Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

[Whadda]

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

Hi ladies.
Can you help this confused man?
I work Mon to Fri 9-5.
My wife doesn't work as we have a six month old child, she has no plans to return to work.
When I come home from work, she expects me to help with the baby, such as bathing etc and cook the evening meal a couple of times a week.
I don't see why I should have to. She's at home all day with nothing to do, surely it's not too much to ask that she gets the jobs done and my dinner ready?
I also like to go watch my football team play at the weekends, although if they're playing away, I tend to watch it in the pub with my mates.
Now she's telling me that she's too tired for sex and she never stops moaning!
The barmaid in my local has made it clear that she fancies me so if my wife doesn't start putting out, I'll have no choice but to have an affair with the barmaid, I mean, I'm a man and I have needs!

O please come back, man who asked Mumsnet if he'd get better treatment in a hospital if he was a woman . I thought my tablet would burst into flames, as MN detailed - well you know the rest.

@BigRedFrog

Hi ladies. Can you help this confused man? I work Mon to Fri 9-5. My wife doesn't work as we have a six month old child, she has no plans to return to work. When I come home from work, she expects me to help with the baby, such as bathing etc and cook the evening meal a couple of times a week. I don't see why I should have to. She's at home all day with nothing to do, surely it's not too much to ask that she gets the jobs done and my dinner ready? I also like to go watch my football team play at the weekends, although if they're playing away, I tend to watch it in the pub with my mates. Now she's telling me that she's too tired for sex and she never stops moaning! The barmaid in my local has made it clear that she fancies me so if my wife doesn't start putting out, I'll have no choice but to have an affair with the barmaid, I mean, I'm a man and I have needs!

YANBU.. I wouldn't stand for that at all mate. Tell her to buck up her ideas.

Trainspotting I was looking through her phone and saw she texted her mate about what an ‘amazing dad’ I am, I think I have this free childcare on tap in the bag! I was going to tell her I love her so much, but there’s a new lady at work, she’s just turned 18 and thinks I’m so handsome lol

Man here.

Trainspotting how do you get a photo of kids to put on a desk? My ex is too angry to do it for me, how do you turn your ex’s Facebook photos in to a printed photo in a frame?

@NowEvenBetter don't set your sights so low my son. You can have both. One for childcare and the other as your main shag.

Man here.

Bit of a sensitive issue so I thought I would ask you ladies.

My best mate is having a tough time. His Missus’ mother is ill so she’s out all the time, his van was broken into and he has to replace his tools, kids being bullied at school and his Mum keeps ringing him in floods because her boyfriend might be sent down.

Got a lot going on in his head and he’s turned to me for advice , and I just don’t know how to support him.

He used to have a DeWalt XR 18V Cordless Brushless 3 Speed Combi Drill 2 X 5Ah Li-Ion , and now the insurance is through he wants to know whether he should get the same again or look for something with more torque.

What shall I say? How can I help?

@NowEvenBetter what a bitch. Take it you've sent her abusive pms? I dunno anything about computers really mate, but as a man I'm going to make up some shit so it sounds like I do. You could try hitting shift and the space bar, open loads of windows, frown in an intelligent manner and then right clicking on the mouse repeatedly. If that doesn't work just slam down the mouse and call the computer a dumb fucking whore.

Hi ladies, I know this is Mumsnet and I’m not a mum (I am a Dad) but I need a bit of advice on how to handle a sensitive issue.

My wife and I have been together since Uni and have been married for a while now, I can’t remember exactly how long, DW pays more attention to details like that but as I said, it’s a good while. We always had a great marriage - fantastic sex and she’s a really good cook as well. I’ve always fancied her like mad, and the feeling has always been mutual, so plenty of passion in the bedroom and anywhere else the fancy took us

Unfortunately we seem to have run into difficulties as my previously lovely wife has totally let herself go and I don’t recognise her anymore. DW has put on a lot of weight in the past few months, okay she was pregnant but since she had the baby she hasn’t regained her figure. She has a definite paunch. She’s stopped wearing makeup and doesn’t even try to disguise the black bags under her eyes. When I tried to initiate sex last night she snapped at me and said ‘’you can’t be serious’’ and ‘’let me fucking sleep’’, whereas she always used to be up for it. She also makes no effort to dress nicely and hangs around in leggings and baggy T-shirts with stains on. To be honest, if I didn’t have my (ahem) needs I wouldn’t even have suggested rumpy-pumpy because I just don’t find her attractive anymore.

So ladies, what do you advise me to do to get her to understand that she should take herself in hand instead of stuffing herself with chocolate hobnobs, crying and not even keeping on top of the housework? The baby is almost three weeks old now, isn’t it time she pulled herself together?

Good evening ladies.

I'd appreciate some opinions on a topic of interest to me. I've asked this on a couple of other websites but replies have mostly come from younger females who can be very aggresive with their opinions so would like to hear from ladies who are older with a bit more life experience.

I would describe myself as a young gentleman, I have the utmost respect for females and believe femininity is beautiful and not something to be ashamed of. I try my best to treat women well but am becoming discouraged with dating as it seems many younger women (16-20s) have increasingly unrealistic expectations in relationships.

My question is, if I treat a woman with good old-fashioned chivalry, taking her out to dinner, bringing her flowers, calling her every day and showing respect for her thoughts, at what point should I expect to be able to take the relationship to the 'next level' as they say. I have read that three dates is the 'standard' expectation but when I have raised this with girls I am dating, they seem to take it badly and say it's their right to wait however long they want. I am absolutely not saying they owe me sex here but in a relationship is there not meant to be give and take.

