So sick of having to scrimp and save

[desperate4spring]

...despite having an okay income (about £50k joint).

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. We have 3 lovely children, all healthy and live in a lovely home. But we scrape by!

We budget so tightly, always keep the weekly shop (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) to under £120 per week, only put £100 per month towards holidays, get my hair cut once per year, buy all clothes from supermarkets, eat out (including take-away) about twice a month, occassional day out, check that we have the cheapest providers etc etc etc.

10yo wants drama lessons, 8yo wants to learn the keyboard, 3yo needs to learn to swim, I would LOVE to join a gym. DH is happy to potter about doing nothing, but I'm BORED and need some excitement! But we cant bloody afford any of it. Even the suggestion of a trip to the cinema warrants a lengthy conversation about whether it's worth the cost!

Rant over.

countrytown

Average earnings amongst adults in SE over 30 years is over £30k (higher than national average)

Which is why I asked if they were young

We have a household income higher than yours and 3 Kids.
We only go to the cinema once a year, eat out in a restaurant probably once every 6 months, takeaway or twice a month once a month but do spend a fortune on food.
We don’t buy branded clothes nor have expensive holidays. The boys don’t want to do any activities (despite us urging them to) but DD does a few.

Kids are expensive. More so when you have more than 2 as everything - all the deals/cheap packagage holidays/days out tickets etc etc all seemed to be geared to a family of 4.

Do people who don’t live in the SE know how expensive property is? My town ( Surrey / London borders) is £1000 upwards for a 1 bedroom flat per month to rent. £2000 to rent a 3 bed house. Mortgage payments obviously depend on when you were able to buy but 10 years ago our 3 bed detached house cost over £600,000. It’s impossible to say that they should be managing on £50k when you don’t know how much their housing costs are.

You have 2 adults on the national average wage which is much less than the SE average wage

How can you address this?

@Divebar2021 erm yes, it was literally the purpose of my post to say the rest is the same, housing is the difference. We live in the north, not on another planet

It is not mandatory to live in the south though. People can move if they wish to find cheaper housing.

@Divebar2021 yep totally get that - this is why I lived in Kent all my life until I moved out of my parent’s home at 22 and moved to Somerset. Cost of living was a huge factor in our decision.

We've got 4dc and manage perfectly fine on almost half that.

You manage fine as a family of 6 on 25k? That’s lower than the average income. Given that assuming you have to pay rent or mortgage you must immediately lose about half of that, which leaves £5 per person per day to cover bills, food, clothes, general living expenses. Surprising you ‘manage fine’

OP is accused of stealth boast, what is the opposite of that?

@CeeceeBloomingdale

Well I wasn’t particularly directing my comment to you. . More the posters who are incredulous that anyone should struggle on £50k. And there are many reasons we can’t all move to cheaper parts of the country.

Sorry if you’ve said but what you pay for mortgage or rent is a big factor. Plus any debts. Food could be reduced possibly? We spend about £65 a week but are a family of 3. This doesn’t include wine and beer though!

You could definitely cut your food bill. I suggest no takeaways for a few months, also look at mobile phone and TV contracts etc. Only buy clothes when they’ve grown out of them. Try to do without yourself. Sell outgrown clothes on Ebay. Go on Moneysavingexpert and check for tips, including cheapest utilities.

buy clothes second hand. make going into charity shops a habit whenever you get the chance and look for good quality kids basics e.g. jeans, coats, tops etc when you see them, shopping a year or so ahead if necessary to snap up a bargain when you see it. Then there's no rush to the shops in a faff trying to get a new coat for £££ or new jeans. You'll save a packet. You will be surprised what you can get. If I see a charity shop I am straight in there, often times there is nothing but frequently pick up amazing stuff. If you're looking for current age / type of clothing it can be more difficult to find specific items, but if you shop ahead you'll find you get much higher quality items that you can stash away. For example if you have bought 4 pairs of jeans for the next age up at £2 a pair, it will save you £60ish in new jeans... etc etc.

Our income is £30 k,. 5 kids and we don't find it hard to get by. Don't scrimp and save at all.
But food bill only £80 a week as wedont get takeaways.

