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Original poster

My son was arrested (trigger warning)

143 replies

arrestedhelp · 22/08/2021 06:21

My son (in his mid 20s) was arrested yesterday. He was caught by an online vigilante group trying to meet a 15 year old boy with sexual intent. DS has ASD and lacks the capacity to understand the consequences of his actions, but he did it and was caught. The vigilante group have named him and given our location, and local FB now I'm scared for him, myself and my younger DCs. I have a place to go if anything should happen. The police cannot get the video taken down of the vigilante operation. I don't know what to do.

I also need to address this somehow with my younger DCs (7 and 11), they're going to notice things are different in the house and possibly hear stuff in school. We are due to have a SS welfare assessment as well. I don't even know where to start with them.

I feel so lost and scared.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 22/08/2021 06:23

I’m sorry this has happened OP but I have to ask. If he genuinely doesn’t have the capacity to know what he was doing, why did he have unsupervised internet access?

I do hope it gets sorted though

Soubriquet · 22/08/2021 06:24

Wait, stupid question…if he’s in his 20’s he probably lives out of the gone

Ignore me. Sorry

Hekatestorch · 22/08/2021 06:29

Personally, I would go to the safe place for short while.

I assume you are unlikely to have ho. Around your younger kids.

If he lacks, capacity to understand meeting children for sex, is wrong. You can't have him round your kids.

Does he live on supported living?

NiceTwin · 22/08/2021 06:29

There was an identical thread yesterday Confused
Has it been taken down?
There was good advice on there when I looked.

NOTANUM · 22/08/2021 06:30

Is your older son now at home? Be prepared for SS to ask for him to go elsewhere as staying with minors throughout the investigation won't be allowed. If you dispute that, they could be removed.
Can your older DS live independently or are you in effect a carer? If he can't, adult social services will need to be involved.
The best thing to do is to work closely with SS.
This must be very difficult on every level for you.

Original poster
arrestedhelp · 22/08/2021 06:33

@NiceTwin

There was an identical thread yesterday Confused Has it been taken down? There was good advice on there when I looked.
There were issues with my name change so I asked for it to be removed.
OP posts:
Longestsummerever23444 · 22/08/2021 06:36

I would imagine that SS will say no unsupervised contact between your DS and the young children in the house- although if I was you I would put this in place already.

SS unfortunately deal with this type of stuff all the time - I would ask their guidance as to what to let your younger children. SS will be looking to make sure that you are safeguarding your younger children effectively.

I’d lock down your social media places, ie Facebook, Instagram, make sure they are all on private with nothing identifying on them in terms of your children.

The investigation is going to be long and protracted… be prepared for that. Initially there might be some backlash on social media, but ignore it- don’t get into debates with people online. If you see any threats or backlash on social media report it to the police.

Original poster
arrestedhelp · 22/08/2021 06:39

For those asking, he is still lives at home, he has other disabilities alongside asd. He is absolutely no risk to the younger DCs, I accept he was talking to a younger boy in a sexual way, but the kids are at no risk from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
arrestedhelp · 22/08/2021 06:41

@NOTANUM

Is your older son now at home? Be prepared for SS to ask for him to go elsewhere as staying with minors throughout the investigation won't be allowed. If you dispute that, they could be removed. Can your older DS live independently or are you in effect a carer? If he can't, adult social services will need to be involved. The best thing to do is to work closely with SS. This must be very difficult on every level for you.

He is at home, we are waiting for SS to check and advise. He cannot live independently, but may be able to stay with family if needed.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 22/08/2021 06:41

Oh he does live at home?

Then my questions stands. Why would you let him have unsupervised internet access, even in his 20’s, if he doesn’t have the capacity to know you can’t message children for sex?

Hekatestorch · 22/08/2021 06:42

@arrestedhelp

For those asking, he is still lives at home, he has other disabilities alongside asd. He is absolutely no risk to the younger DCs, I accept he was talking to a younger boy in a sexual way, but the kids are at no risk from him.
SS won't see it the same way.

You say he lacks capacity to understand consequences. So, does he have tbe capacity to know right from wrong?

Or doesn't understand that when he does something wrong, there's consequences for many people?

Hekatestorch · 22/08/2021 06:43

The family he stays with will have to have no contact with any children. They will also have to be willing to take responsibility on for caring for him and monitoring that he doesn't continue to engage in this behaviour.

