My son was arrested (trigger warning)

[arrestedhelp]

My son (in his mid 20s) was arrested yesterday. He was caught by an online vigilante group trying to meet a 15 year old boy with sexual intent. DS has ASD and lacks the capacity to understand the consequences of his actions, but he did it and was caught. The vigilante group have named him and given our location, and local FB now I'm scared for him, myself and my younger DCs. I have a place to go if anything should happen. The police cannot get the video taken down of the vigilante operation. I don't know what to do.

I also need to address this somehow with my younger DCs (7 and 11), they're going to notice things are different in the house and possibly hear stuff in school. We are due to have a SS welfare assessment as well. I don't even know where to start with them.

I feel so lost and scared.

@Branleuse

If somebody meets up with somebody else for sex, does that actually mean that they are more of a risk for commiting incest on their siblings?

Im trying to be realistic here. These were vigilante groups setting him up ( as far as i can see) we dont know what on earth their chats went like. We dont know if OPs son thought that he had a relationship blooming. Potentially even the first time someone had ever shown sexual interest in him. We. Dont
Know. How. It. Played. Out.
Usually we would hear about the 15 year old and be concerned for them. The fact that these were adult men trying to entrap a vulnerable adult for an internet channel makes a huge difference as to how these conversations may have gone.
His web history will shed more light on it.
There will be all sorts of things that need to be taken into account for safeguarding assessments.
Anyone that shares their home with adult men is at risk obviously, but more investigation will need to be done to determine whether this was someone trying to meet up with someone he thought he was in a relationship with who had potentially inititiated it - remembering that this was not an actual 15 year old boy but a bunch of grown men behind a computer, or whether the autistic man in his twenties is going out of his way to recruit underage boys for sex.
If this was a police sting i think id feel differently as theyd have had to have more evidence in order to even want to catch him out, but vigilante groups youve got no idea their motives or how they set this up.

Id still want to move though as it sounds like a total nightmare

Said what I was trying too far better than I did!

I disagree that if a young adult approached a 15 year for sex that their younger siblings are somehow also in danger. How does that work? I am attracted to my 50 year old DH. That doesnt mean I am attracted to my 50 year old DB.

People need to remember the difference between an adult instigating sexual activity with a 15 year old who is sexually mature (predatory, illegal in this country but not all countries, inappropriate) and that with a 8 year old who is sexually immature (paedophile). I hate vigilante groups, it sounds like your DS was targeted and set up.

If you are believe you are in danger and have evidence of threats, don't social services have a duty to rehouse you?

*Some men with ASD often feel more 'at home' with children and rejected/intimidated by adults and so this is one of the reasons their sexuality is then directed towards children.

Often (not always) they still have the capacity to understand what they're doing is not acceptable and harms the child but they choose to pursue it anyway as they prioritise their own sexual gratification over the child's harm.*

This is sadly my experience too. Be very careful with your ds around your other children OP, personally I would be looking for SS help in finding him supported housing of some kind. I'm willing to bet that your son did understand that it was wrong but put his wants first and pushed that aside. I unfortunately have direct experience of this, the person maintains to professionals and adults that he didn't understand but to children made it clear that he knew. I understand that it is difficult with him being your son but for the safety of your children do not trust him.

The police have told me that these vigilante groups go for easy targets, ones who can be reeled in.

They do. An our autistic young people are very much at risk of this.

I'm constantly explaining to my ds that the person he's talking to isn't necessarily the person they say they are. He still doesn't really grasp the concept although he accepts it (took a long time to even get there).

Literal thinking makes those on the autistic spectrum very vulnerable because they'll often just see what's said and won't connect to the fact it's a young person and therefore what they are saying back is inappropriate.

It's far more complex when neuro diversity is involved.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

Without more evidence, you often wonder who groomed whom?

This is what I’m starting to think. Whilst the OP’s son did intend to have a sexual relationship with a child, you have to wonder if the vigilante group targeted him because of his additional needs. It would serve the purpose of getting them a video to post online for clicks and likes.

I thought that too.

Hopefully the police will look at all the evidence closely - especially how he came to be talking to this "15 yo boy" in a sexual manner.

What a God awful situation all round.

Have you got any support op?

You're going to have a really tough few months (and more?) ahead.

I won't weigh in with advice, seems like you've had it in bucket loads, but I just wanted to offer you a bit of support. I hope you and your family find the right support and that you can somehow take care of yourself in amongst it all.

@itsgettingwierd

The police have told me that these vigilante groups go for easy targets, ones who can be reeled in.

They do. An our autistic young people are very much at risk of this.

I'm constantly explaining to my ds that the person he's talking to isn't necessarily the person they say they are. He still doesn't really grasp the concept although he accepts it (took a long time to even get there).

Literal thinking makes those on the autistic spectrum very vulnerable because they'll often just see what's said and won't connect to the fact it's a young person and therefore what they are saying back is inappropriate.