@DeedledeDee do you get any help on top of that eg child benefit, housing benefit etc

We had 2 dc as 3 dc would’ve made us caused us to struggle.

I think you could shave a bit off your food and takeaway bill for a couple of clubs - eg brownies/Cubs - these are £10 a month for my kids.

I’m interested how people with more kids and less money afford not to scrimp and save!

@Passthecake30

We had 2 dc as 3 dc would’ve made us caused us to struggle.

I think you could shave a bit off your food and takeaway bill for a couple of clubs - eg brownies/Cubs - these are £10 a month for my kids.

I’m interested how people with more kids and less money afford not to scrimp and save!

1. By not counting subventions as income e.g bank of mum and dad either through direct financial support or living at reduced price in one of their properties. Or other government support
2. By not knowing what the actual out going is: only spend a certain amount on the big shop but don't mind popping into the shops quickly for milk or visiting the ice cream van
3. By redefining the words used: hard, scrimp and save most likely mean different things to different people

There's no magic to it. 3 children and a certain income will only go so far. Being comfortable with the chosen priorities for spending is the hard part. You never know if you've chosen the right ones.

And there are many reasons we can’t all move to cheaper parts of the country.

So true, whenever I think about moving somewhere cheaper it always actually works out more expensive as my DM probably saves us about £500pcm of childcare costs. (plus the DC would miss their grandparents lots!)

I'm a family of 3 (1 adult 2 children) with similar food/shopping budget. I buy all toiletries and cleaning stuff in with the food shop. I genuinely don't understand families that eat for less then £50 a week.

I'm also SE, it's really bloody expensive. I budget everything to the last penny. Means less 'free' cash each month, but no nasty surprises.

@BoredZelda

We've got 4dc and manage perfectly fine on almost half that.

You manage fine as a family of 6 on 25k? That’s lower than the average income. Given that assuming you have to pay rent or mortgage you must immediately lose about half of that, which leaves £5 per person per day to cover bills, food, clothes, general living expenses. Surprising you ‘manage fine’

OP is accused of stealth boast, what is the opposite of that?

I think it's the equivalent of the Mumsnet chicken.

I would struggle with 3 kids, living in the SE, on that wage. Not to live within my means but to have a nice life.

Can you move or up your income?

Is there anything you could do to improve income? Rather than just being focused on expenses. South east is sooo expansion and the cost of children’s activities is crazy!!!

This has actually been a really useful thread, we are in v similar boat, 2 kids, also in SE, similar earnings which sounds like a lot but kind of turns out not to be…i find it trying at times and wish, like everyone, that we had more… It does help to focus on being grateful for what we have and the joys of free stuff like picnics and walks. I’m also worrying about cost of kids swimming lessons but after reading this I’m sure I can cut back on other stuff to make this possible! I sometimes find it frustrating that doing something “small” requires budgeting but that is just the way it is, eg last week as a Summer holiday treat we went to a kids’ theatre performance / bloody £30 for 2 tickets, £3 parking, £3 ice cream in interval… we just have to be realistic that for us at this point in life that’s a real luxury that has to be planned for, not something we can do in impulse. Budgeting is part of the “mental load” and the poorer you are the harder it is. Thanks for useful tips and perspective!

When I was on a tight budget, eating out/takeaway was a treat for a birthday or anniversary. If you're doing that twice a month for 5 of you , then that's a significant amount of money. Even cutting back to once a month would make a difference.

I'd also be looking to reduce the supermarket expense.

Do you meal plan? If not, this would be helpful.
If you do meal plan already, it would be helpful to analyse what you are buying to see if it could be reduced (we can help with that).

Could you generate more cash for treats by selling decent clothes the children have grown out of? A friend of mine did that when she was struggling and was amazed how much she made.

That's not scraping by, that's living and raising a family. £50k is very lucky. Try for another job or retrain if it isn't enough. You also have 3 kids. That's a lot. Lovely but a lot.

If you can't reduce spending any further then find ways to increase income. When was the last time either of you asked for a payrise? What side hustles have you explored?

It’s really hard to raise income though with 3 kids. Childcare is so expensive that it doesn’t always pay to work more. One person could be on 35k salary and one could be part time bringing in 15k, upping the hours might just mean more childcare costs?