Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

[Whadda]

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

Super sensitive man-child here, so be gentle.

My former GF/now fuckbuddy has fallen pregnant and says she is keeping the baby. This is despite the fact that I was VERY CLEAR I did not want children. The way I made my feelings known on this was to ask her once about 16 months ago if she was on the pill. She said yes. As such, I've never used a condom, nor even considered it.

Now she did mention something about the pill causing migraines, weight gain, acne, flooding periods and a severe depressive episode, but I wasn't really listening, so I can't be expected to know/care about any of that.

It's true that we were in a relationship at one point, but we broke up because of her controlling (abusive, IMO) behaviour, which mostly involved her calling me out on my shit. I let her remain in my life PURELY as a fuckbuddy, because I'm a NICE GUY.

Now, because I'm such a NICE GUY, I've been TRICKED into becoming a father against my will (some might use the R-word, I'll leave it to your judgement).

AIBU to move to Australia to get away from this psycho?

My wife has been a full partner in our construction firm for over 30 years, during which time she has done all the paperwork, negotiating with planners and architects and purchasing contracts.

AIBU to mansplain explain in detail exactly how the latest price increases in plastics, timber and bricks will mean that our latest job will need re-quoting? Even though I don't know how to turn the laptop on?

She has just stomped off muttering ffs and saying well you do it then!

Man here. My wife found out I was having an affair with one of my colleagues (you wouldn't blame me if you saw her, she's half my age and is always up for a blowjob). She read some messages and went off at the deep end. I told her the bare minimum I could get away with: it didn't really mean anything, she came onto me, I was drunk, we only had sex once etc - luckily I'd deleted all the months and months of earlier messages that started with me flirting with her and pestering her to go for a drink with me and including that evening when my wife went into labour with our youngest and I quickly arranged to drop the other kids at my mum's so I could spend the night with the OW. I don't think that would have gone down too well but honestly, my wife was in labour for 36 hours with our first so where was the harm in me getting my leg over while she was busy in the first stages when I still had plenty of time to turn up for the birth, and in a better mood for it?

Anyway, obviously I told the wife everything I thought she wanted to hear, not that she's likely to leave anyway as a SAHM with 3 kids under 6, but you can never be too careful, can you? - but she is still going on and on about it and it's been three weeks now! How do I get her to see how unreasonable she was to go through my phone and how hurt I am at the lack of trust and invasion of my privacy? I've had to buy a cheap PAYG to send dick pics to the mistress now AND change all my passwords, plus she's acting like a jailer every time I even think of leaving the house. It's not as if she's putting out while she's in this strop - I thought I might at least get some of that 'hysterical bonding' or whatever it's called out of it, but zilch - and while a quick lunchtime blowie in the car at the far end of the work car park is nice, I've got my male needs.

Mybalconyiscracking
This is a horrible thread, mostly just plain nasty!
If men were acting this bloody superior on any forum but this, most of you would have a fit!

@Mybalconyiscracking Let me mansplain being funny. Us men like to poke fun at our missus, she shouldn’t get upset coz I call her ‘the old bag’ or ‘the ol’ ball and chain.’ Nor should she get upset at me when I laugh at her coz she reckons that she could change a flat tyre as good as a man. Bahahaha, sure she could lol.

My old missus got upset coz one of me mates called her sister an ugly bitch that couldn’t get laid with a handful of pardons. She wanted me to have a word with him. Had to calm her down by pretending I would. But mate, he was not wrong. You women need to relax and not take things so seriously. A good hard shag is what you need.

I’m getting on in years and all my life us men have been making fun of women and we ain’t gonna stop now.

Love this thread so much !

@Mybalconyiscracking

This is a horrible thread, mostly just plain nasty! If men were acting this bloody superior on any forum but this, most of you would have a fit!

(Some) men act like the scenarios posted here in real life as well as online every minute of every day. They deserve a bit of piss taking.

They deserve every bit of this pisstake and a million paper cuts with lemon juice.

Dear mumsnet,

My partner is in a mood with me because I left ONE pair of my dirty boxers on the bathroom floor. It’s only Monday and she’s at my throat already. It has ruined my week. How can I stop her from sulking?

I don’t have time to do a wash the first thing in the morning as I’m rushing to get ready for work so after 6 months of nagging about the bathroom floor from her I usually fling them on the landing for her to pick up when she goes downstairs.

I said to her if she’s that bothered about them and it makes her that anxious then why doesn’t she pick them up?

I think she understood because I emphasised the ‘She’ and I pointed a finger in her face.