Please let me know your thoughts, perhaps a strict number of dates here is not what I am after, but a ballpark would be fine. And if after this ballpark time has passed and the relationship has not progressed, would it be unreasonable to expect the girls I am dating to refund the money I have spent on them? Thank you.

@MrsMackesy thanks mate

LOOKING FOR MY FOREVER PRINCESS
Dear lady's of MILFSNET lol if yous are as passionate about lovemaking, romantic walks on the beech, cozy nights of cuddles and sensual massage as me (M 49ish very tactile and romantic ) and you take care of your beautiful ladybody, just DM me with your best pics. (No time waster's/ psycho's/ porkers lol no offence)

Ladies,

My wife has this friend, let's call her Jane. Jane is always laughing at my jokes, she's really friendly, and she's always telling DW how lucky she is that I babysit so they can go out because she (Jane) hasn't got a man so has to rely on her mum to babysit. DW says Jane is just being polite because I'm her friends husband but I think its more and that Jane fancies me. Jane was ill last week and my wife was going to pop round the corner to her house to drop off some paracetamol and a carton of orange juice, I told her I'd do it and she said no. I insisted I already had my shoes on and I'd do it. DW told me that I'm being weird and it's making Jane really uncomfortable. AIBU to say that Jane is my friend too, she must be if she's friends with DW, and that DW is trying to wreck it because she's jealous?

Behold! I am the man. The really manly man. Behold my manliness. But you'd love me because I'm sensitive. I believe in feminism. Now listen to me explain how you're doing feminism wrong, because you're silly women who don't know any better.

Hello ladies, man here. I am hoping you can help me to resolve a situation with my wife. Lately we don't seem to connect the way we used to, i don't just mean sex, i mean emotional connection. She is a beautiful woman, and a great mum to our dc. It's not sex really, it's more about the snuggling, holding hands, that kind of thing. She always seems to be busy, taking care of the house and the children, there doesn't seem much time for intimacy with me. Not sex, it's not about sex. I am a decent looking guy, take care of my appearance, work out etc, how can i get her to give me some attention. And some sex. It's all about sex really.

Nice try @FlosCampi but they're all angry mingers on here.

EccentricaGulumbits bang on the money

Hi ladies, man here looking for advice
Blah blah blah blah, look after myself, good husband, good job, well paid, pay for everything. Blah blah blah blah, attractive wife, still fancy her, good mother to our kids.
Blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah,
But how do I get more sex?

Good morning ladies. I would love some advice about the marital areas.

There's not a day goes by where I don't castigate myself for neglecting the needs of myself, and therefore not being the best husband I can be. She assures me that her children adore me, even though I've only known them for a year and get their names mixed up.

But I'm an adorable guy!

So we got married last week and already it's like she's turned off the nightly tap of lovemaking. She says she's worried sick about the cost of the wedding invoices we now have to pay for surprises I arranged like Joe Swash doing a meet & greet with my mates, but I've told her to take a chill pill ffs. My boss enjoyed the vintage champagne so a promotion for me, methinks in the offing and I'm sure her dad will think of something, or she can increase her hours surely at the call centre?

How do I persuade her to stop this ridiculous worrying over thousands and thousands of pounds that neither of us have, and actually, for once, put my needs first, given the wedding experience I allowed her to have?

Cheers Trainspotting , as a man, I find attacking the steering wheel and screaming effective for results in life, but it’s not printing photos?
Mum said I’m too good for these silly girls, lol, but I just know, as a man, that one of these ladies will love my kids like they’re theirrier’ey own. Before I repeatedly impregnate them.
Working is so hard. Good job I have my [cycling on roads in fancy dress/‘golfing’/gaming] to give me peace. Having my kids once a year with my mum helping, is so hard and also rewarding. Lady’s shoul’d realis’e thi’s.

Lol

lol

Man here.

My kid’s are my worl’d. Lol.
Any single mums here?

Man here.
Lady’s, my kids are amazing. I mind them once every few years, so I know what it’s like to be a lone parent. Lol. Anyway, as a man, I go to the gym every day and as a man, I am employed. Lol.
So I take care of myself and lol, my ex couldn’t cope with our gorgeous stunning amazing kids so I stepped up and I babysit once a year.

Why can’t I post in the Sex topic???????

man haters.

Man here,

It all started a few months ago when I started going to the gym, I also enroled for a course in mindfulness, yoga and budism. It was hard to fit in afterwork but it paid dividends to my mental wellbeing and health.
This in turn improved my physical appearance so I decided to invest in a whole new wardrobe, £200 a pop aftershave, new designer glasses, my teeth re -done and whitened.

I've never felt so good, admittedly I'm not home much now as my social life from work has just exploded and when I do get in I'm too knackered to talk, so sleep in the other bedroom so my wife can get a better nights sleep.

The thing is recently she has been accusing me of seeing someone, I honestly don't know where that's come from, something about bulk buying a load of extra strong mints.
Complete madness, what can I say to reasure her, it will have to be in the week at night though as I've took up cycling at the weekends.

Living with her being suspicious is hard so I may have to move out for a bit.
That should help.
I'm 52.

Theres literally nothing about me/my previous posts that would give you even the vaguest hint that I might possibly be a man so I don't know why you're all suggesting that.

The thinly veiled misogyny, the superior attitude and the need to go on and on about myself or something that interests me at length even though it's not relevant at all to the situation, you say? Those are all normal things that everyone does, even women, especially mums. Now can we please get back to kissing my ass and telling me how insightful and sensitive I am. Thanks.