It's far more complex when neuro diversity is involved.

Yes especially since more often than not, the hook isn't sexual but forming a connection,a relationship/friendship, acceptance,understanding etc. The sex tends to come later once this is all established.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

Without more evidence, you often wonder who groomed whom?

This is what I’m starting to think. Whilst the OP’s son did intend to have a sexual relationship with a child, you have to wonder if the vigilante group targeted him because of his additional needs. It would serve the purpose of getting them a video to post online for clicks and likes.

I definitely think these groups target vulnerable adults because they are easy targets. I felt that the person I know was ‘groomed’ but they were never charged because paedophile hunting is not a crime. It should be - it ruins lives.

Hopefully the police will look at all the evidence closely - especially how he came to be talking to this "15 yo boy" in a sexual manner.

Agreed. This may not be a case for locking him up and throwing away the key but putting in robust support to ensure this situation never happens again.

Oh OP I'm sorry you and your young children are going through this.

I can't really offer any advice as some good advice has already been said. Hopefully the investigation isn't too long and you and your family can begin to repair.

I had an investigation into family member - 5 years ago.
It is very frightening being investigated by social services, even if you have not done anything wrong, people don’t seem to realise that.
It took a year to come to court, and during that time he was not allowed to see his children unsupervised and lived away.
It ended our relationship but the investigation eventually decided that he was not a danger to his children and he is allowed to see them now.
You seem to be in a catch 22 because if you say he is vulnerable and lacking in capacity then there is no way that he can learn from that, whereas if he has capacity then he might face a 3 month jail term.
I suspect he will end up with a community service order and be on the sex offenders register until your younger siblings reach 18.

I'm constantly explaining to my ds that the person he's talking to isn't necessarily the person they say they are. He still doesn't really grasp the concept although he accepts it (took a long time to even get there).

Isn't it a good thing in this case that the person the OPs son was talking to wasn't a child? If the OPs son doesn't have the capacity to understand that children cannot be in a relationship with adults then procedures need to be put in place to make sure that he never gets the chance to attempt this again.

I'm not saying that those vigilante groups are a good thing, I don't think that they are but they have revealed that the OPs son should not have the means to communicate with minors as he clearly cannot do it in an appropriate way.

@Budsaway

I'm constantly explaining to my ds that the person he's talking to isn't necessarily the person they say they are. He still doesn't really grasp the concept although he accepts it (took a long time to even get there).

Isn't it a good thing in this case that the person the OPs son was talking to wasn't a child? If the OPs son doesn't have the capacity to understand that children cannot be in a relationship with adults then procedures need to be put in place to make sure that he never gets the chance to attempt this again.

I'm not saying that those vigilante groups are a good thing, I don't think that they are but they have revealed that the OPs son should not have the means to communicate with minors as he clearly cannot do it in an appropriate way.

What this has shown is that better safeguards and boundaries need to be put in place regarding all his internet access. This could have easily been a scammer or someone wanting to abuse him.

We don't know yet if he'd voluntarily seek out children for sexual purposes or otherwise,which will be a very important part of his assessment.

@Budsaway

I'm constantly explaining to my ds that the person he's talking to isn't necessarily the person they say they are. He still doesn't really grasp the concept although he accepts it (took a long time to even get there).

Isn't it a good thing in this case that the person the OPs son was talking to wasn't a child? If the OPs son doesn't have the capacity to understand that children cannot be in a relationship with adults then procedures need to be put in place to make sure that he never gets the chance to attempt this again.

I'm not saying that those vigilante groups are a good thing, I don't think that they are but they have revealed that the OPs son should not have the means to communicate with minors as he clearly cannot do it in an appropriate way.

The OP will find out how things happened in due course but I think of an adult goes on an adult website but then is targeted by hunters because they are an easy target then really this isn’t the case. This is the frequent method of these groups. If you read newspaper reports the reports often say the same thing almost word for word.

Hope everything is going as well as it can be

Wishing you and your family strength xx

stopitnow can help you deal with what happened, and also possibly provide support for your son.

I'll point out they do not minimise people like your son's actions but try to make them face up to the seriousness of their actions.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this, it's not your fault and you and your other children deserve support.

@arrestedhelp

For those asking, he is still lives at home, he has other disabilities alongside asd. He is absolutely no risk to the younger DCs, I accept he was talking to a younger boy in a sexual way, but the kids are at no risk from him.

You don't know that.

I understand that with all your heart you want to believe it. You love your boy and you're processing and devastated and in denial and all sorts. A proper whirlwind.

But you don't know. And from painful experience I would urge you not to be complacent and especially not to tell social services you don't believe he's any risk to his siblings. Two weeks ago, I bet you didn't think he had a sexual interest in young boys.

Guard your heart, OP. And brace yourself. This is horrible to go through.