Is there really someone that can take him in?

lifehappened · 22/08/2021 06:45

@Soubriquet ah yes it's obviously her fault isn't it. Ffs some people boil my piss!!!

Soubriquet · 22/08/2021 06:47

I’m not saying it’s the OP’s fault, but we don’t let children have access to the internet unsupervised because of things like this happens, so I would have imagined that for an adult who has no understanding, would have the same result.

Tinacollada · 22/08/2021 06:48

Really sorry this is happening to you and your family OP.

As other posters have advised, there is no way your son will be allowed to remain in your home with your DC, nor in a home where there is contact with other DC.

Again as mentioned above; prepare for a lengthy investigation; most likely to be over a year.

Again, I'm sorry.

Original poster
arrestedhelp · 22/08/2021 06:49

@Soubriquet

Oh he does live at home?

Then my questions stands. Why would you let him have unsupervised internet access, even in his 20’s, if he doesn’t have the capacity to know you can’t message children for sex?

You make it sound like I didn't have any conversations with him about safe Internet usage, appropriate behaviour or that this is somehow my fault. His social media's were heavily monitored when he began using them but he seemed to be handling it all well I had no reason to suspect he could or would behave like this. I have spoken to him about age and consent, until yesterday I had no reason to think he hadn't understood. I had absolutely no reason to think he would do anything like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
arrestedhelp · 22/08/2021 06:51

@Tinacollada

Really sorry this is happening to you and your family OP.

As other posters have advised, there is no way your son will be allowed to remain in your home with your DC, nor in a home where there is contact with other DC.

Again as mentioned above; prepare for a lengthy investigation; most likely to be over a year.

Again, I'm sorry.

Really that long? There is a place he can go, I have family with no DC

OP posts:
romdowa · 22/08/2021 06:53

If you had spoken to him and thought he had understood , then I'm unsure why you are now stating that he no longer has capacity. If you thought he had the capacity then I'm sure the authorities will come to the same conclusion.

Longestsummerever23444 · 22/08/2021 07:01

@arrestedhelp for computers and devices to be downloaded this can take 6 months for them to be forensically examined. Any images found then need to be graded, then CPS advice, so around a year at least.

Although you say he’s no risk to the younger ones , that’s not what social services’s perspective will be unfortunately.

Did he have an EHCP when younger? Did he have a solicitor? You need to ask for a capacity assessment to be done, this takes a while and will come into use when looking at sentencing

Hekatestorch · 22/08/2021 07:01

Having family that have no dc won't be enough. They won't be able to have any children at the house.

They will be responsible for caring for him. It will impact their own relationships with other people. Have they actually said they will take him? Have they had it explained, exactly what that will mean?

50ShadesOfCatholic · 22/08/2021 07:02

This reply has been deleted

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Ducksurprise · 22/08/2021 07:04

@arrestedhelp

For those asking, he is still lives at home, he has other disabilities alongside asd. He is absolutely no risk to the younger DCs, I accept he was talking to a younger boy in a sexual way, but the kids are at no risk from him.
Firstly I'm sorry, as awful as what your son has done it is a worrying time for you.

You previous posts make the above untrue, you say you thought he understood about consent and that he couldn't meet someone underage, (in fact he probably does understand but he has chosen not to do it, many adults choose to do this) so you can not say for sure that your children are not at risk.

What if the 15 year old was a real person, what if he has done this before? The fact that there is video evidence shows that he is capable of following through from messages and keeping it private. You have to protect your younger children first.

Hellocatshome · 22/08/2021 07:05

I accept he was talking to a younger boy in a sexual way, but the kids are at no risk from him.

You can't know that. You didn't think he would groom kids over the Internet but he did.

HavelockVetinari · 22/08/2021 07:08

@Hellocatshome

I accept he was talking to a younger boy in a sexual way, but the kids are at no risk from him.

You can't know that. You didn't think he would groom kids over the Internet but he did.

This. I'm so sorry, OP, it must be utterly horrendous for you, but you can't assume your DC are at no risk unfortunately.
Miniroofbox · 22/08/2021 07:11

You are minimising and excusing. It’s understandable but you are going to do him and your younger children no favours if you continue to do this.

He has committed a serious offence and is a risk to children.

If he lacks capacity, you should have had net nanny or similar in place and monitored his access very stringently. If he has capacity (which it sounds like he does) then he is responsible.

I hope social services can help you and your younger children are protected.