Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

[Whadda]

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

Hello ladies, man here, I just thought I would pop in and offer my services to all of you desperate housewives who will be bored and lonely at home while your husbands are out at work all day every day. Just message me for a dick pic and we can take it from there. No payment required but I do enjoy good home cooking and have a big appetite in more ways than one, hint hint. So form an orderly queue ladies there is more than enough of me to go around.

Have you seen my blue socks?

Hi girls,
My wife and I have been through a lot these last few years and we’ve two great kids, well three of you include me 😂
She works really hard and I try and help out as much as can round the house and with the kids but she never seems grateful. Sometimes I’ve hoovered the whole house and even cleaned up the kitchen after I’ve cooked and she never says thank you. I mean it’s just rude to not thank me for helping out. How do I get her to understand without annoying her?

(Pretend man speaking)

Sweet jeeeeezus, you women have a point!
Why are those dumbo Loose Women on TV every day when it could be you lot, now I know women work hard, even you SAHMs (had to google that one). On a good day I might even admit you hard the toughest most thankless job of all.

Why are those dumbo Loose Women on TV every day talking about whether it's still ok to dress as a Disney princess and should we fall out with our BFF if she does not tell me 5 yrs in advance she is getting engaged ? ITV should employ you lot, as you actually sound intelligent!!

Hi Ladies,

Man here, hoping you can help me to get the wife see reason.

We've been married 5 years and have two kids, aged 3 and 1. Wife became a SAHM after our first kid, which I agreed to. Now, don't get me wrong, she's an amazing woman and tries her best, but she's just not very good at the practical stuff. Mainly cooking and cleaning. She tries her best, but she doesn't have the skills and the kids often don't eat what she cooks.

Now, my Mum lives down the road and is a great cook. She's previously offered to look after the kids if my wife wants to go back to work. Mum lives alone and recently she's talked about how lonely she is. So I suggested to my wife that Mum moves into our spare room, and she returns to work.

I see this as a win all around. Mum gets some company, the house is kept tidy, and we get a cracking meal each night. But the wife doesn't agree.. She's said it's not happening. How do I get her to change her mind?

Hello ladies! My vagina looks a bit weird and I’m not sure if it’s normal. Please can you tell me what yours looks like?

As a man, I think you ladies are bang out of order. Not all men are like that.

I babysat the kids last Saturday so the missus could go to Lidl, and I didn't say anything when she forgot my pork scratchings.

She didn't thank me, but I'm alright with that.

See? Maybe you all just married the wrong blokes.

My 14 year old DD has never worn stockings before but wants to wear them to school under her uniform. I’m not so sure but please can you tell me what your 14 yo DD wears under her uniform? TIA!

Ladies, I'm so ashamed. I've just pissed myself in Screwfix. Please tell me I'm not the only one that's ever pissed (or shit, whatever) themselves in public! In detail.

Hello girls

My wife has told me that she's no longer going to see or speak to my mother. The two of them have had a contentious relationship for years now. My mother makes a really big effort to be kind to my wife. She tried to take on most of the wedding planning to spare DW the stress, when DC1 was born my mum waited outside the labour ward in case we needed anything and she rang all of our family and friends to tell them so it was one less job for DW to do, she pops into ours during the week (I gave her a key) to do a bit tidying up and my washing (DW can't do shirts properly), and she makes sure DW is made to feel part of the family by booking lots of family activities and events. All my mum did was mistakenly call DW by my ex-girlfriends name once, maybe twice, and now DW wants to throw away all those years of closeness.

Hi ladies. Man here, a considerate, enlightened modern man, willing to converse with you and offer advice on any topic that is troubling your pretty little heads.
And I mean any topic, you won't even need to ask. Even if you have extensive experience of the subject, and theoretically I have none, because I have a penis I am equipped and entitled to advise and mansplain at you.
Life experience, qualifications, professional standing etc are all very nice for you girls, but at the end of the day I have a 1 10 inch dick so I know best.

I’m sooooo embarrassed!! Today I was running for the bus and I inadvertently shit myself. I feel terrible, Please share with me the times you’ve shit yourself to make me feel better!

Hello there girlies! What you laydeez need to understand is that we men must have our 'needs' met, if not at home, then elsewhere. We're thinking about sex all day, it's only natural, so when we finish work we want to get down to it right away. You wiggle those sexy bums and boobies all over the kitchen while you're fussing around with the kids' teas, and you shouldn't be surprised when we menkind make a grab for them. It's a compliment, we do it 'cos you're so, so sexy. So think on, stick the kids in front of the telly and get down on your knees in the pantry if you don't want your man to stray! Remember, a man told you.

Loving all the poo trolls

Man here.

I've been reading your discussion about sensitive micro-agressions and what it's like to be a woman in the UK today.

Speaking as a man, I think all of your experiences are wrong. I've never treated less favourably due to my gender therefore I don't think such a thing exists and in the very few cases where it might have existed, the women involved were probably exaggerating it to get ahead at work on the sympathy vote or something.

Hi Ladies,

I'm hoping you can help me.

I'm feeling really unappreciated by my wife.

Today not only did I I put my dirty gym wear in the washing machine rather than the laundry basket AND switched it on, I also offered to babysit the children for an hour while she got a bath.

