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Original poster

My little boy says he wants to be a girl

89 replies

Bellabelloo · 28/08/2021 21:53

I wasn't sure where to post this.

My little boy is 4. He is very boisterous and typically 'boyish' (likes rough and tumble games etc)) but also loves dressing up in princess dresses and recently he keeps saying he wants to be a girl and asking whether he can be a girl when he grows up. He asks every day if I will buy him some make up and dresses.

I'm not sure if this is a phase, him experimenting, or something I should take really seriously. Has anyone had similar with their young boys?

Thank you.

OP posts:
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 28/08/2021 21:59

Lots and lots of children go through a phase like this. My own son did when he was younger. I just told him he couldn't be a girl but it was ok for him to like dresses and makeup as a boy.
Hes now a very happy, well rounded 12 year old going through puberty and definitely doesn't want to be a girl anymore.

KingdomScrolls · 28/08/2021 22:01

My almost three year old regularly tells me he wants to be a cat, today he told me he's not a little boy he is a robot. If this is genuine, at that age they don't even understand the concept of gender other than what they are told. My DN told me football is for boys and little girls shouldn't get dirty, it's what he hears from his parents. Imagine if you are a little boy and don't like football or a little girl who likes mud etc and how you'd feel being shoe horned into a pink or blue box. Step away from the sex based stereotypes and encourage your child's interests

SmidgenofaPigeon · 28/08/2021 22:03

He’s four.

FOUR.

Chill out and let him mess around.

Original poster
Bellabelloo · 28/08/2021 22:04

Thank you. My gut is it's just a phase but I don't want to shut him down if it's more than that. I think gender is definitely more fluid these days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellabelloo · 28/08/2021 22:05

@SmidgenofaPigeon I'm not stressed at all. Just wondering whether to ignore it or encourage it. He mentions it constantly and it has been for months and months.

OP posts:
AnnieBanannie1 · 28/08/2021 22:05

Just let him enjoy what he's into at the moment.
My DS is into dogs atm so I have to pretend I'm walking him round with a lead 🙈🙈

Hungry675tf · 28/08/2021 22:06

Mine gets annoyed if I refer to him as a red monster truck rather than a rainbow monster truck. I apologise and correct myself. It is a phase. It will pass. Next week no doubt he will be a shark.

He also repeatedly misgenders his siblings. They are still learning.

KingofQueens · 28/08/2021 22:06

Just buy him the dress and make up.
My 11 Yr old son isn't trans in any way, but wears dresses and make up. Clothes are for everyone.

WouldBeGood · 28/08/2021 22:07

Just a phase. Little kids are great. Don’t read anything into it

blacksax · 28/08/2021 22:07

He's 4. Soon he'll want to wear yellow and be Pikachu when he grows up.

Cruiser123 · 28/08/2021 22:08

Little children say a lot of things that don't make sense.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/08/2021 22:08

Tell him its OK for boys to like Princesses and dressing g up as them. All toys are for everyone.

HungryHippo11 · 28/08/2021 22:09

Its a phase. Let him wear dresses, make up etc if he wants to. Its not hurting anyone. Don't tell him he can be a girl when he grows up.
Don't ignore it, but don't actively encourage it either e.g. by asking if he wants to be a girl, or a girls name or anything like that.

Kittii · 28/08/2021 22:10

Not sure what "gender is more fluid these days" means. Do you mean that gender stereotypes matter less so its fine for little boys to want make up and dresses? If so I would agree. I don't think it makes him into a girl.

reprehensibleme · 28/08/2021 22:12

He's 4. Please don't project anything onto him other than he likes bright shiny clothes, which most 4year olds do.

Doyoumind · 28/08/2021 22:14

So, so many boys like wearing dresses. It's perfectly normal. Wanting to wear dresses is not what makes someone a girl but as his age that's probably as far as his idea of what a girl is goes. A girl is simply a young female, not someone who can wear dresses. He'll almost certainly stop liking these things once he gets to school, but even if he doesn't he will still be a boy who likes dresses and that's fine.

CiaoForNiao · 28/08/2021 22:15

Perfectly normal. Both my boys went through phases of wanting to be a girl/mummy when they grew up and insisting they were dogs.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 28/08/2021 22:16

I think gender is less fluid now than the 1980’s. In the 1980’s we didn’t have fancy princess dresses and make up tat to dictate our “gender”.

SpindleWhorl · 28/08/2021 22:17

@Bellabelloo

Thank you. My gut is it's just a phase but I don't want to shut him down if it's more than that. I think gender is definitely more fluid these days.
What on earth does this mean?

'Gender' is what you make it, what notions around 'sex roles' you impose on your child, what societal biases and filters affect you and your child ...

Let him play, ffs.

LitCrit · 28/08/2021 22:17

Gender isn’t more fluid. Gender is actually more rigid. That’s why, when little boys like dresses, people tell them they are a girl.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 28/08/2021 22:19

Let him wear dresses.

But please don’t encourage him that he can change sex.

saleorbouy · 28/08/2021 22:20

My son would often sneak into his sisters room and wear the dresses that were too small for her. We just allowed it as "dressing up" he was just as happy being a princess as an army man or fireman.
It has fizzled out now and is very infrequent now. I would'nt discourage it but neither would I encourage it, he's likely to move on to something new as the phase passes.

Sonarl · 28/08/2021 22:21

This is totally normal for 3/4/5 y old boys. I have had 4 of them and they all variously wanted to be a girl, a princess, ironman, batman, a dog, Mummy etc at this age. A 4 year old isn't telling you anything about their future sexuality/personality etc at 4.

proudwomansexmatters · 28/08/2021 22:21

@Bellabelloo

I wasn't sure where to post this.

My little boy is 4. He is very boisterous and typically 'boyish' (likes rough and tumble games etc)) but also loves dressing up in princess dresses and recently he keeps saying he wants to be a girl and asking whether he can be a girl when he grows up. He asks every day if I will buy him some make up and dresses.

I'm not sure if this is a phase, him experimenting, or something I should take really seriously. Has anyone had similar with their young boys?

Thank you.

Your son is a boy. He will always be a boy and cannot grow up to be a girl. He can wear dresses and make up if he wants to. He does not need to be a girl to do this.

Teach your son that the ridiculous notion of sexist stereotypes are harmful to everyone and particularly children. He is a boy and will always be male. He can wear whatever clothes he likes and this is fine.

LizzieSiddal · 28/08/2021 22:22

When he says “I want to be a girl” tell him he is a boy and always will be, BUT he can wear whatever he likes, do whatever job he wants, put make up on if he likes etc etc. Being a boy doesn’t stop him being able to do anything!

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