So sick of having to scrimp and save

[desperate4spring]

...despite having an okay income (about £50k joint).

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. We have 3 lovely children, all healthy and live in a lovely home. But we scrape by!

We budget so tightly, always keep the weekly shop (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) to under £120 per week, only put £100 per month towards holidays, get my hair cut once per year, buy all clothes from supermarkets, eat out (including take-away) about twice a month, occassional day out, check that we have the cheapest providers etc etc etc.

10yo wants drama lessons, 8yo wants to learn the keyboard, 3yo needs to learn to swim, I would LOVE to join a gym. DH is happy to potter about doing nothing, but I'm BORED and need some excitement! But we cant bloody afford any of it. Even the suggestion of a trip to the cinema warrants a lengthy conversation about whether it's worth the cost!

Rant over.

Why is your food budget so high? You could more veggie meals

£460 a month on the food shop?!

It's the bloody cost of housing/ renting. It's so high now. Everything else apples in comparison. Back in the day a smaller portion of take home pay would need to be allocated to that but now its 50% of everyone's budgets. The most annoying thing is no one is really benefitting from all this except BTL landlords. Chunters off to read the socialist worker.

Buying all new clothes is expensive. Takeaway is expensive. Could you manage without takeaways and use the money for cinema instead?

How much is your mortgage/rent a month?

As a family we only eat out while on holiday, or for a special occasion like a birthday. Eating out twice a month is every other week. Try it once a month or every other month instead?

50k is not 'scraping by' and saving £100 a month and eating out regularly is pretty good going too.

The takeaways and meals out seem excessive if you are skint. I think the food budget's fine.

I hope things look up.

Okay, maybe I have unrealistic expectations. I know that £50k is not scraping by, I'm just slightly bemused by how unaffordable everything seems. I feel like on £50k we should be able to afford more than we do.
We live in the South East which I'm sure doesn't help. Maybe we need to look at more veggie meals (although DH will give me a hard time about that!) but I really struggle to keep the food shop under that amount, even shopping at Aldi.
I just don't get how other families manage to send their kids to multiple clubs, go on holidays abroad every year, go to the theatre etc... Maybe they're just loaded.

You are not "skint" if you
A) are paying your bills without thinking
B) feeding and clothing 3 dc
C) putting your dc through activities
D) saving money (although tbf I would expect on 50k for you to be saving a bit more?)
E) paying for take out/eating out each month

Get a grip OP!

And maybe I was a bit generous with the eating out...it's probably more like one take away per month. Probably eat out once every 3 months.

@wedwewerpink

You are not "skint" if you A) are paying your bills without thinking B) feeding and clothing 3 dc C) putting your dc through activities D) saving money (although tbf I would expect on 50k for you to be saving a bit more?) E) paying for take out/eating out each month

Get a grip OP!

I didn't say I was 'skint'. And our dc don't do any activities.

What are your top 3 expenses?

That doesn't really sound like scrimping and saving TBH. Just about everyone has to make choices and can't have absolutely everything they might want to have/do.

You can join a gym from £10/15 pm, you could probably find that by reducing your grocery shopping budget. You do have quite a bit of 'extras' in your budget already, 2 takeaways/meals out a month for example.

How much is your mortgage/rent?

You have 3 kids that’s why. You will get people pilling on saying move elsewhere but I would assume your salary would drop.
But yes a family of 5 even a trip to the cinema would be close to £50.
Your food bill doesn’t sound awful, you could cut £20 off here and there but I doubt it will ease any money worries.

A gym for £10 a month? Isn’t that just a park

It probably depends on your mortgage/ rent..
And where you live!
But being able to save is something most people aspire to unless they are on much bigger incomes with low outgoings on essentials.
Doesn’t sound too bad OP

I do get how you feel, ones household income seems good on paper but doesn’t go far.
There’s lots of ways to save money on the food shopping. Batch cooking, yellow stickers, bulk buying and my favourite, knowing what’s cheaper in different supermarkets and visiting a different one each week. Cleaning products and toiletries are often expensive at the supermarket unless it’s lidl. Try the non brand version of food and toiletries.
For days out can you plan days that cost less, trips out to forests, beaches etc with a picnic. We have really got into this day outside and a picnic we do it at leat twice a week! The kids love it. Unfortunately either you or dh will have to plan the picnic food in advance.
Instead of a meal out could you have fish and chips at the beach? Take your own ketchup, plates and cutlery. Could you swap a supermarket Chinese takeaway ready meal for the actual takeaway so you keep the easy dinner but at least halve the cost.
Tesco clubcard points exchange for days out. The sun savers holidays were good pre covid.
I’ve got quite in the swing of it now and it’s leaving a bit more money to spend on other stuff.

Totally get you OP, it can feel relentless.

I don't think your spending on food is excessive at all for a family of 5.

There are few things that might help...

• second hand clothes from charity shops and Vinted. Esp. For the kids (mine are young and don't care where they're from or what they look like, yet)
• instead of gym, could you go running? Or do YouTube fitness videos?
• could you get a keyboard off Facebook marketplace and use YouTube videos for lessons? There's also a site called Flow Key that has some free lessons
• do you have a free museum near you? We are lucky to have a really good local one that has a different exhibition on every few months, and lots of walks with friends or family
• do you have a good group of friends locally where you could go round each other's for cheap and cheerful dinners (I do this with friends and although it's not a restaurant, it still feels like "eating out"
• I also use birthdays and Christmas for treats, for example everyone in my family chipped in a tenner for my birthday and I had a full body massage. For Christmas I'm thinking a voucher for a local restaurant

But I totally get you thinking about it all is draining, it takes me about 2 hours to do the online shop, thinking of meals, getting it down into budget and then really annoying purchases like nappies taking me over budget again!

It's saving that I find depressing too. Takes so long to save up and then something like car tax needs paying and then it goes down again.

I hear you so much on this! We are similar, although only two dc but one is still on formula and both in nappies so it adds up a lot! Would you consider getting home gym stuff on credit if you have the space? I know credit isn’t ideal but I did this and am delighted(it’s also paid off now and compared to gym membership I have saved a fortune)

3 children is another expensive extra right there. Obviously you can't send the third child back, but just another example of an expensive choice/luxury that's built into your basic essentials that your income needs to cover.

With a larger family, housing, food, bills, activities, holidays, trips out, cars, clothes, etc all cost more.

I just don't get how other families manage to send their kids to multiple clubs, go on holidays abroad every year, go to the theatre etc... Maybe they're just loaded

Quite often the gap in wealth when the income is similar is usually just an indicator of when a couple got on the property ladder rather than if they shop at Tesco or Aldi.

@mayblossominapril I would already count fish and chips on the beach as eating out!

@clothpeg83 Yes I agree, it's the amount of headspace that it takes up that is so draining.

That's not scrimping and saving by any stretch. You have a lovely home, a very generous grocery budget, you get to have treats ... Do you know how many people are having to use food banks now, go without meals to make sure their children are fed? That's scrimping and saving.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

A gym for £10 a month? Isn’t that just a park

The Gym Group eg £14.99 a month

Pure Gym from £9.99 a month

Local council gyms probably cost similar amounts and many employers offer discount schemes.