Rather than rewarding me for my good work as I'd hoped - she's moaning at me because the washing machine wasn't full and it was a "wasted load" (wtf does that mean??) and has taken umbrage at my "babysitting" our kids (she called it parenting but what's the difference???).

I just can't seem to do right for doing wrong....

She's such an amazing wife/mother who works full time and is brilliant at organisation, cooking, childcare and housekeeping- so much so that it's silly for me to try and compete with her high standards - but try I do (albeit now and then) and I think I'm not unreasonable in expecting a bit of praise for my efforts.

I’m sick to death of my wife spending hours on this website. It’s having an impact on her character I’m sure. She completely ignores my mother ( except for instructions at handover for childcare 2 days a week), has cutoff a close friend over a wedding invite and has fallen out with several neighbours. Her only other hobby is drawing ( but of drives and parked cars so that’s a bit strange too). Tonight she had a big row with her mum because her mum has said she won’t look after our children for 3 days a week for the next 2 years .... she told her mum ‘once you’re old and frail, you’re on your own! I’ll remember this.’
I’m so upset .... do you think my wife is being negatively influenced by this website? Should I try to talk to her about it again? (Our comms aren’t great lately - what does ‘LTB’ mean?

Hi ladies

There's a woman I see on the bus and I asked her out once and she said no which I found odd and put it down to her having a bad day. I began following her (discretely!) off the bus and identified where she lived so I sent her some flowers. Next time I saw her she blanked me. I put it down to me having my hair cut and some new clothes, probably didn't recognise me. So then I found her work place and went in as a customer and asked her out again and she said no again, probably just embarrassed in front of the other customers. I saw her again on bus so sat next to her and tried to make small talk, she got up and stood next to the driver, probably due feeling motion sick.

So am I reading the signs right that she really likes me too?

My wife keeps laughing at my novel that I’m writing.
She keeps saying things like, “Shall I kiss you with my full, yet mysterious, yet sensual lips?”, or “But how do breasts point angrily?”, or “Would you like me to crack a walnut with my silky, milky-white yet magnetising strong thighs”, then she can hardly breathe for laughing.

How do I get her to stop?

I've rolled up to explain to you girls how Mumsnet works.

You're all so amazing. I think I might be in love with the person who replies to me, you'll be my one and only.

Anyway, how can I show my ex it's not over? Even though she says it is, she doesn't really know what she wants and I've got the right to be happy don't I?
Making sure she knows I'm watching her every move makes me happy, getting a job at the place she used to work was a really good way, but now she's blocked me on all media and I've left that job because it's not actually for me, but I was willing to put up with it to be close to her.
I don't think she realises how lucky she is!

I can't be doing anything wrong because the last time we were accidentally in the same place (despite me living miles away and not having a reason to be where she lives) she said she reported 'everything I've done' to the police.
Still waiting 🤣 silly tart thinks she's hard done by 🙄 and if she dates contact my current fiancé I'll just shout and be intimidating to get out of that, so I don't know what she's thinking she'll achieve.

Can anyone shed any light on her awful behaviour and help me get round it?

There is this woman, sorry, lady (being polite here) at work. Every time I try and talk in meetings it seems like she's already talking! You gotta stick up for yourself so I just keep on going.

Then she wanted a chat in her office today about my "behaviour" during meetings. Apparently it's "undermining" her.

I told her to relax and not be so touchy. Then she got all stern and said she was the head of department.

I mean, jeez. Are all lady bosses this controlling?

Hi ladies

My wife and I have been happily married married for 12 years. We’ve 4 young dc. My wife was a sahm for a while, but has got herself a little part time job to give herself something to do and earn some pin money for shoes or something.

Here’s the problem. She claims that we spoke about it and I agreed that we’d split Kids sick days, drop offs and pick ups, and I’d pay for half the nursery fees. Apparently we discussed it whilst the football was on, but I think she’s making it up.

I don’t think that’s fair - I have a really stressful career whilst she’s just earning pin money as a part time dr. I work full time, help her out around the house if she asks, I give her money when she needs it for something and between my cycling hobby, going out with the lads and working full time I can’t take on anymore. I can’t ask work for flexibility at work because I’m a man not a mother and it might harm my promotion chances (my boss Sue might be leaving soon as she can’t sort out her family situation, she’s so disorganised and probably shagged someone for the job). Besides, she’s better at all that sort of stuff, I’ll just forget to take their lunch, or what school they go to.

So, AIBU to tell her that she’ll either have to sort it out herself, or just give up the part time job? I’m sure if she really thinks about things she’ll see it’s much better for the family to put her children’s needs ahead of her own?

@Galassia

More man bashing.

Man here.

Is it your time of the month??

Man here.

I saw some of you ladies discussing household maintenance and TBF some seemed know what you were talking about but anyway I thought I’d pop in to give you the benefit of my male knowledge, because I know I can explain it better. Here are a few pointers: you turn a screw RIGHT to TIGHTen it, and to use a saw you hold it by the handle not the end with the jagged points.

Right, that should help a few of you! If anyone needs more I'll be happy to explain how to refill your car’s washer bottle.