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Original poster

My little boy says he wants to be a girl

89 replies

Bellabelloo · 28/08/2021 21:53

I wasn't sure where to post this.

My little boy is 4. He is very boisterous and typically 'boyish' (likes rough and tumble games etc)) but also loves dressing up in princess dresses and recently he keeps saying he wants to be a girl and asking whether he can be a girl when he grows up. He asks every day if I will buy him some make up and dresses.

I'm not sure if this is a phase, him experimenting, or something I should take really seriously. Has anyone had similar with their young boys?

Thank you.

OP posts:
KellyLynch · 29/08/2021 00:01

Agree makeup shouldn’t be bought for either sex. It’s a propaganda tool of pharmaceutical companies. Keep our kids free to be whoever they want to be. Puberty lets kids decide who they really are, and whatever that is it shouldn’t require mutilation to be yourself.

Potatwoah · 29/08/2021 00:05

I wanted to be a boy when I was that age because I wanted to be like my brothers, I don't think its overly uncommon to be honest. I also had short hair and likes watching wrestling and climbing trees. No doubt some would be keen to convince me I could be a boy or to start me on the road to a life of medication, but thankfully gender wasn't really a thing then, people were more free to just be themselves.

ponyexpress22 · 29/08/2021 00:09

It'll just be a phase op. I used to say I wanted to be a boy.Basically my mum did the best thing....just ignored me.

Fauvist · 29/08/2021 00:10

Makeup isn't a toy, really, is it? I wouldn't have bought makeup for my four year old girl. What for? It's a way of making yourself sexually attractive to men. No child needs that stuff, male or female.

But aside from that, my brother wanted to be called Diana when he was four. He was absolutely insistent that it was his name and he was a girl.

My parents just said 'OK, Diana' and let him get on with it.

He's now 50 and straight and hasn't wanted to be called Diana in 45 years.

ISpyCobraKai · 29/08/2021 00:36

I used to dab a clean eyeshadow brush on Dd's eyes when she was that age, and brush her face with the powder brush.
She had no idea about make up really and was just wanting to copy me, it was completely harmless.

KellyLynch · 29/08/2021 01:37

I have photos of me as a cowboy and Indian as a child. I didn’t realise I wasn’t a boy until puberty. So letting kinds be themselves works!

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 29/08/2021 09:36

He's 4...

My niece is 6 and wants to be a unicorn when she grows up. Or possibly a panda keeper.

Just buy him some dresses to dress up in and leave him be. If he is still saying it at 14, that's when you start to take him seriously.

MyMabel · 29/08/2021 09:39

Phase or not you don’t need to shut him down or worry about it.

Would you treat his views differently whether he genuinely feels like he wants to be a girl or whether it’s just because he’s a young kid who see’s the fun in dressing up and wearing makeup?

Asking as you’re understanding and open with him then it doesn’t matter if it’s a phase or not. Buy him the dresses and makeup.

MyMabel · 29/08/2021 09:44

@Fauvist

I don’t think any child thinks “I want to be sexually attractive to men” when wanting to wear makeup. They see their mums/family friends ect wearing makeup, it’s like face paint (although in some cases more refined) and they want to try it too. It does absolutely no harm to play with makeup Hmm

Also, I don’t put makeup on to be sexually attractive to men, I wear it to make myself feel pretty and a bit more glam when I want to. I couldn’t give a flying f what David next door thinks of my eyeshadow Confused

Why is anything remotely nice tailored to women.. for men? What a weird view.

LarryUnderwood · 29/08/2021 09:46

My now 8 year old went through a phase of dressing as elsa from frozen, he also wanted to wear girls knickers instead of pants for a while. I just let him get on with it. You don't need to encourage or discourage, just treat it exactly the same as if he wanted to play with/wear anything else.

ToffeeForEveryone · 29/08/2021 09:49

@LitCrit

Gender isn’t more fluid. Gender is actually more rigid. That’s why, when little boys like dresses, people tell them they are a girl.
This. Mine is convinced he's going to be a Roman soldier when he grows up, he's even got plans for moving to Italy :) Before that there was a good 3 months where he was going to be a dog called Fluffy.

Treat it like you would any other play. He's just looking around the world and identifying with things he likes, it doesn't mean anything at that age.

Flapjak · 29/08/2021 09:58

This is a 4 year olds way of telling you that he wants to dress up and likes pretty sparkly things. My boy used to.wear his sisters dresses and nail polish at this age and asked for me to buy him a dress at one point. He grew out of by six . Kids are forced into gendered roles by parents and society. Sex isnt fluid, gendered roles can be adhered to rigidly or you can allow your children to explore clothes , toys, sports as they wish

Eveninglight23 · 01/03/2025 13:45

My son sound very similar, can I ask how you supported ? Did he grow out of this?

Original poster
Bellabelloo · 21/12/2025 23:15

Sorry! I just saw this! Yes. He is 9 now and has completely swung the other way! He’s massively into rugby and lives in cargo pants, hoodies etc.

how old is your son?

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