Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

[Whadda]

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

Ladies, riddle me this….. Please. How the fuck are we supposed to make you happy? We both work full time, right? You’re also studying. You take the dog to the vet, remember to worm it and it’s vaccination schedule, buy it’s food, and our food, remember what we like to eat, what we’re allergic to, get the laundry done, etc… and the house is still a pig sty. I stand in the middle of the kitchen with my hand on my hip, drinking a glass of wine and offer to help you sort it out while you put the shopping away around me, moving only to lean against the bench tops so you can’t get into the drawers while you’re cooking the dinner. What do I get? A lecture about something called “Mental Load” and “You Live Here Too” and “Open your Fucking Eyes!”. Then… when I’ve smothered the meal she’s prepared with ketchup, stabbed as much of every single thing onto the fork and shoveled gigantic gobfuls into my mouth so I can eat it faster, she looks at me like she wants me to choke or something!!! I bet when she’s finally finished cleaning the kitchen and helping with the homework and washing the uniforms for the morning she claims that she’s too knackered to put out - again!!! Nothing makes this woman happy!!!

Every time I go to the toilet my girlfriend interrupts me banging on the door saying she needs to pee. I’ve only been in there for 2 hours! Can’t she wait. Aibu?

@Oceanbliss

Every time I go to the toilet my girlfriend interrupts me banging on the door saying she needs to pee. I’ve only been in there for 2 hours! Can’t she wait. Aibu?

You need to mansplain the difference in blokes and birds anatomy mate. Women have all these special muscles "down there" for squeezing sprogs out, so they can shit in under a minute. We poor blokes don't have the luxury of these muscles, so have to rely on nothing but gravity to help which is why it takes an absolute minimum of 40 minutes and much longer if Arsenal are playing and I've taken my phone with me. Tell your girlfriend to pee in the kitchen sink, that's what I used to do when I shared a flat with 6 other blokes.

@ShingleBeach

Man here.

Bit of a sensitive issue so I thought I would ask you ladies.

My best mate is having a tough time. His Missus’ mother is ill so she’s out all the time, his van was broken into and he has to replace his tools, kids being bullied at school and his Mum keeps ringing him in floods because her boyfriend might be sent down.

Got a lot going on in his head and he’s turned to me for advice , and I just don’t know how to support him.

He used to have a DeWalt XR 18V Cordless Brushless 3 Speed Combi Drill 2 X 5Ah Li-Ion , and now the insurance is through he wants to know whether he should get the same again or look for something with more torque.

What shall I say? How can I help?

Brilliant 😭😭😭

This is a horrible thread, mostly just plain nasty!
If men were acting this bloody superior on any forum but this, most of you would have a fit!

The thing is Balcony the posts here, while humorous, are also really accurate representations of the ways men portray themselves here & elsewhere. It's their familiarity that makes them funny, and a bit depressing, at the same time.

Although this thread could be seen as sexist I have read so many posts like the ones above.

Satire is dead (to some people).

@Mybalconyiscracking

This is a horrible thread, mostly just plain nasty! If men were acting this bloody superior on any forum but this, most of you would have a fit!

But the point is, that these posts are representative of some threads and responses that are posted (with added poetic licence)

Haven't you ever read a thread by a man (registered just to post about the "problem") which makes you roll your eyes? What about male privilege, that's still carrying on you know.

We all know that this isn't aimed at the male mumsnetters (who are not knobs) nor is it aimed at the vast majority of men, but it is aimed at those ridiculous blokes who start twattish threads about how unfair life is and expect to get their ego stroked.

Man here.

Quick question, home cinemas? I thought she’d be made up with the idea and tbh it’s more than I’d normally spend on her birthday but it would be great for me not to always have to watch porn in secret, on my phone. She’s gone to get mums, crying. Dramatic cow.

The thing is Balcony the posts here, while humorous, are also really accurate representations of the ways women portray themselves here & elsewhere. It's their familiarity that makes them funny, and a bit depressing, at the same time.

@Raxer26A

The thing is Balcony the posts here, while humorous, are also really accurate representations of the ways women portray themselves here & elsewhere. It's their familiarity that makes them funny, and a bit depressing, at the same time.

What point are you trying to make by substituting 'women' for 'men' in my post?

It doesn't work, and it should be clear to you why 😐

That outside of the bubble of MN alot of men and women have the same traits .
I'm sure it doesn't work for you hence why you would have posted such a thing in the first place.

No idea why but as soon as I read the title, my first thought was "Alright ladies, lovely jubbly." Apparently in my mind, Del Boy is a Mumsnetter

Well Raxer of course men & women have many of the same traits, being human & all 🤦🏻‍♀️

However, the point is that, supported by evidence, women face disproportionate amounts of abuse, DV, will be negatively impacted by having DC in a way men won't, and on a daily basis, carry the mental and physical load of caring for family & managing a home to a far greater extent than men.

