So sick of having to scrimp and save

[desperate4spring]

...despite having an okay income (about £50k joint).

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. We have 3 lovely children, all healthy and live in a lovely home. But we scrape by!

We budget so tightly, always keep the weekly shop (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) to under £120 per week, only put £100 per month towards holidays, get my hair cut once per year, buy all clothes from supermarkets, eat out (including take-away) about twice a month, occassional day out, check that we have the cheapest providers etc etc etc.

10yo wants drama lessons, 8yo wants to learn the keyboard, 3yo needs to learn to swim, I would LOVE to join a gym. DH is happy to potter about doing nothing, but I'm BORED and need some excitement! But we cant bloody afford any of it. Even the suggestion of a trip to the cinema warrants a lengthy conversation about whether it's worth the cost!

Rant over.

Well you have three kids! What did you think would happen

For your shopping seems good for family of 5, only thing I find good here ( Ireland), is sometimes shops reduce down their meat, salmon, breads even milk occasionally. got 2 5pks of fresh salmon for €5 each instead if €10 each yesterday, so that has gone to my freezer, we had 1.2 kg of deluxe Irish beef from Lidl "waste not want not", in evening for €2 instead of €17. My freezer is my best friend cos some weeks I don't buy any meat or fish and dip in my freezer, big one in the shed. Went to Tesco yesterday evening but was too late, only got a pk hot dog buns for .22cent ( son loves hot dogs). It takes effort to go into the shops ( especially with 3 children, you )
for the reduced items but can be beneficial. Can you buy supermarket stamps even one a week and by Christmas that should be all food sorted.

I get most of my family's stuff in the charity shop, great finds there too and watch out for the sales for school shoes/runners etc.

We have a dog who is very old now ( very precious to us all), who is costing us a small fortune in medicines and special dietary dog food each month, but if you have pets you have to give them the best, it's serious budgeting in my house too and I do have the odd little splurge but in general we are really well off in comparison to others.
Is there any way to make few extra pounds, walk dogs ? Keep dogs overnight once a week if good shed and garden away from children, bit of home baking, with friends childmind for few hours and then they mind yours and your hubbie and your self spend but time on your own, simple pleasure of walk.
Give yourself a clap on the back you are doing a great job, well done.

I wouldn't class two meals out a month scrapping by OP.

I think no matter what your income you live within your means really. If you earn more you spend more, if you earn less you spend less. We all have to budget and account for our money.

We've got 4dc and manage perfectly fine on almost half that. Our dc go to clubs, we buy what we want, we holiday every year and we spend much more than you do on food shopping. Why are you whinging? Or just a 50k poor me stealth boast?

I find two children enough financially, 3 must be challenge on £50k, it's one of the main reasons we have stopped at 2 as we needed to juggle what opportunities we wanted for the kids (such as activities) and what lifestyle we wanted (cinema etc) it's been banded around as superficial by some on here but I do value those things for us 4 enough to keep us a family of 4. Surely you were aware of what lifestyle you were signing up for with 3 within your income, assuming all 3 were planned of course!

Three children was always going to be expensive and you are lucky to have such a good income.
I’d ditch the holiday savings, the meals out and takeaways, bring food costs down and let the children do their chosen activities instead. Far better they have something they enjoy often than a holiday once a year.

Plenty of people in this country manage on a lot less.

Universal credit is being cut by twenty pounds a week soon.

Those with disabilities have never, ever received this twenty pounds. And they are being discriminated against for this.

This includes people and parents with various disabilities.

That has gone to court and looks like it is being proven.

You are nowhere near a food bank.

Count your lucky stars. I'm sorry, but stop moaning.

@desperate4spring

Okay, maybe I have unrealistic expectations. I know that £50k is not scraping by, I'm just slightly bemused by how unaffordable everything seems. I feel like on £50k we should be able to afford more than we do. We live in the South East which I'm sure doesn't help. Maybe we need to look at more veggie meals (although DH will give me a hard time about that!) but I really struggle to keep the food shop under that amount, even shopping at Aldi. I just don't get how other families manage to send their kids to multiple clubs, go on holidays abroad every year, go to the theatre etc... Maybe they're just loaded.

Don't compare.... you never know what money people have behind them.... we have a similar income - actually less if you are joint income as we have one income so only one tax free allowance. We only have one child but probably spend more on groceries. We have family help with big expenses for our son. Swim lessons, dance classes etc all paid for my generous grandparents. I don't think this is uncommon.

Sorry things are so tight. The part that would bum me out the most is the kids not being able to pursue individual interests. And learning how to swim is a safety thing too.

If you eat a lot of meat that is the obvious place to save. And any chance there are free drama workshops or music lessons at school?

I would say the problem is you are comparing yourself to people who have more than you/are doing the things you would like to do and it's making you feel that your life is crap by comparison but you know the saying "comparison is the thief of joy"?

Maybe instead look at people who are really struggling and could only dream of owning their own house etc.

I don't mean to give you a lecture and I'm guilty of it myself too even though we have a joint income that is much higher than yours. We eat out every week and the dc's do activities etc but I still occasionally feel envious of people who say, have the money to do extensive renovations on their home or go on regular exotic holidays. It's all relative. But then I give myself a mental slap and realise how lucky I am.

I do get it but I think the problem is comparing yourself unfavourably to others. Practically if you want your dcs to do activities/go to the theatre you'll have to forego the savings, save money elsewhere or find a better paid job etc.