Also, she is upset because I went to the pub for the day yesterday on my only day off when the house was a mess, she said she wanted me to help her, she had some work to do herself and she had her DD and said she couldn’t multitask but when I got back home late last night the house was clean. She’s gaslighting me isn’t she?

She threw a rage at me, more so than usual and doesn’t seem to realise it’s not my fault that she is tired! So I politely showed her she was being unreasonable by showing her a smear on a fork that she had forgot to clean properly when she was washing up. I backed her up to the corner and put it up to her face so she knew what I was talking about and she started cowering like she was the victim? I also made sure she understood I was not the only messy one by standing on the kitchen stairs so I was higher than her.

I can’t believe she has spoken to me like this, especially this week when she dared to undermining me by asking me what time I fed the cat. It makes me feel like she thinks I am incapable by asking me a simple question like that so Instead of giving her an answer I told her outright not to question me. I am already upset about her not doing the food shopping last week, she knows that if I am too tired to do it after work and I spent my money on myself she can just go and do it herself like she has done every other week sun free we moved in together. She’s lazy isn’t she? I cooked tea tonight for the first time in ages because she wouldn’t buy us a takeaway and I was annoyed that we had shit food in because she didn’t go shopping, so I purposely didn’t check the oven when it was cooking so she had to get up and check it but its okay because I purposely kept turning the temperature down so she didn’t get to eat the nuggets I made for her until 10pm! Hopefully, she will learn that life is much easier if she makes the teas in future.

Anyway, after her making my Monday a nightmare, I tried to make the effort to make amends by slipping in to bed and running my hands all over her to show her how much I wanted it but she pretended to be asleep! It just goes to show how much effort I am putting in to this relationship but she is putting nothing in to make this work and make me unhappy.

Now she is threatening to leave me??? Is she abusive? I’ll do anything to make this right I love her so much. Just not that.

Worried mum here. My teenage daughter has just started her period. Tell me (in detail) about when your daughters started theirs - what on earth should I do?

@ShingleBeach

Man here.

Bit of a sensitive issue so I thought I would ask you ladies.

My best mate is having a tough time. His Missus’ mother is ill so she’s out all the time, his van was broken into and he has to replace his tools, kids being bullied at school and his Mum keeps ringing him in floods because her boyfriend might be sent down.

Got a lot going on in his head and he’s turned to me for advice , and I just don’t know how to support him.

He used to have a DeWalt XR 18V Cordless Brushless 3 Speed Combi Drill 2 X 5Ah Li-Ion , and now the insurance is through he wants to know whether he should get the same again or look for something with more torque.

What shall I say? How can I help?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My wife keeps nagging me to clean up after myself, take the bins out, wash the dishes, take turns vacuuming the house. I keep telling her that we don’t need to do all that stuff. It will just magically sort itself out. She doesn’t believe me. I even found evidence on YouTube that proves I’m right.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=-_kXIGvB1uU

Hi,
Posting this for the perspective of females.
What do i do? My wife has gone crazy. She is hysterical at times and said I have 'mentiongitis'? WTF! All I have done is be a shoulder to cry on for a new hire colleague who has shared that she is having relationship problems. I have advised her to dump him. Just being a good friend. That's what you do.

Another colleague, Karen, is back (again) from maternity leave and is looking for a chat about career progression and how I approached it, in getting to senior level. We were hired at the same time - and I just want to help. That's what you do. Karen has let slip that Trevor from accounting is looking a bit down. She's going to have a word, as I'm stretched right now.

AIBU?

My lovely wife gave birth to our baby yesterday, OMG you ladies are quite something to go through that!

Anyway, I hope you can give me some perspective on this.

I called my parents as soon as she got twinges as they are very excited (first grandchild, and a boy!) and wanted to see the baby as soon as possible. Lots of updates, calls and texts all good!

But in the end they didn’t arrive until a while after the baby (my son!) was born, and my wife was trying to breastfeed him.

This has caused some tension.

I told them in all the updates that there was heavy traffic on the M42 and that there are roadworks at the junction on the M6. I always take the A40 and the M6 Toll but they just won’t listen. Hence it took them an hour longer.

AIBU to be annoyed with them? Given the importance of the occasion?

Man here.. Aibu to think my wife is a fat, lazy cow.. She gave birth yesterday and still hasn't lost the baby weight. Lads, am I expecting too much here?

