So sick of having to scrimp and save

[desperate4spring]

...despite having an okay income (about £50k joint).

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. We have 3 lovely children, all healthy and live in a lovely home. But we scrape by!

We budget so tightly, always keep the weekly shop (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) to under £120 per week, only put £100 per month towards holidays, get my hair cut once per year, buy all clothes from supermarkets, eat out (including take-away) about twice a month, occassional day out, check that we have the cheapest providers etc etc etc.

10yo wants drama lessons, 8yo wants to learn the keyboard, 3yo needs to learn to swim, I would LOVE to join a gym. DH is happy to potter about doing nothing, but I'm BORED and need some excitement! But we cant bloody afford any of it. Even the suggestion of a trip to the cinema warrants a lengthy conversation about whether it's worth the cost!

Rant over.

Have you don’t a full statement of affairs, if you don’t want to post it on here stick on moneysavingexpert, lots of people will have tips to reduce costs in certain areas.

Are you both working fulltime? (Sorry if I missed this), if not is there any possibility of increasing hours? I know in some jobs this often isn’t an option.

Do you have a car/s? If you have two do you really need the second car?

Look at your internet, phone packages etc, can the cost be reduced? The same with utilities, home insurance etc.

Do you sell on the childrens clothes or bin them? For the youngest you could buy second hand bundles, I did this and it saved a lot of money.

Food shop, I think for five people its okay actually. Could you have a fakeaway rather than a takeaway? A takeaway for five must be at least what £8 each and thats being conservative. Or do things like buy the fish, but cook your own chips, buy the curry etc, but make your own rice and naan.

Get on qmee, its an app where you take short surveys, you can easily make £2 a day doing them.

That's not scraping by - that's life when you choose to have multiple children.

Three children isn't cheap - you need a bigger house, a bigger car, and multiple sets of clothes, uniforms, bedding, school stationary and kit...it means holidays and days out shoot up in price as most family tickets will be 2x adult and 2xDC.

But that's a choice you made (unless you're going to drip feed that they're multiples or triplets) - kids are expensive. You chose a life with three of them!

Also op (and this just occurred to me whilst brushing my teeth..) do you honestly save money where you can? Our toothpaste is from Aldi, it cost 52p, it’s fine and absolutely does the job. I used to buy the same amount which lasted as long and did the same job for £4.49!!! A branded super whitening one. It blows my mind now. I do that on so many products and the savings are unbelievable. At first I had to break through the barrier of believing I needed the brands etc to feel good about myself but once you crack that and see the money put to better use, it’s great.

When you earn less and have therefore less to spend,you will have to use your imagination and creativity and because of that you will be less bored with your life.More money does not give you more happiness, creativity does!

Your food spending sounds completely fine and not excessive. For me it's the holiday savings tipping you over. I don't know when holidays became a necessity rather than a luxury but we last had a holiday about 5 years ago and haven't been able to afford one since. So forget that and you'll be able to manage fine. 3 kids is always going to be hideously expensive though.

Some of these posts are mad. There’s always “well others habe it worse” crowd. I’m sure the op knows that. She wasn’t saying she lived in poverty.

Op I get you but it’s a low family income for five people to live off in the south east, the average wage is 32k, so for two adults that would be 64 and you’ve more kids than the average. That’s why you’re having to budget, you live in an expensive part of the country, have three kids and earn about 25 grand a year each.

Get out in nature Op!

There are so many wonderful places to enjoy and apart from the travel costs if you are heading out of a built up area in to the wild, you can always take a picnic and that’s yourself and the kids entertained for the full day.

Whats the money saving site run by that man? Mind blank.

Set aside some time, preferably with dh. Go through utilities, see if you can get a better deal. Same with insurance, phone contracts etc. I know its the headspace but if you proactively plan and set time aside I find it lessens the load a little.

I set aside time every other month purely to research and plan days out. I scour fb and local sites, groupon etc. Tbh kids dont need that much - its an expectation thats arisen the last few years that family life includes days out.

Activities - I would do the same. Maybe they can pick one each?

Your food spending sounds completely fine and not excessive

I don't think it sounds excessive compared to some people, and completely fine if you're not short of money. But I bet the OP could cut it back by at least £10 a week and still eat well. That's £520 a year.

When you earn less and have therefore less to spend,you will have to use your imagination and creativity and because of that you will be less bored with your life.More money does not give you more happiness, creativity does!

This!
It is time that is more precious than money. More money can give you time (eg by offloading time consuming tasks) but I often find that having more time means you are better able to budget (because you can take advantage of deals , shopping around etc)

@Nsky

Why is your food budget so high? You could more veggie meals

😲

I worry about feeding 2 adults and two dogs on 100€ pm. 120 for 5 people is very low.

Sorry, 100 pw

@BarbaraofSeville

That doesn't really sound like scrimping and saving TBH. Just about everyone has to make choices and can't have absolutely everything they might want to have/do.

You can join a gym from £10/15 pm, you could probably find that by reducing your grocery shopping budget. You do have quite a bit of 'extras' in your budget already, 2 takeaways/meals out a month for example.

How much is your mortgage/rent?

Council gym costs £40/month - in SE! Where are you that it’s £10/month

I think the reality of life, whether you have 50k or 150k a year, is that you have to budget and at times you "scrape by" depending on your lifestyle choices.

Looking at the choices we made when our 3 DC were young are pretty much the same choices we make now, even though they are all in their 20's and nearly independent. So:

No takeaways. Eating out is for birthdays only and we look for vouchers/restaurant deals.

Days out are doing free things, such as meeting with friends, going to the seaside, walking, etc.