There is still a decided lack of awareness of this by men, and wider society.

No, it's not all men, or women, or relationships. But this thread is capturing a certain type of privileged male who comes into spaces like this filled with his own self-importance and entitlement, with no awareness of women's perspectives.

Anyway I don't want to derail the very humorous thread so I'll stop there.

Hi!

I ride a Specialized S-Works Tarmac SL7 Dura-Ace. AMA.

I’ve asked my DW but she just rolled her eyes and left the room so maybe you’ll know?

Where is my black t-shirt? You know the one, not that one but the one with the thing on the front? I wore it a couple of weeks back on the lads night out so it might have a bit of a curry stain on the front?

I, definitely a female, 25, blonde, feel so aware of my huge boobs in public. Does anyone else have this? How do you cope? Can you tell me about your bras please??

@Mybalconyiscracking

This is a horrible thread, mostly just plain nasty! If men were acting this bloody superior on any forum but this, most of you would have a fit!

If we preface the posts with #NotAllMen would that help?

Some men DO act this “bloody superior” and yes we do “have a fit”. And then get told patronisingly that it’s “only banter” and to “calm down love”.

This is why the thread is funny and depressing in equal measures…

Hello, new (man!!!) here so be gentle ladies please.

First of all let me state I appreciate my beautiful wife very much. She's the love of my life and my saviour. But I am getting increasingly frustrated at home and I know speaking to other females will help me in deciding how to approach this with her.

A little after our second was born I suggested, and we agreed my wife (34F/34DD/28"waist) would stay at home so I (42M/10"/finalist in Chorley local business awards for client entertainment) could focus on my business I've worked so hard for, that I inherited from my dad. This worked okay for a while but I found my wife would often choose to go out doing what I consider fun activities more for her than the kids, like the park or going to Sainsbury's while I was working 8 days a week, including stressful golf trips and local business leaders dinners. My expectation was the wife would keep things running smoothly 24/7 and my household costs at zero while I support us all. She saw her mum once a month with the kids for a quick coffee when she worked so I encouraged this to continue as I know it's important to maintain an adult social life when you're a stay at home parent. She said all these trips out were either necessity or for something to do as apparently our then 2 and 4 year olds needed to get out of the house. She was so upset and apologetic she was red in the face and spitting her words, I'm sure some of you can relate to how emotional my wife sometimes is bless her. This secretly annoyed me as petrol to her mum's 9 miles away and bread for the ducks aren't cheap and also that time could've been used to chisel off my urine and toothpaste splashes in the bathroom but trying to be a good husband, I suggested she get a little job to make some sort of contribution to the household while also continuing with being the default, stay at home parent.

Fast forward four years and she's now worked her way up in the company. She has a very understanding and great guy for a boss called Chris who drives one of those Audi R8s (a fast expensive car) and he has let her adjust her hours so she can pick the kids up, sort the house out and continue doing this job for him as he says my wife is an asset and great at her job (wouldn't blame him for fancying her) He's a great guy and has made my life a lot easier doing me this favour.

This brings me to my question. How do I tell her I hate that she earns more than me, hate her confidence, hate that she puts smart clothes on for work and not me (working 8 days a week, I'm simply not able to attend any date nights she's suggested in the past) and that she should earn loads of money but somehow less than the very average amount I make and maintain a level of self assurance that is somewhere between "walkover, eager to please and quiet" and "sexy board woman boss lady who can do that cool thing of letting her hair down and removing her glasses". I don't want her overwhelming herself and letting me, the children and her boss Chris down, I care very much ♥️

Sorry for the essay ladies, look forward to hearing your ideas. Thank you for the support.

Tim x
(Snapchat ID: bigballs69)

@ShingleBeach

Hi!

I ride a Specialized S-Works Tarmac SL7 Dura-Ace. AMA.

@vampirethriller

I, definitely a female, 25, blonde, feel so aware of my huge boobs in public. Does anyone else have this? How do you cope? Can you tell me about your bras please??

Yeah my imaginary GF has huge tits. Like a 42HHH+. She doesn't wear a bra, they're just so damn perky they bounce so nicely. Shame that she's put on weight recently and she's a size 8 because I like my ladies trim. A size 6 is ideal for me. But she can only just do her size 6 jeans up... Might leave her.

@Mybalconyiscracking

This is a horrible thread, mostly just plain nasty! If men were acting this bloody superior on any forum but this, most of you would have a fit!

Man here. Haven't you got some ironing to do?

Man here.
OMFG I just need to vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked my wife to buy me the Black and Decker Drill Driver 18V BDCDC18-GB, the stupid cow has come back with the Black and Decker Drill Driver 18V BDDEDSSS8-GB.
What the f am I supposed to do with this sht???
AIBU to stop talking to her and tell her to walk back to B&Q (400 miles as we don't have car)
Stupid woman.
Pissed off.

@BruceAndNosh The kitchen sink! Of course!