@VeryLongBeeeeep

Man here. My wife found out I was having an affair with one of my colleagues (you wouldn't blame me if you saw her, she's half my age and is always up for a blowjob). She read some messages and went off at the deep end. I told her the bare minimum I could get away with: it didn't really mean anything, she came onto me, I was drunk, we only had sex once etc - luckily I'd deleted all the months and months of earlier messages that started with me flirting with her and pestering her to go for a drink with me and including that evening when my wife went into labour with our youngest and I quickly arranged to drop the other kids at my mum's so I could spend the night with the OW. I don't think that would have gone down too well but honestly, my wife was in labour for 36 hours with our first so where was the harm in me getting my leg over while she was busy in the first stages when I still had plenty of time to turn up for the birth, and in a better mood for it?

Anyway, obviously I told the wife everything I thought she wanted to hear, not that she's likely to leave anyway as a SAHM with 3 kids under 6, but you can never be too careful, can you? - but she is still going on and on about it and it's been three weeks now! How do I get her to see how unreasonable she was to go through my phone and how hurt I am at the lack of trust and invasion of my privacy? I've had to buy a cheap PAYG to send dick pics to the mistress now AND change all my passwords, plus she's acting like a jailer every time I even think of leaving the house. It's not as if she's putting out while she's in this strop - I thought I might at least get some of that 'hysterical bonding' or whatever it's called out of it, but zilch - and while a quick lunchtime blowie in the car at the far end of the work car park is nice, I've got my male needs.

Haha i love this one so much.

Definitely a woman and mother here..my child is at a secondary school where they won't let girls go to the toilet. please share stories of your child wetting themselves or being refused access to a loo. I don't need any solution to the problem for some reason...

It will definitely help my situation and obviously help my daughter to know others are having the same thing happen.

Haha, brilliant thread, needs to go in classics surely.

Didn’t realise you women were actually so funny. You must be the fat ones, only fat birds are funny.

Man here.

Is my ex being unreasonable? She works, I work as well but she also gets benefits for our dd who is 2 years old. She is in nursery 3 full days a week while ex works, benefits pay for that. Then on top of that she gets her wages, wtc, ctc, family allowance. Am I being an utter cunt to say that is more than enough and I need to keep my wages myself cos she gets all the benefits and all her wages. She wants to set everything up via CSA to make it fair but she's just a money grabbing bitch, always whining about the cost of nursery and wet wipes and trying to save up enough money to rent her own place instead of staying at her mothers.

Also, I work 5 days a week. I don't want to have dd eow as suggested by the court order I pushed for, that's just to reduce the amount of maintenance I have to pay. Anyway she's kicked off about letting dd down by changing my mind on a friday night cos 'it fucks her up for work on Saturday'. What am I? A fucking babysitter paying for the privilege.

Is it me?

Hi ladies,
Need some advice, my ex has poisoned my kids. I've tried so hard to make them see their mother is fat and lazy. I wake them up in the night and get them to repeat it to me every ow. They have stopped coming now as they don't find my jokes about killing their pet funny. I've really tried reaching out to them with threats but they are not interested. They know my new fiancé really well as she was like an aunty to them as she was their hideous mums bf. They won't even call her mum when she's so much better than my ex. I just don't get it. I'm absolutely loaded as well and their mother is just a benefit skank. Please help me to reach out to them as they are my world.

@Justilou1

They deserve every bit of this pisstake and a million paper cuts with lemon juice.

😂

In fairness to the weird men of Mumsnet, they aren't a patch on the weird men of Quora, all of whose hard drives need checking.

Hello ladies! Man here posting in Style and Beauty to offer totally objective viewpoints from a rational male perspective. Wondering if your outfit is nice or perhaps doesn’t show enough of your tits? Just post a pic - I’m here to help! AMA

This thread (with poetic license) is an accurate parody of one-time men posters who come here to patronise and mansplain, troll by asking for explicit descriptions of personal things or get women's opinion to back them up against their female partner. Any other groups I've missed out?

It is NOT getting at all male posters, only those who come on here for the 3 reasons above. And get their arse handed to them.

Anyone can see the parody posts are along certain themes and they are certainly ones I've seen in my decade on MN.

Of course NAMALT but those that are can do one.

Man here. I have a really interesting debate-style question for you ladies, definitely with no agenda behind it. I just love debating interesting points!

If, after finding herself pregnant, a woman (quite rightly!) has the choice to end the pregnancy, then is it not only fair that a man should have the same opportunity and be able to "abort" his financial responsibility to the child?

By the way if you tell me that I'm horrible I will claim to be "playing devil's advocate".

@ElizaDoolots

Haha, brilliant thread, needs to go in classics surely.

Didn’t realise you women were actually so funny. You must be the fat ones, only fat birds are funny.

Mate, that's sexist, mate.

Fat birds are funniER, yeah, but all ladies have their funny little ways.