Clothes are all charity shop or car boot (both for ethical reasons and for cost). NCT sales are brilliant for young children's clothes. Supermarket clothes are expensive and have little re-sale value. If you buy a decent make second hand, ie Boden, if it's in a reasonable condition it holds its value and can be sold on for pretty much the price you paid for it.

You can reduce your supermarket spending by shopping in the evening when items are reduced. When the DC were younger, I would go almost every evening to buy the reduced items and fill the freezer, now it is just a few times a week (it has become a bit of a hobby and a challenge!). Also, growing some of your own fruit and vegetables, keeping chickens (if you are able to), collecting cherries, apples, plums, blackberries etc and freezing them, batch cooking soups and stews can all massively cut your food budget.

Holidays were once a year camping, otherwise weekends staying at grandparents and occasionally tagging along with one of DH's work trips.

It is question of priorities and you are in a position where you do have some flexibility in your spending where many people don't. Education, activities for the children and having animals were and are more important for us than takeaways, new clothes, expensive holidays, and big supermarket spends.

The more activities you and your children are able to take part in the more entertainment you will have as a family such as sports matches, swimming galas, plays and musical concerts, art exhibitions, maybe even horse events - that would certainly bring some excitement into your life OP!

Regardless of being in the SE, there are some changes that could be made which have little to do with where you live or about scrimping. Most families, of all shapes and sizes, need to economise to get by and plan for the future.

So,
Buy from charity shops as much as possible when you need to update your wardrobe or replace an item. This more so for adults.

Buy secondhand furniture only - better for the environment too.

£120 per week grocery shop could be cut to approx £80 easily.
Eat out out on special occasions only - anniversary and immediate family's birthdays. Takeaway once a month. 2 x £5 Coop freezer meal deal would easily feed a family of 5.

You already save for an annual holiday, so planning ahead in other areas shouldn't be too difficult. Kids do not have to be constantly entertained. Days out that cost a premium can be pared down. Quality over quantity.

The £40 per week saved on grocery shop = £120 a month for DC's activities. They could have one each or a joint activity such as swimming lessons, until you can afford more at some point in the future.

Can anyone who thinks they can feed a family of 5 for £80 a week plus cleaning products and toiletries post a shopping list/meal plan if they get time? Not being goady just would genuinely be interested!! I’m pretty savvy but even I can’t get it under £100…

£50k a year with three kids in the south east is not a lot of money sadly. And things are expensive (prices have increased a lot). That's why you haven't got a lot of spare cash.

Change to own brand.

Bulk buy - food and toiletries. Use soap bars, they are better for the environment anyway. You do not need to keep buying cleaning products if you already have the basics.

Batch cook. Spag bol leftovers are tomorrow night's cottage pie.

Basic packed lunch for all - ham or jam sandwich, apple; easy peeler or banana, cut of block of cheese and wrap in foil for snack or value biscuits.

Challenge yourself to no spend days and low spend days.

Go over to the MSE forums and read what others do to economise.

Do it for at least a month and you will see a difference. £80 is just a ballpoint figure as I do not know the OP's family's specifics, but £120 seems too much, as does eating out twice a month. If not cutting the shop back, cutting the eating out to special occasions and using vouchers, would pay for the DC's activities.

You have 3 children, and are a teacher working part time. You have huge opportunity to earn more, and not have to cover school holidays with expensive childcare. Why aren’t you taking the opportunity?!

Yes, I have 3 and it seems to be so much more expensive than 2. It is hard to stretch to clubs and classes. I wanted them to have swimming and music lessons, I was actually secretly pleased when 2 of them didn't enjoy the music so we could stop paying for them. We couldn't afford school dinners for all 3.
50k round here didn't go far at all 15 years ago, I shudder to think what it must be like now.
Anyway, you could maybe get the food shop down a bit, by going more veggie, even your DH doesn't need meat every day. Although mince at Aldi is pretty cheap, you can do a spag bol for all 5 of for 2 quid. Freeze all leftovers which can then be used in lunchboxes.
I always found the cinema really expensive. Some showings are cheaper ( I think Mondays at Cineworld? Also Saturday mornings) and we would sometimes not take all the DC to everything - paying for 2 is much cheaper than paying for 5! We never bought snacks at the cinema as that just bumps up the price massively. Eating out and takeaways are a luxury, maybe cut back on that. Children's clothes can mostly be handmedowns or second hand until they get older.
We can all give you tips, butI think the issue is yes, it is a pain continually scraping and trying to save a few quid here and there. Yes, it can be done, but I got really fed-up with it. DH and I both had professional jobs and still had to borrow from my Mum sometimes to cover everything, particularly things like childcare in the school holidays.

@NavigatingAdolescence

You have 3 children, and are a teacher working part time. You have huge opportunity to earn more, and not have to cover school holidays with expensive childcare. Why aren’t you taking the opportunity?!

What opportunity is that? Full-time teaching with 3 children is the quickest path I know to a breakdown! I did it for a (short)while, was coping on 4-5 hours sleep a night trying to fit everything in! Horrendous.

How do you think all us other full time workers cope?

I'm slightly bemused how the op is dismayed about how she has to scrimp and save and poster come on here to tell her she has to scrimp and save more - cut your shopping down to £80/week. The OP is clearly new to MN because it doesn't matter how much you earn on MN someone else is always worse off and you are always being somewhat entitled and could live off the fumes off a chicken for a month!

@firstimemamma

50k is not 'scraping by' and saving £100 a month and eating out regularly is pretty good going too.

This

Ditch the takeaways and spend that on one DC’s activities. Save less each month toward a holiday and that will pay for another DC’s activity. Trim a bit from your food shop and that will pay for your third DC’s swimming.