But a family of 5 on 50K in the south east would not go far. We are a smaller family and earn twice that and are really not well off! We don't have money left over, so I do understand how you feel you're a bit limited.

You genuinely don't have anything left on 100k? or do you mean after you've put X into savings you don't have anything left?

These threads are always a mix of "stealth post", "you shouldn't have had x dc", "you are wasting money, plenty live on less" & "we earn 3 x as much and struggle". You can't win!

@countrytown

But a family of 5 on 50K in the south east would not go far. We are a smaller family and earn twice that and are really not well off! We don't have money left over, so I do understand how you feel you're a bit limited.

You genuinely don't have anything left on 100k? or do you mean after you've put X into savings you don't have anything left?

Yeah that's ridiculous. A family of 3 or 4 on 100k/year is well off. You may choose to spend it all on a big mortgage or private school or whatever, but you are well off.

(Signed, a family living in London on half that)

Ah it feels rubbish doesn't? You feel like you should have a more comfy life given the amount you manage to bring home.

Stick to your budget now that the rant is over though. It looks good. It's better to discuss cinema tickets than payday or car loans.

@countrytown I've mentioned the number of kids but not to say they shouldn't have had them, not my business, but just pointing out 3 children is a luxury in itself. Some choose bigger mortgages, some choose private education, others choose an extra child. No matter how you cut it a third child is going to cost you a shit ton of money so of course pointing out the number for children is as fair as questioning any other bill. If we had a much higher income I'd have considered a third, but I won't due to the income we have and the lifestyle we want. I appreciate though of course not everyone has gotten to 3 kids by choice.

I appreciate though of course not everyone has gotten to 3 kids by choice.

Well exactly & 2 dc are still more expensive than 1dc. Having dc is expensive.

if your salary is 50k a year that means 3k a month and that mean £700 a week, and you feel skint. take a look at your bills, do you have sky, netflix etc, credit card debts or other debts. how many hours do you work, do you have time for bulk cooking, or make meals from scratch...slow cooker helps. what is you are actually looking for, from my point of few you sound very fed up and possible depressed. i have neighbours who are nhs staff that after paying rent and basic bills have to visit the food bank a couple of times a month to feed there kids.

As for clothing supermarket not always the cheapest try www.everything5pounds.co.uk

We are on similar money but lucky enough to have a fairly small mortgage, even then it isn't a huge amount of money.
Do you have a budget? I always feel more in control when I've gone through all the bank statements and pin pointed exactly where the money has gone so I can see if savings are possible.
I have been dirt poor and that was a horrible experience, but has taught me to be terribly grateful that I'm no longer worrying constantly about money.
Sounds dead naff, but practicing gratitude is a really excellent way of getting to a point of contentment. Each day find a couple of minutes to consider what's good in life, health, children, relationships, feeling safe, a good meal or the sun shining. Honestly can be life changing to seek to be happy with what you have.

You're not earning very much each for living in the south east - are you quite young?

Do you have far to go career wise?

Sorry OP I understand how you feel. I would try to focus on increasing your family income.

We earn similar. DH brings home about 30k but it is topped up by DLA for DS, and a bit of UC. We get child benefit too. I'm a carer for DC so small carers allowance

The point I'm trying to make is DC. You have literally triple the DC costs that I do.

Rent is £760 a month. We're in a village in SE.

We spend ridiculous amounts on food, I think. Despite being veggie. We just do too many 'I'm popping to so and so' shops. Always seem to run out of xyz

No childcare costs though, a huge factor

Eat out the same amount as you but probably buy more takeaways (cheap ones like pizza and chicken/chips)

Have Netflix but just freeview channels As we can watch live TV from itv hub etc

DS does swimming and I'd like for him to do something else but he won't due to his disability

Holiday once a year to somewhere hot. Drive new car

We’re on more than that but still only go to the cinema 2-3 times a year and get takeaway less than once a month, probably 3 times a year with a few of meals out - birthdays mostly. We do free activities most of the time.

I have a friend who earns the same as us but cannot understand how we afford long haul holidays abroad. They have 1dc but he’s in independent school - our 3 are in state schools, they have 2 lease cars, we own our older cars outright. We probably give the impression we’re skint due to old cars and supermarket clothes but I don’t really care about stuff like that. Apparently I look poor because I shop at Asda - our local store is great, amazing bunch of staff and they kept delivering through the pandemic when tesco and Waitrose couldn’t offer slots.

I think it’s about expectations. With 3dc I have a limit of 2 clubs per dc - dance, music, horse riding… but if you can’t afford that then make it one club per dc.

You're not earning very much each for living in the south east - are you quite young?

What should someone be earning in the SE?

@desperate4spring

Okay, maybe I have unrealistic expectations. I know that £50k is not scraping by, I'm just slightly bemused by how unaffordable everything seems. I feel like on £50k we should be able to afford more than we do. We live in the South East which I'm sure doesn't help. Maybe we need to look at more veggie meals (although DH will give me a hard time about that!) but I really struggle to keep the food shop under that amount, even shopping at Aldi. I just don't get how other families manage to send their kids to multiple clubs, go on holidays abroad every year, go to the theatre etc... Maybe they're just loaded.

We have similar food bills, similar income etc but save more for holidays and do theatre regularly. We rarely eat out as we save that for holidays (typically a fortnight abroad and then two separate UK breaks of a week each) and rarely spend money on days out (we still do them, we just do free stuff). The main difference I imagine is where we live. We are in the north east where housing is a lot cheaper.