So sick of having to scrimp and save

[desperate4spring]

...despite having an okay income (about £50k joint).

I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. We have 3 lovely children, all healthy and live in a lovely home. But we scrape by!

We budget so tightly, always keep the weekly shop (food, toiletries, cleaning stuff) to under £120 per week, only put £100 per month towards holidays, get my hair cut once per year, buy all clothes from supermarkets, eat out (including take-away) about twice a month, occassional day out, check that we have the cheapest providers etc etc etc.

10yo wants drama lessons, 8yo wants to learn the keyboard, 3yo needs to learn to swim, I would LOVE to join a gym. DH is happy to potter about doing nothing, but I'm BORED and need some excitement! But we cant bloody afford any of it. Even the suggestion of a trip to the cinema warrants a lengthy conversation about whether it's worth the cost!

Rant over.

@CorrBlimeyGG

That's not scrimping and saving by any stretch. You have a lovely home, a very generous grocery budget, you get to have treats ... Do you know how many people are having to use food banks now, go without meals to make sure their children are fed? That's scrimping and saving.

Yes, you're right. Maybe I do need to get a grip.

Your grocery budget is quite high- do you eat a lot of meat and fish?
We are not vegetarians but we eat very little meat, it does keep the costs down. Also meal planning carefully helps. Maybe cut down to 1 meal out or takeaway each month?
50k in the South East with 3 kids isn't loads if your kids want extra activities and you run a car and I don't think putting aside £100 a month for a break is excessive.
Any way of increasing your or your DHs earnings once the youngest is in school?

@wedwewerpink I agree with your post. I think people take easily covering the essentials for granted. There are so many who can’t even manage this.

But equally it’s ok to have a moan when you work hard and don’t have any luxuries Op! £50k total income before tax really isn’t that high an income in this day and age, particularly in the south east!

Your food shop is expensive, you have a takeaway every two weeks and you save £100 for holidays, a month. That’s not scraping by.

How is the food budget high, it's only £24/person/ week, that's reasonable, surely?

I'm on the fence a bit here OP. On the one hand i totally get you, we are on about the same and we never go on holiday ever (last time was 5 years ago) and we never have any spare money really. BUT on the other hand we, and you, are incredibly lucky compared to so many in this country. It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel aggrieved but at the same time if you are saving, can afford all good and bills, you are not scraping by, you're winning!!

Pure gym round here (south east London/ Kent) is £25 off peak- council gyms c.£40 upwards

I wouldn’t give yourself a hard time. You earn £25k each? Which is below the average for a south east salary, so it’s not going to be easy to have the ‘luxury’ lifestyle that the initial £50k sounds like it should offer.

I'm on the fence a bit here OP. On the one hand i totally get you, we are on about the same and we never go on holiday ever (last time was 5 years ago) and we never have any spare money really. BUT on the other hand we, and you, are incredibly lucky compared to so many in this country. It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel aggrieved but at the same time if you are saving, can afford all good and bills, you are not scraping by, you're winning!!

I agree with this. I am in a similar position in terms of income vs outgoings and I get upset and stressed out about it, I don't think those feelings are invalid but I do appreciate what I have and understand that I could be far worse off.

Wages have gone down in what you can purchase for the money, I remember when gas, electric etc bills suddenly went up, rent is going up all the time, petrol- remember when that was under £1 a gallon and so on...basically you should be feeling quite comfortable and wealthy, but actually you have to be quite careful.

Those saying 50k combined income is a huge amount, it's not, if you live in the SE and have high mortgage payments. I just put your income into this and you are in the middle across the whole country (so about 54% have less than you, 46% have more) and so if you take the SE issue into account, that's not that much money (that's two lots of 25k income each).

ifs.org.uk/tools_and_resources/where_do_you_fit_in

I mean, it's enough to live on, have an ok life on, but it isn't possible on this type of salary to have the multiple holidays, having whatever extras you want type of life, it just isn't.

Money doesn't go as far as it used to, I was earning 25k (so same as one of your salaries) back in the mid-90s and I felt very wealthy indeed. That wouldn't be the case now, but salaries haven't gone up as much for ordinary jobs- the same job now that I do gets around 32k and it just doesn't go as far (if that, some are advertised under 30k)

Also, you earn enough so you won't attract any benefits/extras/free school meals (so you shouldn't, that needs to be for those who are disadvantaged) but you aren't feeling as well off as two working people should.

Basically you have to earn more money or accept you have to be a bit more careful/choosy about what you do.

If it were one of you earning 50k you would be worse off OP (take home of approx 37.5. AND reduced child benefits!)

By having the two of you earning 25k ish then you are taking home 4K more and the child benefit is at its fullest.

I know this doesn't make you feel any better or make a difference to you but, it's perspective I suppose in one way

@wedwewerpink this pisses me off so much, I'm a single parent and so if I hit 50k I lose my child benefit, but a couple on 25k each don't! Extremely irritating to be poorer because I run my own household.

Having 3 kids was always going to be expensive. Why are people surprised by this?

You've obviously had them now. But it seems a bit much to complain when you've created the extra tension on your finances knowingly.

Will things improve when your littlest goes to school? I found that focusing on “when things will improve” helps.

You're definitely not scrimping and it's insulting to many to say you are. But a family of 5 on 50K in the south east would not go far. We are a smaller family and earn twice that and are really not well off! We don't have money left over, so I do understand how you feel you're a bit limited. Can you seek promotions? Get more hours?

You don't lose any CB if you earn £50k. You only lose all of it if you're on £60k after pension contributions.

@OnwardsAndSideways1 yep it's an extremely unfair system to be honest. It shouldn't be means tested. Just because someone is a higher rate taxpayer does not mean they automatically don't need child benefit

I think one of the problems at the moment is that with Covid/lockdown everyone is fed up of the walk in the woods / visit the park options .

I also wonder whether the cheap / free options I used to do with my DC in the school holidays are even available now. Eg the cheap cinema for DC in the morning , activities at the library , free entry museums . Some swimming pools used to offer free swimming to children (probably area dependent ).

I used to shop at Tesco and exchange the club card vouchers for days out, I know Aldi is meant to be cheaper but a lot of supermarkets are offering Aldi price match on certain products . It might be worth trying an online shop and experimenting with your basket?

Also have you looked at any of the voucher offer websites ? Again I'm not sure what's available at the moment .

@BarbaraofSeville yes it starts to reduce after one of you earns 50k

@BarbaraofSeville you are right, it's 50k of taxable income, there's a calculator online that you can use.

It's annoying though that it's done off individual income and not household income., that penalises single/lone parents.

www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge

If you want excitement do free duolingo ( I did now on plus), exciting fun and learning.
Get your kids stuff to do line, all easy.

Seems like a pretty good life to me...
Indeed, 3 children is going to mean you need to earn more than if you had 1 or 2.
It sounds like you are doing what you can in terms of keeping costs down.
In your shoes I might be exploring ways to bring in more income, if that's what you want or feel is needed?
FWIW, family of 3 here on c.£30k and it can be a stretch, but we are also renovating our house and trying to avoid taking on debt, so a lot of DIY costs.

£460 a month on the food shop?!

That’s 3 quid per person per day. Hardly a princely sum. We spend a similar monthly amount on three people.