This is really fucking awkward.

[LordOfTheThings]

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

You feel awkward as the expectation is that you know that he's a cheating scumbag but you have to keep working with him, and it's knowledge you'd rather not know. Ew.

@LegendaryReady

Just accept that life's complicated, no one has a clue what's going on in others' lives and it's none of your business.

This!!!

bleurgh! You're embarrassed because walking in on that is really embarrassing!

How absolutely grim to do that where colleagues could 'discover' it.

Just accept that life's complicated, no one has a clue what's going on in others' lives and it's none of your business.

I understand why you agreed with this sentiment magicjo

But OP does have a clue because they found one of them wrist deep in the other in a cupboard.

So I would say OP does have a clue and they’ve made it OP’s business by taking it into work.

It's gross, you have my sympathy.

My old boss (married) was shagging a team mate of mine (married). They used to sneak off to the stairwell and snog in the fire exits. Grim, grim, grim.

You just have to ignore it.

Sad thing is it’s none of your business until it becomes your business. Where I work there is an ethics policy where people have to declare relationships whether it’s people seeing each other to working with family. I met my DH at work it happens but I have also seen it go horribly wrong where people split up and it causes issues for colleagues and it’s really not fair. I’m talking grievances and disciplinary situations and accusations of bullying etc. This situation doesn’t bode well but I’d stay out of it and let them dig their own grave.

@BlackShadowCat

One of my teachers had an affair with a pupil's dad. That was REALLY awkward when it all came out especially as it was a secondary school.

I'd just pretend you haven't noticed, but it will be awkward when you run into his wife and kids (if he has kids). He's a shitbag!

So is she! Bleurgh!

@LordOfTheThings

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

They are just work colleagues and nothing more to you though surely?

Two of my married (not to each other) colleagues are at it and we are in meetings often. The most I think about what they are doing is, that they are bloody idiots.

Tell the biggest gossip at school what you saw. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.
Work is no place for this sort of behavior, exposing their nonsense might make these idiots keep this out of the workplace where it belongs.
If that makes it more tricky for Mr Married Man to philander then that's even better.
I also advocate telling his wife, I'd want to know if my husband was up to this crap and I'm guessing you would too.

Actually just read your update where you caught them. They owe you an apology that’s absolutely not on. Unprofessional and disrespectful to their colleagues IMO.

Not your business . Keep out of it.

I’d report them.

Oh. That's not what you said in your OP. I think I'd have to report that.

The only one thing that might make me change my mind is if it's not technically a working day where you are and there are no kids in school.

No, I'm not going to tell anyone. I might be a po faced twat that feels awkward about being put in a shitty situation but I'm not the school gossip. An anonymous forum is as far as it'll go.

It does grind my gears when I think of the many, many times that one of these people has commented on other people's very normal lifestyles. The pearl clutching at staff going out for a drink at the end of term, of teacher friends going on holiday together ('work/home should be separate where possible') etc. But that's for them to consider I suppose, not me.

Nah, it's cringe. I used to have a colleague who would talk about his wife and his girlfriend in the office and it just made me grimace. Would've been even worse if the gf worked there too. But agree also that there's not much you can do but grin and bear it.

"but when you catch a work colleague fingering your boss at ten past 9 on a Tuesday morning when you've gone into a cupboard to get some glue sticks, it's not really ideal"

Sorry but I lol'd at this

That is gross tho. I'd be pissed and awkward too. You are not BU

but when you catch a work colleague fingering your boss at ten past 9 on a Tuesday morning when you've gone into a cupboard to get some glue sticks, it's not really ideal

Blooming heck

Fingering in the cupboard 😭😂

That is a horrible position to be in but I really laughed at 'fingering in the cupboard' . Awful!

The best way to manage "office politics" is to be like the 3 wise monkeys - see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.

I suspect if you had led with the fingering in the cupboard, your answers would have been different! Did they notice you?

Did they notice you?

@BlackShadowCat I'm afraid so.

@LordOfTheThings have either of them spoken to about it ? They must be mortified, I think I would have to change schools if this happened (them not you)

I wonder how long it has been going on for, schools are not known as good places to keep secrets.

Honestly OP if she's head of your department (and if that puts her in the position to have some sort of authority over you) and especially if she's the one who has been judging other colleagues, I'd be v tempted to informally ask advise off your union rep. Basically for no other reason than I'd fear retribution. People who are doing things that are out of character can have massive cognitive dissonance around it, and can want to get rid of others who know about it. And if in six months time she takes some kind of action against you, and you say 'this is all because of that time you were being fingered in the glue cupboard' nobody will believe you.

I totally agree silently judging and saying nothing is usually the best response if, say, you'd accidentally overheard a phone call or something but nobody is coming back from walking in on them like that. So I'd just be a bit mindful of possible future ramifications. Also, assuming your'e in a school, I do think there's a genuine safeguarding risk to them carrying on like that if a student could have walked in, though it sounds like there wasn't this time.

If your colleagues are having sex on school premises, regardless of one of them being married, then you HAVE to report it.

It's completely inappropriate behaviour. I know that children weren't in today but that's not really the point.