthetree

If you read the OP’s post at 1203, will your opinion still be the same? Wink

LegendaryReady · 31/08/2021 14:39

LegendaryReady

Just accept that life's complicated, no one has a clue what's going on in others' lives and it's none of your business.

This!

I've completely changed my view since OP updated us with the fact that she didn't just "know", she witnessed a sexual act on school premises.

Now I think it is OP's business and needs reporting.

There are a number of issues.

  • safeguarding
  • abuse of a position of authority
  • professional misconduct
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/08/2021 14:39

@heldinadream

so I'll have to develop my 'I don't care' look as opposed to a 'I caught a glimpse of your fanny' look.

If you have an unambiguous 'I caught a glimpse of your fanny' look I think you should let her have it with both barrels OP! Grin Why shouldn't SHE be the one squirming, not you?

I'm assuming that this is because the female is the boss and therefore shouldn't be engaging in this in a professional setting... rather than just making the (single) woman responsible?

Why shouldn't HE be squirming? The married twat.

NorthLodgeAvenue · 31/08/2021 14:40

What's the training she is delivering ?

Workplace boundaries?
Crafty ideas for all?
Cake and eat it session?

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 31/08/2021 14:40

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Unless they are inviting you to watch you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

People shag all the time , do you feel awkward and embarrassed around married couples?

Just forget about it, it will likely be short lived.

It's not the same though is it ? Married couples are quite public and upfront about the fact they are married. Presumably what makes OP feel awkward is the elephant in the room that she knows they are having an affair; that she will be expected to button it around everyone else and that she will be expected to collude with her boss's assumed cover-up of the relationship to the rest of thr office. Awkward indeed OP
ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 14:41

You mean you are visualising them having sex when you have meeting with her instead of focusing on the work and being professional?

In which case it's your issue.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/08/2021 14:41

@NorthLodgeAvenue

What's the training she is delivering ?

Workplace boundaries?
Crafty ideas for all?
Cake and eat it session?

Messy play? Hide and seek? Plan do and review?

🤣

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 31/08/2021 14:42

@LordOfTheThings

God almighty yes it's 'excruciating', no I'm not 'focussed' on it (well I kind of am right this minute but I'll get over it), no it's 'none of my business (obviously), but when you catch a work colleague fingering your boss at ten past 9 on a Tuesday morning when you've gone into a cupboard to get some glue sticks, it's not really ideal.

I'm now hiding in my classroom and not coming out ever again. I'm just not as cool as some of you oh so cool mumsnetters ... 😁

Oh my god how ghastly 😧
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/08/2021 14:42

@ActonSquirrel

You mean you are visualising them having sex when you have meeting with her instead of focusing on the work and being professional?

In which case it's your issue.

They've MADE it the OPs issue for bringing their sordid sex life into the work place!
DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 31/08/2021 14:45

@LordOfTheThings

No, I'm not going to tell anyone. I might be a po faced twat that feels awkward about being put in a shitty situation but I'm not the school gossip. An anonymous forum is as far as it'll go.

It does grind my gears when I think of the many, many times that one of these people has commented on other people's very normal lifestyles. The pearl clutching at staff going out for a drink at the end of term, of teacher friends going on holiday together ('work/home should be separate where possible') etc. But that's for them to consider I suppose, not me.

Well at least in future you'll have the satisfaction of being able to respond "yes we should keep work and private separate Joyce', I quite agree" while delivering the Mumsnet Hard Stare at her
lannistunut · 31/08/2021 14:45

I'd be uncomfortable with married colleagues if I walked into a cupboard and caught them at it.

Private lives are private for good reason, no one needs to actually witness a colleague getting their rocks off.

ChargingBuck · 31/08/2021 14:45

It does grind my gears when I think of the many, many times that one of these people has commented on other people's very normal lifestyles. The pearl clutching at staff going out for a drink at the end of term, of teacher friends going on holiday together ('work/home should be separate where possible') etc. But that's for them to consider I suppose, not me.

Oh you have to, I mean you simply HAVE to dredge this glorious phrase up in their earshot OP. Find a 'reason' to loudly announce how much you agree with keeping work & home lives separate ... then slope off, sniggering quietly to yourself ...

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/08/2021 14:46

... she is delivering some of the training so I'll have to develop my 'I don't care' look as opposed to a 'I caught a glimpse of your fanny' look

Sorry, OP, but that made me giggle Blush

What they did was totally inappropriate, but if you have to say anything I'd just stick to "Next time, why not get a room?"

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/08/2021 14:47

acton

She doesn’t have to visualise the dirty pair having sex.

The issue is that she has actually seen it - and the image won’t go away all by itself.

Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 14:49

You mean you are visualising them having sex when you have meeting with her instead of focusing on the work and being professional?

Yes that's right @ActonSquirrel that's exactly what I'll do you weirdo. Not sure how it's my professionalism being questioned here but hey ho ...

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 31/08/2021 14:50

@heldinadream

so I'll have to develop my 'I don't care' look as opposed to a 'I caught a glimpse of your fanny' look.

If you have an unambiguous 'I caught a glimpse of your fanny' look I think you should let her have it with both barrels OP! Grin Why shouldn't SHE be the one squirming, not you?

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

helda, I love you, utterly & unambiguously, & want to take you to a stationery cupboard.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 31/08/2021 14:53

You definitely have the upper hand here op, you don't sound too keen on your boss and it sounds to me like you have got yourself a beautiful bargaining chip.
I'd make sure I made some obtuse references to it in your position. Just so they know you're not am embarrassed

TheRebelle · 31/08/2021 14:54

Oh OP I’m in the same situation, I saw two of my married colleagues snogging like teenagers in a car park one lunchtime when I was out for a walk, and they saw me, it was excruciating BUT whenever I need anything at work I get it straightaway now. I’ve just put it to the back of my mind, it’s none of my business really.

heldinadream · 31/08/2021 14:54

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe oh completely he should be squirming - but a 'seen your fanny' look cannot be directed at him!
Op may also have seen his dick in which case she needs an 'I caught a glimpse of your dick' look in her repertoire, oui?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/08/2021 14:56

@LordOfTheThings

You mean you are visualising them having sex when you have meeting with her instead of focusing on the work and being professional?

Yes that's right @ActonSquirrel that's exactly what I'll do you weirdo. Not sure how it's my professionalism being questioned here but hey ho ...

You're calling ActonSquirrel a weirdo? When it's you that is busily furnishing the thread with as much gratuitous and salacious detail as you can think of?

That's not the action of somebody feeling awkward in my book, it's wanting to 'entertain'. Your first post was enough wasn't it? Nobody would have thought you in the wrong but, if this is true then you're giving an awful lot of detail. Weird when you feel so icky about it all...

heldinadream · 31/08/2021 14:56

@ChargingBuck ha ha ha ha!

I'm too old for cupboards! But thank you! Grin

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2021 14:57

Why aren't you reporting this? I sure as hell would.